Fate:Spiral Time
by Z.N. Singer
Summary: There are many theories about time. Some call it a circle, every repeating; others a line, never looking back. But the wisest call it a spiral, and say the future contains echoes of the past. But...if that is so...then do we all get second chances?
1. Prologue

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He paced with a kind of evil deliberation, years of feverish obsession boiled down to the essentials; a glint in the eye, a showing of teeth, a breath that hissed with anticipation. The walls were lined with six years' work – work that looked back as he looked at them, shuffling and gurgling deep in their throats. No accidents these, nor things of nature; Earth would have cringed to birth them, Gaia burn with shame to have allowed them to occur. These were his masterpieces, perfected versions of those earlier, clumsier makings that he had produced in the early years, when their hunting grounds had been only in the neighboring regions of his home. Unnatural as they were, it could be said that they too had grown through Darwin's principle, though the irony of applying the most famous theory of life to his 'little creations' brought a twisted smile to his face. But it was true; the faults and failings of the earlier attempts had led to their fall – while he, learning from their flaws, had made them better. Those left now, glaring at him from the walls, were all products of the last two or three years. Better, far better beings, for the far more challenging task ahead. Until now the only difficulty was secrecy, which he arranged and controlled by controlling them. But for this, the final stage, they would need strength. They would need speed, and endurance. They would need to help him do what he had failed to do fifteen years ago. And what his ancestors had failed to do since completing their great work.

Claim it.

Finally, it was almost time…

...

Shirou leaned, shivering, against the rough brick wall of the alley. Not at the sight of the body, though that was bad enough. Badly ravaged, dead for less than two hours, his killers clearly had not been human. But he had seen far worse during the War. No, it was the lingering sense of the perpetrators that affected him, a faint miasma just familiar enough to make the unnaturalness that much more horrifying. Whatever had done it had once bore some connection to humanity…but it was long gone now.

Rin, kneeling by the body, looked up. "Oi, Shirou, pull yourself together," she said quietly. "We still have to do something about him."

Shirou shook himself. "I know. I'll take the head."

Rin nodded, and moved around out of his way. "It's not your fault, you know."

"Of course I know. But it's the _third time_, Rin!"

Rin's face was grim. She bent and took hold of the feet; Shirou lifted from the shoulders. If they left him somewhere closer to the streets, he would be found and taken care of. "I know," she replied as they moved. "But I can't do anything more without a piece of who or whatever's doing it. I can't guess where they're going to be when I don't have a clue what they _are_. I can't even tell if they're made from magecraft or a natural force."

"They aren't a natural force," Shirou said grimly. "_Trust _me. I've never sensed anything so wrong in my life. Someone made them."

"And you're very familiar with the line between evil and unnatural, aren't you?" Rin murmured.

"Yes," the destroyer of the dark grail said wryly. "Though it hasn't helped find them so far."

"It hasn't yet, but thanks to you there's a chance. I wish I knew where that nose for magic comes from. You track these things like a bloodhound tracks criminals."

"Thanks for the flattering comparison."

"You're welcome."

"I might make you change that to wolfhound if we catch them though."

The corner of Rin's mouth twisted. Three times, five deaths…yes, she felt very sorry for whatever it was, when they caught it. She was possibly the strongest mage in Japan, but she would have avoided a serious fight with Shirou at all costs, as a friend or otherwise. There would be plenty of pieces to examine when he was done. That was for sure.

...

The plane cruised to a stop with the usual slow grinding maneuvers as it aligned with the bridge to the station. There was a faint scattering of applause from those not too dulled by the long overseas trip. Arturia Whittington, toned to the standards of England's SS, joined in politely, though she did not understand the practice. Even allowing for all of the comparative differences in circumstance, airplane accidents were far less common than car crashes. Did you applaud every time someone successfully parallel parked? Still, appreciation was hard to come by, so she supposed the pilot was entitled to it. Besides, a little light cheering was a pleasant way to end the flight.

She had been interested in Japan for a long time. She didn't take vacations very often, but the latest streak of failed missions had made her so tense that she had more or less been ordered to take one. She was too practical to argue when she knew they were right; at the rate she had been going, she had been very likely to hurt herself. Still, it galled her – still not so much as a _glimpse_, but so many victims…

She shook herself. That was now an ocean away, where she could do so little about it that it was actually feasible for her to forget and relax. Which had been the entire idea of taking this trip to start with. So she would.

Two busboys, three desk receptionists, and a taxi driver later, she reflected with satisfaction on the success of her Japanese from the back seat. She had even been complimented twice. It was the mannerisms that counted, she'd been told: few foreigners ever really got comfortable with the bowing and such. If that was true, it explained the compliments. The genteel, humble nature of the Japanese social language appealed to her innately. It rang well with her personal sense of honor – what her squad would have laughingly called her 'chivalry'. Well, they could laugh – when you danced with death as often as they did, you laughed quite a bit at strange things – but here it seemed to go well, and all in all she was pleased with her experience so far, not to mention her choice of port. It was much nicer here than it would have been in the capital, she was sure. She had wanted to experience Japan, not Tokyo tourist traps. She had looked for a smaller town and this one had caught her eye; she seemed to have chosen well. She eyed the view out the window thoughtfully. There was still an hour of light left, and even then it would be early, what with it being winter here. She had heard that the Japanese took tea nearly as serious as the English. She would ask the hotel for directions to someplace nice nearby and find out. She could get her first taste of life here, and friendly fellow patrons could advise her on what to do the next day. It would be a nice, relaxing start to what she intended to be – now that she had taken the time to go through with it – a well-enjoyed week off. If she was lucky, she might even find a mage here. She never had in England, not since old Marvin had stopped his wanderings long enough to teach her some basics of mana drawing and manipulating. It had served her well, and she had made something of an art of it, but more instruction in the practice would be very welcome; a side dish of accomplishment would help round off the experience. She really did prefer to be doing something.


	2. Chapter 1: Those Times Again

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**Chapter One: Those Times Again**

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Though it wasn't as cold as other areas of Japan, it could get pretty cool in winter in Fuyuki City. The students at the academy were in winter uniform and coats, breath making light puffs of mist as they headed out in droves with the happy abandon of released students the world over. One in particular had 'happy abandon' to an art, skipping ahead like she was in elementary school instead of second year high. Her white hair and skin, cast against the bareness of the season, made her seem almost a part of the landscape, like the trees and the birds. The only jarring note was her eyes, wide red orbs that took some getting used to – but didn't stop the boys for long. Not that she noticed. Aside from that required from teachers (and that with a price!), the boy catching her eye by the gate was probably the only male in the world she gave unsolicited attention to now. Though she didn't think of him _that _way.

"Shirou nii-chan!" She picked up her pace and ran over, spinning around and ending facing in and up, chattering happily.

"Hey, are we going somewhere Shirou nii-chan? You hardly ever pick me up anymore, you're always home doing tinkering for neighbors."

"Tinkering they pay for, which pays for _you_, and all your precious sweets," Shirou said mock sternly, poking a finger to her nose, more for the comical expression as she crossed her eyes to look at it than anything else.

"Hmph. Your father left enough money for you not to work at _all_, so there."

"Sure, but it's not good to live that way, you know. I want my kids to be secure too."

"So all the Emiyas are going to heroes of justice, huh? Hah! Not me!"

"No, not if you don't want to," Shirou agreed indulgently. She was Emiya Illyasviel now. Her explosive relationship with his aunt had been undeniable, so when she'd demanded it after Shirou was legally of age, she'd gotten it. It had certainly given life a new light, one he'd needed more than he'd though since…well. Everyone had been happier in the end. She still behaved like a child, but then, when she was supposed to be a child, she hadn't been allowed to. He supposed she was entitled, at least for a while. She'd grow out of it.

"So what'd you come for? Come on, tell me."

"Rin said I was making it rain indoors, so I should go see if I could dampen you down instead."

Illya laughed. "Shirou was being gloomy! You couldn't find them last night so you were all 'I have failed to save the world', right? Great! We can stop somewhere and talk."

Faced with such boundless enthusiasm, you just had to smile sooner or later. Shriou grinned down. "Sure."

"And you can buy me ice cream and taiyaki and cheer up! Let's g—"

Shirou seized her shoulder before she could get a head start that would last her right through the doors of the ice cream parlor. "No, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Well, partly because it's for dessert."

"Huh, really?" She thought a moment. "Well, okay, Sakura's ice cream is better anyway."

Shirou laughed. "I know what you mean. There's just no point in going out for food with her around. Someday she's finally going to get married, and you and I are going to have to get used to mortal cooking."

Illya had one of her 'adult' looks on, meaning she was thinking about something a child wouldn't. She wasn't a child, and she could be devilishly perceptive, so it happened sometimes. It wasn't _always_ scary. This time, she apparently decided not to say whatever was on her mind.

"Okay, pizza then."

"Wh—no! You can't have that much food, it's too close to dinner."

"Aha! I knew that was the real reason!"

"Well, it's true, that's how it goes. You know how Sakura gets if you don't eat what she made."  
"I can eat both," Illya declared.

Shirou sighed. "Look, no food, but we can stop at an arcade somewhere and play a few games together. Maybe sit on a bench and talk."

Illya smiled, a second year high smile this time. "You haven't really talked with me since you found that first kill, have you?"

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay. But Rin-san can be really nice when she thinks nobody's looking, can't she?"

Shirou laughed. Looking down, he had to admit – not only had Rin been nice today, she had been right. He really did feel better.

"Okay, lets see if that special body of yours is still faster than my Reinforcement."

"Alright! I get to beat you again!"

"Hey, say that _after_, will you?"

...

Rin could be nice – or she could be very not nice. Sakura was sometimes amazed that the extremes she was capable of could exist harmoniously within one body. Though she would have never admitted it outright, she was capable of being nearly as selfless as Shirou – but she was also capable of utter mercilessness. It was just a matter of giving her the right target.

Sakura was pacing down the hall of her house, the house Matou, a tray of food balanced in her hands, one old man's share of the dinner cooked at Shirou's house. It was a five year ritual now; cook dinner there, separate his share, and deliver it to the door of his wing, where he had lived and practiced magic. And to all appearances still did. The trays still reappeared empty every day, waiting when she brought breakfast in the morning. A breakfast that had come to resemble a brunch, as it became clear that the intervals when meals would be checked for were uncertain and not guaranteed to conform to a three meal cycle. For five years – ever since the last war – in fact, ever since Shinji's loss in the last war – Sakura had never once seen the face of her grandfather.

He had no idea how lucky that was.

She could feel the brooding presence behind her, waiting around the corner like a looming sentinel dragon, waiting for the enemy it knew was there to try and savage her charge. Waiting for the day her grandfather would come out and see his adopted granddaughter's black hair and green eyes, the match of her sister's, no longer colored an unnatural plum by unwanted magic hosts, and realize his work was undone…and try to do it again. One glimpse – just one glimpse of the kind of magics Sakura had described, and Rin would have the evidence she needed to do whatever she wanted.

What she wanted would have made the very Goddess of Vengeance nod in awed approval.

Sakura's own grudges had calmed in five years. Five years of freedom. Five years without being prepped to do magic no human was meant to do, to house power no human could hold. Five years without Zoken's magical worms, part mind control, part darkness incarnate, bringing the magician's will and a fragment of the dark grail itself to ravage her mind, soul, and psyche. Five years without being put through humiliation and degradation to control the unnatural urges the worms presence had created. Five years in which her grandfather might almost not have existed, leaving her free to live with and for her friends. Five years of love and protection from her sister.

There was a time when she would have watched in vicarious glee as Rin took the vengeance she could not take herself. Now she almost wished she would simply find one morning that the dinner tray was untouched, still full of food, and that would be that.

Unlike Sakura, Rin had always had the will to fight. And unlike Sakura, her experience with the matter began five years ago, not ended.

...

She relived it every time, like a warrior's pre-battle meditation. She would lean on the wall, her chosen watching point, listening to Sakura's footsteps down the hall, and fiercely re-conjure the memories.

.

"_Sakura..Sakura, wait!"_

"_What?"_

"_Sakura…um, about your hair…"_

"_So? What about it? You didn't ask when it changed the first time, did you?"_

"_No but…you'd just got there, and I hadn't seen you for a while, I didn't see the change…"_

"_Why not? It's not so far."_

_Rin pulled back. "Well…you'd been adopted and…well…there wasn't any going back, was there? You had to get used to your family, so I didn't think I should visit."_

"_I wanted to see you."_

_Rin's eyes widened. "S-so did I, but –"_

_ "_Then what took you so long?_"_

_ "_I missed you too_! I'm not like you Sakura, I…" her hands, clenched into fists, trembled, barriers breaking around her heart, attacked from both the past and present. "I…I can't face things I can't fight. You…you weren't allowed to be my sister anymore."_

_ "And now you want to know about my hair."  
"It isn't natural, is it? The change back was magic, so it was magic both ways. But if it was cosmetic magic it would have happened faster. So it was a side effect…and I just almost –" remembering that Sakura didn't remember what had happened with Caster made her hastily change her words– "I mean, your grandfather isn't taking care of you right now, so –"_

_ Suddenly, Sakura became a shrieking demon, her eyes big and wild with pain, like a caged and tormented animal that has lost all reason. _"Taking care of me! _That's what you call it? That's all you know? I needed you eleven years ago, I needed you every day, and you're asking about my hair because _my grandfather isn't taking care of me? _Don't suddenly decide to care when it's over! My grandfather leaving me alone is the first good thing since you left!"_

_ The bag she'd been carrying hit Rin in the face; the sound of it hitting the ground coincided with the sound of her front door slamming behind her. _

_ Even if Sakura hadn't been too distraught to lock it, it wouldn't have stopped Rin. And the halls of the house weren't nearly the challenge Caster's hidden temple had been. Rin would always know where her sister was. On her knees in a corner, hands splayed out on the walls above her, sobbing so convulsively she didn't notice Rin was there until she'd put her arms around her, and couldn't react when she did. _

_ "Sakura, Sakura please, I don't know what I said or what happened, but please don't…"_

_And then her mage senses woke up. She froze. Her hands, locked around Sakura's waist, trembled. She staggered backward as the full impact of what she'd sensed hit her. She stared at her sister, a cold chill creeping through her. Her whole body shook with horror – and fury._

_ "Sakura…Sakura my god, my god Sakura – what in the nine hells did he _do _to you?"_

_._

_"Sakura, this is going to…it's going to be really, really unpleasant, okay?"_

_ "I know. You said that."_

_ "I mean, it's not going to be physical. I'm trying to rebalance your psyche, and I can't do it quickly. You're going to feel it – it might even feel worse than the worms did."_

_ "The worms were evil. You aren't. I won't scream or cry, I promise, so just – just do_ _it, Rin!"_

_ "All right."_

She kept her promise. She clenched her hands, her teeth, shut her eyes tight as they would go and made cut off, strangled sounds in her throat. But she did not scream or cry.

_ She didn't open her eyes, so she couldn't see Rin crying for her._

_ "Sakura, are you…Sakura?"_

"_Rin! Rin, I'm sorry I – I know you're trying but—"_

"_Sakura…"_

"_Rin, I'm sorry, I know you're doing your best but please, just go outside, I don't want you to see me this way…just go, I'll be alright in a few minutes."_

_Rin fled._

_There was a soot-flecked hole in the wall in Rin's room, but so far, Sakura hadn't seen it._

_._

_She was climbing through the library, looking for references. If she hadn't wanted to rip off his head and make it watch her destroy his body by inches, she would have thanked the old man for spending his life in such a true magicians fashion: collecting magical tomes. Abstract type healing – healing of any non-physical element, like the mind or soul – was an arcane subject in an arcane art, and even with the vast resources of the Matou library, someone of any less talent could never have hoped to succeed. As it was, there was no time for sidetracking, but there were many other subjects discussed in the library, and one of the more popular was of particular interest to her. Noting a cluster that looked promising, she quickly jotted down the titles on the list she kept with her: _Books of Magic Combat_. Then she went on to look for what she'd come for. Today, anyway. But one day…when Sakura was ready…_

It had taken eighteen months to fully reverse the damage. Any ill-placed haste could have put them at square one, or worse. The question of who it was harder on was a good one, but neither cared to answer. They had done it, and that was the important thing. Now Rin lived in the Matou house with Sakura, like a sister.

And like a guard.

And one day…one day he'd come out, and Rin would explain to him exactly why the things he had done were known as taboo among magicians – in the most explicit manner possible.

"Rin?"

She sighed, letting the red-hot hate go. "Nothing, huh?"

"No. Just like every time."

Rin snorted softly. "Coward."

"I doubt he even knows you moved in, Rin."

"Yet."

"Rin—" she stopped, seeing the look on her face. "Oh Rin."

With an effort, Rin smiled. "We should go back. If I know Illya she's dragged Shirou into a mini-outing, but he won't let her drag it out past dinner. And by now he should be fit to appreciate what you made."

Sakura smiled. "People _always _appreciate food I make," she said proudly.

"True. But don't you think you're rather wasting it on him?"

"Why? He appreciates it too. And Illya makes any dessert worth the effort."

Rin squinted suspiciously at her. There had been a time when the way Sakura felt about Shirou had been clear for anyone to see, but over the last few years her 'mother act' had begun to take on more realism. In fact, she was getting to be that way all the time. As she'd finished growing and maturing, her gentle manner had broadened and deepened, losing the shyness, becoming gracious and all encompassing instead. Full hair that flowed softly down around a gentle, caring face and eyes, she was the sort children trusted on instinct, and loved unconditionally. Rin, too, was beautiful, but it was a different kind of beauty. Her hair, while equally impressive, was held in at the neck, giving it a more contained, disciplined look, and the curve of her face was stronger and more striking. It was the kind of stern beauty men admired from a distance.

Rin shrugged and changed the subject. "We're going out again tonight. There's been one every time for the last three nights, there's no reason for it to have changed."

Sakura looked sad. "Five victims – poor Shirou."

Rin shook her head briskly. "It's not easy on him, sure, but he's no baby, Sakura. He knows what the game's like. He'll be fine, but the sooner we find them, the better. This could be fairly serious. Shirou says whatever is doing it, it's manmade."

"How can he be so sure?"

Rin raised her eyebrows. "We're talking about a man who was literally dunked in concentrated evil, Sakura. When it comes to the nuances of bad vs. natural, I pass him the scholar's cap."

"That's true. Well, I'll wait for you all like usual."

Rin cocked an eye. "Promise? No coming back here on your own?"

"I promise, Rin. I'd worry too much anyway."

"You certainly do."

"There's always supposed to be someone waiting for the hero's safe return, isn't there? Light in the window and all?"

Rin reacted on instinct, even though it didn't work very well with Sakura. "Watch who you call a hero. I'm only along to practice those battle spells."

"Yes Rin-chan."

"Hey, what's with that tone?"

Sakura smiled "Sisters are supposed to tease."

Rin couldn't help it; her mouth twitched up and her eyes crinkled.

"Oh, shut up."

...

Somewhere in a different part of town, Arturia was walking back to her hotel, feeling more peaceful than she had been for a long time. There were no tea houses, apparently, not exactly, but a selection of teas seemed to be standard at most eating places. She had enjoyed a very pleasant time sipping, window gazing, and discussing potential pastimes for the week with the waitress. Since it had not been a tea house, she'd had dinner there, and now she intended to simply read in the hotel for the last of the evening. It really had been a _very_ long time since she'd taken a vacation, after all. No point in rushing.

Nothing but peaceful thoughts…and then she stopped short at an alley mouth. She turned, slowly, to look down it. There was nothing there to see, but the alertness in her eyes didn't change. Slowly, she took three steps into the alley. She stopped. She touched her fingers to the wall, brought it to her face.

It was impossible. Not here. They _couldn't_ be here too. It was _across the ocean_. Thousands of miles.

But no amount of rationalizing could change the simple fact that she could never, ever, mistake these traces for anything else.

If they were not the same killers she'd so vainly tried to find in England, they were other examples of the same breed, and she doubted their purpose was any different.

There had been a reason her superior had made sure her chosen vacation spot was as irrevocably distant as possible. Let any sort of danger or evil pass in front of Arturia Whittington, and you may as well give it to her as an assignment, because she'd go after it anyway, whether anyone else cared or not. Vacation was a strong lure to some, but for her, duty always floated to the top.

She quickly dropped her purse off in her room and ran, not even bothering to change from her skirt to something more suited for action. She'd failed too many times with these creatures due to unnecessary delays. This time, _this _time, she would not fail.

This time, she'd get there first.

...

If you believed sentiment could travel over distance, you would have had to believe hers was being reinforced by the near identical intent being broadcast by Shirou.

"I'm going ahead!"

"Shirou, how many times have I told you that's dangerous!"

"It's close this time Rin, I can feel it! It's never been this fresh before. If I Reinforce I can get there in time."

Rin bit her lip. With those as the stakes, the argument was a foregone conclusion. "Fine, but don't you dare do anything reckless before I get there, understand? I'll torture you horribly."

"I know!" he tossed back, already accelerating as he applied the skill of Reinforcement, magical enhancement of natural traits, to his legs. Before long the only sign left of him were his footsteps echoing behind.

Rin glared helplessly as she ran. Biological enhancement was by far the most difficult of all, and Shirou was still relatively clumsy at it, but once he used it ordinary humans like Rin had no chance of keeping up, no matter how fit she kept herself. Damn him, he was always doing things like this. He was going to get himself killed if he couldn't learn to think further ahead than the calamity in front of him.

_She_ had almost done it. Wanting her had been the closest to selfishness he'd ever come. If she'd only been able to stay, he might have eventually learned to value his own time again…but thinking about that wouldn't help anything.

The only thing that could help for now was to run faster, so she did her best.

...

Shirou hardly saw where he was going. Reinforcement still took concentration for him; everything left over was focused on the sense of the trail. He was only minutes behind them, they probably hadn't even found a victim yet. He was going to make it this time. It became a chant, narrowing his world to the alleys ahead. This time, this time, _this_ time…

He rounded the corner and plunged straight in, his weapons of choice, Kansho and Bakuya, materializing as he went.

They were traveling in a pack of six, though he could sense more elsewhere nearby. Apparently they had only just split apart to hunt.

That just made the timing more perfect.

Shirou's speed didn't yet respond to his magical enhancements so well, but strength was easy, and toughness somewhere in-between the two. He blasted straight into the middle of the pack, already causing casualties; two went down almost immediately, two more wounded in almost the same time. It was close quarters, and Shirou had the experience to use his strength, calculated movement, and short bashes to keep them all off balance as he sought openings for a killing strike, whirling in the classic deadly dervish's spin; one by one he cut them down, what blows he took lacking the focus or force to push harm past his Reinforced skin. By the time the nearest group returned, it was over. Shirou set himself and charged, roaring defiance.

And realized he had an echo.

On the other side of the group, a lighter set of footsteps rushed in carrying a more feminine battle shriek. Instinctively he changed his angle, turning sharply to the side and cutting his way across and through the rightmost edge. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a yellow flash as his new helper mirrored him, neatly clipping her target both from the group and his own body. They skidded to a halt and charged in through the middle, claiming one each and setting themselves side by side in-between the two survivors. A backhand slash with Bakuya, a thrusting burst of mana from the other, and they were back to back, surveying the damage.

"There's still more somewhere," Shirou said.

"Yes, I can tell," she replied. He didn't look around, but he could tell she was shorter than him by a bit. Well most women were – he was six even.

Shirou nodded. "You've fought these before?"

"Unfortunately no."

"Same here."

"So you do not know where they come from either?"

"Not yet. I only know some mage is making them."

"I see. Then we will have to settle for destroying these."

"It'll do for now."

"Yes. Here they come."

They seemed to have learned something. There was a scrambling, clatters and thumps. And then they flung themselves down from the roofs on either side, like twisted black demons.

Shirou concentrated; the blades reacted, lengthening and twisting into the forms of ragged wings with serrated feather edges. Putting enough distance to swing between him and his ally, he used their length and all the agility and toughness he could summon to cut down the beasts as they came.

His ally had less trouble. She used a fighting style he'd never seen nor heard of; molding mana to the spur of the moment, sliding it along her arms and hands, switching from shield to sword and back with fluid ease. It suited her physical gifts well; blood rained around her as she danced in golden deadly light, made all the more surreal by hair that matched her magics hue.

And then the tide changed decisively.

"Sear the Flesh, Pierce the Soul, a Thousand Dark Spears To Rend My Foe, Rain Forth! Damn you Shirou, were you _listening _to me? I should just shred you too and get it over with!"

The blizzard of black lances perforated the air above them, cutting the beasts down before they could land. There was nothing more to do but stand in the middle and watch.

"That is quite an ally."

"She complains a lot, but she's pretty reliable."  
"So I see. I have never had a chance to learn real spells myself. Would she teach me?"

"Maybe. Feel free to ask."

"Thank you."

The rain of spears was dying down, the beasts pretty much eliminated. Shirou turned around. "Emiya Shirou. Pleased to meet you—"

The blond foreigner smiled. "Arturia Whittington. The pleasure is mine. I know it may be intruding, but if you find out anything…what…I'm sorry, did I forget something, I didn't think you bowed when introducing…oi, this a very rude way to treat someone, Emiya Shirou! Why are you staring that way?"

Shirou didn't hear her. He couldn't hear her. His senses were all half submerged in memory, memory that he thought must be betraying him. Her eyes, her face, her hair, even her manner – all were achingly, bittersweetly familiar. A green gaze under golden hair, a face that could be as stern as stone or glow as warmly as the sun. Posture that held a poise and dignity almost forgotten by the world. Even her tone. He knew them all, remembered them in a special part of his heart where they were engraved for eternity. They were memories that didn't belong in his life anymore, but now they looked him in the eye, demanding a response. But he could only stare.

It wasn't possible – but he certain that he could never, ever mistake her.

Saber…

.

.

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Authors Notes:

This story is using the anime version as the unassailable cannon, for the very good reason that I have not played the game. I am aware that the anime is considered the inferior telling by far, but games have a dangerous effect on my life – I lose control easily, and everything else gets devoured. So, despite my interest, I will not be playing the VN, and trying to base the story on its version is therefore impossible. However, I have researched the game as thoroughly as was feasible (at the time) via wikipedia, and have integrated many elements from it, as players have no doubt already noticed. There is a great deal that the game establishes as fact that simply does not play a role in the fate/stay night arc. It doesn't contradict, but it does lend body and flavor, in some cases wonderfully so, and so I have made use of this as often as I felt good. I also wanted to at least make a gesture towards greater accuracy. However, no matter what, this story will almost certainly contradict the game in at least some small ways, and possibly in larger ones as well. It is inevitable, and I ask that you not bother my head about it, since there is little I can do. I would go mad if I tried. If you really think you've noticed something I should know though, please use the PM system, as it makes very disheartening review material. In any case, there will be a steady stream of author's notes, distinguishing my own innovation from game information, and the places where I have combined the two. Also any concepts I have invented entirely, and on which a more thorough explanation than the story flow allows for might be appreciated, will be featured there. So watch for them.

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One: Sakura's adoption. This is pure game cannon, adapted to the circumstances of the story. The story of her adoption, what it was like, and what it involved is all from there; I have simply found my own way to integrate it into my own telling. Everything described after the war is over is my conception for that purpose. This is meant to work as a sequel to the anime, to extend logically. For background that hadn't come into play before to be revealed now, in small or large ways, makes perfect sense and also improves the story, so it will happen quite a bit. And for those of you who have noticed that there is no explanation for what happened to the worms, I assure you that there has only _yet _been no explanation. There will be, in good time. I didn't miss that, I didn't cheat. I'll get there.

Two: Kansho and Bakuya. The lengthening and reforming of the blades is done through Reinforcement, according to my research. So yes, Shirou can do it to. Wheee! (working with how his power would have grown over five years has been fun, and I hope you'll think the results are too. Keep me posted!)

Three: Saber! Aaaah! Yeah, they all do it, but I'm better than they are, trust me. First thing chapter two I give a plausible explanation for a saber clone who doesn't remember them running around. Not sure if it isn't a plausible explanation that a bunch of others thought of, but I guarantee I will think it through and deliver it better. No, not guarantee; as the writer, I _promise _to do better for you. I have been reading and practicing writing since ninth grade. I wrote long before I watched my first anime. I will not fail. Or I am determined not to.

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This is going to be a very long fanfic – novel length easily. Shirou and Saber – no, and Arturia, Saber was _never_ her name, remember that – are only one of the character threads that will play a role. I don't believe in telling a story that cannot justify it's own existence. I also don't believe in leaving a good story half told. This is my writing project until it is finished. I cannot guarantee speed, but I can guarantee that I will not _stop_ writing until it is done. This is my oath to you, the readers, as it's writer.


	3. Chapter 2: Under Heat

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Chapter Two: Under Heat

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Rin was staring too. Part of her, the magician and scholar, was rapidly running through facts, trying to understand what she was seeing. Most of her was like Shirou, only less stunned. And another, a very small, faint part, wailed softly that it wasn't _fair_…but it really was small and faint, a part of her past with Shirou that had mostly faded. Few high school romances prove exceptions to the rule: here today, gone tomorrow. Hers, too, had faded over time.

Then she glanced at Shirou, and realized she had to do something. Now.

She ran forward, smiling apologetically at Arturia, whose sense of awkwardness was rapidly losing ground to simple righteous indignation. "Ah, I'm very sorry, I'll explain in a minute just wait here and I'll talk to him okay?" And dragged him off around the corner with all speed, leaving her blinking in confusion, but at least no longer feeling ill done by.

As soon as they were far enough away, Rin pushed him up against the wall and slapped him. Not hard or sharp, but with impact. "Shirou, get a hold of yourself, now! There's no time for you to go into shock yet!"

He stared, blinking. Then his head slumped forward. He breathed like he'd been running, in shuddering sobs, in and out. "It's…it's not possible, Rin. It's her, it's her all over, I know her already, but she _died_, Rin, she's not supposed to come back! I'd put her behind, come to terms with the memories and put them away, it's not fair, Rin! How can she come back?"

Rin sighed and stepped away. It wasn't as if she didn't sympathize. "I know it's hard, Shirou, but you can't act this way."

"But…it can't really be her, can it? She died a thousand years ago."

"Don't you listen to the priests? We all come back, we come and go. Reincarnation; the return of souls over time. She's probably been back three or four times already."

"So…you're saying…it really is her?"

"Her soul, anyway. Is the rest important?"

He smiled sadly. "So the memories are in the past after all. For her, they haven't happened."

"Is life a line, a circle, or a spiral?" Rin asked.

"Huh?"  
"It's an old debate between cultures on the flow of time. In the Indian regions they'd say it was a circle, and that eventually history repeats itself. The West used to say it was a line, straight forward, never going back. When the two ideas came together, you got a third option: the spiral. Time moves on, and the same things never happen twice, but something _like _them happens, over and over, each time a little different."

Shirou looked down, thinking. "I see…I think."

Rin nodded. "Take as long as you need to act normal out there. Or at least close to it. I'll cover for you."

Shirou smiled. "Thanks. It was the same back then, wasn't it? Neither Saber or I could make an alibi to save our lives."

Rin nodded. "Maybe I'll get to see her 'take your pulse' again."

"What?"

"Never mind," Rin said quickly, turning away before he saw the smile. "I'd better go, she'll be getting mad again. As I recall, it was easier than you'd think."

Shirou nodded wryly, remembering. As Rin walked away, he looked up suddenly. "Wait – Rin."

"Hm?"

"It's all very well to say she'd have been reincarnated anyway, but…here? At this time? At this age?"

"Do I look like an oracle to you, Shirou? You want an answer to that, you'll need to find a shrine, not a magician. And even there I can't guarantee results. The gods aren't that dependable, you know."

"Then again," she murmured softly to herself, too quietly for Shirou to hear. "They _do_ seem to be in a rewarding mood right now."

...

Arturia wasn't the sort to stand and look bewildered long. When Rin came out, she was crouched by one of the creatures, studying it. She looked grim, and Rin didn't blame her. Seeing them confirmed what Shirou had said: they were not natural. They were twisted, deliberate creations of some magician with one scruple too few. Or several. Take a human and blend it, not with a real gorilla, but the parody of one – the sort of upright, massive, toothed beast made famous by King Kong and cheap monster thrillers – and you might get something close to these. Might. But there were other features as well, taken from some part of humanity and changed into something almost unrecognizable in the name of bloodthirsty function. Teeth, arms, legs, nails, all had been lengthened and reshaped as its maker had seen fit. Rin could guess some functions at a glance; the nails were all too easy, the limbs looked to have made it a beast of four legs or two, able to crawl and climb as easily as claw. Its purpose was to find and kill, and not be caught. And you didn't need to be a magician to see it.

"There hasn't been much I could do till now besides follow Shirou," she commented, walking over. "His senses are better than mine for magic tracking. But I should be able to tell a lot more by examining these."

"They have no business in this world," Arturia said quietly.

"Agreed. But we'll have to find the source to make an end of it. I don't really know whether what I can find from these will be enough."

"Should we have left one alive to follow?"

"I don't think so. Look at how it's built, it would be too easy to lose. And I don't know how closely its maker controls it. I don't think they have the intelligence to have organized their movements even as much as we saw today."

Arturia nodded. "I've been studying these attacks for some time. No beast could arrange their pattern of movement."

Rin started to nod – and then her head snapped up. "Wait a minute, years? _These_ have been in England for _years_?"

"Yes. I'd never dreamt they could be occurring across the ocean as well—"

"No," Rin said grimly. "They've only been happening _here_ for the last week. This is the fourth attack. If they were here before, Shirou would have noticed. Which means they changed locations." She did not like this pattern. Starting in Europe, based on the human form, going on for some time, and then coming to _this_ part of Japan…abruptly she knelt down, reaching for the beasts muzzle and grasping the folds of the jaw, meaning to pry open the mouth and examine its teeth. Instead her hands jerked back as if they had grasped hot iron. She stared, eyes wide, hands clenched and shaking, held half away from her body like she couldn't decide whether she wanted to pull them close or hold them away. She sat back hard on the ground.

Instantly Arturia was on attention, instinctively shifting herself half between Rin and the corpse, even though there were dozens more scattered about. "Are you all right? What happened?"

"Oi, Rin, what's wrong?" Shirou had come out just in time to see her sit down. He was on her other side almost as quickly as Arturia, despite the difference in distance.

Rin had to take a moment to compose herself. "That…thing…is a vampire. It's made to draw life force like we draw air. Or liquid, I won't be sure of its methods until I've examined it further. But the traces are still on its jaws. It's…disgusting." She hadn't sensed anything so flesh-chillingly wrong since the remains of Zoken's worms.

Both Shirou and Arturia were radiating startlingly similar auras – the grim set of warriors given a cause. Hunters with a quarry.

"So they hunt people for food," Shirou stated.

"But that doesn't explain why the magician made them." Arturia said quietly, eyes narrowed. "If he wished them as guards or fighters, he would have done better to give them a less conspicuous way of feeding. What did he gain from monsters that fed on human life?"

"That," Rin said quietly. "Depends entirely on the difference between its capacity and its requirements."

Silence. There was nothing to say. But there was everything to do.

"Do you want a whole body, or part of one?"

"One whole. If you find any variations, one of each. No telling when we'll next catch them in the act. I'm going to get to the bottom of this now. Those traces were thick – it's been hunting for years. I don't know what the goal is yet, but if he's suddenly switched locations, he's probably nearly there. And no good magic is made with life essence."

"Wait, what do you mean switched locations?" Shirou asked.

"That's partly Arturia's side." She glanced over. "Well, how about it? If our goals are this similar we might as well cooperate. You can come back to the house with us and we'll all fill each other in."

"The house?"

"_Shirou's_ house," Rin said very firmly. "It's kind of our base, it just happened that way. Well, it is more convenient for us all than mine or Sakura's. And the grounds have a permanent set barrier – plug Illya into it and we could almost survive Armageddon. Not that we've dealt with anything on that level yet."

Arturia paused, her face blank as she processed the number of questions she could ask about that sentence. Then she smiled. "It does seem if I am going to ask questions, I had better ask them to you all at once." Then, surprising them, she put her hands to her sides and bowed in perfect Japanese style. "Though I am a foreigner, please allow me to work alongside you for this task."

"Welcome to the team," Rin said briskly, both to cover for Shirou in case he didn't answer, and because this was how Rin always acted when people surprised her.

"We need to make a pile of the bodies; put aside the least damaged and I'll choose my sample from them. Shirou, I'm counting on you to trace something to bring them back with, I'm not touching them more than necessary and I doubt you want to either, so take a good look at them. Put them in the middle, so I don't scorch walls disposing of them. Okay?"

Bemused, Arturia glanced at Shirou. He smiled and mimed a salute. Arturia smiled back.

"Hai hai ," she said, with perfect Japanese inflection.

...

Piling the bodies took a while, there were a lot of them. Going through them was unpleasant work, and for Rin's sake they had to look closely in case any had significant differences. Work like that has a way of bonding people, and the other two effectively already knew her. By the time they had finished all of that and brought them to Shirou's house, they'd all gotten comfortable with each other and were acting like old comrades. Which was why everyone, not just Arturia, was startled when they walked into the house and Sakura promptly broke a dish.

Arturia was startled and then puzzled; you could see her remembering at last that Shirou's reaction had been something along the same lines. Shirou was startled and then, understanding, just a bit guilty. It was an awful shock to spring on someone.

Rin clapped her hands to her mouth. _Oh damn…I forgot!_

Her eyes darted wildly for a minute, then she grabbed Arturia's arm and dragged her into the living room, calling over her shoulder for Shirou to explain to Sakura.

She bustled her all the way in, stopped her, faced her, took a deep breath and made a quick but deep bow of apology. "I'm sorry, I meant to tell you while Shirou was getting over the shock himself. I'm very sorry. We got to talking about those things, and I forgot. I can't imagine what you're thinking now."

"Well…I wouldn't say I'm angry…but I would take it very kindly if you'd explain, Rin."

She nodded, turning things over in her head. She was a good actor and liar – which might not sound very complimentary, but when you dealt with the sort of thing she and Shirou did, it was an essential and valuable skill, not to mention one he spectacularly lacked. Mind you, lying didn't always mean making something up – the best lies used as much of the truth as possible.

She sighed. "I can't tell you all the details. For one thing, it would take too long, and for another, some of it is private, and I haven't the right to tell you. Though you can ask Shirou of course."

"Very well."

"You can probably tell, we've been doing this for a while. Well, whatever we can. Shirou in particular takes it very seriously, he has ever since he was little."

"I know."

"Huh?"

"I felt it in the battle. You can tell a lot about a person when you fight with them. I have never fought with someone whose will to fight matched my own so closely."

"Ah," Rin said shakily. "Well…anyway…it actually started for real about five years ago. This is the part that's too long to explain, at least for now. It was a kind of a mage's battle, a big one, that's been fought at regular intervals in this city. There are seven magicians each time, and they fight each other for possession of a magic artifact that can grant any wish, no matter what. Shirou became involved by accident. He learned that the wars cause terrible accidents and casualties every time, so instead of quitting, he decided to fight and end it quickly, before too many could occur. Later he realized that the artifact itself was wrong, that the wars were fought the way they were because the prize was the chance to change the unchangeable. So instead he destroyed it."

"I see. So?"

"The wars weren't fought alone. They were fought with…partners."

Arturia's face changed. "I see," she said, very quietly.

"She made it all the way to the end with him. They fought…very well together. Shirou convinced her that she was better off without trying to find a way to change her past, and so she helped him destroy it. But doing so killed her."

Arturia looked down, face heavy. She knew what losing a comrade was like.

"So I resemble the woman who was his partner?"

"It's beyond resemblance, Arturia. I'll say it right now – you look so much like her if Shirou was thirty years older, you could have given him a heart attack. It's just uncanny. You even act like her – somewhat, anyway."

"I understand. This is a very troubling thing you tell me, Rin. It could make fighting with me difficult. Perhaps it would be better if I worked on my own."

Rin shook her head. "No. Even if it gets awkward for him sometimes, I'd rather you were there. Shirou has a way of putting whatever mission he'd doing at the moment ahead of what might happen to him after. He's gotten better – he used to refuse to consider his own life at all – but he still gets so reckless. Just look at tonight. He would have been overwhelmed if you hadn't been there."

"Really? It was a short battle, but I felt he hadn't used his real strength."

"Perhaps, but you see my point? One of his skills is Reinforcement. It means he can enhance the natural traits of things. Doing it for living matter is hardest because the body will reject it if it isn't done right, but he can still leave me behind anytime, and I can't do anything about it. But you can, can't you? Even if you've only been taught the basics, you've learned to use mana to power your movements. You can burst feed it for strength – or speed."

"Well, the truth is I am probably not much better than Shirou about such things. Still – I suppose if we can only run ahead as fast as the other, then it comes to the same thing."

Rin nodded. "I'd feel much better for it. Seeing you fighting back to back with him was very reassuring. I can't support him that way."

Suddenly Arturia was very serious. "Rin. I have no objection if you take reassurance from my support while I am here, but please remember that I have a prior commitment. I must return to England in a week. If it takes longer to end this perhaps I can extend it, but please understand that I am not free to join your group."

"I know," Rin said carefully. "It's fine."

Arturia nodded. "I don't want to seem rude," she said, smiling apologetically. "I just want to avoid awkwardness later on. Under the circumstances, it would be very natural to forget."

"It's fine," Rin said again. "Come on, Sakura should be all right by now. Let's go introduce you properly."

...

In the hall, Shirou was helping Sakura clean the last of the mess. Sakura glanced up, then quickly stood and smiled her usual warm smile, even if it was a little shaky. "Forgive me, I'm not usually so clumsy. I'm Matou Sakura, you could say I keep things anchored here while the heroes run around and do their business."

Arturia bowed the bow of gratitude. "After a long day of fighting, many a soldier has found that the one he is most grateful to is the cook." She straightened and smiled. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Arturia Whittington. It seems I will also be depending on your care for the next week."

"Well, I suppose we should get settled then," Sakura said. "Shirou, why don't you go get Illya, and we'll all meet at the table and get things straightened out."

Thus it was that Illya was the only member of the group to have the luxury of being introduced to Arturia with proper warning beforehand. She paused at the door, cocked her head, walked up, leaned down till only inches separated their noses, stared for a moment and said, "Huh. What do you know. She _does_ look just like Saber-chan."

...

Mostly it was all just explaining things. Arturia didn't know anything about their own group, of course, and there were details of the hunt from England that Rin wanted to know about, though it was mostly an extended version of what had happened with them.

"They are very swift, and very good at attacking where the victim will not quickly be found." Arturia said. "If it weren't for my magical abilities, I wouldn't have been able to follow as well as I did. No one on the force knows of it, of course, but the military tends not to question success. If you do it better than the others, you're asked to do it again. My missions had become nearly all magical in nature by the time these came." Their interest in this statement surprised her.

"The thing is, there's only so much scope for our talents you can find near home," Shirou explained. The expression on Rin's face suggested this was of lesser concern to her, but Arturia preferred to focus on Shirou. She knew what he meant.

"They don't really need to know the reason. They just need to know it works," she said. "If the authorities have two or three examples of you taking care of the right problems, they should start sending word of them to you."

Everyone was interested, to some degree or another, on just how to do that, if only for the challenge of it, and before long Arturia realized it was late. Rin had left early in the discussion, now she came back.

"Just in time, I see. Take this before you go, Arturia."

Arturia blinked bemusedly at the simple ring she was being offered. She wasn't quite sure why she was being given a piece of jewelry under the circumstances, and remembering Rin's explanation before, she couldn't help but feel uneasy. Rin held up her own left hand: a more complex version of the same ring was on her own index finger. A central stone of one color, surrounded by three more, of individual shades. Arturia's lacked the surrounding stones, and hers was yet a fifth shade.

"This is how we keep basic track of each other," Rin explained, looking wickedly amused. Arturia couldn't help wondering if she'd made her nervous on purpose. "We each represent a shade, and we each have our own as the center stone. It works something like a mood ring, in that it detects body humors. It can tell if you're fighting, fleeing, or preparing for one or the other, and set off a reaction with the sister stones on the other rings. The setting can rotate like a gear; your stone will act like a compass needle for whoever is free to come. Of course, elaborating the system as a whole to include you would take a few days, and I can't guarantee I'll be able to do it before all this is over, but this will do for now. It can't receive, but it will send to our rings, and it'll use a primitive hot/cold system for some form of direction. It's crude, but with you staying so much further out, I thought you'd better have it."

Arturia nodded in approval. She put it on, careful to use the same finger as Rin. She didn't know if Japanese culture also associated the finger to its left with marriage, but if she put it where Rin wore it it should be fine. "Thank you very much. It's a very good idea. Yours?"

"I thought _some_ of us could use a system that didn't count on remembering to use it," she replied darkly. Arturia knew better than to get involved in family squabbles.

"Yes, it can be easy to forget such things under the right circumstances," she said.

"Remarkably so."

At this point, with a peacemaker's instinct for brewing chaos, Sakura quickly intervened and set Arturia on the way home with an invitation to breakfast the next morning, when they'd decide what to do while Rin studied the samples they'd gotten.

...

It was late when Arturia got back, and she was tired. A lot had happened in a few hours. Her vacation had ended almost as soon as it began, and now she was hunting the same things that had been driving her mad in England, the very things she'd come to avoid. But Arturia hadn't really liked avoiding them to start with, and besides – somehow, she felt more at peace than she had for a very long time. Despite all that had happened, she fell asleep with remarkable ease.

...

For Shirou, it took much longer.

...

Sometime in the night, Arturia shifted uneasily in her sleep. Something was wrong. Her dreams were being crossed by shadows, the memories of the day suddenly darkening with harsh whispers of black. She tried to turn away but they grew thicker, stronger, harder to ignore – and then her hand flashed with fire, and her eyes snapped open.

They were here. Now.

The fire was the ring, pulsing against her fingers. Apparently Rin forgot to mention that. She was grateful all the same. Depending on the next few minutes, it may have saved her life.

No one takes serious military service without learning to 'scramble', going from whatever state of inactivity to ready for action in the minimum possible time. It took less than a minute to go from nightgown to shirt, pants, and short boots. She could sense them massing outside the door, still hoping to rush her in her sleep. She prayed that would last just a few more moments. Because if they caught her in the cramped conditions of the hotel room, she would die.

She snatched a bag, crossed her arms, sent mana to her arms and legs and crashed through the window, hearing the door of her room shudder and then shatter behind her as she soared out and across. Several roofs away she stopped, hoping that they either hadn't been able to follow or were following slowly and clumsily, giving her a chance to counter-attack. It was a false hope. They followed in a dark uninterrupted stream from her window: their master had built them well. She had no choice. It galled her to have to seek sanctuary so quickly, but it would be meaningless to die here. She would have to depend on her allies.

She turned and flashed across the roofs, using only enough of her mana to keep the lead, preferring to save her strength for the fight to come. Keeping the chase up high would keep innocents clear – she only prayed it wasn't already too late, and that the hotel personnel hadn't paid a terrible price for housing her.

...

In his house, Shirou had only just managed to drift off – and then he was sitting up, his ring pulsing in urgency on his hand. For lack of a similar stone to resonate with, Rin had linked the metals for the moment – now they glowed softly, indicating trouble.

He may not have had formal training, but he dressed quickly all the same. Rushing out the door he met Illya, sleepily rubbing her eyes.

"What, she's in trouble already? She should've stayed here."

"She will after this," Shirou promised. "I'm going to meet her, stay here and get the barrier set, Illya."

"Sure, but you might have trouble getting her to come you know."

"I'll _make_ her come, the stubborn idiot," Shirou growled, already settled with having Saber's character under different circumstance.

"Ooh, Shirou is calling Arturia Shirou," Illya murmured, eyes slanted wickedly. Shirou was already heading out the door, too fast to stop, but he did throw her a glare and a grumble over his shoulder as he ran.

The door shut behind him. Illya grinned. Shirou was going to be lots of fun to tease for while, she could see.

...

Outside, Shirou pounded through the streets, heading for a place where he knew he would be able to see the city. The ring's glow was subtly but steadily increasing: she was coming closer. Apparently he wouldn't need to make her come after all. She had always been just a bit more practical than he when the times called for it. But Shirou still wanted to be sure she would make it.

He reached the place he'd been looking for. His suburb was on a rise, and there was one point where the road dropped down towards the rest of the city. From the top of the rise, it was possible to see most of the town's layout. It wasn't an especially elevated view, but it would do. He narrowed his eyes, concentrating.

"_Trace – on._"

Vision was a complex mechanism, but relative to the bounds of the art, even a little would do for this. Light was the easiest thing to spot…yes, there. A flashing yellow dot, followed by a thin river of black. The distance between them was steady, meaning she wasn't in danger for now. But that could change once she left the industrial area and had to come down to the streets. She'd only been to the house once.

Shirou set off down the road to the boundary where his suburb met the downtown area. Barely a day and already things like this were happening. She'd sure brought the old times with her.

...

Arturia ran with her eyes focused ahead, not allowing herself to waste time wondering what she would do when she reached the streets. Instead she focused on maintaining her lead, saving her energy. She would need it, if they caught her.

She could see the end of the tall flat roofs ahead, dropping away to wide fields and then the suburbs. She was almost there. She could see the road rising ahead, and began mentally preparing for a burst. She pushed hard off the roof and sailed out and onto the street, landing halfway up the slope. And then she realized that she had passed _over_ someone.

A little way further down, Shirou stood braced across the middle of the road, eyes narrowed and shoulders set, a great blue staffed death scythe in his hands. The first of her pursuers appeared; Shirou tensed, focused, and whirled the weapon into a giant sweeping pattern, cutting wide blurring paths through the air. It almost looked like a joke, but with every sweep of the weapon a beast screamed with pain as a corresponding wound tore itself across it's frame, following a ghostly image of the weapon's enormous blade. Five fell; the rest milled in confusion. Shirou turned and pounded back to her, somehow vanishing the weapon as he came.

"Hurry and run, we can't fight here!"

"All right."

It took them a moment to find the balance between her mana enhanced speed and his Reinforcement. Then they settled into a rhythm, Shirou leading slightly. Arturia watched him from the corners of her eyes. She was used to having to save herself; having someone waiting to support her, let alone so effectively, was a novel experience, and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

He must have felt her looking at him, because he glanced back. "What?"

She looked away. "Nothing. Just – that was a very impressive weapon. What was it?"

"Harpe, the Gorgon Slayer. It's a Noble Phantasm that can strike from safety, like Phineas did from behind his shield. It's good for things like this, but it needs line of sight, and you can block it if you watch the blows right."

"I see. So it is not infallible."

"It's still from earth. All noble phantasms were used by mortals at some time, so there are limits."

"Of course."

They were both going far faster than any normal person could run: already they saw the house ahead. Arturia could sense the bubble of energy that surrounded it.

"Will that stop them?"

"It should. Illya can put out an incredible amount of power, and the shield's channels are pretty deep."

They passed through without slowing; Arturia could feel it, like static filled feathers, brushing over her skin as it accepted her and Shirou – and feel its potential to absorb and throw back the force of those it didn't. Shirou slowed down and stopped in the courtyard, turning around. Arturia followed suit. Sure enough, the black wave of monstrosity broke against the invisible line of power that marked the barrier, clawing, gibbering, and even climbing on top of each other, but always without result.

"We could just wait them out here," Shirou said quietly, eyes fixed on the mass. "They'd either give up and leave, or Rin will get here and we could crush them between us. What do you think?"

Arturia could feel war fire burn in her eyes as she answered. "I have no intention of giving them my life force, and for that reason I ran here. But – if you think I am going to hide here behind a magic barrier and watch these blood beasts carouse in front of me, I will teach you to think better!"

Shirou was already holding the death scythe. "I thought you'd say that. Think we can kill them all before Rin gets here?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll back you from here. Go for it!"

She needed no encouragement. All through the chase she'd fumed. Watching their contortions in front of her reminded of all the years she'd spent trying to catch them, all the blood, the blank, lifeless faces, and not so much as a tuft of hair or a smudged footprint. The memory of the souls who'd fallen burned in her eyes and made her mana blaze like the sun. She burst from the spot like a comet, mana pooling around her as she ran, calling all of her feelings into a wave of death.

She hit them and they scattered, the heat of her rage made real by her magic, throwing them back clawing at their faces. She began to light weave, spinning and cutting with sharp movements of her hand, sending thin blades of magic that parted whatever it touched. Blood sprayed around her; she remembered other blood, human blood, and screamed as she fought even harder. Even as she was it would have been possible to overwhelm her if they'd gotten a chance, but they never did. Any group large enough fell to pieces, gaps hewn from nowhere as Shirou cut them down, whirling Harpe in a never ending pattern of deadly swings. The noxious bodies piled all around, and they only seemed to fall faster, both of them becoming more and more enraged as at last, all the blood of those they'd wanted to save found a fitting target. When the last fell they were both panting and gasping – and both looking furiously for more.

Finally realizing that it was over, Arturia allowed herself to feel tired, slumping in place, and then turning back to the house. Shirou was leaning on the shaft of the scythe, breathing hard. Both had trained for the exertion: it was the intense surge of rage that had left them drained.

"Nice…job," he managed.

"I could say the same," she said. "It may sound barbaric, but I feel better."

"No. Not unless I'm a barbarian."

"Well, you _looked_ like one," Illya told him, coming outside. She said that, but her eyes were wide with awe. It had been like watching Death's Avatars on holiday.

Shirou grinned at her. "That…so?"

"Totally. Girls shouldn't do things like that, you know."

"As I understand it, you fought in the war too, Illya-san."

"Hmmph. I was badly raised, so it can't be helped."

"Don't listen to her. She'd still do it if I let her."

"I would not! Well…not like that, anyway. Not anymore. I didn't really like it then either."

Shirou stopped smiling. "No," he agreed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it."

"Oh just come in. Unless you want to take a trophy."

Arturia shuddered at the thought. "Certainly not. I would never eat well again," she said fervently.

"Good, 'cause you're staying here, you know that right? It'll just happen again if you go back."

"Yes, I know. I just hope I haven't cost anyone their lives already. Anyone they met on the way in is almost certainly dead."

Shirou nodded. "They never come out in the day. We'll get your stuff then. There's plenty of extra space here. We could house the whole gang if they were interested."

"Somehow I can't imagine even you could take in two girls your age without rumors, Shirou."

"Yeah, that probably had something to do with it. Come on, you may as well pick a room."

...

About half a mile away, Rin bent over gasping, hands on her knees. Then she straightened up and glared at her ring. First Arturia's signal goes off, then both hers and Shirou's shoot through the roof, and then before she could actually get there both of them wink out. Damn those battle freaks. If they were going to make her run so far, they could have left her something to do afterwards.

Still, looking out towards his house, she had to hand it to them: they must have handed out heads like no tomorrow. They were still quite the battle duo, those two. She frowned, wondering if she should still go over and ask what had happened. But they probably realized on their own that Arturia would have to stay with Shirou…in which case she would just leave them to it. She grinned slightly as she turned back. Really, that was much faster than she'd expected.

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One: The spiral thing is exactly what Rin says it was. Not my invention. But it did make a great analogy to refer to, more so as the rest of the echoes become clear. This story is multi-faceted. You haven't seen nothing yet.

Two: Hai hai. Hai is yes, so literally, yes yes. The double inflection can communicate tolerance, exasperation, borderline insolence, or even enthusiasm. It can also be a touch of military, similar to 'aye aye.' In this case, Arturia is using both the firs and last, but is mostly just humouring her – in a gently humorous way.

Three: Arturia's fighting style is my own invention, my answer to how someone with so much magical potential and physical abilities would fight. However, her 'mana burst' enhancement technique is from the game. Apparently that is how she, as Saber, was able to match blows with Berserker, for however limited a time. I thought it sounded like something that she could use as a human too. Of course, right now she's a little coarse with it, but Rin will help with that.

Four: The rings. Totally my invention. Tell me if you think it's cool.

Five: According to the game, Archer's incredible vision is the result of Reinforcement. So yes, relatively, what Shirou does here is peanuts.

Six: Harpe, the Gorgon Slayer. Not precisely an invention, but a creation using a couple of facts, including game and anime references, stuck together with a little imaginative glue. In the wiki notes, a weapon named Harpe is listed as being contained in the Gate of Babylon, but no other information is listed. In the actual mythos, the weapon Phineas uses is called Harpe, and opinions differ as to whether it was a sword or a scythe. And finally, in the first major battle between Gilgamesh and Saber – after the 'date', remember? – he calls out a huge blue staffed scythe and cuts into Saber's arm from twenty feet away. Then he changes to another weapon. I put all this together and pulled out a noble phantasm I understood and could use with confidence. It is not a 'broken' weapon, however much it might seem so here. It's only power is to project the strikes. If something gets in-between, or is in-between from the beginning, that thing in-between is what will get hit. Whats more, you don't have to block. If you have the confidence to time it, you can even dodge. In other words, against a skilled opponent, the advantage is solely range and psychology. That's why he only used it once. Against a duelist of Saber's quality, it was only good for the element of surprise.

Hai hai – hai means yes, so literally 'yes yes', though depending on the context it can be read as either enthusiasm, sarcasm, or occasionally a touch of military, similar to 'aye aye'. Here, Arturia is using a little of both of the last two, but mostly she's just humoring her – in a gently humorous way.


	4. Chapter 3: Pathfinding

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Chapter Three

.

.

It was a strange awakening for Arturia.

Not waking on a thin mattress on the floor or in her clothes or just in a strange room. She was used to all of that. SS living wasn't exactly what you'd call predictable. But one thing it nearly always was was functional; the closest she'd come to 'homely' was the hotel, which hardly counted. Certainly the orphanage hadn't. She'd woken in many places much less similar to her usual room in London, but she could not remember the last time she had awoken feeling so – content? Not to mention to such a heavenly smell. The SS may not have believed in good food – properly sustaining yes, good no – but _she_ did. For the morning after a bloodbath, it was a very pleasant experience.

Taunted by ghostly vapors of providence, she wandered down the halls to the kitchen and eating room where she found, as she'd expected, that she had Sakura to thank for the morning's start. Wearing an apron and standing in front of the stove, long haired and humming, she was the epitome of a mother – so much so that even Arturia, who had never known one, recognized it.

"Good morning, Arturia."

"Good morning, Sakura. A very good one, I think. The SS never believed in this sort of pampering."

"Oh? So am I the one you're most grateful to after all?"

"Perhaps, but don't tell Shirou."

"Of course not. Do you eat much in the morning? Some people don't."

"I believe I will be able to eat a great deal of whatever it is you're making."

Sakura nodded, choosing to take this as confirmation that the present incarnation of Saber took as much fueling as the old one. A wonderfully satisfying person to cook for, Saber had been. Thinking about it had put extra zest into the morning's breakfast. Or something had, because now Shirou was stumbling up the stairs, nose in the air, and he was used to her cooking. He was also wearing the clothes he had worn last night, and he did not have Arturia's excuse.

"Good morning Shir – Shirou! You were practicing _again_ last night? Afterthat fight?"

"Uh…I was pretty sure I'd upped my Reinforcement, and I wanted to make sure I'd remember how…"

"Until you fell asleep down there, without changing?"

"Ahh, well…yes?"

Sakura sighed in exasperation. "Oh, I give up. All I can do is try to feed your body enough to 'reinforce' it against this kind of abuse." To emphasize the point, she turned her attention back to her cooking.

Arturia put a hand to her mouth, smiling. There was something very relaxing about this. Was this what people meant by a family atmosphere?

Shirou, casting about for something to take his mind off the scolding, settled on her. "Oh, good morning Arturia. You look pretty relaxed."

"Sakura practices a very effective form of aromatherapy."

That made him laugh. "She does, doesn't she? Where's Rin?"

"Sleeping," Sakura answered, without turning around. "She was up last night thanks to all the fuss and she'll be doing intense magic today, so I didn't wake her. I'll keep a portion separate in case she doesn't show up before I leave."

Shirou nodded. "Okay. So when is it ready?"  
"_After_ you've washed your face and changed, that's for certain."

"Okay, _okay_."

...

Impossibly, breakfast met or perhaps surpassed expectation, and most of the first serving went without conversation: Arturia concentrated on the food and assumed everyone else did likewise. About fifteen minutes in, Rin showed up. She walked up to the doorway, leaned an elbow on the frame with her hand on her hip, and said, "If last night was a plot to make me sleep in so you could have my portion, Shirou, it was a dramatic improvement on your usual excuse for strategic thinking."

"Huh? Don't look at me, Sakura said she let you sleep in, and you've never needed help to oversleep anyway. And if anyone was going to eat your portion…" his voiced trailed off as he realized his mistake. "Ah…sorry, I—"

"I think it would be best if we all just assumed these mistakes will happen and ignored them," Arturia said firmly. It was awkward enough already.

"Ah, right," Shirou agreed, sounding relieved. "Uh, anyway…"

"You were up late, you're going to work heavy magic today, and you've never been good with mornings to begin with," Sakura said calmly, without a trace of guilt. "I was keeping your portion separate and warm for you when you got up."

"Well, I'm up now Mother, so can I have my breakfast?"

"Certainly, Rin-chan."

Rin sort of stopped and half hunched, face twitching with chagrin. Then she sighed and went on to the table. "Good. Sakura."

Sakura smiled and went to get her portion. Rin sat down across from Shirou and Arturia. She blinked, and looked at the empty spot next to her. "Hey, where's Illya?"

Shirou stopped eating. "Ah," he said. "_That's_ what was missing. I'll be right back." And he got up and left. Arturia glanced at Rin. She rolled her eyes.

"The kid must have been hoping for a no school situation," she said. "Don't worry, she'll be along soon. Shirou is very effective."

From down the hall ensued several thumps in quick succession paralleled by an indignant shriek. Sakura cast a reflexive glance over her shoulder and began to serve out another portion. Rin smiled at Arturia as she took hers, served just before. "See?"

"As expected of him," Arturia agreed solemnly, finding the atmosphere irresistible. And speaking of irresistible…

"Seconds, please," she said, holding out her bowl to Sakura. Sakura looked up and suddenly seem to freeze, face still, seeing something she knew wasn't really there. Arturia almost pulled back her bowl. But then Sakura smiled so widely that she couldn't even begin to regret asking.

"Of course," she said, taking the bowl. And she kept smiling, right up until handing it back to her, heaping full. "As much as you like. I made plenty."

...

She had, exactly enough in fact. Illya showed up grumbling but ate with enthusiasm, a process that seemed to shake the morning grumpiness out of her. Going forward with energy seemed to be a habit, so she was out the door shortly after. Which left the four adults to their day.

For Rin and Sakura, it was already decided. Rin was off to her place to study last nights 'harvest', and Sakura was going with her. Shirou said they ought to get whatever things Arturia would need right away, before anything happened, especially since they didn't know what Rin would find or when she would find it. Arturia was concerned for everyone else in the hotel, and wanted to check. This made sense but Rin added that they should stay near the house after that, so she would know where to find them.

"And someone should escort Illya home. It'll be getting later, and she gets ideas, that kid." Which was her way of saying she was worried about her. Of course.

So Sakura and Rin left, Sakura carrying a tray with some of breakfast and some of other things, more solid, lunch like things, that she quietly stocked the fridge with for the purpose. Arturia had no way of knowing there was anything strange about this, but she did notice that when the two of them left they were heading for Sakura's house, not Rin's.

"The food is for Sakura's grandfather," Shirou explained. "I'm not sure what changed, but after the war she brings him platters twice a day and that seems to be it."

"That seems very strange arrangements."

"I don't know much about it. I know that Sakura was actually adopted into the Matou family. Magicians believe in focusing on training one heir…you noticed how much she resembles Rin?"

Arturia's eyebrows shot up. "They are related?"

"Sisters. Rin was oldest, and the Matou family had no natural magicians in their generation, so adoption must have seemed like the best opportunity for her. Anyway, they won't mind you knowing that, but the rest seems to be private. Whatever's going on, they consider it something between themselves, so I don't ask."

"Very well, I'll follow your lead then. Have I told you the address of the hotel yet?"

"No, not yet."

...

It was a longer walk when you weren't tearing along at magically enhanced speed, and despite the situation she enjoyed it: she had originally come to sightsee after all. She enjoyed seeing new things, and Shirou seemed happy to leave her to it, unless there was something she wanted to know.

Until they reached the hotel, and the lingering remains of the night's horde.

It was everything she had been afraid of. They had carved a path to her room out of blood. The man at the desk, the two maids in the lobby, and two more that had just been wandering the wrong halls at the wrong time. One of them had told her where the restaurant was. One had helped her with her bags. The man at the desk had smiled and wished her well when she passed. They hadn't deserved this. Few did.

She was trembling with rage by the time she reached her rooms. Shirou wasn't much better.

"He's a magician," he hissed. "Keeping people from noticing would have been child's play, but he didn't even try."

"They were food," she said flatly. "Just food on the way. It was convenient."

They gathered her things in silence. Neither wanted to make more than one trip: they took everything they would take. They carried the bags back through the halls in grim silence, out the blood stained lobby, past the bodies in hotel uniforms. And out into the obscenely shining sunlight.

Arturia stopped. Her eyes, hard lit with purpose, trailed their way up an invisible path in the street. She turned to Shirou. He'd noticed too. The passage of so many at once had left a mark. It was growing fainter, but their trail could still be followed.

They looked at each other once. It wasn't really a decision.

There was plenty of room in the lobby; her things could wait there. And then they were on the chase.

Bloodhounds, wolfhounds, all hounds bay on the trail. That is because to them it is a game. They are not really the hunters. They are following this scent because they have been trained to. Because it is fun, a challenge. And so they make noise, to tell everyone what they are doing. Because it's fun.

Shirou and Arturia ran along the trail as true hunters do, hunters with intent to kill. In silence.

...

Rin eyed the corpses in front of her with distaste. She still remembered what their jaws had felt like. She'd prepared the room, laid down the proper insignia on the walls and floor. She was a magician, not a surgeon, and her methods would be sorcery, not surgery. And she had no doubt that bloody hands would be by far the more preferable and more pleasant experience.

They were depending on her, and it had to be done. It couldn't be any more horrifying than anything she'd already seen. Buildings of people drained of their essence, lying scattered about like rag dolls. Her sister screaming in a vortex of black, held and driven by Caster, wielding things that ate her as she used them. She herself had almost died once. It had been a brutal war.

She'd plunged into her own sister's id, and repaired it with her own hands. This wasn't going to be pleasant. It was going to be revolting. She activated the sigils, sending them into softly glowing activity.

She'd do it anyway. Because they needed her to. Her friends. And all of the dead.

...

All of the dead.

In a moment, the list of souls Shirou carried had doubled, from five to ten. Arturia already carried far more than ten, but she still remembered every one. And every memory was a goad, spurring them to greater speeds and grimmer silence as they followed the scent.

The neighborhood was different now. They were in the shanty town, the slums, areas most had abandoned, and that others, with no better place, had moved into. Oddly varying width of streets, mazelike claustrophobic clusters of brick buildings that opened up at random into wild open spaces where once had been a yard or field or the beginnings of some new project. The people were just as varied, thrown together by fate's whim from all tracks of life and parts of town. It was the sort of place where the folks took care of themselves, because the ones who would have enforced the Law never came.

In short, a place where the blood beasts could never draw a fuss that would spread any farther than the nearest respectable building.

That was when the trail began to die. Suddenly it split, and then split again. The group had not emerged all at once but emerged from different places and then converged. The closer to the origin, the fainter the trail became, as the numbers that had laid it halved and halved again. They were walking now, eyes darting about trying to hold on to the trail, unwilling to lose it after coming so far. But at some point they had to admit defeat. It was no longer possible to follow. Their master was very clever indeed.

Shirou growled and swung his hand into a pile of boards laid against a wall. Arturia just glared in the general direction of where the trail faded to imperceptibility.

"And what do you think you're doing out there? You be leavin' that alone!"

Shirou jumped, and then jumped again when part of the 'pile of boards' swung out to reveal a woman's face, creased with ire. There was no wall behind; the boards were a replacement. It was winter – even without snow there were cold winds that would blow.

"I'm sorry," Shirou apologized, surprise turning his frustration apologetic. "I was angry at something else, and I didn't realize it was your…that it was important."

She still looked annoyed, but mostly seemed mollified by the prompt apology. "Hmmph. You should be moving on, both of you," she said, more as advice than a threat. "You don't belong here, and there's those you'll be rubbing the wrong way just bein' here. We ain't all here 'cause we can't live honest anywhere else." And she shut the door.

Shirou stared for a moment. Then he rested his fingers gently on the door for a moment, closing his eyes, making amends – both with the women and his own conscience. He couldn't change this place…but this wall of wood would outlast her grandchildren.

Finished, he turned and looked over at Arturia. "Well, I guess we'd better go."

They walked slowly, taking their time, tired as much by the lack of results as by the chase itself. They also couldn't help looking about them, noting again how different life here was. And what pitifully easy marks the blood beasts must find these people, without sturdy walls or doors or men of the law.

"Shirou," Arturia said suddenly. "We can't just leave. It's too…just too vulnerable. Even aside from how badly they need us here, this is the best place to search for them and their master."

Shirou nodded. He'd realized it too. It was clear how perfect a starting ground this made for their nightly hunts. There would be no better place to focus the hunt. "But you heard what she said," he replied quietly. "We won't be welcome here. We can ignore that, but look at this place. It's a maze. Without the locals help, we'll never find anything in time. Or anyone."

"The locals must know something is wrong," Arturia replied. "If they know we are here to help, it should be all right. They'll be too scared not to take it."

"It might not be that simple, not if they're as wary of strangers as all that. First they'd have to trust that we mean it. It could take months, and we don't have it. They don't."

A slight, meaningful cough brought their attention to a woman in the street beside them. Cars didn't often drive through here, the streets were an extension of the sidewalk, if indeed the sidewalk was in sufficient repair to use. This one leaned on a large wooden cart, empty at the moment.

"The middle of the streets isn't the best place to talk badly of the neighbors, you know," the woman said, eyebrows raised.

"Forgive me," Arturia said, bowing correctly and getting the usual double take. No one seemed to expect such gestures from foreigners. "Though we meant no offense, it was still, as you say, unpardonably rude."

The woman nodded, partly in acceptance and partly impressed. "Well, fair enough then. But in truth, I'm more interested in what you were saying. You sound more like a pair of vampire hunters than students on a sociology project."

Shirou blinked, face blank. College undergrads? That's what they looked like? He glanced at Arturia. She was wearing that blank wide eyed look she got whenever she got caught flat footed. It didn't happen often. Shirou coughed and looked back, sensing that he was being offered an opportunity that wouldn't knock twice.

"Well, actually, that might not be so far off," he said. Then he stopped, suddenly realizing how impossibly complicated it could become from there. Arturia, catching on, stepped forward. Unlike Shirou, she was used to talking and questioning people on the subject.

"We are tracing a series of unnatural killings," she said quietly. "If you come often and they come here, you probably know of them."

"Go on," the woman said, very quietly.

"They would be occurring regularly, almost always at night. Usually one, never more than two adults at a time. The wounds would be slash wounds, ragged, like talons or claws." She held up two fingers, miming a cut in the air. "Killed by beasts, not humans."

The woman nodded. "So you know of them? Or it, or whatever?"

"Some, though not as much as we'd like," Shirou said. "We're going to learn more soon. For now we know something of their natures, and the skills to track and kill them. But even with that, we haven't been able to find their master till now."

The woman's eyebrows raised. "I thought you said they were beasts?"

"Unnatural beasts," Shirou said simply, hoping it would suffice. Thankfully, it did. The woman nodded. "So you want to be able to ask the people here for help?"

"Not in the hunting," Arturia said firmly. "They would only be slaughtered. But we think they must be less cautious here, where their victims have no one but themselves. We are hoping they will see things that will help us."

The woman's eyes narrowed angrily. "This may seem a lawless and unfriendly place to _you_, missy, but for those that aren't mafia members, we all look out for each other here. You never know when it will be you."

This time both of them apologized, contrite. "Forgive me, I misspoke," Arturia said. "I meant that they cannot call on or get the attentions of people who pose a danger to them. But we can, given the chance. But first we must find them." Arturia stepped closer. "Please. I know you have good reason not to trust strangers here, but I will swear we have no other motives but to make an end of these blood beasts. Please help us find them."

Neither she nor Shirou could lie – but they were very good at convincing people that they were telling the truth.

"All right then," the woman said. "My name is Minako Hozuki. Meet me where this street hits the rest of the city. I'll get you in. They all trust me here."

"Thank you," Arturia said.

"Don't thank me, I'm doing it for my friends. No one else will help them."

"You're not from here, are you?" Shirou asked. "What do you do here?"

She gestured at the cart. "I bring things to help the worse off. I used to think it was a work that'd never end, but the way things have been going, I'm not so sure anymore."

It was a statement that haunted them all the way back to the hotel.

...

Abruptly Rin's little world of dim darkness, lit by glowing runes and pulsing swirls, was disrupted by light and the smells of tea and other restoratives. She glanced up to see Sakura in the doorway.

"Break time, Rin-chan. It's past three."

Chan was teasing when the others were there, but alone was different. "Already, huh? I suppose this was the real reason you came along?"

"As I'm sure you knew from the beginning."

"And if I said I'm in the middle of a complex incantation and shouldn't interrupt, what would you do?"

"Leave you to work of course."

Rin raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"With the door open," Sakura clarified.

The door, and all the smells and sounds beyond it. Rin shook her head, giving up. "Who says you're not devious?"

"You, most of the time. Is it really taking this long?"

"This part is mostly done, actually. Then there are some things I'll need to look up. No clear essence traces, unfortunately. I won't be able to glean enough to track him down. But depending on what I find, I might know who's doing it."

Sakura gave her an inquiring look. Rin shook her head. "Trouble. Lets leave it at that for now."

Sakura did leave it, which relieved Rin. She had a hard time hiding things from her sister. And she was pretty sure she knew exactly who was doing it. She'd suspected it before she'd started.

Unfortunately, that didn't make things simpler.

...

Even with having been made to go to school, it was getting to be a pretty interesting day for Illya.

First of course there had been breakfast, which was _scrumptious_, better than Sakura almost ever bothered to make in the morning. Saber-chan – Arturia-chan – must have inspired her. And that had been fun too. It felt like old times, when Illya had first come, during the war. School was still boring. She'd had a special education, and the only real reasons for her being there were social. She already knew most of the lessons and could have gotten into a university if she'd felt like it. But the guys in her class were getting funnier and funnier around her, and that helped keep her from getting _too_ bored. One nice one wasn't quite so funny, but that was okay. The fact that the school let out faster than her home lessons had also helped.

It was after school that things really got fun, of course. Shirou was even easier to tease than she'd hoped, and Arturia was just as good. They'd both met her at the gate, and had both wanted to know why they felt stared at. Illya had gleefully explained that about half the females in her class had a crush on Shirou and that they were disappointed because Arturia was so beautiful. Which had shut both of them up all the way back, which had delighted her no end. She'd had to do all the talking for them.

And now they were putting on a show. Well, not exactly, but for Illya that's what it came to. They were sparring in the dojo.

And her classmates wondered why action movies bored her.

They spun, stamped, and slashed, exchanging blows almost quicker than she could follow. Arturia had toned down the charge of her attacks to not much more than shaped light; Shirou was using a shinai and tracing the shapes of his weapons over it. And, having taken all precautions against injury, they proceeded to hold back nothing else whatsoever, testing each other to the limits in a battle than took every inch of the dojo floor, dueling the length and breadth of the hall with a ferocity no cinematic samurai battle could ever hope to capture.

Shirou won in the end, suddenly turning his sword into a spear and catching her by surprise with the length. She froze, then smiled ruefully.

"You made me forget you had pole weapons on purpose, didn't you?" she asked.

"Yup," Shirou said airily.

"I lose. But it was a good match. I've never been able to practice with a partner before. Can we do this again?"

"Sure, it's the same for me. I'm sure we can find the time."

Sweet.

"Yo, Illya."

"Huh?"

"Call Sakura and tell her I'm going to take care of dinner this time, okay? That way she can stay with Rin as long as she needs to."

"Okay." Illya said, turning down towards the house.

"You can cook, Shirou?" Arturia asked behind her.

"Just fine, thanks. Though I'm not on Sakura's level."

"I'm not certain I'd believe it if you were."

Shirou chuckled. "I know what you mean."

Outside, Illya nodded mournfully. No one cooked like Sakura. It was going to be very sad if she got married. Shirou was pretty good, but it wouldn't be the same. Oh well. Things were getting exciting, and maybe they'd have to let her help. And then she'd miss school. And the not so funny guy.

...

Rin turned off the browser, then the computer. Its contents wouldn't change no matter how long she looked at it. Her suspicions had been confirmed.

Like it or not.

The attacks had begun a little over four and a half years ago, and had begun in a certain remote area of Germany. They had spread outward from that spot over time, eventually overlapping England, but there were hints all over Europe. He'd been farming from everywhere, spreading things out, avoiding the notice of other magicians.

Starting in Germany, collecting life forces using creatures based on modification of human cells, and ending here, in Fuyuki City. Another war would have been almost preferable. At least then there were rules of a sort. But someone here was trying to circumvent the entire process. And only one magician had the materials.

Rin sat back with a sigh in front of the blank black monitor, looking out into space. Thinking.

...

Shirou really did know how to cook. If he hadn't had to be competing with Sakura, he could even have been said to be good at it. As it was, his abilities were inevitably given unfair review, but it was still good and there was plenty of it, and only Illya gave it a tragic eye as she ate. She knew better than to sigh – teasing Shirou was one thing, but Rin was tense, not happy, and right next to her, and any out loud dissatisfaction would not end well. She had hoped, wistfully, that they would either allow her to hear the discussion afterwards or forget to send her away. She didn't know which it was, but her wish was granted.

Rin sighed and put down her chopsticks. "I guess I had better start," she said quietly. She paused, just in case anyone had anything to say. No one did.

"The beasts are made with a damaged core of vitality, demanding direct input of life force to survive. However, it's only damaged enough to create the cravings. They could probably go for weeks or even months without. But their capacity is much larger than that, capable of holding much more than they will actually absorb. They're mobile, roving collection containers, bringing back supplies to the magician that made them. I've done the research: whoever did this has been collecting for the past four and a half years. It wasn't just in England, Arturia. From what I can find, he spread his pickings over the entire continent. You see, no other magicians could be allowed to find out what he was doing. And if he made too much of a fuss in the outside world – eradicated a hamlet, for instance – it would come back to him eventually. So he did it slowly, over as large an area as possible. It required the kind of space Japan wouldn't have."

Shirou's eyes narrowed. "You're saying the one who did this actually lived here originally?"

"I'm guessing he lived here the whole time. Hear me out. I'm going to tell you only the basics of this: don't ask me questions. I'm only telling you at all because you need to know, and I am only going to tell you _what _you need to know. Understand?"

Everyone nodded. Illya didn't, in case the movement caught someone's eye and they said, 'What, you're still here?'

"I've told you, or at least most of you, about me and Sakura, right?" She glanced over at Arturia. Shirou nodded, indicating that he'd briefed her on it. "All right. It turns out the Matou patriarch is quite an old, conniving, ambitious character. I'm not sure how long he's been at it, but he's been using magical familiars to live long past his time. And apparently what he wanted from Sakura was not so much an heir as a magically able tool, a vessel. He mutated his familiars using sludge from the fourth grail and put them into her, to condition her to be able to channel and contain the Angra Mainyu, the dark spirit in the grail. It also meant he could control her at will. It's what made her hair that purple color it used to be. As you see, he doesn't hesitate for much."

She paused, glanced around the table, continued. "After Shinji's loss in the war, Sakura says he's shut himself up into his wing of the house, and hasn't come out since. As far as we can tell, opening his door to collect his food is the closest he's come to leaving for five years. I don't know what he's been working on, but something like this would merit that kind of focus."

Next to her, Illya frowned. The magical technology to create alternate forms from human life was immensely complex, that was why creating the vessels for the grail had been the lot of the Einzberns, who were both the authors of the entire effort and the oldest and most respected of the three mage families. It had been a great achievement that was still a major source of pride to them – or what was left, she reminded herself gleefully. Without her and Kiritsuga, there was only her grandfather now, and good riddance to the lot. But what Rin was saying didn't make sense. In five years, maybe, someone could have recreated the process, but the attacks had begun only five months after Shinji died. She opened her mouth to say something, and received a sharp kick in the leg – not from Rin, but from Shirou. She was so astonished at the source that she simply shut up.

"So you think Sakura's grandfather made them, controlled them from here, then brought them back when they had collected enough," Shirou said.

"He's ambitious. For the three families, ambition means the grail. It doesn't matter anyway. He's evil, he violated at least three major taboos on Sakura. It doesn't matter what he'd doing, he shouldn't be doing it anyway! I'll go over there and find out and clean up before anything else can happen. We need to find out anyway, isn't that fine?"

"What do you mean, before anything else can happen?"

"I mean I'm going to do it tonight. I rested after I finished my magic so I'm fine."

"You mean we will?"

"No, _I_ will. It's stupid to use more than necessary and I can handle him. Sakura can shield the house and grounds. There's no need for you to go anywhere."

Illya's foot hurt. Every time she tried to say something Shirou kicked her again. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, but if she so much as moved wrong she'd limp tomorrow for sure. She couldn't believe this.

"All right. We'll wait for you here. Give us a call afterwards."

Give us a…Illya was speechless. Shirou kicked her again anyway, since her look said it was coming. She _was _going to limp tomorrow.

Rin almost looked surprised. And no wonder, Illya though, surreptitiously rubbing her foot, since that was the worst lie she'd ever heard from Rin. She just could not believe this. She goes on and on about Shirou being reckless and then she makes up some stupid lie to challenge a magician hundreds of years old. This was crazy.

But Shirou was acting as if it wasn't, and Arturia, a newcomer, was following his lead. Rin and Sakura were getting up and leaving, and Shirou was walking them out without saying a word, and then he just came back to the table and sat down.

"Well," he said. "I guess that settles it."

Illya snapped. "_Have you lost your mind?_" She shrieked, leaping up and slamming both hands on the table, which served the dual purpose of bringing her face close to his and supporting her abused left ankle. "That was the craziest thing I've ever seen! What do you think you're doing, letting her go off like that when what she said was—"

"The worse lie she's ever told, right?" Shirou said quietly.

He _had_ noticed. "That's what I _mean_!" she said furiously. "She made all that up when it didn't make sense so she could go fight that old guy!"

"Which isn't much like her either, is it?"

Illya stopped. Rin could be hard and unrelenting, but she was also practical, and she had never been someone to make unnecessary fights. She never flinched from battle, but – deliberately making one? "Well…no."

"You couldn't see her eyes, Illya. I could. Whatever Sakura's grandfather did, it must have been truly unforgivable. I've never seen her so ready to kill. I don't know why she has to do this now – but I trust her. She wanted to, so I didn't stop her. That's all."

"Besides…Rin never really wanted to be a hero of justice. She only helped me out because she knew that if she didn't, I'd do it alone. This is the first time she's wanted to do something like this for herself. I had to let her."

Illya slid back down. "I…see. I…_guess_ that's okay. But isn't it dangerous?"

Shirou grinned. "Sorry? This is Rin we're talking about. Rin, the ruthless strategist. Even this angry, she must have a trump card, or she wouldn't go. Who do you think you're worrying about?"

"Well, that's true. But you didn't have to kick me that hard!"

"Sorry. She was really strained already so I couldn't let you interrupt."

"Hmph. Well, I guess it's fine – I'll just limp for days, that's all."

"I'm sorry. Maybe it'd help if you stayed off it. You can just stay there and I'll bring you your stuff."

"Really?" Illya said, delighted. Then her eyes narrowed. "My stuff?" She repeated.

"Of course. Lucky you, homework is best done sitting down anyway."

"_Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?"_

_..._

Outside, it was long since dark, and cold. Rin and Sakura walked side by side, lightly bundled.

"Hey, Sakura."

"Yes?"

"You do understand, right?"

"Of course. You want to take care of me before you take care of the world. So you're doing it before something can go wrong."

Outside, Rin nodded. Inside, she sighed with relief. She could, just about, stand everyone else thinking she was selfish, deceitful, and battle hungry, but for Sakura to think so would have been the end of the world.

"I'm pretty sure Shirou understood too," Sakura added.

Rin winced. "Didn't I fool any of them?"

"I doubt it. You really weren't at your best. But he could tell you needed to go."

"He can always tell," Rin said ruefully. "For someone who can't lie, he's remarkably good at telling when someone else is. Even," she added softly, remembering early days, when she still clung to the illusion that the quest for magic surpassed all needs of the heart, "when they're lying to themselves."  
And they walked on. Towards the Matou house…and Zoken the Magician.

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One:the SS. I have not researched this at all. I simply felt that Arturia's character meant she would have entered the military to serve her country, and she's too good to not be a special unit of some sort. Whether the SS is really the right sort or matches the kind of behavior I describe, or even exists by such a name, I've no idea. It just doesn't play a central enough role for me to look into it. So if any of you, somehow, do know, and know it's wrong, I'm sorry, but spare me the details. I promise I will not be so lazy if I ever write a story that deals with them more directly.

Two: the slums. I researched them only mildly, to keep myself on more or less the right track. So, while it would be nice to refer to them as such, neither it nor scenes to follow can really be called 'an insight'.

Three: I hope you didn't think that, because she's a magician, Rin must not use a computer. How naive.

Four: Hehe. The world may be in danger, but academia keeps on ticking. Poor Illya.


	5. Chapter 4: Magicians Vendetta

*

**Chapter Four: Magician's Vendetta**

***  
**

Life does not need to be seen. It has a presence that goes beyond words or senses. The difference between an empty house and a house with one sleeping person is unmistakable. A place that has once held life but been abandoned has lingering wisps of vitality that shiver the spine.

Rin had always thought the Matou house unnaturally still and gray. It had never seemed to matter that three people lived in it, still it exuded a miasma of dereliction. Even moving in herself hadn't helped. She could not pierce the thick layers of Zoken's presence. He had lived here for more than a lifetime, and the house remembered: the walls breathed menace, smoked with the lingering presence of the sorcerer. Though she'd never told Sakura, even long after she'd stopped expecting Zoken to appear out of nowhere, it had still made her skin crawl.

"All are Held Within These Hands, Ignorance Cradles the Outside World, Within These Walls the Storm Shall Rage, But Without The Sun Shall Shine, So Be, A Sheltering Mirror." With a final gesture Sakura sealed her spell behind her, enclosing the grounds in a bubble of enchantment that would reflect all magic in, protecting everything outside of the Matou grounds. When magicians dueled in earnest, fortresses crumbled to dust.

And neither of these magicians were ordinary.

Truth be told, Sakura's own skill could have rivaled her sisters if she'd wished: just the fact of having held onto herself while possessed by the worms pointed to a will that could hone magic as well or better than any mage living. It hardly mattered though, since Sakura had long decided she wanted no place in the world of mages. It had taken Rin months to convince her to learn any magic at all. She still refused to learn spells of offense.

She knew of course, that Rin had sworn to fight her battles for her. It was Rin's way of saying I Love You.

They walked, through halls that echoed with the same desolate echo they had always had, the hard flat echo of sounds that have no other sounds to outdo, rebounding off surfaces hard with lack of use.

"Rin, what exactly are you going to do?"

"Challenge him. As long as he uses the right magic I'll be free of the consequences. I'll just force him to."

Sakura stopped flat in the hall, staring at her sister. "That's it? All that waiting around corners, and that's all you had to do?"

"I wasn't ready yet," Rin said, without turning around.

Sakura smiled gently, a little sadly. She knew Rin had been ready for years. It was Sakura, not Rin, that had been being spared.

"Stay well behind me," Rin told her. "And have a personal protection spell active. He'll be easier to provoke if he can see you."

Sakura did as she was told. The stage was set. It was Rin's time now.

"Zoken! Matou Zoken, the magician! I want a word with you!"

..........

Illya had eventually resigned herself to her fate, however loudly. They both knew it was largely pointless but they also both knew that they had discussed it and agreed that it would be better for her to do things conventionally. Which meant attending high school. And doing homework. Bleh.

Shirou shook his head, grinning. What a spoiled little princess. Though, in her case, it was a very sympathetic kind of selfishness, or he wouldn't have indulged it. In any case, half the reason it bored her was because it was too easy; it wasn't taking her long. For all her complaining she'd be done in less than half the time her classmates would take. But it took work to get her started.

So he didn't make any noise when the ring on his finger reacted, Rin's stone sparking into a gentle but steadily increasing glow. He glanced at Arturia; she met his eyes and nodded, understanding. Shirou glanced over his shoulder, looking off in the general direction of the Matou household.

So. It was starting.

..........

The door opened. Zoken stood behind it, not coming out, clinging to the shadows like he had grown attached to the darkness behind him, unable to move further without effort. Rin was amazed by how much he'd withered. She'd remembered him taller, stronger, old but resilient. But somehow he had lost that hardened edge she'd once sensed in him. He almost seemed hesitant…but his speech was as arrogant as ever.

"What exactly is the meaning of interrupting me in this way, you—" He checked himself, recognizing who she must be. "Tohsaka Rin. I do not believe I have any reason to talk to you. I am busy, and you have clearly forgotten the respect due an elder mage. If you 'want a word', young sorceress, even you must take a more civilized approach. Try again." And he made to close the door. Rin's hand slapped into the wood, stopping him cold.

"I will not leave, Zoken. I have already waited five years to settle this with you. You will speak to me now."

Zoken seemed to be contemplating force right then, a prospect Rin welcomed with carnivorous glee. But apparently his dignity didn't allow for him to duel over a girl holding his door open. He opened it properly. "Very well. State your complaint. And be quick about it."

"My complaint? Don't misunderstand, Zoken. I am not here to complain about something; I'm here to demand payment for it. You created a parasitic force meant to exact control of its host. You forced Sakura to host it, and you deliberately used it to twist and corrupt her life essence in an attempt to change her nature permanently for your own purposes. You have violated at least three major taboos, and you did it on my sister's person. The Mage Association won't care what I do with you today."

Zoken's face radiated disbelief. "You can't seriously intend to kill me here."

Rin leaned forward, every cell in her body radiating menace. "_You corrupted my sister, Zoken_. You infested her and tried to devour her soul. If you think I would forgive you and leave you standing, old age hasn't taught you much."

He no longer regarded Rin as if she was a tiresome nuisance. He stared at her, face a portrait of anger and outrage, unable to believe what he heard. For the first time, he sensed the other presence in the room, and glanced past her. His eyes widened.

"You…you purged her. You undid it all…"

"No. It is unfortunate, but I did not have that pleasure. Caster purged her to better cast her own spells. I only healed her. But healing her and then leaving her at the mercy of her tormentor wouldn't be very thorough of me, would it? Even if I haven't spent the last five years planning how to kill you."

His head came up, his body straightened into some form of his former authority, expanding to bar the entrance to his lair.

"You dare…you _dare_ to interfere with me this way? To interfere with _my _vassal, to lay hands on _my _person in my own home?"

"_Dare?_"

Rin's hands shot out and dug into his chest, twisting and _lifting_ him over her head, pulling his face to hers, teeth bared in a raging grimace. It had been years since she'd practiced Reinforcement; five to be exact. For the moment, subtleties such as agility or speed or sight were beyond her.

But strength was easy. And she had never been so angry.

Her arms shook with power, dark energy sparked under her hands as her fingers dug into his flesh like talons. "No, Zoken. The one who has dared – is _you_."

She screamed it, lifting and throwing him with all her might, hearing the terrible crashing even as her hands clapped together in front of her, power pouring through the sparking bracelets on her wrists. "I'm going to make you pay for those eleven years, Zoken! If you want to live, fight like your life depends on it! Armenhides Armlet, Cycle Three, _kaihou_ – The Dread Winds Blow!"

.........

He'd said not to worry, but you could have heard a pin drop. The scratching of Illya's pencil sounded more like insidious scraping, and they all welcomed it as a noise to fill the void. When she stopped, it was like silence bellowing: both Shirou and Arturia looked at her as if she'd shouted.

"I'm _done_," she said crossly, thinking she was being accused of shirking. Then she noticed the atmosphere. "Is it that bad?"

Shirou smiled wryly and held up his middle finger. Rin's stone was like an angrily glowing eye, struggling so fiercely within the setting that the whole thing clinked faintly, shaking and vibrating in place. "Well, she's fighting like a wildcat, that's for sure."

"I think a mother wildcat might be more accurate this time," Arturia said quietly. "She might not resemble one in other respects, but I think she knows the fury of protecting a kit."

Shirou shivered slightly, remembering the look in her eyes. It hadn't been directed at him…but if it had, he would have been on his knees.

"Yes. That is definitely true."

..........

Armenhide's Armlet: a device that held the 'steps' of a spell engraved into it's structure, allowing the casting of a complex magic by funneling mana through it's channels. It took time to make, but Rin had had time. It also could potentially be used for any spell. But of course it had really been invented with one thing in mind.

War.

The air whipped into a frenzy as her power churned through and acquired it, razor lines of dark destruction gathering before her like a swarm, then blasting outward to slice everything in their path. That part of the house simply ceased to exist – as the dust cleared, she could see remains of the spell being rebuffed by Sakura's Sheltering Mirror.

On the ground below, Zoken slowly climbed to his feet: someone who sought to live so long would never be without magical protection. And these were _his_ grounds – the most dangerous place to fight any magic user. His eyes met hers from below, and she smiled fiercely.

_Now_ he was paying attention.

He spread his arms with the command of one whose gesture has leveled hills. "Waken, Waken, Oh Guardians of My Home, So Long Hath Hidden In Shadow, Emerge Into Revealing Light!"

It was more like hills rising to his call. The grounds became a field of geysers as magical reservoirs burst free of their restraints. No doubt he'd built them up over time, just as she had once saved Jewels. She hadn't bothered with those for some time; child's weapons, really. And her goals were no longer so short sighted and carefree.

She leaped down through the hole in the wall, her own protections absorbing the excess impact. It was no longer just him and her; the grounds were full of _things_, formed of magic and mud, of all shapes and sizes, some with no definite shape at all. Zoken was not the type to fight directly, it seemed. He preferred to wield tools from afar. Rin's hands clapped together again.

"Armenhides' Armlet, Cycle Four, _kaihou_! Twin Hell's Tongues!"

Power swirled and the ground trembled; two thick whips of fire and lava pulled from the ground and formed a whirling circle of destruction, scything through Zoken's creations as she leaped and dodged across the battlefield, eyes focused on her opponent with preternatural intent. It had been years, so many years…and now here he was, right there in front of her, and it was time for the reckoning.

_Don't suddenly decide to care when it's over!_

The Hell's Tongues made a blazing figure eight that cleared everything around her.

I always cared, Sakura.

_I needed you eleven year ago, I needed you every day_.

Yes. _She leapt away from an attack and countered with her own. _Yes, you did. Eleven years, and I can't make it up to you. No one can make up for lost time.

_She stood still in the middle, her whips of fire lashing about her. _But, that's ok. I don't mind spending my life this way. I lived for magic itself for too better or worse, my way as a magician has changed. Now it's important for what it can do for those I love. And I'm not sorry, Father. I'm not.

_The creatures were thinning; she began to run forward. _

I am my sister's sword, and I will not fail. I am going to kill Zoken and set her free. And I am going to destroy our pride, Father. I am going to destroy the thing you died for. Because even though it fell, it took lives anyway. And I can't let it happen again.

_Zoken's raised arms were summoning true spells now, trying to slow her down, cripple her, anything to let his creatures do their job. But she was already drawing close with him, and he couldn't surprise her anymore. Spell after spell she avoided or dispersed, and still she grew closer, eyes locked with his, unwavering and absolute._

I shall free Sakura. I shall end the grail wars forever. And then…then I will find a new way to live. A new way to be a magician.

She fought silently, eyes fixed on Zoken, reading him closer and closer, her Twin Tongues cutting in ever more precise patterns. She would not lose this battle. Her love for her sister would give her the means.

Literally.

..........

The atmosphere was getting to Illya.

"Shirou! You said you would get me stuff. I'm finished my homework, so you can get me things I want now can't you?"

Shirou blinked, but welcomed the distraction. "Yeah, sure, I meant it about the ankle." Part of him was reluctant to stop watching the ring – but besides for when the battle would end, there was really nothing it could tell him. He might as well help Illya. "So, what do you want?"

"Uhhh…ice cream?"

Shirou looked at her.

"What? You said what I want!"

"I didn't say I'd get you stuff you wouldn't normally have. There aren't any leftovers from dessert, thanks largely to you. Since when do we make special trips for something like that at this time of day?"

"Oh, fine, any snack then."

"Anyone ever tell you you eat too much?"

"Yes, this guy in my house keeps doing it all the time, even though I don't gain any weight so it doesn't really matter."

Shirou sighed, but he was smiling too. It was hard to think dark thoughts around her for long. He sometimes wondered if she had any notion how much it helped him go from day to day.

Well, that's how it was with family. Related or otherwise.

"Ok, ok, I'm getting it," he said, getting up and heading for the fridge. There was usually a fair amount of odds and ends, largely thanks to Illya's propensity for snacks. She was seriously lucky she didn't gain weight, and Shirou wasn't prepared to bet things would stay that way. Still, until she started showing it he couldn't really say anything, except to make sure it wasn't all sugar. Did the Einzbern homunculus' have better teeth on top of everything else? They'd laid plenty of other guarantors into their DNA. And speaking of her sugar intake, she might be lucky here. He was _sure_ there hadn't been any leftover ice cream to put away, but there was a bowl of it in the back, with a note. He squinted.

Illya will be worried. Sakura.

Typical.

In a way, the universe was on Illya's side. Two seconds later, and he would have scattered it all over the floor.

Shirou's hand froze as his magic senses flared into wailing alarm. Behind him the silence was shattered as Arturia flung herself across the table and tackled Illya to the ground. "Shirou, get down!"

The air trembled, rippling in terrified alarm as magic blasted against the shields outside. The sensation was almost dizzying. You heard the explosion, _sensed_ the explosion, felt the nearness of it, but the ground didn't shake. But that wouldn't last long. The shield couldn't take much of that without someone backing it up.

And even with back up, someone was going to have to go out there. No one else would be coming.

"Arturia, stay here with Illya! I'm going out there. Illya, get to the shield and hold it, if I can't win I'm going to need somewhere to go, don't let anything get through to the house. Don't worry, I won't let…Illya! _Illya!_

She was laying right where Arturia had pushed her, eyes wide and staring, mouth open and quivering, her whole body trembling with nameless, mindless terror. She who had cynicism for more years than she looked or had, who went from happy go lucky to devious and cunning and back again, looked like a five year old child facing a nightmare.

"Grandfather…why, why are you here…I'm happy, I don't want you…go away_…_go _away_…please…just please go away…"

..........

Something was wrong. This fighting style, the way she moved…none of it was possible. Gritting his teeth Zoken raised his arms again, activating spells he'd stored for direst emergencies, powers he'd honestly never thought to use. She avoided them all, dodged even before they started, countered as they were cast, disrupting them without changing course, and she did it all without ever taking her eyes off his.

It wasn't _possible_. She wasn't even looking! No one could fight this way! Human senses couldn't read magic that accurately: disrupting a spell cast with mana was only a theoretical possibility, nothing more. No one had ever _done_ it. And the grounds were full of conflicting magical forces. To avoid his attacks by sense alone…

And yet every creature that approached died, almost negligently. Her Twin Tongues seemed to have a life and prescience all their own, lashing spell and spite aside even as they formed. He couldn't finish a single spell, couldn't bring a single attack within range. And still she came, closer and closer, eyes never leaving his. It wasn't possible. It _just wasn't possible_.

And then she was in front of him. Her hands locked onto his shoulders, her eyes glaring blood-tinted purpose. "Game over, Zoken. It's time to pay your dues."

"You…_witch_…what kind of spell was that? There _is_ none!"

"There _was_ none, Zoken. But to heal Sakura I had to learn things almost no one has ever bothered to study. Her wounds were all abstract in nature – curing her taught me more abut magic and the subconscious than any mage has ever learned. It's beautiful, isn't it, Zoken? The knowledge I gained to heal my sister is going to kill you."

Zoken spat. "Don't act so noble with me! You only show up now, and you want to act the hero? You had eleven years to do it before!"

Her expression changed – but her grip did not.

"You think I don't know that, Zoken? I didn't know, I was a child, there are a dozen excuses I could give, and some would even be right. But no matter what I say or do, for eleven years my sister suffered alone, and I will never be free of that. But you see Zoken, I'm not afraid of that debt. Friends, family – they're all made of debt, the layers so deep and complex that you just stop thinking about them. It comes down to the same thing – you live for them, as they live for you. What I have to atone for, I will."

"But you see, that's the difference between you and me Zoken. Someone has to _make_ you pay. And in the name of my own burden, that someone will be _me_!"

"Your Past Has Teeth And Your Ghosts Have Claws, Your Fate, Be Devoured By Thine Own Demons - Death Of Nightmares!"

The world…changed. Perception blurred. Her eyes were the only part of it still real, and then even they were gone. There was no living being but him…no. No there were, there were thousands, they were pouring from the ground, the snow, gibbering demons with human faces, drawing force and form from his mind and purpose from Rin; a thousand memories rose to her call, whispering and shrieking as they wreaked their vengeance, tearing into him, hooking their hands around his heart as if it were the flesh and bone around them that was truly illusion. There was no way to fight – they weren't real. You could not destroy memory – and so in turn, you could not make it go away. He couldn't stop them, couldn't fight them, wrapped his arms about his body in futile protest as they tore at his flesh, stripping him, shredding him, carving their names and their pain into his soul. He was being consumed for eternity, the pain never ending because his flesh never died. Only the pain was real.

He screamed.

It was a raw, primal sort of scream, the sort that rips it's way from the very bottom of your being, so overwhelmingly unstoppable it tears the throat. Again and again, seemingly without breath he screamed, rolling, writhing and twisting in the snow, snow he couldn't see, clawing at things that _they_ couldn't see, thrashed under punishing blows dealt by beings that had no substance – and yet he felt them so intensely stretch marks and purple welts formed under his skin. And the scream went on, the only part of the world he shared awareness of, it was his own worst enemy, the proof that somewhere his body endured, and with it the pain. Faces, faces, faces and claws....

..........

High up in the remains of the house, Sakura winced and turned her face away. She gestured, murmuring, and the shield she held over the house shifted subtly, enclosing her in silence. She kept her eyes averted, and waited for it to end.

..........

And suddenly, it did. The pain stopped, the demons retreated and faded. But he was not free; he could sense it, or rather, he could tell that his senses were still not his own. But for a moment, reality had been allowed a short return. He didn't have the strength to glare; he barely had the strength to roll over to face her. Only the force of centuries of pride kept the desperate urge to beg from his face. Her expression suggested that it would not have helped.

"Why…"

"Partly to torment you, I suppose. After all, a shred of false hope is a terrible thing, isn't it?"

"…you…"

"Oh no, Zoken. You. You and your worms. Do you know what it took to help her? To bring her back? I had to swim through her mind, violate every precious privacy she had, there was no other way to be sure. For a year and a half I literally drowned in her thoughts, her self, her mind, all the things no one else should ever see, finding the places you warped. And you know what I found, Zoken? Pain. Humiliation. Torment. Days and days, years and years and years on end, facing nothing but indifference and greed, and no hope of salvation. All eleven years of it, Zoken. If I held you in your Nightmare for a year and a day I still wouldn't be satisfied."

Zoken closed his eyes and rolled away, waiting for the spell to resume, the howling devils to drag him to hell.

"But…I have a question for you first, Zoken."

He rolled back, eyes open and resigned. "What?"

"I want to know where the books are."

"The…books?"

"The books documenting the research, the theories and the process of the creation of the Servant Master system. There's no way they wouldn't be documented, but they aren't in the library, so they're hidden. I want to know where."

"What…for…?"

"I am going to dismantle it. The present form of the Grail has been destroyed, and I am going to see to it that they never make another. You _will_ tell me Zoken. You'll never hold against the Death of Nightmares. Sooner or later, you will break. So you may as well—"

She broke off, suddenly realizing that something had changed. A moment ago he had been flax in worn resignation, just waiting to hear what she had to say: now he almost sat up, his body half arched off the ground, stiff with tense disbelief. "The grail is…destroyed?"

Rin blinked, surprised. "You really _have _kept yourself locked up, haven't you? Yes, Shirou and his Servant destroyed it at the end of the war. But this is something he can't do; only a magician can. So—"

"It was…destroyed? The grail…the Fuyuki Grail…is _gone_?"

Rin had to stop herself from stepping back; his eyes held an inexplicable depthless horror, staring at her so widely and fully that for the first time ever she felt defensive on the matter, despite knowing that Shirou had been right. "For…for the moment, yes."

"You…you destroyed…you destroyed it…you _destroyed the grail_? It's gone? Completely gone? It can't be! You can't have. You wouldn't, you're a magician. You wouldn't…it's so important…it's everything…how could you, how could you do it? How could you let it happen? _How could you let it die_?"

"_Because it was evil_!" She wasn't defensive anymore, she was angry. How dare he talk as if _she_ was a villain? "It was evil, and it would be evil no matter how many times we tried! We were fools, Zoken. Arrogant idiots so caught up in our noble quest we never considered that we were going where no one should go, or that we had no right to the powers we were using. Things are made impossible for a reason, Zoken: because you only make things worse when you try to change them. No matter what we tell ourselves, it was never anything but the penultimate of our own selfish greed, and we destroyed people, we destroyed the order of the world itself to do it. The Servants were never ours to kill, but we killed them anyway. We used their life force to power the grail, and had the nerve to call it _noble_! No matter how many times it's made, it will _never _stay pure. No one can stay sane with something like that in front of them! You think I haven't thought about it? My father died for the grail! His ghost will haunt me for the rest of my life!"

She fell silent, breathing deeply, fists clenched. When she spoke again, she was calmer – but no less resolute. "But…I can't let that stop me anymore. We were wrong, Zoken. All of us were. Living for magic itself will destroy us. Because all it really means is power. And power corrupts. I will not allow the grail to return. And I will teach my heir that magic cannot thrive without a cause for it to serve. Nothing, nothing in this world can exist for itself. Your line is dead, the Einzberns will soon die as well. I am, effectively, all that is left of the Three Families. Can't you see for yourself, see where it's all going? Our arrogance will kill us. It was all a mistake, Zoken. You can't change my mind."

Her eyes hardened again, her hand raised slightly, and once more, the world lapsed into surreal life.

"But I can change yours."

..........

In another house, Arturia was beginning to wish that she too could seal sound. Illya was falling to pieces, leaving her was out of the question …and yet all the while, outside, she could hear the battle raging as Shirou fought the magician alone. It burned in her; every noise made her head come up, instinctively tensing to fight…and then Illya would whimper, and she would hold her closer, and pray. Pray she wasn't going to sit here and listen to her partner die.

She didn't dare go to a window.

..........

The view would have been deceptive. It was the swordsman versus the mage, and the classic balance of distance was being fought over with ground shaking intensity. The Einzbern patriarch may not have done a great deal of direct combat, but age teaches you many things, and he knew where his advantage lay. He could Reinforce himself well enough that Shirou couldn't close with him easily, leaving them caught in a ongoing battle of ring around the house, the magician giving way constantly while throwing brilliant displays of deadly light. It looked like Shirou had him on the run, but it was the opposite: Einzbern was controlling the battle. He had yet to lay a blow on Shirou, but he was still one up: Shirou had yet to get a chance to try. He dodged and leaped with all he had, avoiding, clearing, or even diverting spells, the counter-charms engraved in Kansho and Bakuya singing a grating chime as they almost burst with the effort. They weren't really in this class of battle. But until he could get closer, he didn't want to bring out any others. For this opponent, he needed every edge he could scavenge, and he intended to cling to surprise for as long as he could afford to grasp it.

With a gesture, Einzbern cut into some reserve – a much, much bigger spell rapidly formed in front of him.

It was time for the real cards.

Shirou braced himself, crossing and lengthening Kansho and Bakuya to their fullest strength. The blazing ball hit with the force of a comet. Shirou pushed down and leaped up, flinging himself high into the air with the force of the attack itself, leaving the swords behind – they had done their part.

"_Trace On_!"

Rapidly, pair after pair of the Chinese falchions were traced and thrown, their curved shape and special balance allowing them to be thrown like boomerangs. Einzbern was sent reeling backwards, surprised by the first long range attack of the battle, finally losing control of the rhythm as pair after pair of the adaptable blades smashed into his shields and burst their component energies against them, putting his hands instinctively over his eyes. Blow after blow, and then a short pause; raw intuition sent the mage hurtling backwards just in time; the ground split into a miniature ravine under the shining silver leaf blade of Durandal the Indestructible, forged by spirits, blessed by saints, needing no mana for it's superb power.

Einzbern's out of control dodge stumbled to halt, leaving him down on one knee, glaring and panting. Shirou's attack didn't allow for a quick follow-up, so he too stopped, in one of those peculiar moments where both combatants mutually agree to a short pause for breath.

"Why are you here?" Shirou grated. No matter how good a guess you have, it isn't the same as confirmation.

"Why are _you_ here?" The old man snapped back.

Shirou stared. "What…it's my house!"

"It's _Kiritsuga's_ house. _Where_ _is he_? Why are you fighting instead of him? Why are you protecting him? Who is he to you? After all he did to us, has he decided to be a coward after all? After defying the family and destroying our pride, is he going to hide behind a boy? Where is he? Send him out! I didn't come to fight children!"

"You're not…you're not here for Illya?"

"The vessel? Yes, I will take it from him as well. It belongs to the Einzberns, he never had a right to it. But first I will destroy him and the ideals he abandoned us for. Do you hear me, boy? My quarrel is with Emiya Kiritsuga, not you. Send him out and let me finish what I swore to do fifteen years ago!"

Shirou straightened, slowly. His eyes held a hardness only his closest friends, those who had seen him fighting in his private eternal war, knew he had. He stood, shoulders straight, towering as Durandal gleamed, and for a moment the dismissal in the Einzbern patriarch's eyes faded.

"My name is Emiya Shirou. Kiritsuga was my soul father. I do not know who my blood father is, nor do I care. He was everything to me. While he lived I admired him, when he died I took his cause. I don't care what he was to you or what he did, or what Illya has to do with him. My name is Emiya Shirou, I am my father's son, and I swore when he died I would fight for what he fought for. My father is dead, Einzbern. But if you have a score to settle with him, you may settle it with me!"

The man stared, looking carefully at him for the first time. "Yes…yes, you have his eyes. You are his son. So I have won by outliving him. How…ironic. But not satisfying. I accept your offer – I will settle it with you. But there is no satisfaction if you do not know why you are fighting. If you want to take your father's place in my vengeance, then I will have you know the truth of everything, what he did and why I want to kill him. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Good. You cling hard to your words, as he did. Very well. Your father belonged to us, he was one of our family, our best magician, the greatest hope of his generation, the one who would finally claim us the rightful fruit of our labors, the grail. We who had done more to make it real than any other, who sacrificed more than any of the other families, had all failed until then to win the war. But he was going to change that. He was going to succeed where they had failed. We put all our hopes in him, all of us. We cultivated and trained him. We used his seed to make the vessel, acknowledging his superior skills. When he found Avalon, the scabbard of King Arthur, the key to the greatest servant, we celebrated for days, cheered his name, certain all our hopes had been confirmed. We were so proud of him, so sure he would not fail us. Finally, finally, all we had given would be returned, our honor complete. This time, _this_ time we would win the grail. He was everything to us! He was Hope!"

His voice had grown rough and hurried, passionate memory quickening his breath. He had to stop to pant before going further.

"And he did succeed. He vanquished them all, like the proud magician he was, our star and hope. He lost to no one, and the grail came to him. For the first time, in the Fourth War, an Einzbern took the victory and the holy chalice. It was the moment we had all dreamed of, the victory for which we had groomed him from birth, for which the family had yearned since day the Wars began. All those years we believed in him, and he succeeded, he beheld the grail, it's power was in his hands. And then, right then, after fulfilling all our hopes, _he_ _threw it away! _He betrayed, betrayed us all! He held it in his hand, right there, all our hopes, and he destroyedit! He took all our years of faith and dashed it to pieces, scorned our glory and labor and turned it away. And then he never returned. He abandoned us, refused to acknowledge us. We, who had made him everything he was! And now our family dies; without his blood we fell, the last of our youth went, those left strong but unable to ensure our future. I gave our magicians mark to the homunculus we made from him, meaning to mock him, meaning to teach him a lesson, twist his foolish softness as he lost and died to the being he had the naiveté to call daughter. But she was like him after all, his softness, his hidden weakness, lurked in her as well. She failed, and never returned, flinging herself into her father's arms, happily abandoning us for the same feather strewn dream that he did! Everything we are now, it is his doing. I have no one to speak for; they are dead. I alone am Einzbern. The family name is doomed. But still I say we, because I come in the name of them all. In their name, I swore to destroy him, and make the girl hold the grail as she was meant to. Before we passed from the earth, I would claim the prize he snatched from our fingers, through the girl he tried to protect, who he had the nerve to take along with our future, rubbing salt into the wounds of our demise. That is who your father was to me, boy! That is his treachery! That is your _pride_. Say what you will – I won't let you take back those words. Whether you have changed your mind or not, you will give me and the ghosts I carry satisfaction!"

He was panting again, glaring and furious, the betrayal still fresh in his eyes. Shirou was silent, face impassive as he digested what Einzbern had told him. None of it really changed anything, of course. Defying the Einzberns just made his father that much more heroic. As for Illya – did it really matter? He'd been treating her as a sister for years already. And she was waiting for him.

He locked eyes. "Let me tell you something, Einzbern. Anything that can think and feel has a soul. It's a law of existence: even you can't change that, no matter how you try. So it is not 'it', Einzbern. Not 'the vessel'. Her name is Illyasviel, and I made her my family years ago. If you want her, the grail, or anything else my father took, then you can take it through me – if you can."

Shirou's left hand slammed, palm out, onto the trunk of the nearest tree. His eyes glared, reflecting the light, and a similar quicksilver gleam ran almost faster than the eye could see through the ground around him, splitting into a thousands thin lines crisscrossing the grounds. Einzbern stood up, staring, backing slowly away, seeing it for the first time in the light's wake: a hair thin net of silver wire strands, so slight as to be almost invisible, than ran over every surface he could see. He bared his teeth, eyes darting about, for the first time feeling real fear. A Tracing could only be initiated from within arms reach – but it could be _extended _for infinity. The entire grounds were one giant Tracer's death trap.

The most dangerous place to fight a magic user is on his own territory.

"Tracer's Art – Silver Field of Slaughter!"

..........

Ruthlessly, Rin began the spell again. The shrieking returned, the howling, the vindictive whispers accompanying cloying, acidic hands, sometimes strangling and smothering, sometimes clawing and tearing, encompassing his vision and reducing his world to pain.

Except that something was different. Not with the spell, but with Zoken. Before he had gone to pieces almost at once, it had been childishly easy. But now he struggled fiercely, muscles clenched, teeth pressed together so tightly she was surprised they didn't shatter. And, impossibly, his eyes met hers.

"You…can't…"

Rin frowned. He shouldn't be able to…

"You…can't…you can't…you can't destroy it!" His eyes burned feverishly, his body locked tight, rigid with the effort it took to, somehow, impossibly, focused on her, forcing her presence back into the range of his senses. He couldn't move, couldn't attack, it took all he had to see her, and not scream. And he shouldn't have had it.

"You…can't…I won't…let…"

Rin stared. The determination in his eyes was absolutely undeniable, but she couldn't imagine why. Where was this coming from? Why wasn't he crumbling? What was it about the grail…but no, that didn't matter. What mattered was that she was being too nice. Relatively. The Death of Nightmares was probably the most hellish death magekind had ever invented, but she was only scraping the surface. Somewhere, deeper down, were faces he was more reluctant to meet. And so she gritted her own teeth and dove in further, dragging up his worse specters. He had lived even longer than she'd thought, the memories of treachery went back impossibly long. She growled and continued to dig, reaching for the pulsing core that she sensed, _knew_, would shatter him, that contained memories central to his very being. She reached for it, willing it to wake and haunt him, dragging the words she wanted from his mouth.

She touched it. It stirred to life, unfolding from the depths to the surface.

She stared.

For one irrational moment she thought she had been right after all, and that she had summoned some knowledge of Illya. But that thought fled quickly; this was an adult, a woman tall and strong, white haired and red eyed, magnificent and regal, with an aura of perfection that can only exist in memory. Zoken had respected, admired, worshipped this woman, as she hadn't dreamed he knew how.

And now he screamed. He fell back, snapping his head around, crying, _screaming_.

"No! NO! It wasn't me! I didn't do it! I would never destroy you! NO!"

_Liar._

"No!"

_You did not respect me._

"I loved you! I believed in you!"

Liar. You fouled me. You sustained your life on filthy worms and black magic and forgot me, forgot the reason you lived. You used my violated remains to further your own ambitions and forgot all I lived for, all I died for. You said it was for me, for my fulfillment, but you lied. You lied! You lived only for yourself! You used me to destroy! To torment, to kill! You lied!

"No! _NO_! I forgot! I didn't lie! I didn't lie!_ I didn't lie!"_

Liar.

"No! I loved you, I wanted to make it real, that all, I did, all of it! I DIDN'T LIE! _I DIDN'T LIE!_

"_NOOO!"_

And then it ended, truly ended, the spell released him completely and he fell limp and flaccid to the ground, gasping and weeping, "I didn't, I didn't lie, I didn't…"

Rin stared, face slack in disbelief. "Lizleihi Justica von Einzbern – the Mother of the grail? The one every homunculus is modeled after in homage? The woman whose life made the grail possible? That was three hundred years ago! Dear g-d, how old are you Zoken?"

His face was pressed into the ground, his answer muffled by a thick throat and suppressed weeping. "Three hundred and thirty four."

"Three hundred…you're from the first generation? The ones who made the grail – you were part of that group?! What…how…you're mad, trying to live this far! And why are you fighting me then? You know what it was supposed to be, you know how wrong it's gone. You should want it destroyed."

"You don't understand!" He seemed to be begging, almost, eyes clutching her gaze as he desperately tried to explain himself, centuries of confidence stripped away in an instant. "She was so white, so pure, so true…the most perfect kind of magician, and she gave herself so willingly – turning to shining light and becoming a part of the legacy of magicians, you didn't see. If you'd seen…it had to come true. It had to! The grail had to complete. She was so white…I had to see, had to make it true…" His eyes darted about, seeking to look anywhere but her baffled gaze, that showed she still didn't understand. And then his eyes focused, and his face melted utterly, the last of the years stripped away, all his defenses gone. At last, he saw himself. Tears glittered in his eyes and he smiled, gently, mockingly.

"Of course…no wonder they weren't right…how could they be? They could never…never be that white…"

Rin whirled around, for the first time seeing, amongst the debris of his lair that she had destroyed so early in the battle, the remains of bodies and vats to nurture them. They were scattered, in bits and pieces, all through the rubble, pale faces and hands and red, red eyes. Despite it all, she'd almost been right. He _had _been trying to make a homunculus. Except…he hadn't really. Deep down, he had been trying to recreate a woman. And that was impossible.

You could not recreate a person who had already gone. And nothing can embody lost ideals.

"You…"

She turned. Zoken was looking at her again, desperation in his eyes, but also real intent. "You'll really…really destroy it? You won't use it to make another? You'll just…let it all go? Her memory…it isn't right…she mustn't be remembered that way…" And he was crying. Crying for a lost love, and a lost vision. And lost, fruitless years. "She musn't…she was white, so white, like snow…and now it's black, black as tar. It's not right, it's just not right anymore. It's no use, no use…"

Rin walked over and knelt in front of him, bringing her eyes level with his. "I swear it. On my name, Tohsaka Rin, the heir to the Third of the Three, I swear."

"Yes…you do. You really do…" he was still crying. He had gone so many years without crying, and now too late he found that without them, he had forgotten what the years were for. Now he let them fall, and whispered the secret he'd clung to in her ear. One last act…and then, with some small measure of peace, he let go. His familiars shriveled, and he with them; at last, at long last, he let go of his overlong life and passed on, leaving his wishes and trials and sorrows behind.

In front of his eyes, a twist of snow-white hair shivered in the wind, tangled amidst splinters of wood. He smiled, eyes dimming, the world narrowing to a blurred vision of that one thing in front of him. Things were going vague in his last moments, the outer world blurring with the inner, and for a moment, he saw not a few strands, bur her back, facing away, hair blowing in the wind. She had been…so regal…so perfect…

"You…have forgiven me, haven't you? Justica-sama…"

..........

Slowly, Rin stood, and bowed, deep and long.

"He went astray and lived in darkness, but he died an honorable magician. So do I witness. I, Tohsaka Rin, give honor and witness his death, the death of Matou Zoken."

"Damn you…now I can't even hate you anymore."

..........

And in the house, Sakura closed her eyes and clasped her hands, sending her prayers skyward with his soul. If she could forgive him…she of all people…surely anyone could. Even Justica.

Surely…

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

First of all, I want to state that from the beginning the chants intimidated me a bit. The choice of phrases always seemed so random - they were right but I couldn't figure out how to imitate the pattern. And I think you'll all agree that the chant to open the Unlimited Blade Works is one hell of a standard to live up to. So I would especially appreciate feedback on that.

One: Illya, according to game information, is actually a little older than Shirou; something in how she was made and raised slowed her growth. But she also acts the age she appears, most of the time, thus my chosen presention of it. But between that and that she was noble, I figured her education was special. So she does homework for appearances, but she could be tutoring her classmates, probably, if she felt like it.

Two: I assume there are such things as taboos, and I decided that as hands off as the Mages Association seemed in the anime, brushing them out of the scene would not require too much jumping through hoops. Sorry if I'm wrong, game players, don't tell me.

Three: And there's the promised explanation of the worms demise. What do you think? The Caster kidnapping scene apparently is unique to the anime, making it all the more ideal for my loophole. I thought it made a lot of sense.

Four: Several people informed me that Rin uses Reinforcement in the game. I was planning to just ignore it: not big enough to be worth it. And then that one line and a half or so crops up in the narrative as naturally as you please and explain in neatly, without any plan of my own. I love it when that happens.

Five: Armenhides Armlet. My own invention, and aside from the name, one I'm pleased with (you are all invited to suggest improvements). I'm pretty sure I explained it well enough in the story.

Six: And the trump card emerges. The Death of Nightmares was originally conceived by me as a particularly vicious finishing move for a character with no particular fandom as of yet I called 'The King of Dreams' for his absolute mastery of Illusion, a magic that in my opinion has not been shown used to it's full potential in any anime or book or movie I have ever seen or heard of, though Tsukuyomi Moon Phase's Count Kinkel came close, relatively speaking. In any case, I worked on the character as a kind of proof of concept that the ability was indeed being under-played...and then I realized that it fit perfectly for Rin, and led so naturally into the appearance of Justica, who I knew would somehow play a role - so, was it cool? How about the chant? I never liked big crater type techniques. This is _my_ idea of an ultimate power.

Seven: It always seemed to me that destroying the grail, without destroying the system that made it, was really only half the chore. Sure, it would discourage people for a while, after all it required a life to be made, but in the end, someone would start it all again. As Rin says, what it offered was just too much: people would do anything. Rin's family's own contribution was the city itself: a battlegrounds. Too easily replaced, especially since established mage families tend to be old and rich. Thus, her focus on the Servant Master system. Remember she already knew that they were going to have to kill Einzbern themselves soon. She had both remaining pieces in her grasp, and determined to do her part. After all, unlike Shirou, she is, in a way, personally responsible.

Eight: The setup pretty much precluded that those exploding Kansho Bakuya's Archer used were a Broken Phantasm, so I came up with this explanation. After all, he makes them by pulling energy together right.

Nine: The Einzbern patriarch, as far as I can tell, does not play any significant role in any telling of the tale at all. I couldn't even find his name anywhere. But it seemed to me that he made a natural complication for the future; someone already a part of events but new all the same. And of course, to him, Kiritsuga's deed was raw treachery. I had been worried that part would come off boring, but it took such fire from his feelings that it wound up the opposite: I was riveted to the screen even as I typed it. That was nice.

Ten: Enter the Tracer's Art. I told you I don't like crater type techniques. To me, strength is taking what you can already do and finding ever better ways to use it. You can do anything, with anything, if you can only see how. That is the motto by which I invent fighting styles and powers. Effectiveness, not flashiness. This is only a logical extension of his most basic use of Tracing - but it is very scary. The net itself is called the Silver Spider's Web. Shirou has been putting one up every night since the beasts came. Or maybe he did it when Arturia came, and he realized them might attack there again. Whatever. This is only one form of the Tracer's Art. I told you I'd had fun thinking up how his power would have developed. I should have said how he developed his style, and ways of using it. This is another part I would especially love to hear your reactions on.

Eleven: The final scene is based in game cannon. He really is from that first generation. Justica sacrificed herself to make the grail possible, transforming into it's magic circuit. He had admired her before and decided to live to see it's completion. But in three hundred years, anyone can lose their way. In the game where this plays a role, he is desperately reaching for the grail with his last breath (more or less: game maniacs, just cool it alright) when Illya intervenes. Her resemblance triggers his memory, and he allows himself to die. I knew from the beginning that I would be using this: it was just too much, to good, to powerful. I've always translated how everyone who has played the game puts down the anime as further proof as to the games excellence. So I want to say that I draw a very thick line between not wanting to hear about details and wanting to hear about how my own interpretations of game facts and scenes compare with the originals. In terms of storytelling. I hope, very dearly, that this final scene with Zoken compares well in the eyes of the VN enthusiasts who have read this. Please do tell me.

To tell the truth, I thought the chapter wouldn't end until Shirou's battle was finished, plus a little more after. But once I'd written Zoken's death, well, it just felt like the right place for a pause. So Shirou's final fireworks will start off chapter five. I don't have a title for it yet (you noticed, I started naming chapters? Let me know how they are. I can always change back).


	6. Chapter 5: The Past Hath Teeth

.

**Chapter Five: The Past Hath Teeth...**

**.**

**.**

Tracing – an alternate word for the art of Projection, of forming your mana into the shape of an object, creating a copy. Normally it's considered more trouble than it's worth – it takes as long to learn to make anything useful as it does to make it in actuality, and then what you make isn't permanent – but Shirou was special. Containing a unique trait that less than ten people in history had ever held, a reality marble, he knew, subconsciously, the composition of a thing on sight, down to every detail. Not only did his reality marble store the data, but it even provided the materials: somehow, there was a part of his soul that encapsulated the very aspects, rules, and controls of existence as it related to – at least in his case - the composition and construction of objects. The most complex magical artifacts were within his reach, and even without his reality marble his perception was exceptional: what he made lasted hours, not minutes. He took the art to a level that magekind had deemed impossible, and had earned the right to coin what he did with its own unique term: Tracing. Thus, it was only natural that he would have devoted no little time to strategies for its use. And one of the most terrifying – however time consuming to prepare – was the Silver Spider's Web. Normally, no matter what he did, he had to start his attack from the front.

But if he used the net, he could make a Tracing from anywhere – or Everywhere.

A death trap indeed.

"Tracer's Art – Silver Field of Slaughter!"

It was more like a globe of death. There were no blind spots, was no direction – every conceivable surface sprang into vindictive life. Quicksilver walls rose from the ground and twined around him, encasing and crushing him inwards like a python; the trees rained silver spikes that grew continuously, melding through the walls of metal to grind against his magic, seeking entrance from every point. Even as a mage, he could have died in an instant – the speed of the technique precluded any spell potent enough to resist. But Einzbern had been driven by one purpose alone for many years now, and had had no one else to depend on; therefore he had had to ensure that he would survive. His final shield, almost against his skin, was not cast but carried, a portable version of the set-up that protected the Emiya house, powered by external reservoirs that had grown, over the years, to several times his own capacity. So he did survive, and managed to use what breath he had left to gasp out one spell: with a muffled blast the metals around him shattered, breaking him loose amidst a shower of silver dust and debris, hiding him from sight as he rushed to change positions as quickly as possible, knowing the technique required line of sight. He was safe until the moment Shirou saw him.

He growled furiously. He had looked forward to defeating Kiritsuga on his home grounds as Kiritsuga had failed, time and again, to defeat him on his own. He had been prepared for most mages' ways of preparing their home – but impossibly, this boy's technique surpassed them all; the speed with which he could use it, against a spellcaster, was absolute. He simply could not counter in time. He didn't know where this impossible prowess with a normally useless art came from, but if he could not win on these grounds, then he would have to flee. No matter what, he had to accomplish what he had set out to do, no matter how humiliating the means. But the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he knew he could afford to get caught at least one more time. If he could spot the boy first, he might be able to turn this around. The weapons he used made him more visible…his lips curled upward: his opponent's youth showed after all. Here, now, when visibility was the most important factor, he had switched to an unbelievably garish weapon – a long, red spear, with a swirling motif…

The smile vanished.

"_Hearts Strike!_ GAE BOLG!"

A red comet traced a crimson streak through the air and struck the left side of his chest with the force of a giant's hammer; Einzbern flew back eight yards and smashed into a tree with a force that rocked him to the core and almost bent the trunk in two; his vision blurred almost to black and took more than ten seconds to clear. His shield's reserves dropped by a full third – Gae Bolg struck for exactly the mana force of it's target. The entire construction almost collapsed, and it took everything he had to preserve it: he didn't dare lose its protection now.

When he looked up, the boy was staring at him in shock. He had only barely regained the breath to speak, but he smiled vindictively all the same: Gae Bolg's most fearful aspect was its ability to inverse the laws of causality – when invoked, the strike occurred _before _the thrust, creating a blow guaranteed to kill.

But anything that can exist on this earth has a limit.

"If it could overturn time…for eternity…it would be a god's weapon, boy, beyond the touch of you or me," he panted. "That spear can't exploit a gap beyond twenty four hours. Why should it? What warrior wears their armor that long? But there hasn't been a single second this shield hasn't been up for more than five years. Accidents happen, and I couldn't afford that. I never take it down, even to sleep. So now what, eh? That was your trump card, wasn't it? It failed, and even as cost effective as that phantasm is, it's one for Servants. You can't Trace a Field again."

For an answer, Shirou held up Durandal. It's blade gleamed in the darkness, and for the second time, Einzbern stopped smiling. The weapon was already traced. And Durandal didn't _need_ mana.

And then Shirou _moved_, and he remembered Shirou's other skill.

Like a Tracing, Reinforcement doesn't come undone once applied. Not for a while.

One moment he was standing in front of him, blade held before his face like a hero's statue; the next the blade crashed into his midsection in an enormous side swing, Durandal's massive force backed by Shirou's enhanced strength; the tree, already strained, creaked, cracked and snapped; for the second time Einzbern was flung backward so hard it was more like he flew, backwards and out of control, crashing and tumbling into the shrubbery behind. And after crashed Shirou, roaring, Durandal held high, knowing that after taking the full brunt of the Field and Gae Bolg, the shield couldn't last much longer. Not against Durandal.

And he must have been right. When he reached the clearing, there was only fading wisps of magic and scattered snow.

Einzbern had fled.

Shirou stood for a moment, watching, listening. Then he turned back towards the house. He could finish the fight another day, but Illya needed him now.

...

She was sitting on the floor, sprawled on her knees with her face buried in Arturia's chest and her arms wrapped tight, trembling, trying to hide from the world. It was so removed from her usual self it hurt just to look at her. Arturia was holding her gently, with one hand on her head, her face tender in a way that was somehow special, different from her usual gentle face. When she looked at Shirou, her eyes were sad.

"She's all right, but it's a good thing he left when he did. I don't think she could have taken much more. I can't imagine what he did to her."

"Thank you for holding her."

"No. To tell the truth, I don't think I could have helped it. Perhaps," she said softly, looking down at the head huddled in her chest, "Perhaps all women have a motherly instinct after all. I'd wondered, about myself."

Shirou knelt down in front of them, and put a hand on Illya's shoulder. "Oi, Illya. You all right?"

It took a moment. Then she shifted, turning her head so she could look at him without letting go; her head remained pressed against Arturia's front. Her voice still quavered. "Shirou…I, I'm fine. He…is he…"

"He's gone. I made him go away, like you asked."

"No. I wanted him to go…so far…he wouldn't come back."

"I'll be sure to do that next time. I won't let him touch you."

She smiled shakily. Her voice was recovering a little. "Nii-chan is stronger than him, huh? Like Father – except he left. And he didn't come back."

Shirou put his hand on her back, gently. "I'm here. And I won't leave."

She nodded, swallowed. "I – I know. But…he won't…he won't either…he won't go, he won't go Shirou!" She finally let go of Arturia to fall in front of him, eyes wide and desperate, face falling apart. "He won't go, you don't know, you don't know what he's like! Nothing…nothing matters to him…he won't go…he won't let me be…" Tears were pouring down her face; she lunged and gripped his shoulders with her hands, crying. "He won't go, he won't let me go Shirou! He never…never cared about anything…and I was just the vessel…he won't leave me to be happy, never, he never will."

Her mouth said it was impossible…but her face begged him to say it wasn't. Shirou hugged her tightly; she buried her face in his shoulder, little hands holding on for all she was worth.

"I'll make him let you go," he promised softly. "I won't let him take you away." He shifted his grip and stood, carrying her like a child: he was a strong man even without Reinforcement. He turned down towards the hall and her bedroom, still murmuring. Arturia could hear them, all the way down the hall.

"It'll be all right, Illya-chan."

"O-okay."

"Do you want your ice cream?"

"Huh? I thought there wasn't any."

"Sakura left some special for you. In the freezer."

"Oh."

"You want it now? You could have it tomorrow. I'll let you skip morning classes."

"…I'll have it now."

He chuckled faintly, deep in his throat. "All right."

...

It was a night of exceptions: extra ice cream, promises of no school tomorrow (or at least no morning classes), and eating in bed. Shirou stayed with her the whole time, watching while she ate it, slowly, not like she usually did, but in a way that seemed to restore her all the same. When she'd finished and put the bowl down, she'd finally stopped trembling, and looked calm. There was a bit of silence, comfortable, just letting the air settle. Then…

"I think he always hated Father," Illya said quietly. "I never understood it, but it seemed like, under all the praise, there was something about him that he couldn't stand. But I never understood what. It couldn't have been that he knew he might betray him."

"You said Dad was stronger than him. Couldn't that be it?"

"He was the strongest living member of the family, but I don't think so. It's too simple, and it doesn't fit. The thing is…I didn't really know him. He left when I was young, and I was kept away from him a lot – he was being trained for the war, and I was being…prepped for it. So…I never really knew what he was like. And when he left, I couldn't understand why. After the war – that was when he could have gotten to know me."

"Well, look at it this way. Your grandfather and whoever else was training him were the ones getting that time, so they should have known him, but they didn't get it either. Until the war was over – no, until she fought it with me – even Saber didn't."

Illya smiled, in a bitter gentle way. "Einzbern palace wasn't a place where you could be that kind of person. I guess he got very good at hiding it. And he couldn't show it to me; there wasn't time, and I was too young. Still…it all got so much worse after he left. I was the closest thing to Father still there, so he took it all out on me. But at the same time he wanted to use me to get his vengeance: he tried to make me his daughter and his death at the same time. He just used me for everything he wanted…and I thought, if I _did _it, if I got his revenge and made the grail, then at least it would be over. You know? I mean, I knew I'd be dead, but I'd never expected to live, you see. So it didn't matter. I just wanted to end it somehow…" her voice trailed off, as her eyes stared into the past. Then she looked up and smiled, and this time it wasn't bitter. "And then Onii-chan gave me another way, and I hardly knew what to do at all, so I just…was."

"That was all I wanted for you."

"I know. But it was my first time. It was in everyone's minds, over there. That I was a vessel for the grail. They'd all been focused on it for so many years, nothing else mattered anymore. If you were connected to it, then that was what defined you. That was all there was."

"Shirou…what _were_ you thinking, when you decided to take me home after you killed Berserker?"

"I wasn't. I didn't need to. You were a child, you were alone, and I couldn't leave you that way, kneeling in the snow. That's all."

"Uh huh. Do you think…if Dad saw me that way, and didn't know who I was…would he have done it too? Was he like you?"

"I like to think I've managed to be like him. And I think there's no doubt he would have done it too. It's not that different from me, is it?"

"You weren't a Master, and the war was over."

"But you _were _finished fighting, weren't you?"

"The first one to protect me without any other reasons – who wasn't just being selfish – was Berserker. I don't know why, but even though I kept him frothing at the mouth, something always made him protect me. I didn't need to tell him; he just did it. He always made sure I didn't get hurt. It was my first time, and I thought that wasn't a bad thing to happen before I died. When I lost him, and wasn't dead – I couldn't do anything. All I could do was walk the path you gave me. It wasn't for months that I realized that it was the one I really should have wanted. Only I hadn't known it existed. Nobody ever showed me."

"Shirou – tell me about Father."

"Huh?"

"You knew him. You know stories about him. You know…you know why he did things. Tell me."

"What kinds of things?"

"Any things. Things that…that tell me who he was. Why Shirou wanted to be like him. Why…why he would adopt you, but leave me behind."

"I was too young for him to tell me about the things he did, the dangerous ones. I knew he did them, but I never knew what or why or how. But…one thing I do know. He would never leave someone who needed him behind. Not if he could help it."

"So tell me. Tell me about…about how he looked when he took you in. The things he said and did those first few days."

"I've already told you about that."

"But then it was about you. This time make it about Father."

"All right..."

...

The next morning started late. Just about everyone was exhausted, either physically, mentally, emotionally, or some combination of the three, so without any direct consultation involved, everyone slept in. Sakura – the least strained, and compelled by habit – still woke first, and greeted everyone in the usual way: with magnetic aromas.

"You know, you could have gone easy on yourself this morning Sakura, and have done something simple," Shirou commented.

"It gives stability to the day; I've done it every morning for years now," Sakura said with a shrug. "And I think we all need it. Hunting him down is going to take a while, right? We're going to need to buckle down. This is my way of helping. Relative to what we'll be doing most of the time, i's not that strenuous really."

"So all that about pushing yourself is just for us 'kids'?"

"I know when to stop, and this isn't exactly comparable to the sort of things you all do. I'm never in direct combat. Whereas _you_," she said, turning around and waving the utensil she'd been using in front of his nose like it was the Ladle of Judgment, "are a certified Drive Till You Drop, so don't even _start_ that with me Shirou. Now sit down and wait for the others."

"Yes Ma'am."

...

Arturia came not long after. Army life, especially special corpses like her own, taught both discipline and to sleep when you could: mornings like this often proved something of a war between the two ideals as she groped for the most appropriate balance. She too realized that there would be quite a bit of slogging in the days ahead: being one of the first half present would do. Rin showed up next: her own discipline didn't have the balancing lesson of energy conservation, with the result that the first few minutes were much like last time. She was annoyed that Sakura hadn't woken her up, and Sakura showed no remorse whatsoever. Rin and Shirou had taken the heaviest toll last night, she said. It might be out of her hands now how late Shirou slept, but she wasn't waking Rin up early after a major magic battle if she didn't need to be somewhere. Any further arguments Rin might have on the subject had all been voiced before; she didn't waste her time. She looked around, biting her lip.

"Look…there's something I need to say to all of you. Is Illya coming?"

Shirou glanced at Arturia. "I'm not sure," he said. "Last night was a real shock for her, but she hates being left out."

"That girl's older than she lets on," Rin said. "She should be part of this. And besides…she needs to hear it too."

Shirou nodded and left. To everyone's surprise, he was back within five minutes, without any thumps or screams at all. And Illya…just seemed like a different person. That sense of gleeful, happy go lucky immaturity was gone. This girl was quiet and sober, eyes clouded by heavy thoughts, adult thoughts: that lively sparkle was gone. She went to her place and sat down, quietly: everyone else shifted uncomfortably, not sure if this was good, bad, or dangerous. Shirou was a bit worried himself. He'd known the girlish phase would have to go soon – but this didn't seem very healthy either.

Rin waited till everyone had turned their attentions back to her, and stood up.

"Last night," she said quietly, "I left most of you to fight a battle on your own. The fact that I believed it would be safe does not change the fact that it happened." She bowed, very deep and low… then abruptly went down on knees: the ultimate humility of apology. The room fell into shocked silence. Rin, proud Rin – was kneeling.

"Forgive me."

The silence stretched, as everyone tried to look at each other thinking and avoid eye contact at the same time. Seeing this side of Rin was, in its way, as disturbing as Illya shedding her tomfoolery. As if to enforce the comparison, Illya spoke first.

"Just forget about it. You were trying to do it right. It's not your fault it went wrong."

Rin's shoulders tensed, body wavering between getting up and staying down. Pride versus Guilt.

"Please get up, Rin." Shirou said. "You're making us all nervous."

She hesitated another second, and then did so, going to her seat and taking it, eyes straight ahead. Yet another awkward pause.

"Shirou, you got a confirmation on who our enemy is, and what his goals are, right?" Sakura said: now, as always, the first to mend a difficult moment. "Why don't you tell us all now, in detail?"

...

Everyone, including Rin, was a bit disturbed by their opponent's agenda.

"I knew it was Einzbern" Rin admitted, "But I just thought he was trying to get the grail. I mean, they're obsessed with them. I never thought he would be bothering to try to retrieve an old vessel when he still has the means to make a new one. It would be so much more practical."

"Hold it, I thought he said they didn't have anyone – I mean –" there was a pause while he struggled with the quandary of underage company and resolved that in Illya's case it was, however unfortunately, long since too late – "He said they used Dad's seed to make her, and that they didn't have any youth once he left. So how would he make more?"

"He's a von, Shirou," Rin said patiently. "Old nobility. The homunculus are actively altered to be massive magic circuits: it isn't necessary for the father to be a magician. They just need one. And they'll have plenty of egg cells in reserve; no proper mage would undertake a work like that and not back it up. Only being able to make the next one from the last would be too risky."

Illya nodded. "They showed them to me," she said. "It was part of the…conditioning, I guess. To show me I was disposable, and how they could make more of me. Rows and rows of vats…it was pretty disgusting, actually," she said, with a whiff of her more usual spirit.

"It certainly sounds nauseating," Sakura agreed, smiling – mostly in relief. Illya had had her almost holding her breath.

"It's strange, though," Rin mused. "For whatever illogical reasons, his goal, rather than simply the grail, is first Shirou and then Illya, in that order – so why did he attack last night? Any line of logic would say it was much too soon to attack again, especially in person – not only did the one before fail, but now Arturia was here too, making the risk much bigger."

"But both you and Sakura weren't there last night, so it was perfect timing, wasn't it?" Arturia asked. And winced, sure she'd triggered another guilt bout. But Rin seemed to have accepted that she was forgiven and put it behind her.

"Yes, but he couldn't _know_ that, could he? He'd have to have some kind of surveillance on us, and he can't. However experienced he is, I would have caught him at it if he tried. Magical spying doesn't work very well on a good mage. And Shirou is even better at finding that sort of thing. He can't possibly be monitoring the grounds."

No one had any ideas, including Arturia. "I think we should just leave it," Sakura said finally. "It's getting us nowhere."

Shirou nodded. "We know the enemy, the motive, and the means," he said. "We should be able to come up with some sort of plan now."

"If he is willing to attack in person, perhaps we can lure him out and finish it," Arturia suggested.

"Maybe, but I doubt it," Shirou said. "We have to assume he has some way to tell where we are for now, and besides, from the way the battle went last night, I don't he'll let us pin him down."

"I agree. He's too cunning and too good a magician for that plan to have much chance of working," Rin said. "In the end, we've really only got the same choice we had before – find his lair. If we can track down where he's operating from, we can run him to ground. It's the only way we can put things on our terms. There is one difference though – now that we've confirmed his goals, we can take better precautions."

"Such as?" Arturia asked.

"Well, there's the obvious conclusion that both Shirou and Illya need to be accompanied at all times outside of the house, unless they're in some situation where Einzbern can't act – which is not so simple with a magician, I might add. It's like Shirou said, we have to assume he'll know when we're vulnerable – so neither target can be alone."

Shirou nodded. "Fair enough. How about you, Rin? Have you found any way to track him down magically?"

"Unfortunately no. I've been able to become much more familiar with the nature of his creatures of course, but I haven't been able to find a good way to apply it. I'll let you know when I have something solid, of course."

"Right. Arturia and I actually have a lead to follow for today. We found out by accident yesterday that the slum parts of town are taking the most attacks – so many that everyone realizes something's up. Someone's agreed to meet us today and introduce us. We might be able to get some proper sources of information on their movements."

Rin looked part grim and part sad. "Of course. They're almost defenseless there. Why go anywhere else?"

"He may think that way, but concentrating his attacks at all makes it easier for us to find a pattern," Arturia put in. Of them all, it was she who understood this kind of thing best, thanks to her training.

"Hopefully. Well, Sakura and I need to figure out just how complicated things are going to be legally with her grandfather and the inheritance and all. Considering Zoken's nature, it could be quite ugly. But I'm hoping we'll be able to resolve it quickly. That gives both of us something to do for today, it'll have to be enough for now. Hopefully whatever you two find out will help us do better."

"We'll do our best. Okay, what time is it?"

"A little past eleven."

"Not much time then. I'm sorry, but I'll need you to escort Illya to school today Rin. I only meant for her to miss morning classes, and Arturia and I need to eat and go."

"It's fine. This once, anyway."

"O – heh? No! I don't want Rin to do it!"

"You've got a problem with me kid?"

"Yes I do! I don't want you taking me to school."

"Well, too bad for today, you'll just have to put up with me," Rin said, planting her fist in Illya's head with calculated relish. "Shirou's being done a favor and it would be rude for him to keep whoever it is waiting."

"It can't be helped this time Illya," Shirou said apologetically. "I'll try to be the one to bring you home after."

"You'd better! I'll hide in the classroom and wait till she goes away if it's her! She's too strict and she's boring."

"Oh, I can make things _interesting_ if you want, squirt. You should have just said so."

"That's too interesting!"

"Make up your mind. And fast, you'll miss noon bell."

"Arrrgh! Just go away! I don't like you at all! _And why are you all smiling?_"

"I think they're just relieved to see you being yourself Illya," Arturia said, smiling gently. Illya's face twisted into something between a pout and embarrassment.

"Ohhhhhhh…just be quite! I was just tired, that's all."

"Yes of course," Sakura said quickly. "Off you go, now."

"Oh, fine, _fine_."

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

One: The reality marble. This is the official explanation of Shirou's power, plus a little extra clarification. The fact of his reality marble, and how it worked, were easy enough to find. The wiki entry on Shirou explained that very nicely. However, I was unable to find a satisfactory explanation of what a reality marble _was. _Why, and how, was it able to do what it did? In the end, I could only research the various other examples (the other's I mentioned are from other arcs and stories in the Type-Moon universe), and then conjecture my own. This is it. Best I could do.

Two: Gae Bolg. He he. Did I surprise you? I don't believe there are any actual story examples of him using it, but he undoubtedly has it - in order to be able to use a weapon, he needs to have clearly seen it, that's all. His reality marble does the rest. As for the limit bit, well, I had two options here. Gae Bolg's absolute kill was too powerful as it was. You noticed how he never uses it again after that first fight with Saber? Want to know why? Because he would have won, that's why! He'd have killed Gilgamesh, that's why! It was a cheat, that's what! It's like the fillers in Naruto where they don't let him use Rasengan because it would actually work. And I hate that kind of thing. But that spear was insane. So like I said, I had two choices. One: I could take a leaf from the anime and just never have him use it. Pretend it didn't exist. That was one way, but I hate doing things like that. The other was to find a loophole. That attack is only good against one opponent:I only had to explain a way for Einzbern to survive, he wouldn't use it on the bloodbeasts anyway. And I happen to be good at loopholes. So I came up with this one. I thougth it made sense, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually contradict any cannon. If it does, than it must be in the game, and I'm just not willing to deal with it. It was a bad choice of Noble Phantasm as it was, completely broken, so much so it forced them to almost ignore it most of the time. It's still very powerful this way.

Three: Remember Arturia saying, as Saber, that she had never really thought of herself as a woman? That's where that bit about mother's instinct came from. She's been a soldier all her life, and has similar, though less deeply ingrained, views now. Something very important to remember here: Saber was actually quite old in a way. She had lived through some very sobering things, been a countries support and seen it downfall, and then spent who knows how long devoting herself to putting it right. But in reincarnating, the burden of previous past and memory has been shed: Arturia is not nearly so life worn. She's a bit gentler, a bit more accessible, a little less set in her identity as a warrior. It's important to remember that.

Four: Up till now, Rin and Sakura's relationship held the spotlight. Which was part of it's purpose: Giving a potent line to support the beginning of the story while other character lines were developing. They'll still be there, of course, but now we will be seeing the entry of other complexes and plotlines - including Shirou and Illya. I very much liked this scene for the way it illustrates their own bond. I believe I have already mentioned that Illya's connection to Kiritsuga was game cannon. I should also mention that her mixed feelings on the subject are also, though less definitive. I don't believe they were focused on much there. In any case, it could potentially have been a source of awkwardness, but instead it will make them closer. I like scenes like this, they're my favorite really. My true reason for writing stories.

Five: Rin's apology. Originally, I'd envisioned scenes of Rin realizing that the rings were reacting after her own battle and panicking, trying to go even though she didn't have the reserves to fight. Somehow it didn't fit in in the end, but still, Rin would be wracked with guilt once she realized; she's really very loyal. And of course, she's much older now, so all in all, this scene seemed appropriate. I like what it says about who she's become in five years.

Six: Illya. Like Shirou, I'd known that over the course of the story, Illya would finally be shedding the indulgence of immaturity and begin to truly shape herself to her new life - but not like this. Stories can do that, you know. They're alive. I've come to believe that I'm not really writing them at all: I'm channeling them. Somewhere, somehow, they are already written to their best form, and how well it comes out depends on how well I can tune to it. Say the subconcious, if it makes you more comfortable (and me less of a lunatic ^_^). In any case, when Illya came out all quite and sober, it made _me _nervous. When she showed a sign of her old self, _I _was relieved. And when she launched right back into form hearing that Rin was going to walk her to school, Sakura wasn't the only one smiling with relief. Times like this, when you are surprised by and living the twists of the story right along with the reader, are part of what make it worthwhile in the end.


	7. Chapter 6: Getting Started

.

**Chapter Six: New**

**.**

**.**

There wasn't time for a 'real' lunch, at least as Arturia would have liked to define it. Really, she was getting used to this kind of food much too fast: what was she going to do when she went back? Still, they had time to fill up, and then they were off to the meeting place.

Minako Hozuki was waiting where she'd said: where the main road left the 'respectable' part of town and began to lapse into semi-ruin. Her cart was full now, with various kinds of food, blankets and clothes, some newer than others, but all in fairly good condition. She was either rich or well connected, possibly both. She was leaning on the cart, tapping her fingers on her arm.

"I forgot to tell you a time, didn't I?" she asked wryly.

Shirou blinked and looked chagrined. "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess you were waiting–?"

"If I forgot to tell you than I've got no one else to blame, do I?" she said, mouth still twisted to one side. She didn't say how long she'd waited, and they didn't ask. "Come on, we'd better get started. Remind me to give you a time for tomorrow if you still need my help. I'm hoping to convince them today."

"Can it really be that simple?" Arturia asked, as they began to walk. "Even if you convince the ones we talk to now, we're going to need to talk to others later."

"Domino effect," Hozuki said, walking briskly. "If the ones we meet today trust you then they'll pass word along to friends, and so on. I'm doing this because it's important but I'd rather not any longer than I have to. Takes time off from finding the people who need these," she said, jiggling the cart slightly.

Shirou had been thinking about that one, he couldn't help it. "Ah, perhaps I could pull it? We do owe you a favor."

Hozuki arched an eyebrow. "It's heavier than it looks, laddie," she said. "Don't underestimate it because I'm pulling it: I've been doing it for years, and it still tires me out sometimes. You might regret asking that."

Shirou just smiled. "I think I can manage."

...

When they reached their first stopping point and Shirou still showed no signs of being winded, even Hozuki had to admit to being impressed. Arturia was more familiar with what proper conditioning could do for a person's strength and endurance, but she was all the same obscurely pleased to see Shirou exhibit it.

Hozuki gave a grudging nod. "Took me long enough to get that far without resting," she admitted. "I guess you knew what you were doing all right."

Shirou put down the handles. "Are we giving things here?"

"Nope," Hozuki said briskly. "We're seeding. Good morning Marinaga – except it's noon, isn't it?"

"It is, and a good decade since you've come later than ten," the man manning store replied. Shirou and Arturia winced. "New bleeding hearts not as disciplined as they are fresh faced, eh? It's not like you to bring anyone along." The look he cast them was narrow-eyed: reports of local reticence had not been exaggerated.

"No it isn't, and if I didn't think it was important, I wouldn't."

"Throw your back?"

"In your dreams. These people say they want to stop the killings. But they need help to find the killers first."

The man's entire body seemed to retract slightly. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why any of it. Why should we trust them? Why should they want to help?"

"Well, they did tell me it doesn't just happen here."

"Oh, of course," the man muttered. Hozuki gave him a stern look.

"_But,_" she said deliberately, "I've talked with them both, and I think they mean it. Look, so long as they wipe them out it's good, isn't it? Then things will be safe again."

"So let them do it themselves."

"They don't know the area, Marinaga, don't be dense. They can't possibly hunt them down without all of you helping. They need to know where people are being hit, and when, and they need to know if anyone sees them, and if anyone knows where they go…for G-d's sake, you're a smart man, you don't need me to tell you this. You didn't end up here because you were incompetent."

"This is the slums. No out there helps us unless they think they'll get something for it. Who says that's all they'll ask about? Or find out. Who says –"

"Who says you won't be next?" Hozuki interrupted. "Kudou was damn strong; you think they can't take you down? Don't you get it? We can't do anything about this. No one here can. If they don't, who will? And how long will we last if someone doesn't? You think I didn't think about this? I know how you all feel. I've been coming down here for twelve years. It just isn't a choice, Marinaga. Either we trust them or we drown in blood. I think you're better off with option one."

"But-"

It became increasingly clear to both Arturia and Shirou that they had no place in the conversation. If he was going to be convinced, it would be by Hozuki – he wouldn't talk to them. With not much better to do, they found themselves idly looking up and down the street.

At first it was just that; just looking up and down, hardly seeing what they looked at. Then, as the 'patterns' of the place began to sink in, details came out, and they realized that not only did everyone look at them strangely, they seemed to edge away, like getting too close might bring bad luck. For Shirou, who was so used to being welcomed as a friend and helper, it was almost painful: he grimaced and looked away. Arturia was more used to it. Not everyone welcomed or trusted the law. Still, the pang of being distrusted or disliked by people you were there to help never really went away.

Instinctively – driven both by the need to dispel the stares and by the simple fact of being inactive – Shirou started looking for people who looked like they might need help of some sort. So he was the first to notice that there was a pattern in the crowds passing them. An irregular stream of men were going by in the same direction, all carrying or pulling piles of loose wood and other building materials. After a while of watching, Shirou's instinct to pitch in combined with remembered experiences of other work he helped with, and became an idea.

"Oi, Arturia."

"Yes?"

"Have you noticed all those men carrying building material going by? There's some big project going on, something they're doing on their own."

Arturia took a moment to scan the streets, verifying what Shirou had noticed for herself. "Most likely. What of it?"

"I think this is our angle. I volunteered a lot when I was in high school – it was my only outlet for all the 'save the world' urges back then. There's a sort of camaraderie you get when a lot of people are working on something together. Especially when it's something you can stand back and look at afterwards. There's a kind of a bond you get from making something worthwhile together. I think we might be able to get that 'seed trust' if we can join in. I mean, at the rate things are going with that stand owner…"

"I see. You're right, it's a good idea. Even if she convinces him he will only be doing it on her word, but if we can do what you say we'll be able to earn some real trust. It's certainly worth a try. Still, how are you going to get us involved?"

"Leave it to me. Being everyone's friendly help out guy is my specialty."

"Yes. Besides for conjuring powerful magical weapons," she said, smiling slightly. Shirou blinked a little. Saber without the heavy memories of her time as King of Britain had a certain light, gentle way of teasing that, while very pleasant, tended to surprise him.

"Exactly." he said.

...

He started scanning the people going by more carefully, looking for somewhere to start. He settled on someone who'd tried for two smaller bundles and had found them impossible to balance, leaving him trying to keep them steady on each shoulder as he went and forced to walk at half speed to do it, with frequent halts. The next time one bundle dipped too far forward and started to slide off – which always set the other one to seesawing – Shirou zipped in front and steadied them. The pace of the moment meant that the man didn't even really look at his source of help until he'd gotten both bundles on and was standing straight again. Shirou kept his hands lightly on the ends, holding them steady.

"You got it?"

"Yeah, thanks," the man said. He didn't actually smile, but he nodded brusquely, a sort of 'well I guess you're all right' kind of acknowledgement.

"It's gonna tip over again though. I could take one if it's not far."

The man shook his head and made to go on. Shirou obligingly lifted his hands; almost immediately the bundles tilted again. This time one almost hit the ground. Shirou literally caught it under the bottom end with his palm, a feat that lifted the man's eyebrows even as he struggled to regain control. When they were finished, Shirou was holding one of them.

"It's really fine. Which way?"

The man hesitated, then said "Just a few blocks. There's an open area. We're building it there."

Shirou nodded. "Building what?"

"A shelter."

That made Shirou's ears prick. "A shelter? You get a lot of new people of a sudden?"

"What we've _got_ is too damn _little_," the man growled. Anger and frustration cleared the final gaps; he put down his own bundle the better to gesticulate as he talked. "Damn monsters or whatever they are keep killing more and more all the time, they don't even care if it's day or night anymore, they just find whoever's lonely like and kill 'em! And we can't stop looking for work, we barely eat as is! So we're building something that can protect the women and children for us while we're out. I ain't coming home with a job to find my family's too dead to feed!"

Shirou stared. The air of helpfulness he had been wearing dropped away: his more serious, stronger side showed through. He turned and nodded to Arturia. She headed over. Shirou turned back to the man. He didn't try to get the old look back.

"We've seen enough of their victims," he told him. "If you're building something to protect people from them, we'll help."

It was better than good will for a few favors. It was shared convictions, and most of all, a shared purpose. A mutual enemy.

"Right. Follow me. I'll show you where we've started."

...

So it was that when Hozuki finally finished arguing, she turned around to find them walking away with one of the men on the shelter project, carrying his bundles so he could better describe the plans.

"No…way…"

...

Somewhere downtown, Rin tapped her fingers and contemplated murder, or at least assault.

They were in a law agency building – one who had apparently been handling the Matou fortune for some time. As such, they were quite professional and the early stages had all been about as expected. They'd walked into the lobby, talked to the secretary – female – waited a while, and then were escorted to the office in question. This was where things were supposed to get sticky. Instead they had found themselves facing a relatively young _male _lawyer – who took one look at Sakura and became the most helpful and conscientious person you could imagine.

Rin honestly wasn't sure if she wanted to encourage him for the sake of simplicity or bite him. Maybe both?

Sakura, unfortunately, wasn't up to the task of indirect discouragement. Rin herself, being naturally talented at it, rarely had to exert it. Men quickly realized, usually at a glance, that they were out of their league. Sakura, on the other hand, radiated sweet, young and shy, and young men took one look and went to strawberry land. The mother act that would have so perfectly doused romantic intentions went out the window as soon as she was faced with someone she didn't know, even when they weren't older than her, so what they got was a more composed and mature version of the high school Sakura. Not precisely a deterrent.

She'd let him go on as long as he stayed behind his desk, she decided. If he tried to come over and take Sakura's hand though, she'd have to kill him. Figuratively speaking. Of course.

"Ah yes, the Matou fortune. Yes, a wonderful inheritance, very old and vast, as secure as anything can be. You'll have no monetary worries at all, I assure you. It's been handled by a trustee till now, yes? Those parts have always been handled within the family. Runs like clockwork though. Your only concern will be how to spend it, I can guarantee that." He beamed indulgently, seeming to suggest that _he _had indeed guaranteed it, start to finish. Sakura smiled hesitantly, thrown by his enthusiasm. It was the kind of smile only a sweet, beautiful young woman can give: the man's testosterone skyrocketed. Rin folded her arms and gave him her best Look. It bounced ineffectively off his total focus one seat over.

"Ah…yes, thank you. Um…so…there isn't any problem? I thought I'd heard something-"

"No, no, no trouble at all. You are the oldest living member of the family and of legal age, yes?"

"Yes. Um, that is, I was adopted."

"No difference, not really. Especially without any competition. You are over twenty?"

"Yes, several months ago."

"Well then, it's just a matter of paperwork. Quite a bit of it, I'm afraid, but I'll walk you through, don't you worry."

"Ah, yes, thank you."

Clearly, Rin thought sourly, Sakura need lessons on the perils of encouraging casual male acquaintances.

"While we're at it, we can look up any questions you might have. Perhaps a summary of your assets? Not that you need to worry about them, but if you want to know, I can get you one and explain it. They can be a little confusing," he said, smiling and nodding in a way that suggested that they were _very _confusing but that he, helpful soul that he was, would happily simplify them for her. Rin's eyes narrowed pointedly. A little went a long way: that was usually enough to set anyone backpedaling. Unfortunately, the man's eyes were fixed on Sakura's reaction, so it went a long way over his head.

"Um, yes, thank you, that would be nice. And –", she paused, not sure it was wise to ask when it hadn't been brought up. "I…thought I heard something about a Zoken involved in the inheritance…"

"Hmm…that does sound a bit familiar. I'll check while I get the papers you need. Here, I'll print out the summary now, you can look it over in the meantime."

"Thank you."

He was as good as his word, though he _could _of course have left while they were printing and invited them to take them, instead of staying till they finished, handing them to Sakura, and hovering to make sure there was not some issue such as, Rin could only suppose, being unable to hold the papers and read at the same time. Sakura proving perfectly capable of the task, he finally had to leave. As soon as he did, Sakura let her breath out in a whoosh and leaned back on the chair.

"Does he really have to be quite so – _helpful_?"

"Only for pretty young girls," Rin told her. "Really, if you can't tell when men are trying to hit on you…"

Sakura blinked. "Is that what…oh. Do they all do that?"

"No," Rin said darkly. "Some get pushy."

Sakura stared at her for a minute. Then, disconcertingly, she began to giggle. "Rin, your hackles are raised. Down girl, down!"

At first Rin just looked at her in bemusement; then she had to laugh too. "Okay, okay, I'll ease off. But if he tries to hold your hand or anything, I may have to do him an injury."

The comment was meant to make Sakura laugh back; when she didn't, Rin glanced over at her. She had apparently started to look over the papers while Rin was making her repartee. Now she stared, eyes wide, face a sort of blank, frozen portrait of near comic panic. Slowly – like someone turning the page of the deceased's diary in a whodunit – she turned her way through the stack, eyes darting across the pages at increasingly erratic speeds, her page turning rate accelerating until she was frantically rifling through the stack to the final pages. She stopped, looked for a moment. Then in a very high, squeaky voice, she said, "Rin…this _isn't_ the total value of the estate right here, is it?"

Rin peered over. She pursed her lips, impressed. Even for an old mage family, that was pretty good. Must have come of having a multi-centenarian running the investments. "Yep, that's what it is all right. See? The page and a half before are all the other bits lined up for adding."

"But...but..._but_ _it's more than half a line long!_"

"I guess spending it will be harder than you thought. Isn't that nice?"

"Nice? Look at it! It's too much! What am I supposed to _do_ with it?"

"That's not the point. The point is what they mean for you."

"It's too much!"

"_No, _it _isn't_." Rin reached over and put her hands over the pages. "Sakura, look at me. Do you really think I only killed Zoken as revenge for you?"

That got her attention. "Didn't you? It wasn't like he didn't do terrible things to me. And he was still dangerous."

Rin nodded. "True, and I won't say revenge wasn't a big part of it, since it would be a big fat lie. For the first three years that was all I could think about. But things changed. Sakura, don't you see? You were trapped. When I first came, you were still in high school; it was just a matter of you being able to be happy. But it didn't stay that way. You grew up. You got older. You learned who you were, and you learned to be confident about it. Suddenly, these last two years, you were so different. You were ready to make your own life, just like we were. You were ready to bloom, but you couldn't. Zoken had you bound. So long he was alive, you were trapped in that life. You couldn't _become _anything. And you could become so much...Sakura, I didn't just kill him for what he did to you. I did it because I wanted to set you free. It was time...a long time ago."

She took the papers out of her hands, and turned them face down in her lap. "The numbers aren't important, Sakura. What's important is that you're free. You can do anything, anything you want. All you have to do is find what's important: you don't have to care about anything else. It's a gift, Sakura. Almost no one has that freedom. And I know you'll make good use of it."

"You…you don't seem very surprised, Rin."

"Oh, it's a good bit more than even I expected, but I knew it would be beyond what you could ever hope to spend – or even your great grandchildren, for that matter. I was counting on it. Don't let it pressure you, but I'm quite looking forward to seeing what you decide to do with it. This kind of money tends to just sit in the bank, but somehow, I think you'll find a better way."

She coughed sternly. "And since it makes you panicky, you are _forbidden _to allow that man to browse it with you, understand? Or I might hurt him. Really."

"_Rin!_" Then she laughed. "Oh Rin." After a moment, she handed the papers to her. "Here, you keep it for me. Just in case."

...

"We got a heavy one over here."

"You want a couple guys or just him?"

"Hey, you can't give me _all_ the big ones!"

"Why not?"

Shirou had been right – nothing unites like a common cause, and working on something big like this was really just a very tangible form of just that. Everybody was, for the moment, doing the same thing for the same reasons, and so everyone was part of the group. Arturia's ability to go toe to toe with any of the men quickly won her a hearty respect: she actually outdid a few of them. And Shirou quickly was recognized not just for his strength – only occasionally aided by Reinforcement – but for the fact that for whatever reason, the parts he worked on were sturdier. At some point an understanding seemed to be reached that it was for the best all around that Shirou work on as many different parts as possible.

Truth to tell, there was something strange about it. Normally when people encountered something they couldn't explain or understand, they'd ignore it, which was what Shirou had been counting on. But instead, these people noticed and, without fuss, allowed for it. It was strange, but it was also liberating, as he realized that as long as he didn't make a fuss, he could help in his own way just as he wanted, and no one would say a word. The structure as it would have been without their easy acceptance of him might not necessarily have been strong enough if enough blood beasts had tried. The structure as it was now turning out could probably have made a good bomb shelter.

Arturia's progress, at least as far as the shelter went, at some point began to go down rapidly. It wasn't really her fault – she'd never _had _a showoff age – but somehow she'd ended up in an ever escalating contest to find her limits. The men were used to tough women – for instance, Hozuki – but Arturia, they rapidly discovered, was something else altogether. None of them were immature enough to do anything dangerous, of course, but it quickly became clear that what was dangerous for most didn't faze her much. Just when it got to the point that Arturia was reassuring herself that the real point had been to become accepted by the men anyway, one man's admiration of her looks bypassed his admiration of her skills. Immediately she was surrounded by female admirers who all wanted to know 'How did you do that? Can I learn?'. Judging by the pointed looks her impromptu students were directing towards the man still rubbing his wrist, Arturia rather bemusedly suspected they had very immediate plans for their new found skills. Still, they were things all girls aught to know, or so she reassured herself, as she threw a very pretty teenager over her shoulder. Slowly, so they could see how she did it.

The men were all hard workers – those who weren't when they came quickly learned to be – and it was around mid-afternoon when someone called for a break. One of them started handing out food. Neither Arturia or Shirou were quite sure how to handle this. On the one hand, refusing to eat would effectively destroy the camaraderie they been developing till now. On the other, neither felt it was right for people in their position to take food from people in theirs. The problem was neatly solved when the man handing them out said, with a toothy grin, that when he was at the stand the price was one fifty yen each. No doubt he was motivated more by business sense than by any desire to smooth an awkward situation, but it solved things neatly all the same. They paid, and everyone seemed to approve.

As they sat and ate, Shirou decided that they had gotten to where they needed to be, more or less. Any more would take days, not hours. It was time to try.

He coughed. "Excuse me...everybody? There's something I need to say."

The general noise abated slightly; several nods from chewing heads encouraged him to continue. Shirou took a deep breath. This was the delicate part. Days would have been better really – if they'd had it.

"It's probably occurred to you that it's strange for us – me and Arturia – to have wandered down here. It's not exactly normal."

The noise went down a bit more; now the nods were slighter, eyes watching him more carefully.

"The truth is that we came hunting the blood beasts."

The noise ceased altogether.

"Both of us have the means to kill them. Arturia has been hunting them for years in her own home country, and I've been trying to find their lair ever since I first found victims a week ago. We crossed paths on the chase, so now we're partners on it. In the end, we tracked them here: their lair is somewhere in this area. But we haven't got a hope of finding it on our own."

"We need help – help from all of you. If we can find them, we can kill them, but we'll never do it without you. Please."

Silence. The space was filled with the soundless cringing of people who know they aught to meet your eyes and say something, but can't, or won't. They weren't hostile; he'd achieved that much. But now he had suddenly revealed himself as something different: an elite, a warrior. Someone who had what they didn't. And that was the thing they trusted least of all. They weren't quite ready to reject him – but no one would meet his eyes. And Shirou had no idea what to do about it. He knew how to be kind and helpful, how to join in and be one of the team, and he knew how to stand tall and indomitable as a warrior – but he didn't know how to bridge the gap between the two. The moment he switched roles, he moved away, and he had no notion how to stop it.

And then, so smoothly and subtly he wasn't even sure when it happened, Arturia was the center of attention.

"For two years," she said, her voice quiet, level, and reaching ever corner. "For two years I ran behind these beasts, following a trail of blood, never able to find them, never able to stop them, never in time. I'd sworn to be a soldier of England, I'd sworn to be strong for those who needed me, but in this one thing, I failed every time. Elijah Johnson, thirty-two. Three children. Seraphina Holdston, twenty four, a fiancé. Carl Burgenson, fifty three, three children, five _grandchildren_. I couldn't possibly tell you them all, but I remember, every one. I ran and ran, but all I could find were bodies."

"You look at me, at us, and think we're different, but we aren't. Until now, I've been just as helpless as you. And lives have been lost. Lives that shouldn't have. Lives that cannot be taken back."

"All I can do is strive to stop the next time. And I can't do it without you. All of you." She paused, her gaze sweeping through the crowd. You could have heard a pin drop. Suddenly her eyes flared and her voice rang through the grounds. "I want to fight them! I want to destroy them, for everyone they've killed. They have gotten away with too much; I want to find them, and end this, once and for all! I am tired of running in their wake, tired of wondering whose body I will find next. I want to fight!"

"I want to fight. Don't you?"

And this time, the silence was different. They stared with a fire in their eyes, bodies rigid with an energy, a fervor. The will to stand and turn the tide, forced to silence by their helplessness, woke and burned in every face. Every group has someone who rises to the top when there is something to say. Theirs stood up.

"We'll do it. Whatever you need."

"Everyone wants to fight."

Everyone wants to fight – if they can only find the means. Arturia clasped his hand.

"Then fight we will – and win."

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One: Forgot to tell a time. Actually, that was me. I was sort of automatically assuming twelve o clock when I was getting them there, and suddenly realized that no one had said any time at all! Rather than being planned, that whole bit is one big cover up for my own absent-mindedness. Forgive me Hozuki.

Two: The slums. Again, I just want to remind you all that I only researched them lightly, so as not to grossly mis-represent it. It is not an 'insight' by any definition, unless by happy accident.

Three: Guard dog Rin. Lol. I hadn't actually anticipated her being that way, but once I got to the scene it was clearly beyond my power to prevent. Suddenly I feel sorry for the guy I planned for Sakura…oops, was that a teaser? My bad.

Four: There's gotta be at least one touching scene per chapter. Since all the other potential sources are still building up, and will be for several more chapters, Rin and Sakura are still stealing that spotlight (Shirou and Arturia won't be ready till at least the last third – it's the nature of their part).

Five: Arturia's speech. I learned an important lesson writing that. I was trying to make the proposal for help work, and realized that Shirou was messing up. In the first version, it was more exteme, but even the second time round I felt like something wasn't quite right. Something needed to be done or said, and Shirou couldn't do it. So of course I took a look at Arturia,…and ___bam_, she reminded me of something very important about her that I'd forgotten completely, though in my defense neither the anime nor, I think, any of the game arcs used it either. Her leadership. This is the one time King of Britain, Arthur Pendragon, and a entire nation would once have gladly died in her name. Whatever her position now, that power, the strength to guide, inspire, and unite, is still hers, an instrinsic part of her soul that I could ___not_ignore. I am well served to have been reminded.


	8. Chapter 7: Troubled Princess

.

**Chapter Seven: Troubled Princess**

**.**

**.**

Destroying one third the house had been bad enough without having to fix it.

Well, actually, that was being politically correct. Rin truthfully considered it to have been a very satisfying experience, enhanced only by the knowledge that it would have been nearly impossible to avoid, leaving her able to enjoy the memory conscience free. But dealing with the consequences of having bared the entire left side of her home to the elements was still a serious headache.

"Are you okay, Rin-chan?"

"The first grand purpose you're going to use that money for is to get this stupid hole walled over," Rin grumbled.

"Walled over? The foundations are still good, I was thinking of rebuilding it. Differently, of course. I'm not sure just how yet."

"Whatever _for_?" Rin asked frankly. "This house is too big for the two of us as it is."

"Well," Sakura said, smiling sheepishly. "I just...you know...there's only two of us _now_..."

Rin was, technically, already finished arguing after that. She knew very well that a family of her own figured largely somewhere in Sakura's plans. Though she would probably have a full time job making sure she didn't get the wrong guy. Still, she couldn't help raising her eyebrows and asking, "And just how big of a family do you are going to have, hmm, Nee-chan?"

Sakura blushed a little. "Well...just in case, I thought? And besides," she added more confidently. "Somehow I like the idea of building something of my own over it better than walling it off and pretending it never existed. It's like...like he'd still be controlling things, somehow."

It wasn't how Rin would have put it, but she approved of the sentiment anyway. "Well, I had better get on with this then," she said, turning back to the gap. "The parameters for a blocking spell this specific are a little complicated, and it's getting chilly." She paused, frowning. Getting chilly equaled getting late equaled something she was forgetting about...damn.

"Sakura, have you heard from Shirou?"

"No, why?"

"Illya's dance club is ending soon, so if he hasn't called yet..."

"Oh dear. And Illya probably _will _hide herself in there if you come. At least for a while. She gets more willful when she's stressed."

"And it's a bad time to have to lay siege to a high schooler in her own classroom just to get her home. Damn. I guess we'd better call him, just in case he really is able to get her and just forgot to let us know."

"And...if he can't?"

Rin frowned at Sakura. There was something strange about the way she'd asked that. "I guess I'll have to drag her out then," she said finally. "It'll be a pain, but if I use magic it'll be mostly hers. It's her own fault for being stubborn."

"Rin, you are in the middle of an enchantment that really needs to be finished if we are going to sleep warm tonight. I'm not doing anything, and you know she won't hide from me."

"No way. We're dealing with a psychotic magician with a sixth sense for weak links, remember? I can't send you out like that."

"So that was just a pretty speech back there in the office?"

Rin opened her mouth – and it stayed that way, half open. She stared at Sakura, who was wearing an expression Rin hadn't seen directed at her for more than four years – resentment. It had been nearly as long since Rin had felt so helpless to answer her sister. "Sakura..."

"I may not know any offensive spells, but my defense is second to none and you know it Rin. I have my Armenhides Armlets, and just as much mana as you. I'm perfectly capable of protecting both of us from Zoken until you get there, and you _know _it, Rin! So what's the real reason you won't let me go?"

It was like walking up to a friend and getting slugged in the gut. Rin wanted to sit down right there on the floor; she was surprised her legs didn't just dump her there. "Sakura..."

"Rin," Sakura said more calmly. "You can't protect me that way anymore. You can't hold me this close. Just how am I supposed to make that new life you talked about? Should I wait until you're free to chaperon every time I want to date someone? Should I stay in the house every time you and Shirou find something odd the night before and you can't escort me? I'm not so weak anymore, and even if there are some things I don't deal with so well yet, if you keep doing this I'll never learn. Rin, you have to let me go, even if it's just a little bit. You have to let me do things like this at least, or it's all meaningless. You know I'm right."

"The hell I do!" Rin screamed. Her fist slammed into the wall; her body followed, pressing against it, half leaning and half pushing. "Damnit, Sakura, it's like you don't _want _to know how to defend yourself! You won't try, you won't learn anything at all, not offensive spells not regular self defense and not even putting off men! You're young and beautiful and worst of all you're so damn _gentle_. I thought you were safe the last time I left you, and you were lucky to come out with a soul! What's supposed to happen next time? I was almost too late...damn you." She was crying now, sobbing into the wall, just like Sakura had, all those years ago. "Damn you…_damn_ you…why…why do you _scare _me so much? I don't know when the next time will be…and I can't be late again."

Sakura sighed, very quietly. "Oh Rin." And walked over, and held her from behind while she cried. Just like Rin had done for her, all those years ago.

"You know it's not the same, Rin."

"...I know."

"And I am always going to need you, Nee-chan. I don't ever want you to go away. It's just...it can't go on like this. You know it can't."

Rin didn't say anything.

"I may not be strong the way you are, but I have my own ways, and I'm ready to learn what they are. I already know some of them."

Rin nodded, still facing the wall. "Zoken probably couldn't scratch you before I got there," she admitted. "I know...I know you're strong. But it scares me anyway. It's not...it's just..." her voice trembled, so quiet only Sakura could have hear. "It's just that I love you."

"I know. I know."

Rin took another minute to compose herself. Then she turned around and hugged her fiercely. "After all that, you had better _not_ get scratched, you hear me? If you so much as scrape yourself on the school gate, they're going to have to raise taxes to repair the damages."

Sakura smiled and hugged her back. "I promise. Neither of us will get scratched."

"Illya can get scratched if she wants," Rin muttered. Sakura just shook her head.

"So I'll go then," she said quietly.

"_If _Shirou says he's not coming," Rin rallied.

"Yes."

Rin took a deep breath, and let go."I guess I had better call."

"I'll do it Rin. The house is already getting cold. You need to finish that spell."

Rin smiled, a little painfully. "Yes. That's true."

And Sakura let go.

And Sakura walked away.

It was just an ordinary short distance, just down the hall, but it felt like a thousand years, a thousand miles, and a hundredth of a heartbeat, and Rin watched her the whole way, fighting desperately not to break down and drag her back.

It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like she was moving away. Just picking up Illya – it was just a little thing. She was _twenty_, for heaven's sake. Except her age wasn't the point, and she knew it.

In the end, in order to grow, first they have to move away. Or there's no room for them to grow in.

And when they do, it hurts.

"Is this...how a mother feels, then? How do they stand it...?"

...

Back on the other side of town, the last two hours had gone by in a blur. After Arturia's speech, no one held back anymore, and they had found themselves flooded with information, all of which they wanted to hear, but in all it's volume proved difficult to keep track of. Shirou would have been at a loss completely, but Arturia was used to this kind of campaign.

"You use a map," she explained. "I had one in England when I started on this case. Of course I know now why it didn't work, it couldn't have: they were based in Germany, not England. I didn't have a chance then. But this is different. We know the base is here this time. You use a map, and colored markers for the attacks. Put them on the right places on the map, and you can build a snapshot of everything that's happened. And if you do it right, then eventually you get a pattern. And then you have them."

Which made perfect sense of course, but the problem was that places like this didn't _have_ maps, not proper official ones. Which meant they had to make one as they went. Except it had to be decently made, clear and in proper detail, not to mention correct, or it wouldn't do any good. Which meant that all in all, it was taking quite a bit of time to make progress. Luckily, when the Once and Future King lit a fire in you, it didn't go out in a hurry – everyone pitched in and nobody grumbled. But all in all it was no wonder that everything else went clear out of his head until his pocket rang and he instinctively glanced at the time.

"Ah, _shoot_, hold on a second everyone...hello, Rin?"

"Rin's busy putting up a spell to keep the cold out. There's quite a big hole in the wall at the moment you see." Sakura's voice said.

Shirou, who generally never went to the Matou house – everyone had always gathered at his somehow – had not seen, at all, whatever havoc the battle had wrought. He did know Rin's style though – if she set out to erase someone, it didn't surprise him that quite a bit of innocent inanimate material had gotten erased in the process. "Right. Okay. Look, I'm sorry I forgot, things are really busy here-"

"It's fine. I'll pick her up while Rin finishes the spell. She won't give me trouble, though I'm sure she'd rather see you."

Shirou winced quietly. She probably would have, and he knew right now she needed that kind of reassurance. But it couldn't be helped – this was really important. It was their best chance at the moment, and going too well to stop.

"Okay, thanks. By the way, how did it go? Was it a lot of money?"

"Ah, well...you could say a lot...I guess..."

"I see."

"I'm trying not to think too hard about it right now. Rin said I should just focus on knowing that I don't have to worry about money whenever I do things."

"Sounds good. So there wasn't any trouble then?"

"No, as a matter of fact there wasn't at all."

"So Zoken was...?"

"Dead."

"Well yes, but legally-"

"That's just what I mean. He was legally dead. He died about about two hundred years ago after working out the family's money system. As far as the records were concerned, he simply didn't exist."

"But...then how could he...?"

"Because they let him. He didn't need official power: no one in the family thought to tell him no. He just stayed in charge by raw authority – for two hundred years."

"Well..." Shirou said slowly. "I guess...it's a good thing he wasn't a Tohsakan."

Sakura laughed. "Yes. I suppose so. So I'll pick up Illya. You come whenever is good. Until seven, I mean of course."

"Why? What happens at seven?"

"You realize that it is quite late enough and call it a day!" Sakura snapped.

"Oh. Right."

...

Sakura glared at the phone for a full ten seconds before heading out the door.

She had told Rin that she should make the call because Rin needed to get back to work, and it was true. She'd also wanted to seal the point she'd been making, and she was pretty sure Rin had realized. Though she hadn't planned on it, it also served another purpose: it helped her set back to normal before she went out. By the time she reached Illya's school, she was more or less in her usual state of mind. Which was good, because Illya noticed these things more often than you'd think. And right now, Sakura was pretty sure Illya was going through an emotional crisis. She didn't need to see those she depended on off balance. She was still very much a child that way. Of course, that was really part of the whole problem...

Still, it had been a dance club day. That always helped.

The problem with Shirou, Sakura mused as she passed through the school gates, was that he had no insight into this kind of thing. His life had been driven by a clear, powerful determination, and he'd had a strong soul and a strong parent he looked up to. He had no understanding of what it was to have a past that contradicted with your beliefs of the present. To him, regret was the most alien emotion. So naturally, he had never been quite able to realize that this was exactly what Illya had been struggling with ever since he took her in.

The dance club used the stage room, working its times around the drama club. Sakura knew her way around quite well – it had not been that long since she'd attended school here, so it was easy to think as she went.

As the Einzbern champion, Illya had been expected to do some very difficult things, some of them cruel. She'd killed at least once, possibly more. In point of fact she'd killed Sakura's foster brother Shinji, but there was little love lost there - he'd been on Zoken's side of the family equation, to put it simply. Also, as the Einzbern trump card she'd been isolated from any other source of influence, which had produced, eventually, the rather terrifying bundle of contradicting traits that Shirou had faced down as Berserker's Master. And then he'd won, and it had all turned upside down. The one outside influence on her life – outside of her own heart – was abruptly removed, and suddenly she was being cared for by someone who expected her to just be herself. At first, bewildered, she'd seized the chance to be carefree as the easiest route. And then, over time, she'd come to really understand what she'd found, what it meant, and how real, caring people lived. And then she couldn't stop being carefree.

Because she understood what she'd done.

And Shirou had no understanding of that kind of conflict. Oh, he cared, he cared deeply for her. He took to both fatherhood and brotherhood naturally, and fulfilled both roles for her with a will. He understood that there was something sensitive at the heart of her immaturity, and so he'd done his best to be supportive, and never said the things some men might have, never told her to 'grow up', or 'take responsibility'. That much he knew to do – but no more. He simply lacked the insight to understand.

In school she was pure childish brightness, at home she was a slightly spoiled princess. But, Sakura knew as she opened the door, right now the only time she was really at peace was when she danced.

Because when she did, both the past and future went away.

Club was clearly over - the room was empty. The various members of the club had gone home. But Illya still stood in the middle, gazing about, seeming somehow lost in midst of the vast empty room. And then somewhere the music player began, and, there in her uniform, she began to dance. Eyes closed, face empty, serene. Once again temporarily at peace.

"I knew it...she isn't okay at all."

Sakura blinked, and looked to the side. Dance club wasn't precisely private; technically anyone could come in and watch. If it was Illya, it wasn't entirely surprising that a boy or two took the option. But the one in the corner, watching Illya with worried eyes, didn't seem like your average gawker. There was no simple boyish puppy love or adoration slopped over his face, no drooling adolescence. He just watched, smiling a little - but also a little sad.  
"Are you one of Illya's friends?"

The boy jumped, looking a little guilty. He hadn't been doing anything wrong, but watching someone without being seen tends to make you react that way anyway.

"Ahh! Oh. Umm, not really. I'm one of her classmates."

"I see," Sakura said, knowing very well that Illya had never became personally close enough to any of her classmates to be called a friend. Still, she had hoped she'd found an exception. "Do you often come here to watch her?"

"Well...sometimes. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. There's nothing wrong. She's a very good dancer. I don't suppose she knows your name," Sakura said resignedly.

"Probably not," he admitted, smiling ruefully. "She really – holds people back. Even though she acts that way."

Sakura nodded. It was at least partially inevitable: there were too many adult experiences in Illya's life for her to easily identify with those who at least appeared her age. It was unfortunate, and she'd always hoped she'd manage to find someone. So much for that.

"Excuse me – Matou-san?"

"I've never been entirely comfortable with the name Matou," Sakura said with a socially correct smile that gave no sign that she hated the name with a passion, for extremely good reasons. "Please call me Sakura."

He blinked a bit. Sakura suddenly felt strangely old – since when was she someone second year students felt hesitant to address that way? "Okay. Umm, Sakura-san. You – spend a lot of time with Illya, right? Even though she lives with Shirou."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

He shifted a bit, unconsciously putting a hand behind his head. "So, can you tell me if...if there's something wrong with her? Please? I know I'm not family and it's none of my business, but she's been so strange all day, and I've never seen her stay after club this way before, so...I'm sorry," he said, misinterpreting her expression. "I've asked you something private, haven't I? It's okay if you don't tell me."

Sakura shook her head. "No, it's fine. It's very kind of you to ask." Why where the people with the least to apologize for always the first to offer? "There's been an issue with a member of her former family. There's no danger of her leaving, but it's been hard for her anyway. She doesn't have good memories of them." Calling Sakura a good liar the way Rin was wouldn't have been _entirely _accurate - diplomatic would have been a better word. It was a difference of philosophy.

The boy nodded. "I'm sorry for asking," he said again. "And thank you for telling me."

"Do you often worry about her?" Sakura asked gently.

He smiled slightly, looking away. "Well, when she's not looking anyway."

"I see."

And they just watched together for a moment, letting her dance. She really was graceful; that could be put down to the homunculus manipulation, but the way she applied it to the music was entirely her own. Shirou had the right of it – no matter how she came to be or what the Einzbern family did, anything with the will to act and the ability to think, had a soul, and no power on earth could take it. And no simple act, however heinous, destroy it.

The boy's voice came softly, like he'd half forgotten she was there. "It's just...the way she smiles...it's like one of those crystal bubbles that glitter in the sun, only they're so fragile, and if they shatter, they'll never shine again. And I never know what's going to do it. Because I don't know why she shines, or why she's hollow."

"She's had very difficult things happen to her, and had to do difficult things in turn," Sakura said quietly. "Until she came here, she had no chance to find the things that made herself, things to anchor her soul. All we can do – any of us – is be there for her. As much as we can, as often as we can."

The boy was staring at her. She met his eyes firmly. "And there's never too many for that. Please, don't be embarrassed for caring. Rather, I'm grateful for it. If it's for her, you can ask me whatever you like. All right?"

He nodded.

"Even if she doesn't know your name, I think I should. You are?"

"Ryuudou Kouji."

Sakura's brows knit. "Ryuudou -" Her eyes widened in surprise. "Ryuudou – you're related to Issei-kun!"

"My older brother. He keeps saying he wants to get back in touch with Shirou, but it never seems to happen. Is he all right too?"

"It does often happen that way after high school doesn't it? Yes, he's fine, though his work has been even more hectic than usual lately. I'll tell him Issei is wondering about him."

"Thank you."

"Hey! Helloooo? Sakura-san? Are we going home or not?"

Cue the subject. "You're the one who decided to hold extended club practice, Illya. And it's rude to talk that way to someone in a conversation. Or didn't you notice your classmate here?" The boy deserved better than to be ignored, after worrying that much.

Illya blinked and looked over. "Oh," she said, "The not so f—uhhhh," her voice trailed off under Sakura's blistering glare.

"You really don't know his name, do you?"

"It's okay, I don't really talk to her much anyway," Kouji said hastily. Sakura wasn't taking that. At the very least, Illya was _going _to learn his name, or she'd know the reason why. "Illya, this is Ryuudou Kouji. He's Issei-kun's younger brother, you might remember Shirou was friends with him the first two years you were with us."

"Oh. Okay."

"Okay _what_?"

Illya spluttered a bit. "Okay hi then! Nice to meet you. Let's go home already. Where's Shirou anyway?"

Sakura gave up for the moment, and turned to leave with a sigh. "Still where he said he was going to be," she started to explain as they left.

...

Behind them, Kouji sighed and leaned against the wall. After everything Issei had said about all the magical outbursts in town, nearly all around the Emiya residence, he'd been really worried about Illya. But it must be all right, if even Sakura was that bright. She was almost as strong as that blond foreigner, and he'd never seen that much mana in a person before. Illya must be safe, with people like that. Physically, anyway.

And now he'd better hurry, or Issei would chew him out for being late. He still hadn't gotten the summoning spell right.

...

As per orders, Shirou and Arturia were home before seven. The others had already started eating, so they had to hurry a bit to catch up. Arturia was simply glad there was plenty left. Once they'd finished, it was time for their usual pow-wow.

Arturia and Shirou had the most to contribute, of course. What parts of the map had been finished were brought out, shown and discussed, though there wasn't enough yet to try and find the pattern Arturia said should eventually show itself. Rin herself promptly cast several spells to ensure the papers' safety, since there would be no easy replacement of it. And as they continued to peruse it, she grew continually more thoughtful, finger slowly, absently tapping as she observed what there was of the map with an indrawn stare.

"Maybe...interesting...with Parnheim's principle..."

"Rin?" Arturia finally asked.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry. It's just you've given me an idea. About how I might use what I've learned about them. I can't be sure it'll work, so there's no use talking about it now."

"All right."

"Getting back to the moment, we're done for now, aren't we?"

Shirou blinked. "I think so...do you need to be somewhere?"

"Not exactly. Arturia asking me about new magic reminded me. Arturia, you do realize that you're only using a tenth of the potential of that technique of yours, right? You could actually improve just about all your mana use quite a bit, with the right instruction."

Arturia smiled warmly. "As a matter of fact, I'd hoped from the beginning that I might find someone to teach me here. I understood magic practitioners to be more common in Japan. There are hardly any in England - I suppose it's the history. I was lucky to get any instruction at all."

"It is partially the history – I can tell you about that too if you'd like, but first things first. Since you're willing, would you like to have sessions for the rest of your stay? I can do it here if we use this time, and at least some of it you'll be able to use very quickly, in time for the showdown, probably."

"I'd love to."

"Well, that's settled then. Shirou, do you mind if we use the space just out back? There are some latent protection spells for safe practice there, probably from your father. If I wake them up they'll serve nicely."

"Really? They must include blocking sight and sound, I never knew he still practiced."

"Well, it wouldn't be safe indoors and you have neighbors, don't you? It's quite the double life, being a magician. Should I take that as a yes?"

"Go ahead. I'll get Illya started here."

"I want to watch them practice," Illya promptly announced.

"You'll be a distraction. You can help me and Sakura clean up first if you want."

"Then I get a break after, before the homework."

"Well, that's fine I guess, since it's you. So long as you don't dawdle after the break's over."

Without consulting each other, Arturia and Rin decided to let the haggling go on without them.

...

"Right," Rin said briskly, once she'd finished reviving the spells. "Now, just how much were you actually taught?"

"How to access and control the flow from my magic circuits, and how to visualize it," Arturia said promptly. "Using it to enhance my physical abilities came more or less naturally; I had to perfect how to fight with it by trial and error."

Rin frowned. "Who in the world gave you such a half-hearted lesson?"

Arturia smiled fondly. "Please don't speak of him that way, he did his best. He was a traveling magician, normally he never stayed long in one place at all. He wasn't going to this time either but...I guess he saw something in me, in the end. I convinced him to teach me."

"I see. All right then. Start by forming your blades."

Arturia nodded. She no longer needed to concentrate or even think to do it: they simply came, glowing lines of shaped, humming yellow energy that ran down the entire length of her forearm, extending roughly one foot from the tips of her fingers.

"Good. Now, show me some of the usual shifts you use in combat."

Arturia made the blades momentarily flash first two and then three feet beyond their usual length, and then demonstrated several of the solid shapes she used for defense.

"Very good. Control is smooth, but then, you've been doing it for a while. Now, just what are you doing to achieve this?"

"I'm channeling raw power down my arms and shaping it into something solid or real enough to affect things, either to cut them or stop them. Even when they're stopping, they burn."

"Exactly. What you are doing uses magical power in a very raw form. Magic is energy – by nature it can cut, sear, or burn, as well as energize, which how you're enhancing. All of your techniques draw on uses for it's natural state: even your shielding is only a partial transmutation. True transmutation of power - to do things like heal, levitate, freeze, block sound or enhance it, and so forth – is done through spellcasting. But teaching you even the basics of that from scratch would takes weeks at the very least, and we have less than one. However, I can teach you to vastly expand the range of your ability to shape your magic. Right now you can only use close in, conventional shapes. But you can learn to do much more complicated things, and project it at range... is something wrong?"

"Well...about the ranged bit..."

"What, it's very useful."

"Yes, I'm sure it is, but...well..."

Rin's eyes widened. "Are you telling me – you can't shoot? You?"

"Please don't tell the others. My shooting practice sold tickets among the men, before I made a hand to hand bout part of the price tag."

"I...see..." Rin said, struggling between twin urges to goggle and giggle, neither of which would be appreciated. "Well I...I'll be sure not to tell them then. Anyway, you've got nothing to worry about – magical ranged attacks depend on focus, not hand to eye coordination. It's purely dependent on your mental ability to direct it. Entirely different skill set."

"Oh good. Then I'd be delighted to learn."

"Right then. What you are going to do is practice visualizing complex geometric shapes. Not understanding them, but visualizing them – being able to see the entire structure absolutely clear and defined. Then you'll move on to visualizing complex _moving_ shapes, in patterns and such. What form you can clearly see and hold in your mind, your magic can take. From there, it will all be up to your ability to apply it. With me so far?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then why don't you start with something like these..."

...

In the end, the lesson itself wasn't so long – Rin made sure she understood what she needed to do and how, but after that, it was up to her to find times to practice it until the next night, when they'd test how far she could apply it to her magic.

"In the long run," Rin told her. "This is something you can practice on your own. You should be able to shield your whole body at once with practice, and be able to take on multiple enemies at a distance. It's all a matter of vision." All of which sounded very good to Arturia, who'd read stories of what real mages were supposed to be able to do and ground her teeth at night.

In the house, there was quite a bit of teeth grinding going on. Shirou seemed to have won his battle with Illya, but there were still minor skirmishes occurring at random intervals as Illya's eyes would stray up from her paper and meet Shirou's stern ones.

"Stop _watching _me!"

"We've tried _that _before."

"That was a long time ago."

"Well, you seem to be regressing tonight," said Shirou, clearly wishing she'd just let it rest. He was well aware it was the situation making her so much more stubbornly infantile, but that didn't change the fact that she needed to do this, and he knew it wasn't actually hard for her.

Illya pouted and looked back to her paper. Arturia frowned thoughtfully. Like Shirou, she knew where all this was coming from, but it was still making for a very uncomfortable atmosphere – even Sakura looked like she'd like to be elsewhere. After a moment, Arturia walked over to look at the offending paperwork.

"I know and I'm doing it so go away!" Illya yelled without looking up.

"Illya! She didn't even say anything!" Shirou scolded.

Illya looked up quickly and then back down, her mulish expression giving way for some slight apology. "I thought you were Rin," she muttered. Feeling Shirou's gaze lighten not the slightest, she lost most of what contriteness she'd had. "I'm sorry and I'm busy so go away!"

Arturia opened her mouth. "Well..."

"And I don't need help!"

"I couldn't even if you did," Arturia said honestly – she might speak Japanese well, but the paper was so many painted lines to her. Inspiration struck. "Maybe you can help _me._"

Illya was surprised right out of being sulky. "Heh? How?"

"I speak Japanese well, but I can hardly read it at all," Arturia explained. "For example, I can't make head or tail of that paper of yours. You already know most of it anyway, so maybe you can teach me how to read it as you fill it out."

There was a moments silence, as everyone in the room sensed a change in the emotional barometer. There was a sense of people waiting to see whether a drizzle was going to peter out completely or rev into full torrents. Then Illya broke into a big smile.

"Sure! That's sounds _much _more fun." She scooted over; Arturia sat down.

"Okay, now most of this is Hiragana – you know about the three alphabets, right? - so this part right here says..."

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One: Final Rin/Sakura. With one last bow, the Rin/Sakura subplot is concluded, at least so far as it contains plot elements – they are certainly not going anywhere! But after this, each of their scenes will be their own. And later, Illya's complex bobs smoothly into sight. I knew this was roughly how it should work – somehow, left alone, it nearly always works out. Writing is so magic.

Two: Beside for simple emotional harmony, Arturia brings one other very important element to the Emiya household: professionalism. Shirou has the strength and the resolve, but not the practical know-how. Arturia does, and is perfectly happy to share. Quite important, as I intend to prove his resolution more than pipe dreams. Many describe Shirou in the anime as a 'wanna-be' hero – I disagree. Shirou was a ___could-be_– big difference.

Three: Zoken. I like the suggestion that Zoken only had power because he was given it. There was, to me, something very poignant about that revelation, especially when you realize just how right he was. He really didn't need legal power, and somehow that's sad all by itself. Though it is probably a _very _good thing that he didn't have to try to pull that on Rin. I'm with Shirou on that. And to be perfectly honest, what I was actually thinking when I came up with it was, "What nice, simple explanation can I come up with that I will understand without consulting a lawyer myself?" Lol.

Four: Shirou got scolded. Again. Haha.

Five: And Illya's issues are laid out. This was interesting, as it is usually a deadly mistake to try and establish something like that by having a character tell it. Tends to fall flat on its face and bore in the bargain. But I think it worked this time. Perhaps because we've already been shown it – rather than being told how to interpret what we are going to see, this way you were being given a clearer perspective on what you've already been shown. In any case, my instincts told me to go ahead, so I did.

Six: We are introduced to the 'not so funny guy.' Hehe. Hope you liked his identity. Just out of curiousity, how many of you saw it coming? Not his identity, just his role.

Seven: I am told by my mother that there is a very funny old play called 'ma'am', or something like that, about a yound woman's response to her first time being called that instead of miss. Describing Sakura's discovery that she is now an adult to fifteen year olds, I was thinking of that. (while I'm confessing private connections to story lines, have I mentioned that every time I read Rin asking Zoken how old he is – and yes, even when I wrote it – I hear Eowyn (The Two Towers) in my head saying "You cannot be eighty!" Sigh. Droll but true.)

Eight: Wait, what? Issei is monitoring magical outbursts in the area? His brother can see mana? He'd going home to learn a summoning spell from Issei? Bwahaha…welcome to one of my most original plot twists, which I am not yet going to explain. When the details of how and why they came to be are revealed in the story, I will tell you about how and why I thought of it. Until then, bust a brain cell or two. Show you care!

Nine: For the record, I made up 'Parnheim's Principle' on the spot. I don't even know what it is. Make it up if you want – I'm game to hear it. Of course, you should wait until you know what Rin's planning to do first.

Ten: Did any of you notice that the name given to the old man who taught her, Marvin, sounds a bit like Merlin? In Disney's The Sword and the Stone, which now repulses me of course but fascinated me at age seven or so, one character keeps calling Merlin that. I liked the suggestion that once again, somehow, her age old mentor set her feet on the path to glory. He will not show up again though – two reincarnations in the plot are enough (oh wait, you haven't met '_that_' yet, have you? I dropped a teaser again. Bad, bad author! ___Don't_tease the readers!)

Eleven: Arturia can't shoot! I loved that. Think, when does she ever shoot anything besides for her Noble Phantasm? She doesn't. That doesn't have to mean she can't all by itself of course, but I like the unexpected humanity of the revelation. Even the onetime Pendragon isn't perfect. If you're the type that likes 'em as paragons, too bad. Write your own fanfic.

Twelve: It has always been the plan for Arturia to bond with everyone, not just Shirou. And of them all, second only to Shirou, is Illya. Why? Because he's adopted her, that's why! Don't ask obvious questions. I was trying to think of good ways for Arturia and Illya to spend quality time, and homework help is a classic – except that Illya doesn't need help. In the end, I think this was the better solution, partly because of Illya's peculiar mix of childlike and adult characteristics, but also because the best bonds are based in give and take – mutual support, interdependant need. Yuuichi x Mai is my favorite example of this, though the anime didn't have the sense to realize – I had to do it for them (see my short alternate ending, "Can You Make a Miracle?").


	9. Chapter 8: Past and Present

.

**Chapter Eight: Past and Present**

**.**

**.**

Somehow, it felt better to be starting a new day. Even though she knew nothing had really changed.

Still, Illya felt calmer when she woke up. And that in itself was a wonder: woke up? Not woken up? Either she'd opened her eyes at the right time by a sheer miracle, or the adults were still being nice. It was too much to hope that she was missing lessons again though. Of course, if they'd been giving her slack _and _it was still morning, then was there still breakfast?

Illya dressed fast.

She needn't have worried. Sakura always cooked the right amount, and hers was waiting. So were the day's plans.

"Arturia is going to take you to school today," Sakura told her. "And one of them will take you back this time. Okay?"

"Mmm," Illya said quickly between munches. They had let her sleep in a bit, so she had to hurry. Also she generally gave them a minute when they asked her such things to stew over whether this might be the time she decided to be arbitrary. It was long standing game, and playing it helped solidify the morning's no doubt fragile sense of normalcy. Soon enough it would all go to pieces again, and then...then whatever.

"Okay," she said after a minute. "I can quiz Arturia-san on last night on the way."

"You're a very attentive teacher," Arturia said with her usual faint smile. "Are you almost done? I'm ready when you are."

"Mmmphrrf – almost," Illya said, shifting from quick bites to out and out rapid stuffing. After a minute or so she sighed and stood up. "Okay. I'll get my stuff. And I'll get out last nights sheet to go over."

"All right."

...

Two minutes later they headed out. Shirou could hear them through the door as they left, already talking about how Hiragana was supported by Katakana and how Kanji laced throughout. It had only been three days, and Illya was treating her like an older sister to Shirou's older brother – and Arturia, knowingly or not, was returning it.

Sakura put a hand on his arm.

"It'll be okay, this time," she said quietly. "I'm sure."

Shirou smiled sadly. "Maybe," he said quietly. "Maybe."

"I had better make our lunches."

Sakura nodded, watching as he got up and left. And her eyes, too, were sad. "It will work out," she whispered. "It has too. Losing her twice – that's too cruel. Just too cruel..."

...

Somewhere on the way to Fuyuki High, [look up]Arturia sighed. "No offense Illya, but the Japanese writing system really is absurdly complicated. Three alphabets? And one isn't even phonetic."

"Hey, don't look at me. _I_ was born in Germany. That's a Romance language, uses the same alphabet as English. It makes much more sense. You can't talk though – English may have a simpler alphabet but it makes up for it with totally random pronunciation."

"Yes I know, it's the first thing every language teacher I've ever heard of says when people complain. You really are a natural."

Illya grinned. "Oh? Then what's this symbol mean?"

Arturia peered at the sheet Illya was holding. "Ahhh – kyo?"

"Nope, that one's ryo, but at least you got the category. Learning this stuff is supposed to take a while. It really is a lot more complicated than the Romance alphabet." She stuffed the sheet back in her bag. "That's enough now. I'm bored. You were in an elite unit back at home, right?"

"_Am_ in an elite unit," Arturia corrected gently. "Yes, very."

"Did you always mean to do that?"

"More or less. Growing up in the orphanage, I learned I was different from others. Where they became afraid, or gave in, I never did, and I was stronger than the ones who tried to make me. And I could make other people stop being afraid, and be stronger. Once I'd realized how much I could protect, I never really considered anything else."

"It was tough training though, right?"

"Very. Even for me."

"And...in the training – they taught you how to kill, didn't they? And not hesitate."

"Yes." Arturia said quietly.

Illya stopped walking. "Arturia-san – have you killed someone before?"

"Yes. Several times. All necessary."

Illya's breath caught. She ducked her head, fists clenched; Arturia could see her shaking. "Mine...mine wasn't necessary," she whispered. "Mine...mine was..."

_ "Mine was just murder_!_"_

"_Illya, look at me_!"

It was the kind of voice you couldn't disobey – by the time you thought to, you'd done it. Illya's eyes rose to meet hers, tears flowing like a stream. Arturia gripped both shoulders hard.

"_Never_ say that again. I have seen killers, Illya. I've seen the kind of people who can say they have murdered. Don't you _ever_ let me hear you compare yourself to them again."

"But...I did...I killed him...and he'd already lost his Servant. He didn't have the character to get another. I knew it – but I did it anyway. I killed him."

Arturia shook her head. "It's like you said, Illya. You were badly raised. Remember?"

"That's mean...don't taunt me that way! You know I'm not really a child. You know why I look this way! I'm as old as you_. _And I killed him!"

"You were still a child."

"I was fifteen!"

"It's not that simple Illya. It's not about numbers. It's about how you think and how you decide, and most of all it's about deciding for yourself_. _It's about independence, and Illya, independence was the last thing your grandfather wanted you to have. They raised you to achieve _their _dreams, instead of your own. You were, without question, a child. What you did then was in their name. What you do now is what makes you."

"I don't even know what that _means_." She was weeping in earnest now. "When Berserker died – it was like the world ended. Everything, everything I had been...it was all gone, and the ones I'd been trying to kill were taking care of me, and Shirou wasn't letting anyone hurt me, and no one expected me to _do _anything. I didn't know – I didn't know _anything_. And I still don't - I can't help acting this way. I have to live from day to day, or I don't know how to live at all. Shirou says – he says real family just wants each other to be happy. But I can't even figure out that much. In the end, I just can't stop being the Einzbern's homunculus, but I want to, I want to so bad."

She was sobbing more quietly now, shoulders slumped under Arturia's hands. She shifted her grip so it was more like holding; Illya just sort of fell forward and kept sobbing, head on her chest.

"I can't believe you really have that little idea what makes you happy, Illya. Everyone knows when they feel most at peace."

Illya shook her head. "I can't. I can't find it. Every time I try, instead – instead I remember the blood. Whatever I do, it's always there. The only thing I could find was dancing – and it's just running away."

Arturia frowned. "Dancing is running?"

Illya nodded. "When I'm moving to the music, it's like, thats all there is, and I don't have to think about anything. The present just – takes over. I thought it could help me think, but it really just let me feel better about the present. I still couldn't move on."

"I see."

"Arturia-san—"

"You can drop the san if you like. I'm used to it anyway."

Illya nodded. "Arturia – how do you do it? How do you live after you've killed someone you shouldn't have? Don't you know anyone who did that at all? Someone – someone who wasn't bad."

She paused. "I'm...not bad, am I?"

"No. And I did know someone who never adapted to killing. He was very skilled, but somehow, that part of the conditioning he couldn't do. To tell the truth, I told him he should quit – that he shouldn't twist himself, but he tried anyway. He had nightmares, for a very long time. I heard this second-hand of course – he'd failed utterly, he wasn't with us anymore. But the last I knew...he'd joined one of those shelters for people in desperate places, the kind where the people they take care of might try to rob or kill them next. He was very valued there, and his job was to incapacitate, not kill. And he was supposed to keep caring. I guess helping that way let him make peace with himself."

"I don't want to do something like that."

"No. But it's a more basic lesson than that." She put her hands on either side of Illya's head, tilting her face to look at her. "What you do every day, today, is your best answer against the past. Not to justify what you did, but to prove you've acknowledged it, and make good. He couldn't bring the man he killed back to life, and to be honest, the man was better dead. But something about what he'd chosen to fill his days let him go to sleep at night. There will be something, Illya. Something you can do, that will give you an answer for the blood. It has been done before. It won't haunt you forever."

Illya had finally stopped crying. It still took her another minute, but Arturia waited patiently. Finally she gave a shaky sigh and pulled back. "We'd better hurry. I'm going to be late."

Arturia glanced at her watch and winced. "_Very _true."

"Umm...Arturia?"

"Hm?"

"Can you be the one to pick me up today?"

Arturia smiled.

"Yes."

...

Some victories are earned again every day. Or so Sakura believed. Today, she was affirming two new ones. One was her new inheritance. One was her right to help.

Even without Rin's reluctance, there really wasn't an obvious gap for her to fill. She could try to join Shirou and Arturia of course, but there just wasn't any need for it. And after helping set Rin up for the day - if she didn't leave lunch and some snacks already made and strategically placed, there was no knowing when she'd eat – she knew that she wouldn't be able to help with Rin's new spell. It dipped into areas of magic she hadn't learned. So she had agreed to blend two purposes, figuring that she would at least have something to show for one of them. She would patrol about the better parts of town that Shirou was no longer checking, attempting to fill in a part of the picture the others couldn't spare to monitor. And barring anything significant coming of that, she hoped to begin to get some grasp on just what it was she wanted to do with herself.

The truth was that until Rin had said it, she hadn't even realized just how incomplete her life had been compared to her friends. The barriers, the narrow set path of her life that her adoption had placed, had been there so long she had forgotten what they really were. But Rin had without doubt been right, and now, faced with both the realization that she had only just begun to live and the knowledge of her freedom to choose, she found herself increasingly restless. Whether she would find her answer today, tomorrow, or next year she didn't know, but she did know an undeniable need to move, and there was every reason to indulge it.

That was the real reason in the end – while it was nice to have someone checking on things in other parts of town, they no longer expected to find significant leads there. But it was still a victory on principle. And she still intended to take both seriously.

So she walked the streets, looking about for ideas on how she might get some sense of purpose for her life and, at the same time, get some idea of the blood beasts activities in the area. A tall order. It occurred to her that part of the reason that she drew such a blank slate when she thought 'what do I want to do' was because she had never thought about or held a job. Whether for themselves, for other reasons, successfully or not, everyone's life involved ended up involving work, and she had to start somewhere – there were worst ways to start to familiarize herself than to work part time. And if she worked in a job where she talked to people in the area regularly...perhaps combining the two wouldn't be so hard after all.

Of course, she'd need to find someplace that was looking...and where she could successfully work...her eyes roamed down the street and stopped.

HIRAGI DAY CARE

And, in the window: Help Wanted.

Aha.

...

"You realize that we won't pay much," the woman said sharply. Sakura's clothes worried her. She needed someone bad, but she didn't really need someone spoiled and rich who'd get fed up and leave her in the same position. All that did was upset the children.

"The pay doesn't matter," Sakura said. "I don't really need it anyway. I'm just – trying to find something to do with myself. And I've always loved children. I'm perfectly used to working, if that's what you mean. Just not for someone else."

The lady frowned over narrow glasses. She looked harried – too many children and too few hands wore you down fast. "Look, Abraxas is already in there, so how about you make a trail run of it? We'll decide after today."

"Alright. Thank you very much. Um...who?"

"Abraxas. Our other assistant. He's been with us a few months now, I don't know how we would have managed otherwise. Don't worry, you'll know him when you see him. Trust me."

Sakura eye the woman nervously: she looked strangely amused. "Ahh...if you say so?"

The office was in front, in a sort of recessed rectangle. Most daycares were wide and open, but this one seemed to have been converted from some other purpose, and so there were several smaller rooms to go through before Sakura found the one presently in use. She opened the door, scanned briefly, and blinked.

Her first impression was of an eight foot tall swarming mass of five year olds. On closer inspection, she saw that it was actually a mass of five year olds swarming over an eight foot tall man. Huge in every way,he could have been very intimidating...if he hadn't had children dangling from all over his clothes like pom-poms. There was something deeply endearing about the way the man simply stood and smiled while children clambered over him as if he were a gym, patiently enduring the inevitable tugs and pulls. She couldn't help it: she smiled broadly. He looked like a kindergarten tree.

"Are you Abra-ahh, I'm sorry...Abraxas?"

"Yes. Well done. I had a much harder time with your names once." The man replied, seemingly perfectly at ease talking while serving as a child hanger. Well, Hiragi-san had said he'd been here a while

"I've studied a few other languages. German mostly. Your name doesn't sound familiar at all though. What is it?"

"Greek."

"Really? Whatever brought you here?"

Abraxas shrugged. Three children screamed and struggled to maintain their grip. Abraxas, seemingly, took no notice. "What brings you here? You haven't brought a child, so you aren't a customer?"

"No, I'm an employee. To be, anyway. Hiragi-sama told me to try out for the day."

"Then we are co-workers. But you already know my name."

"I'm Matou Sakura. Nice to meet you."

"Same. Sakura means cherry blossom, yes? A pretty name."

"Thank you. It's quite common though. Does your name mean anything?"

"Yes. It is the name of one of the sun god's horses in Greek mythology. As I understand it, my mother said 'he may be the light of my life one day, but he felt like a horse coming out' and my father took inspiration." Sakura giggled. "It is also the name of a demon," Abraxas added.

Sakura blinked. "That's a strange overlap. A bringer of light and a being of darkness."

"Yes. I've always thought so."

There was something...strange, about the way he said it. A still heaviness of unsaid thought. But it wasn't in Sakura's place to ask. She was here to help, and however well he might be enduring, it was clear Abraxas needed it. She walked briskly over to stand in front with her hands on hips. "Well," she declared, "What a fine crop of children you have there! Can I pick one?" The children giggled. Abraxas smiled. "Only if they're ripe. You can tell when they won't come off."

"I see," Sakura said, soberly poking the side of a boy dangling from Abraxas's right arm. The boy giggled and squirmed but clung on. "Hmmm, this one is still a little green. Which one of you _can_ I pick, I wonder?"

...

Behind her, the lady sighed and went back to her papers. She never did seem to run out of things to worry about – but at least she was one less.

...

As far as Shirou was concerned, there was more to worry about every day.

Of course, people like Hiragi-san would be inclined to suggest that this was just life as usual, and wasn't he used to it yet? But their worries didn't involve other peoples lives.

Their work in the slums right now consisted of two parts: construct the map, and investigate the locations. Arturia was working on the map for now: not only was she the one who'd used them before, but she had a near magic touch with the locals. Already they all seemed to trust her, and even respect her. Shirou privately wondered if the way they smiled and paid attention when she walked down the street was anything like the way the inhabitants of Old Britain had shown their love for their King Arthur. In any case, it was obvious which one should be staying with the map, and Shirou had no problems with it.

His problem was that every time he returned, against all odds of math, the number of recorded cases seemed to have doubled. Finally Arturia took him aside.

"Shirou, you have to calm down. I understand your rage but at this rate it's going to affect your ability to function. You're not in control."

"Of course I'm not! Look at this...there are _hundreds_!"

"Two hundred and sixteen. Yes I know, Shirou, believe me I know, you think that doesn't make _me_ angry? I'm jealous of you Shirou – while I'm back there making the map you might be getting chance to hurt them for all this. But you can't take it this way, or you're the one who's going to be hurt. Shirou – please don't take this wrong – you just can't afford to care this way. Not so it eats you up from the inside. You need to be able to store the score away for when it's time."

"I know all that," Shirou said through gritted teeth. "It was the first thing my father told me about it. For everyone you save, someone else will not be, because you were somewhere else. I know, but Arturia, I wasn't even _coming _here! All that time patrolling through the rest of town, and all the while here – you realize a few of these cases _aren't _blood beasts, but unnatural anyway? There are a few natural phenomena that do it, but they're like everything else, first they target the weak. All this time, and I was _in the wrong place_! I was fussing about five lives, and down here they were already into two and three digits! I should have been here – and now all I can do is watch the toll rise. Those numbers aren't just casualties Arturia: they're my failures. All added up on paper, and marked with colored pins."

Arturia sighed. So that was it. "When I joined the SS, I had superiors who knew where I should go, to do the most good. By the time I don't need it, I'll probably be giving orders myself. Shirou, you were doing this on your own. Making mistakes like that is natural. Now you know."

"Could you tell that to two hundred sixteen graves?"

"No. But I could tell it to the ones who put them there."

Shirou sighed, and smiled with one corner of his mouth. He took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm over it. Enough anyway."

"Good."

"But Arturia, the numbers don't make sense either. Rin said for him to have come here means he must have enough life force, and she also said the beasts don't actually need much life force to live. So why are they taking so many so fast?"

Arturia frowned. "I see. You're right, I hadn't thought of it. That _does _sound like trouble. Can we have missed something important?"

"I don't know, but Rin might. I'll call her. You get back to the map."

Arturia nodded. "I did notice the odd ones, by the way. They're in red. So you know."

"Good. Good luck."

"Yes," Arturia said, walking away. "For all of us."

...

Illya's teachers tended to wax religious at times. This was not due to any inspiring aspects of her character, but rather to the simple well known fact that just about everyone will pray when he or she is about to throw his or her fate into the hands of chance. A teacher is there to teach. To teach, they must engage the students, and attempt to ensure that all of them are paying attention and learning. Therefore, Illya's teachers tended to pray a lot. You just never knew when calling on her would get no response, a silly response, an interesting response, or some subtly terrifying one. Since her interesting ones were _very _interesting, the dedicated ones felt remiss if they didn't occasionally try to draw her out. Yes, her grades didn't seem to suffer, but really, she aught to share. But even the dedicated ones weren't immune to fear of the consequences.

Illya's present teacher was the more dedicated type. He taught literature and liked to discuss the social aspects of what he taught as well. Which meant Illya's insights were a constant temptation to roll dice with fate. What's worse, today their discussed material involved family, and he was sure that Illya could come up with something very tasty to contribute, something different for them to discuss. On the other hand, depending on how he asked, he might deserve what he got. It was a dilemma, and he spent the first fifteen minutes going haltingly along and casting sidelong evaluating glances at his white haired random factor. She seemed – older, today? She often wasn't paying attention but today didn't look like daydreaming. He honestly wasn't sure whether the unusually serious expression on her face, or the contemplative way she was staring into space (as opposed to her more usual vacant style) was good or bad for him. Eventually he decided to give a try.

"Emiya-san?"

She didn't move. He coughed.

"Excuse me? Emiya-san?"

He was careful to speak emphatically rather than loudly or impatiently. He intended to do this cautiously. Thankfully he wasn't forced to push it. She blinked, slowly turned her face back to him. "Yes?"

So far so good. She wasn't looking annoyed yet. "We were just discussing our character's position in his family, and it's implications. On page two twenty eight." Again, no accusation. Get her on track in the least imposing way possible.

For now it seemed to work. Illya absently looked down at her book, turned a few pages and looked back up. All a little slowly, like her mind was only peeking it's head far enough into their part of space to do what was required. "Yes?"

"Well," the teacher said, straightening his glasses. A nervous fidget, not a tactic. "We were just wondering if you might have anything interesting to contribute on the subject. You needn't answer if it's private."

There. He had taken all possible precautions.

There was a long pause. Illya's eyes drifted back to the book. Her brow wrinkled slightly. Slowly, absently, she stood up, as Japanese students are expected to do when they address the class. Finally, her eyes seemed to focus a bit.

"People think," she said quietly. "That being family and being related are the same. And they aren't. They just come out that way sometimes."

"Thank you Emiya-san, you can sit down," the teacher said, feeling pleased. He'd won his gamble. Feelings of family vs. ties of blood. Perfect.

And so the class went on, and Illya went back to her thoughts.

In a way, the teacher had helped her too.

...

It took Rin a moment to answer, even though he was calling her own cell phone. He supposed that's how long it took for her to surface from whatever she was reading and realize her pocket was making noises.

"Yes? Shirou? Is this important? I told you I'd be doing difficult research today."

"Yes, I remember, and yes it's important."

Rin sighed. "Sorry. I suppose I shouldn't have asked. All right, go ahead."

"Rin, Einzbern moving here is supposed to mean he's already got enough lives, right?"

"Well, it stands to reason anyway. He wouldn't gain anything from coming here first, not when it was so much easier where he started."

"And you also said the beasts don't really need much life force to live on, right?"

"Yeeessss...oh damn. How many so far?"

"Over two hundred, and I don't think we're more than halfway through."

There was a pause, and a soft thump. "Damn. _Damn_. I forgot...I should have mentioned it. Much good it would have done them. _Damn_."

"Mentioned _what?_"

"Mentioned what drinking life force does to something."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's put it this way. Have you ever woken up just feeling really alive somehow? That really energized feeling that just makes you want to jump up and go?"

"Well, sure. Hasn't everyone?"

"Not necessarily. Some people lead miserable lives. Anyway, imagine that feeling, distilled, concentrated at least twenty times, and _drinking _it. That's what it is to eat life force. This is second hand at best of course," she added wryly.

Shirou had to take a minute to absorb that. "So...it's addictive?"

"Wildly. Beyond any drug man has ever made. Or ever will, please _g-d_. It makes a ten year heroin addict in withdrawal look like a kid whining for chocolate."

"And now all these beasts are like that."

"Right. There are too many of them for Einzbern to even think of suppressing it. They'd turn on him. He has to let them sate their cravings, or they'll devour him in a maddened frenzy. And then devour each other, probably."

"And he knew this."

"He must have. While he was collecting it was an asset. And now that he's so close – you know how little he cares about other people's lives."

"Yes. I know."

"You'd better get back to work Shirou. I'll do the same. That's all there is to do for now."  
"I know. Good luck."

"Same to you."

Shirou hung up, put the phone back in his pocket, and went to tell Arturia. And then he'd head back out again. Maybe this time, he'd catch them.

...

Back in the Matou Library, Rin went back to her books and notes, and sketches of parts of the city spread on the table. And it all went back to how it had been before he'd called.

Except, just possibly, the pages turned a little faster.

...

It took a while to convince some of the children to be 'picked.' But eventually Sakura managed to reduce the number clinging to Abraxas enough to allow him to sit down, and make the process resemble playing with them more than being played with. Several children were now stacking blocks to make their own 'trees', a process rapidly building into a bustling agricultural economy, which left Sakura and Abraxas free to talk a little, so long as they kept watching. You can't ever really stop watching five year olds.

"So, what made you want to travel?"

"I just wanted to leave home for a while," Abraxas rumbled. "Japan appealed to me. It was very different."

"And that was the reason?"

"There is not much point going someplace more or less the same."

"True," Sakura said, reaching out quickly and diverting two children from a brief resource dispute. He was right, but Sakura couldn't help feeling there was something wrong with his evasion, and it worried her. It felt like he was hiding something, and she couldn't help feeling, watching those huge hands gently toss and tousle little things he could bruise with the slightest squeeze, that that couldn't be right. Surely there couldn't be anything that bad in his past?

"So how about you? You've asked a lot about me already."

And not been told much, Sakura thought. Still, if that's how it was...and really, she couldn't talk, considering how many half truths came with _that _question. "Well, lets see...where to start. My blood father died about fifteen years ago. My mother had already died, and me and my sister ended up at different places in town. I was adopted by the Matous. There wasn't really that much too it, except first my foster brother died and then my grandfather died, so now I've inherited more than I know what to do with. I was taking care of my grandfather until now, so I'm entirely at loose ends. I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do with myself long term, but for now, this will do. Until I get a better idea."

Abraxas looked sorry for asking. "Forgive me," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

Sakura shook her head. "Even though they adopted me, they were never family, if you know what I mean."

This didn't seem to reassure him. "Don't you have anyone then?"

_That_ made Sakura smile. "Oh, I certainly do. There was a long time when I was lonely...but it's been years since then. I have several very good friends, including my sister – we got together not long after my foster brother died, and we're very close."

"So you aren't living alone then?"

"It does still feel empty sometimes," Sakura admitted. "But Rin – my sister – moved in with me ages ago, and we're working on it. It's going to take a while to make it my house instead of my grandfathers. Someday," Sakura said softly, watching the children run about. "Someday I'll make my own family, and their noise will drive the last of him away. And it won't be the Matou house anymore."

"So – what about your family? I can't believe you're also an orphan."

"No," Abraxas said with a smile. "Despite the lesson of my birth my mother has made many brothers and sisters for me. We are a large and cheerful family. Though none as large as me."

"That must be nice."

"It was. Very nice."

"Was?"

Abraxas looked annoyed with himself. "I was not planning on going back. One has to move away some time."

"But surely they're waiting for you?"

"I have told them not to expect me."

"But – you could still visit -"

"No," Abraxas said firmly. "I cannot go back."

And Sakura knew she couldn't ask anymore.

"Sakura-san, Shinji took my fruit!"

"That's not true, Shinji said he wanted to play on my tree instead of yours and you're just jealous, make her let him Sakura-san!"

Back to work...

...

"Shirou, can you take over now? We shouldn't be checking any more sites today, so if you could just finish off the map, we'll be done for now."

Shirou eyed the map. "I guess I've got the hang of it enough for that. But why...oh. I see. Shouldn't I go then? Since I keep missing."

"I promised Illya I'd be the one today."

Shirou stared, a little surprised. Then he smiled. "She trusts you that much already, huh?"

"There are some things she wants to talk about."

Ah. "I know."

Something about his tone must have made her look up. "It's all right," Shirou said quietly. "I'm grateful, really. Even though I try – I'm just not very good at that part. She couldn't talk to me."

"You've always been there for her. It's no failure on your part."

"I know," Shirou said. "There's only so many things I can be for her. That just wasn't one of them. Still, it hurt – watching her. Thank you for helping."

"Don't mention it." Arturia said softly. There was a brief pause.

"Well," Shirou said, "She can get pretty annoyed when you're late. I'll do the map."

Arturia nodded quickly. "Ah, yes, that's true. I'm off then. Don't smudge the lines."

"I know."

"Suffering the pangs of love, are you sonny?" One of the locals, aged somewhere mid forties, asked with with a knowing look after she'd gone.

People like that are never prepared for a look that knows more than they do.

"It won't be the first time," Shirou said, and the man shut up.

...

"Rise! Dismissed!"

And with that, the class underwent the daily transformation of classes everywhere from studious students - okay, _good_ classes everywhere - to chattering children, laughing and talking as they streamed out the door and on home. Well...most of them.

"Illya? Illya? Class is over. You should go home."

Illya blinked slowly, then turned her head. "Oh. Not so fun – sorry."

"It's fine. Kouji-san, remember?"

She nodded. "I'm supposed to be picked up. I shouldn't leave before that."

"Not even the classroom? You'll molder, you've hardly moved all day. Besides, the blond one, right?"

"Arturia. Is she there already?"

Kouji squinted out the window. "Not exactly, but _someone _blond is coming up. How many can there be around here?"

"I...guess so." Illya said. She seemed hunched and quiet. Kouji had to suppress an urge to hover: he'd had to all day in fact. And he'd thought yesterday was bad. What _was _going on? He knew Sakura couldn't have told him the whole truth. Not with magic involved. She would have edited those parts out. If Illya's family had enough power – then nothing could be sure.

And he couldn't imagine much worse than this. She shouldn't look this way.

"Kouji-san?"

"Ah – yes?"

"Could you...meet her for me please? I just...I just want another minute. I won't be long. Could you tell her for me?"

"All right. But are you going to do it here? I should know where you are."

"Huh? Why?"

"Ahh..." Kouji stammered. Shoot. She'd been acting so vulnerable he'd overstepped. "Well...if she wants me to tell you something?"

"Oh. I'll...I'll be just in back. By the trees. But please don't come unless she asks you too. Okay?"

"Sure, fine," Kouji said quickly. It was fine. But he felt better for knowing anyway. He had no notion what to expect from her, when she was like this. "Arturia-san, you said? I'll tell her."

"Thank you."

She left, and Kouji sighed quietly. Maybe the blond – Arturia – would tell him something? Or maybe better not to ask. She might get suspicious. In the end, they couldn't tell him the whole truth anyway. Not until they knew his.

"I really wish you'd kept in touch, Nii-san," Kouji murmured. It wasn't entirely fair – but it would have made things easier.

Seeing her like this was bad enough without not even being allowed to know why.

...

It was always quiet, back here.

She'd noticed that years ago, not long after she'd discovered the dancing club. It had been one of her thinking places, someplace where she'd try to find that simple, elusive thing everyone else took for granted – a sense of self. Who she was, and what she wanted to do – everyone else only thought they had those questions. But they didn't. Not like she did.

The thing was, there wasn't anyone she could ask. Shirou – dear Shirou – he'd support her anyway she needed, but there were some things he couldn't do. And not even Arturia could do more than point out the basic direction. In the end, it was still up to her. And she had no idea – truly no idea.

It had been a while, since she'd come here. After she'd realized that dancing, which had seemed to be working so well, was really a dead end, she'd fallen into a slump: it had been many months since she'd tried to sit and think about it. Only now she didn't have a choice.

With her Grandfather back, she couldn't think of anything else.

In winter, she almost felt like she belonged here, in this spot. Bare dark trees and a thin white layer of snow, the colors seemed made for her. Shirou had once said she looked like a snow fairy – at times like these, she felt like one.

Is this what she loved? This feeling of soft, silent magic? But she'd been there before: it was just an aesthetic thing, a taste, not the base level defining trait she was looking for. She needed something that seemed different to her than other people, something by which she could guide her life. Something to move towards, to fill her days.

Something to cover the red blood with white.

"I need something..."

A hand gripped her under the chin and slammed her head back against a tree.

"You need only what I give you," her grandfather growled.

.

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* * *

Author's Notes: My first cliffhanger. I have succumbed to the dark side. Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

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One: Fuyuki High? I completely forgot to check the episodes and find out what the name really was. This will do. It's not like it's a big deal (but if you know it off hand you're welcome to tell me).

Two: Arturia's commanding voice. As a rule, an anime will use a slap for this purpose. Henceforth, I'm a little tired of it. Besides, this is more Arturia's style.

Three: Day care. I have no idea whether Japanese culture really has day cares…

Four: The children. I love children, always have. I'm the oldest of eight, and there have always been kids of all ages running around the house and neighborhood. So not only does this aspect of Sakura come easily to me, but I really enjoy portraying them (bustling agriculture indeed – but if you've ever seen them play make-believe, you'll know how seriously they take it. It's always fun to watch them at it.)

Five: Life force is addictive. This 'factoid' is actually based in the fantasy universe I am currently working on for my eventual novel. It works quite well here too. I should add that a lot of the 'magic analysis' Rin tells Arturia in chapter seven is also from there, adapted a bit. In any case, the implications add suitable tone.

Six: Finally, Arturia and Shirou have a romance building moment. Just a moment, but that's as it should be – they are just starting, after all. Or Arturia is. And ohh, did that supercilious idiot get it for teasing him about it. I enjoyed that – subtle as it was, he won't mention it again. Ever.

Seven: Evil cliffhanger! No, I'm not telling you what happens…


	10. Chapter 9: Homunculus' Funeral

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**Chapter Nine: The Homunculus' Funeral**

**.**

**.**

She looked kind, Kouji decided as he approached the gate. There was a reposed, gentle cast to her face, like a nun in meditation. Not everyone could look so natural and graceful simply looking off into space.

"Excuse me – Arturia-san? Is that right?"

"Hm? Yes, that's right...do I know you?"

"No, I'm Illya's classmate. Pleased to meet you."

"The same," Arturia-san said, bowing perfectly. Kouji blinked. She'd studied Japanese much more carefully than most foreigners. They hardly ever bothered with all the gestures.

"Did you want to ask me something?"

"Not quite, not personally. Illya asked me to tell you that she wants another minute, and could you wait."

"I see." She looked sad. "I suppose she would. Please tell her that she may take as long as she needs."

Kouji nodded. But he didn't leave. He wasn't sure how this one would take to him asking about Illya – but he couldn't leave without trying.

"Do you want something?"

Kouji nodded. "Please don't be offended by my asking this," he said. "But I've been worried about Illya. She's been very – very wrong lately. And she's been too quiet all day. If you can't tell me it's fine, but please, do you know what's the matter with her?"

Arturia-san sighed very slightly. "She has – an emotional matter – to sort out. It's not something any of us can solve for her."

Kouji nodded. "Is that all you can tell me?"

She looked startled, but Kouji wouldn't budge. "I've watched her for a long time," he said. "She's never been quite right. Even though she smiles so much, there's always been this hollow in her. And now she can't hide it anymore. Even if I can't do anything, if you possibly can, please tell me what is bothering her!"

First she stared, then she looked. After a moment she said softly, "I'm sorry, but yes, that is all I can tell. The rest is too private for me to decide."

Kouji nodded. He'd known it might be that way. "Thank you. I will go tell her."

She nodded. "Thank you. For caring to ask."

...

"Let...go..."

It was a mist of smothering terror – just his presence, and she lost all senses, all her ability to think and move. He'd been the center, the one who'd decided everything she did – now the conditioning he'd put into her clashed with her years with Shirou, and locked: she couldn't do anything at all. Her two halves paralyzed her.

"Let..."

"I don't choose to give you that. You've forgotten your place, homunculus."

"My...name is...Illya..."

"And I say again, you have forgotten your place. You are not human: you are my tool, made by me for the family glory. You have no person, place, or name save as I see fit. I will remind you of that, before I have you fill your purpose."

"I...don't...want..."

"That does not matter. You do not have a choice in things. That is for humans. You are a false puppet made to disappear when your task is through."

"I...have..."

"You have nothing."

Strangled and helpless, she grasped for anything, anything to silence the homunculus in her. "I have...a soul..."

"Even if you believed in such things, you surely do not."

"You...don't...?"

"Naturally. I have dealt in the magical use of what they naively call a soul for too long. We have life energy, nothing more."

Illya's head slumped back. She smiled slightly, a mocking, sickly smile. "Of course...not..."

"What?"

His grip loosened slightly: shakily, Illya raised her head. "Of course you don't...believe in souls, grandfather. After all, what have you been doing with your life? Making homunculus to sacrifice? Using the lives of magicians and heroes to fuel your wishes? Trapping thousands of life forces for years on end? Which is it really grandfather? That you don't believe in souls? Or that you _can't_?"

For one satisfying moment, he could only stare in shock. Then his face twisted into a snarl and his fingers closed even more tightly; Illya's head fell back with a muffled choking sound. "Impertinent fool! Don't spew me the useless philosophies that moon dreamer taught you now! You are going to come with me and fill the purpose you failed at five years ago!"

"Let her go!"

Her grandfather froze: his head snapped around. "Who are you?"

Illya's eyes rolled in the direction of the voice.

"...Kouji...?"

...

Kouji's eyes were grim. He knew that whoever this man was, he didn't stand a chance against him alone. But he also knew that if he went back for Arturia, they'd arrive too late.

"Let her go!"

"Who are you!"

Kouji's face set: his feet braced and his hands blurred. "That is not what you should be concerned about! Oh Ancient Land Of Eternal Memory, Remember Those Who Came Before, I Am One Who Follows They, You Know Me, By That I Ask To Bestow On Me, Your Strength My Sword and Shield, Oh All Revealing Light!"

The world whispered; the trees roared and light blurred past in streams to gather in front of him; a great form made of shifting sunlight shifted into being.

_ It has been long since your blood has called, Heir of Ryuudou. Your summoning lacks strength; I cannot draw power fully. _

"Forgive me. I can only just manage to summon you at all. This is the best I can do."

_You wish to protect that girl?_

"Yes."

_Very well._

The man stared at him, eyes intense with thought. Then they widened. "Ryuudou," the man whispered. "Of course. I was careless."

Kouji stared. "You know me?"

"I know _of_ you. I know of your family's role. Curse the Tohsakan line for their treachery."

"Tohsaka! What do they have to do with it? What do you know about our gift fading?"  
The man laughed harshly. "You were our sacrifice, boy. This lands power is the third greatest on earth, but your family's bond with it was too strong: so long as you were its guardians we couldn't take it. But then the Tohsakans sealed your connection and offered this land as a tribute to be a part of the creation of the Grail. We could not refuse: no better place was in our reach. Young as they were, they were allowed to join the effort. But now," he laughed again. "Now their heir has renounced the Grail, and it itself is destroyed. Naturally the seal has faded. It seems the land wishes back its old defenders. Three hundred years is a short time to the earth, and you served it well for seven hundred. It figures."

"I see. Thank you. We've been wondering, these five years."

"Don't thank me for informing the dead. Your ancestors could have driven me away, but you cannot: that manifestation does not have a fifth the power it should. As I will finish what my family began, I will correct the Tohsakan's softness on your body! Oh Hark The Call Of Darkness, The Night Is A Luring Tone, The Depths of Hades Are Singing, Behold The Death Bell Tolls!"

It grew from the air like a cancer; a thick cloud of darkness that rushed forward with a hollow roar to engulf the Fuyuki Golem. It placed out giant hands in an attempt to hold it back as the sides streamed past to lick towards Kouji like ephemeral tongues; inside the cloud, dark rivulets began to run through the Golem's shining form.

_Ryuudou! Change my aspect!_

"Withstand A Thousand Ceaseless Seasons, Oh All Enduring Stone!"

The ground seemed to rise through the Golem's feet and on over it's body: when it finished, it had the solid weight of mountains, and the rough gray texture of granite. The dark cloud licked but could not touch, until it faded.

_Ryuudou!_

"What You Eat Shall Bloom Again, The Forest Is Born From Flame!"

The Golem roared: it's hard edges glowed and softened, the rough textures on its skin flowing into flickering red streams of fire as it rushed at Einzbern.

Einzbern crossed his forearms and met it, bright flows of mana feeding into his protections: the two forces met and shook the very air. Einzbern gritted his teeth and _pushed, _with his arms and mind, pierced through the Golem's insubstantial form and charged straight for Kouji, outstretched hand conjuring dark destruction.

Kouji's eyes widened; instinctively he crossed his arms as he gasped desperately, "Goddess Of Hearth And Home, I Am In Need, Preserve Thy Precious Children, Oh Kami Avalon!"

Under his shirt, an amulet sparked; a brief showering of white points of light bathed his frame and faded as the spell hit. Kouji gritted his teeth, grunting through them as he strained to stand – and then with a faint sound like glass shattering, the sparks scattered to the winds and the spell threw Kouji back.

And then he was looking into Einzbern's furious eyes.

"Don't keep trying to fight me with incomplete techniques, you stupid fool!" He screamed. He said that, but his hands shook: the invocation of Avalon had frightened him. "I don't know where or how you learned to channel that power, but it's even less potent than your Golem! If you don't know enough to tell when you are outmatched, your family will be well rid of you!"

_Ryuudo!_

"Stay with Illya Fuyuki!"

_Don't be a fool! I cannot hold my form if you are lost!_

"But...gaaah!"

_Ryuudou_!

"You have no form that can safely attack me this close to your wielder Fuyuki," Einzbern said without looking: once again in control, he moved with deliberate, terrible calm, his eyes fixed on Kouji's, lying on his back in front of him. Deliberately, Einzbern splayed his right hand and knelt, placing the hand on Kouji's chest. Kouji could feel the latent energy building; already it was hard to breathe.

"You were a fool to attack me boy," Eiznbern said softly. "And now I will make you pay the price. I do not appreciate people who – _WHAT!_"

His head snapped up; he stared at Kouji with sheer disbelief. "You...the whole time you were...?" Kouji managed a cracked smile.

"When did I say I was trying to win?"

The sensation was unmistakable, the magical equivalent of the high pitched whine of an incoming missile.

Arturia had arrived.

...

"EINZBERNNN!"

Arturia didn't even try to form blades; they wouldn't hurt him through those shields. Instead she simply packed mana into her right fist and slammed him with it in a blinding blast of yellow. Einzbern flew ten feet back and up – and Arturia wasn't done. Her left hand swept back; power formed in the air around it in rapidly whirling patterns, gathering into a torpedo of corkscrewing lines of power.

It flew like a torpedo too.

It caught Einzbern at the highest point of his flight and flung him higher yet, falling into a sickening series of mid air flip flops that would have broken several limbs on landing if he had been any less protected. Even as it was it took him two and half wild loose limbed somersaults before he got his feet under him, glaring.

"You – damn you! _Why are there always more_? Don't you have anything better to do than run about and defend worthless things?"

"If this is how you define worthless, Einzbern, I would gladly fight you over a dead dog," Arturia told him. "How _dare_ you try and take her from under my nose! And what did this boy have to do with it?"

Einzbern snorted. "If it weren't for 'that boy', I'd have gotten her away without your ever knowing."

Arturia's eyes narrowed. "I see. Then I am doubly glad I arrived when I did. It would have been truly shameful if he had died for that. After I have scattered your ashes to the winds, I will have to think of some suitable thanks."

"Hah! Thanks! For what? For a girl you don't know? You only just got here! Why should you put so much store by her? Just go away!"

"If I did not know it would be a waste of breath, I would explain to you that I would gladly fight over a complete stranger. However, I have had many reasons for wanting you dead, Einzbern, for quite some time now. Four hundred forty two, in fact."

"What?"

"Four hundred forty two. The number of victims your beasts took in England. There are also six hundred thirty four orphans, widows, and riven fiances, not to mention the myriad of other relatives. Would you like to know their names, Einzbern? I can tell you every one."

"You can't possibly know all their names!"

"But I do, Einzbern. Because I never forget names, you see. I remember every victim, both direct and indirect. It is a long list, Einzbern; it has been growing a long time. I am sick of sharing this earth with you." Arturia set her feet, mana glowing lightly all over her – and charged.

"I will erase your existence tonight!"

The situation was similar to Shirou's battle:Arturia was also strongest in close combat, and found closing with Einzbern no easy task. But unlike Shirou, Arturia could use ranged attacks – and she seemed to improve by the second. The methods themselves were simple, once you got past the imaging process. At this point, all she'd been lacking was practice.

Apparently, she didn't need very much.

Snow flew from the ground and fell from the trees; Arturia was an intense focus of movement, every gesture taut as she threw magic and strove to close the distance between them. Einzbern, a mage born and bred, was less physical, backing and gesturing as he used everything he had to keep her where she was – too far away to hit him again. A shower of lances converged on her: a burst of speed left them buried in her wake as she narrowed her own eyes and swept her own hands forward – the paths of her hands left shining trails that scythed toward Einzbern; he knocked them aside and snarled.

"I only want the girl; it's not too late to take yourself out of this."

Arturia bared her teeth and thrust her hands towards the ground; a lance of power shot into it and then erupted from between Einzbern's feet, tracing a smoking trail up his chest and snapping his head back under the chin.

"Don't sully my ears with your words. The only sound I wish to hear from you is your dying breath!"

"You think you can take it?"

"I will take it if it kills me!"

"Be careful what you ask for!"

Arturia's movements were too fast for any large attack to hit; again and again Einzbern sent all the wide area spells he could call: clouds of fire, swarms of darts, licking clumps of lightning that only needed to brush you. Arturia dodged or blocked them all, but she could not close, and Einzbern could handle any ranged attack she possessed.

"The advantage is mine; leave it alone and go!"

"I acknowledge no such advantage, and stop telling me to flee!"

"What is in this for you? Just the satisfaction of a passing feeling of obligation? If you knew what it was to strive centuries for a goal—"

"I do not want to know the reason that took all their lives!"

"_How dare you judge something you do not understand?_"

"How dare you destroy something you do not know the worth of?"

"How dare you judge _me?_ Do you know how old I am? I am well over two hundred. I made the decision to create the Grail Wars in concert with the Japanese mage families. I overrode all my family's protests, gave up our greatest task to others, all so that it might be done! Do you have any understanding of that? Don't seek to compete with me! I have seen a thousand like you; all are dead, and still lives are lost. Our goal would have outlived it all – and it was destroyed by more people like you, people who lacked the strength to make a legacy that would outlive them, people who placed their petty morals against five hundred years of striving. You, all of you, you are all just like Kiritsuga, and you'll fail the same! He died and accomplished nothing, nothing, and so will you! Just as he...as he...Kiritsuga..." Inexplicably, his diatribe stopped, trailing into silence as he stared.

And then he went mad.

"You!_ You! What are you doing here? That's not possible!"_

"What are you—"

"Are you mocking me Kiritsuga!" Einzbern didn't even seem to see her: his eyes were wild and shaking, his face was towards the sky and spittle flew from his mouth as he screamed. "Are you haunting me from the grave? Don't you give up? You're a fool, you're all fools, none of you are superior to me, none of you can look me in the eye: I have achieved more than all of you! Do you hear me Kiritsuga? I am going to make the Grail anyway! I am going to prove the weakness of your teachings on your son's body! And I am going to use the daughter you tried so hard to save to make it happen! It's all for nothing Kiritsuga! _They are all going to die_!"

"What..."

It was almost unintelligible, the faintest gasped whisper, but somehow it fell perfectly into the gasp of Einzbern's tirade, and they all heard it.

"What did...you say...?"

It was Illya, shakily raising her head from where she'd slumped to the ground at the base of the tree, unmoving till now. "Say it again...say what you said again..."

"Say which of what I said?" Eiznbern snarled.

"You said... that Father...tried to save me..."

"Again and again, like a stupid goat! Three months couldn't go by he didn't try – I should have known he was dead when he stopped, the stubborn fool!"  
"I...see..." Illya said softly. "Thank you, Grandfather. You've managed to make me happy just once after all."

"Now...say the _other _part again."

"What?"

Illya braced her hands: slowly, deliberately, she got up. "The part about Father being a fool. The part about how he was stupid for trying. The part where you said they were all fools. You used me as a tool, you treat me as a doll, but Father loved me without ever really knowing me. Shirou took care of me after I tried to kill him. Rin calls me names but she never lets me get hurt. Sakura feeds me, Arturia would die for me. All of them – all of them are my family – you're just a relative! So don't you _dare_ – _don't you dare talk about them that way!_"

Power exploded outward to surround her in a surreal column of raging blue light; her body flared into swirling lines of brightly burning power and her hair blew out around her as she became the center of so much latent destruction the world itself seemed to be trying to escape.

"Say it again Grandfather – say it, just one more time!"

"I'll kill you!"

Illya's body had been designed to be able to contain more magic than half the world's magicians put together. Now Einzbern found all that power threatening him. Without meaning to – despite himself – he found himself stepping back, once, twice, again. There was no longer any question of taking Illya now. She might have only a vague idea of how to use that power, but with so much available it didn't matter. If he simply touched that light, he'd die. It was no longer possible to take her when she was aware. He was going to have to do it by rendering her unconscious quickly – and if he tried now, with her like this and Arturia – _Saber –_ here, he'd lose. Despite all his perfect watching and timing, he was going to have to flee is what he decided – carefully and correctly,.

The thing about magicians is, they are trained to exclude everything outside of what they have focused on, whereas a warrior is taught to maintain a constant awareness of his surroundings. Which is why that short moment of thought was one short moment he _wasn't_ watching Arturia.

Mistake.

The distance he had so successfully held for so long disappeared in a yellow blur – by the time he realized what he had done, her fist was already en route, containing all her momentum and all the power she could muster.

It was a complete turnaround, the very opposite of what had gone before. Now Arturia had control, and it was he who could not get it back: he couldn't even get his feet under him for more than a second at a time. Arturia pounded after him mercilessly, hitting him with blow after bone rattling blow, driving him round after tumbling round. She had him and they both knew it. Even the best mage needs that one critical second or three: without it, they are dead. Arturia had him by the throat, and she wasn't letting go. Without the means to counterattack, the outcome was but a matter of time.

Einzbern was desperate. In a single moment of carelessness he'd lost all the advantage he'd had, and now he was struggling for his life. Tumbling across the snow, bringing careening somersaults to a stop only to find her fist heading for his rising face, he knew he didn't have long. Desperately, he tried the only thing he could think of to buy enough time: he flung himself back with the next blow, deliberately allowing himself to go out of control. When he finally put his feet under him, there was just a moments extra time before she struck.

It was enough – barely. A counterstrike was a dream, but he was able to get his arms up and brace himself. They met with a blast of conflicting mana: Arturia, knowing her own force, gritted her teeth and leaned in, pouring power down both her arms, grinding at his shields as he strained to hold her, to get enough time to turn things around.

To be perfectly fair to Einzbern, Arturia had forgotten Illya too.

A few moments when they both held still were all she'd needed. Arturia leaped back just in time – the ground under Einzbern geysered up in a vicious blue fountain that flung him back with his hands over his face, clothes sizzling under badly strained protections. The column reached almost to the treetops; for a moment, it's towering light dominated everything. Illya cried out in rage.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare run away!"

But of course he already had. Illya's attack faded away to reveal a line of displaced snow – but no magician. Illya screamed, furious tears pouring down her face.

"Come back! Damn you, come _back_. I'm not done yet! I have things I have to tell you! I have – five _years_ – I'm not done yet! Come _back, _come back here. Damn you...damn you...I was finally winning...I was finally _fighting_..."

Quietly, Arturia walked over to her. "Illya—"

"He ran away. I was finally fighting – I didn't even think I could. I thought he'd have power over me forever. I was finally fighting, and he ran."

"Ran from you. Don't forget that."

"Wasn't he running from you?"

"You were looking right at him – didn't you see his face when you called power? You frightened him badly, and he won't take assaulting you so casually again. He had already decided to run before I attacked."

"Arturia – I didn't mess up did I? If I hadn't..."

"To be honest, I don't know. But right then there was a chance he would have found a way to turn things around. Besides, wasn't it important? For you to strike him, just once."

Illya looked down. "I – I'm not really sure why, but – I think I can move forward now. Attacking him to his face – that wasn't something the Einzbern homunculus could do. I killed it. Right then I killed it. There is no homunculus anymore."

She looked up. Her tears were slower now, and different – but they were still there.

"It's going to take a while, probably, but - somehow – I'm going to be okay."

Arturia gently kissed the top of her head. "I never doubted it."

Illya nodded.

"And where do you think _you'r__e_ going?"

"Huh? I'm not—" Then she realized Arturia was looking away.

"Yes, you. What do you think your doing, sneaking off like a mysterious savior in a novel? You could at least introduce yourself."

Kouji turned around. "Heh. You caught me."

"I seem to recall declaring in your hearing that I would have to find some suitable thanks. It's rather rude of you to try and make it difficult."

"Well, it seemed like a private moment – and besides, it's really not necessary."

"On the contrary, you more or less saved her life. If I recall correctly, Japanese take debts and honor much more seriously than the English, at least today – which means that I can insist. At the very least, I don't believe you told me your name."

"Ah, I didn't, did I? I'm—"

"Ryuudou Kouji," Illya interrupted. "His older brother was really close with Shirou in high school, _and_," she said, turning a meaningful glare on her savior. "They are _not _supposed to be magic users. According to Shirou."

"Well, we actually weren't at the time—"

"Illya," Arturia said sharply. "That would have been quite rude enough without considering what he just did for you."

Illya opened her mouth...and shut it. Started to open it again...and then she looked at Kouji, and she stopped. And then, finally – she bowed.

"I'm sorry. And...thank you. It was...very brave and...and I was frightened. Kouji-san."

It seemed to take Kouji a moment to regain mouth control. "Well, you seem to know my name now, so..."

Illya giggled. "You're the only one in the class."

"That's what I thought," Kouji said wryly. "I'm honored."

"Well, I really do want to know what was with that magic. I've never heard of anything quite like that spell."

"Well, like he said, our family used to be the land's guardians, but something happened about three hundred years ago and after two fifty there isn't anything written at all anymore. It's been taking Nii-san forever to try and figure out how to use Fuyuki again – that was actually my first successful summons."

Illya stared. "Your _first_? And you...that's...that's pretty good, actually. All things considered. But what about when you..." her voice trailed off. Suddenly she was glaring at him again. "You," she said, very slowly. "Invoked _Avalon_. As a _kami_. And got a result that looked exactly like Avalon's Noble Phantasm – besides for being so weak."

Kouji winced. "We still haven't really figured out how to call on her outside the shrine. Still, she did say that—"

"_She_ is a _scabbard_!" Illya half screamed. "An inanimate object of legend with the power to enclose its user in an alternate dimension untouchable by any outside force. It belonged to Shirou's Servant in the War, and Saber had it when she disappeared, so _what _the _hell _are _you _doing with it?"

"Wait, so you know about her? She doesn't really have any memories before she hatched, we've all been wondering."

"_Hatched_?"

"Well, figuratively anyway."

"Explain. From the beginning. Now."

"Well, I don't mind telling of course, but – here? It's a long story, it's all tied up with Nii-san waking up, and then it's really only fair for you to tell me things too. I mean, what is all that about the grail? It sounds important."

"Oh, that," Illya said dismissively. "The wars are over already. Shirou destroyed it five years ago and Rin is tying up the last of it."

"So he _was _involved in something then? Nii-sans' been sure that something that happened then is what caused our power to wake up again."

"Well sure, it's like he said, your power was sealed because of it, so—"

"_Ahem_." Arturia said. Most people can't really say that, of course, but commander types master all kinds of ways of getting attention. "It seems that you all have a lot to share, and Shirou will want to hear this too, won't he? Why don't you come home with us? Sakura can treat your wounds and feed you as thanks, and everyone can hear all this at once."

"Hey, hold on a second, Sakura always makes exactly enough, so if he comes – well – I mean – not to sound –" she paused, a little thrown by her new found urge to not be rude, ungrateful, or offend Kouji. "I – never mind."

Kouji shook his head and smiled. "It's quite all right. I'm sure it will be too much trouble for me to show up so suddenly, and I can get treated at the temple. Avalon can cure these scratches easily enough."

"Oh no you _can't_," Illya said sharply. "That was a nasty curse type spell he was setting on you. He didn't finish it, so it hasn't killed you yet, but the seed is in there all right. It'll kill you over the course of a week or two if you don't get something done about it. Even if Sakura can't remove it, Rin will know how. It won't be hard – _if_ it's done tonight."

Kouji instinctively cast an incredulous glance at his chest, even though he wasn't going to see anything. "Really? Well – ummm – actually, Avalon _might_ still be able to do something..."

Illya folded her arms. "But you don't know, do you? And neither do I. _And_ it will get worse fast. Which means you're coming with us, even if it does mean there isn't enough food and – I mean – ohhhh – even if it's troublesome, we can't let you go untreated. It has to be as soon as possible."

Kouji sighed, still looking thoughtfully at his chest. "It really can't be helped, huh? Well then, I'll gratefully accept the invitation – but I'll have to stop at the shrine first anyway. Nii-san always knows when anything magical happens in Fuyuki, and he'll know I was involved in this one. I can't go until I've explained to him."

"So, bring him along," Illya said carelessly. "Shirou will want to meet him anyway, we can make a reunion of it. Besides, if you're really the lands guardians and all now, he should be talking with us anyway. Shirou's been fighting things like that for years. And Rin can help Issei with figuring spells out."

"I – don't really know anything about it," she added quietly. "But it sounds like Rin owes you a favor already. She'll honor it."

"Really? Issei talks very strange when he mentions her."

"What, still?"

"Well, it's not the _same_ strange, really. Sort of like a very weird private joke."

"Maybe we shouldn'tinvite him after all."

"I'm sure they have both long since outgrown whatever made them squabble in high school," Arturia said firmly. "And his brother is not the only one who will be worrying – Shirou is almost here already. We should both of us be going."

Arturia started to walk away; stopped; looked back at Illya. "What is it?"

"Arturia – how do you know Shirou is almost here?"

Arturia looked startled. "You don't? I thought it was normal sensing, or a property of the rings."

"Not really, not the way you're doing it."

Arturia looked mildly puzzled. "So just what am I doing then? You look quite strange."

Illya suddenly realized that she had broached an unbroachable subject. "Well...it's probably just a quirk, actually. From doing a lot of fighting together, using magic. I think."

Arturia shrugged. "Well, he is almost here, so we should hurry. He seems very worried."

"I'll bet," Illya said feelingly. "I'm coming, lets go."

"Oi, Illya."

"Huh?"

"Well – I don't really know anything about it, so if I'm being insensitive somehow, you'll have to forgive me. But – whatever it is that's bothering you...you should come to the shrine sometime. I think Avalon can help. It's her sort of thing."

"...Okay. Thanks."

"Illya, hurry! He's really very worried."

"I know I know, I'm coming."

It was so natural and logical that Shirou would feel that way that it wasn't until practically the next day that Illya realized Arturia had not been talking in probabilities at all.

She'd known.

...

And she'd been right. Half a block out of the gate poor Kouji almost got bowled over as Shirou ran past, hands flexing like he was resisting the urge to start calling weapons right there.

"Illya!" He stopped, panting. Seeing that it was over, he let himself half kneel as he caught his breath. Then he looked up. "Illya...are you all right? You look terrible..."

Which was true – her face was streaked and dirty from lying on the ground and then crying, and her clothes were even worse off. But she took one look at Shirou – her nii-chan, tired from having run across half the town with concern written all over his face – and smiled.

"Yes. I'm fine."

And Shirou understood.

He was good at that, was Shirou.

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One: Don't or won't believe in souls?' You have no idea how long I've been waiting for Illya to spit this one in his face. Almost as long as I've been ___planning_– not writing – the story. As I said, that sort of thing is very satisfying when finally successfully put to paper.

Two: Guardians of Fuyuki. Boom! There it is! This one went through several evolutions. Right from the beginning, there was something suspicious about the Ryuudou temple, as I saw it. If his family had no magic, then how come their shrine was such a magical center? It had a barrier, a mana store, and was the place of choice for both attempts to summon the grail. A place doesn't just become that magically significant by accident. There must have been a reason. And hey, doing something with Issei like that would be great material. Just what they were and why, took time to understand. At first I just thought of them as a once powerful family of mage priests whose gift went latent for whatever reason. This went on for some time, and then several absolutely enormous magical events occured right in their backyard, and the younger generation's gift was revived. That was how it used to be. But then several things came together. One: I realized that the timing was too pat, and the explanation too vague. Their gift just faded? Two: I watched Mushishi and Kekkaishi and became familiar with the Japanese concept of land having power, and powerful land having guardians. I thought this worked quite well – I'd been trying to figure out exactly what they did and how. If they were the guardians, that explained why the land was special. Which leads into the final train of thought that made the theory you see. Why, exactly, should either the Einzberns or the Matou's cared about the 'gift' of land? The Einzberns were nobles, the Matous were rich. If it were a mere matter of real estate, neither should have considered it any issue to produce some themselves. And remember how jealous and competitive these guys were. Each family had it's place in the proceedings because of what they had to offer to it. Without a significant contribution, the Tohsakans would have been kept out for sure: rivarly aside, my impression is that they were a young but talented mage family at the time, without a great deal of history, starkly opposed to the other two. So why Fuyuki? Because it was a powerfully magical land. So then, why didn't the Matou's, who also lived there, just say use it? Because there was a powerful family of guardians who could channel its power into elemental golems to protect it, who knew the Matous quite well, were strong enough to tell them 'forget about it, you power crazy loons', and were guaranteed to do just that. But the Tohsakans were new, not to mention innovative…and in one of those dizzyingly euphoric flashes of inspiration, the rest of the details fell into place. The Tohsakans' found a way to seal the Ryuudous – and with that, gained a juicy enough gift to become a part of what was unquestionably one of the biggest and most significant magical attempts ever. Which makes some lovely present day character echoes – I have this recurring fascination with the relationship between Rin and Issei. Yes I know there wasn't one, but I keep feeling like maybe there should be. I can't seem to let go of the idea…and now my story is practically arranging it all by itself. And all this while I was writing chapter eight. I love writing.

Three: What you eat shall bloom again…this, for those of you who were asleep for it or whose education was lax enough to skip it, refers to the role that forest fires play in a forests life cycle. It seems like pure destruction, but the fire clears the mast (collective layer of decomposing leaves and such) that would othewise suffocate seedlings, triggers many types of tree seeds into growth, and leaves behind a rich layer of fertilizer. In other words, the fire helps the forest grow. It's a necessary part of the life cycle, and a healthy forest will have one at regular intervals. Instead of naming it by its destructive aspect, as is classical, the Ryuudou's call it by its greater role, the role it plays in the life cycle. I like this. Actually, when I tried it for destruction it sounded lame every time – once I took the hint though, I was pleased. It's a nice change from the usual approach. In fact, Japanese culture is much more aware of this interdependency and balance than wester cultures, one more good reason to do it this way.

Four: Oh Kami Avalon! No, I'm not going to explain it here. Wait till chapter ten. I promise it'll be there (it never rains but it pours – it's original twist time!)

Five: The whole time you were…? That's right – brave though he was, he managed to also be smart about it. He knew that if he could force Einzbern to use magic, it would alert Arturia, who would come as fast as she could. This cut the time for rescue to arrive in half – but meant that he might die before it did. He knew it – and decided to take the risk. He seriously earned that thank you – actually he earned more than that, but I'll get to it.

Six: She seems to have mastered ranged attacks ^_^

Seven: I never forget a name, you see.' I had considered a fight scene where Arturia shouted the names of victims, and the relatives left behind, as she fought, as a kind of focus. It didn't work out somehow. Oh well.

Eight: I am over two hundred. Game canon – one of only two bits of game canon in this chapter. All the rest is original, which is why I am much more proud of this one than chapter four, which drew heavily on scenes from alternate game tellings. Einzbern is indeed, according to the game, as old or older than Zoken was, and the Einzbern family were trying to get the grail for generations before they realized that they couldn't do it alone. The other game canon bit is that Kiritsugu tried to rescue Illya many times before he died, but that Illya never knew. In the game I believe she never finds out, in any of the storylines. Well, I saw no reason why that should stop ___me_.

Nine: You! What are you doing here? Kiritsuga actually summoned her some time before the war. Einzbern saw her and knew what she looked like. Because he had so much less contact though, he didn't make the connection until he happened to be talking about Kiritsuga and fighting her at the same time. As for how he reacted…his hate for Kiritsuga is not as simple as he thinks. We'll learn the true nature of his obsession in time.

Ten: Say it – one more time! Illya learns that one part of her life as a homunculus was family after all – and finally finds the strength to stand. The Einzbern Homunculus is dead – long live Emiya Illya. And good luck…

Eleven: And where do you think you're going? Nice try Kouji ^_^

Twelve: She's a scabbard! Like I said, you'll have to wait for chapter ten.

Thirteen: Shirou is almost here. Out goes Illya's arc, in comes the star player. That's right – it's finally starting…

Fourteen: Shirou sees that for whatever reason, she's finally gotten past the mental blocks that held her back. So, for now, the happy ending is complete.


	11. Chapter 10: Revelations

.

Chapter Ten: Revelations

.

.

"Tadaema," Shirou called, opening the door.

"Okaeri," Sakura called, hurrying over. "Is everyone all right then?"

"Yes."

Sakura sighed. "Good. Dinner is almost ready."

Next to Arturia, Illya shifted slightly. "Oh," she said brightly. "About that. Ummm—"

Sakura smiled. "Don't tell me you're not hungry Illya? That would be a first."

"Well, actually..." Illya begun, glancing about the walls for any new developments since she'd left. "We...kinda invited two more people over..."

Sakura stared. "What?"

"Ah, well, umm, you see, he kinda saved my life, so, ummm, it really couldn't be helped you know, because he really did save my life, and...and...right, and he got a curse when he did it and he can't remove it himself, so of course I couldn't leave it that way because it would be bad if it killed him, so we really do owe him, and then I thought Shirou would want to talk to his brother – look, I'm _sorry_, all right?"

"_Illya, _what am I supposed to_ feed _them?" Sakura wailed.

"Um – food?" Illya suggested weakly. "I'm sorry, I really couldn't do anything else – he really does need to be treated, and besides, he knows some things that Shirou will want to hear. Especially about his brother – he's Issei's younger brother, see."

Sakura blinked, momentarily distracted from her panic. "Issei-kun? Brother – wait, are we talking about Kouji-kun?"

It was Illya's turn to look blank. "You know him already?"

"A little," Sakura said, clearly torn between processing this new information and dealing with the impending hospitality crisis. "I met him when I went to pick you up the other day. He seemed very concerned – so he's a magician then? I wish I'd known, I could have been more honest with him – so, the Ryuudous are magic users? Then that means Issei – and he'll have to come too of course – I wonder where they learned it, they weren't before - then, two more people, one high schooler and one adult – oh I _wish _you could have warned me a little earlier. Even half an hour would have been enough to do something."

"I'm sorry Sakura, it was mostly my suggestion," Arturia broke in, feeling Illya was taking more than her fair share of the heat. "After all he did, it seemed natural, and I didn't think about the inconvenience to you. I'm sorry."

"No, it couldn't be helped," Sakura said distractedly, digging the fingers of her left hand in her hair. "Of course, it would have been rude to let him go home injured after that, and we need to talk with them anyway if they have power now – I'm sure they must be on our side, Issei won't have changed like that, even in five years—"

"Kouji's pretty smart," Illya put in. "He'll probably realize it'll be trouble and bring something." Arturia saw no reason to point out that Illya had said as much. As it was, rather than relaxing, Sakura's stress seemed to be transmuting into pure mortification.

"Look, I'm sure—" Shirou began.

"I'll help," Rin said. "Magic can't make food, but I think I can hurry things up a little. We can add to the side dishes, and then share out whatever they bring. It should be enough. Besides," she added. "I am _very_ curious as to how that fellow became a magician. I'd never have imagined it – though he was pretty perceptive."

"That's putting it mildly," Shirou said. "He was the only one in school who saw through your model student act. I don't count – I didn't see through it, I stumbled into it."

"True. You have to admit he exaggerated it ridiculously though."

Shirou shrugged. "He didn't trust you. He wasn't exactly wrong, was he?"

"I do not have fangs, I am not poisonous, and I wasn't leading you astray."

Shirou raised an eyebrow, mouth twitching. "Oh, really you weren't? I think that's pretty debatable."

"And the fangs?"

"That was his shrine background talking. I'm sure he's over it."

"Well, this is bound to be interesting one way or the other. And we don't have a lot of time. What's it going to be, Sakura?"

"Well, I suppose it'll have to be something rice based, but I can't just have plain rice, so –"

Sakura's voice faded as she headed for the kitchen with Rin. Shirou sighed.

"So – if you're quite finished turning us all upside down, imouto-chan, maybe you could give me a quick lowdown on what happened?"

Arturia smiled, knowing that imouto meant little sister – and that Shirou wasn't really angry.

"If I try to tell you now, it's going to get all complicated, and I'll have to tell it all again later anyway."

"Just give it fast. I promise not to ask questions. I thought I might have lost you there, you know?"

Illya sighed. "Can we at least sit down? I'm kind of shaky."

"Sure."

...

Whether out of consideration or necessity, the Ryuudous didn't arrive for nearly the half an hour Sakura had wished for. By then, she had managed to conjure enough extra food to assuage her pride, and even convince herself that as an old high school friend it was all right really if he brought food of his own when invited to dinner…except it seemed to work best if she didn't think about that at all.

Privately, Arturia wondered if magic could be used to make food after all. Nothing rice based and made in such a hurry had any business seeming so appetizing. Or maybe she was just hungry. After all, she'd had a long day and a hard fight at the end of it. And now she was going to meet an old friend of Shirou's. They said you could judge a person by the company they kept. After everything she'd seen of Shirou, she was very curious about what his former best friend was like.

The doorbell rang. Arturia, moving to the hall, saw that everyone had somehow silently agreed to let Shirou answer it. Shirou opened the door.

So that was Issei.

He was tall, but not as tall as Shirou – shorter by half a head. His face was slightly broader and more mature than his brother's, as was his body, but his basic build was still the same – a slim, sharp scholar to Shirou's lean but sturdy fighter's frame. Still...Arturia saw something similar in the gleam of their eyes. A spark of intelligence – and an ember of warmth.

Shirou paused. "Long time no see, Issei."

"Yes," Issei agreed. "Everything's been all right with you?"

"More or less. Somehow."

"There's been a lot going on your side," Issei commented

"Yes. That's true."

"Your barrier never went down though. That was good."

"Yes," Shirou agreed. "Issei...I'm sorry."

"No. If anyone is to blame it's me, since I knew both sides. You were just trying to keep me clear."

"That didn't mean I had to ignore you."

"You didn't. You just...drifted. It happens—"

"No! That's not it. That's not what happened, Issei. I…I let it happen. I was _glad_ that it happened. Because – I was afraid of trying to explain. My life was changing, and I didn't think you could be a part of it. It was so much easier not to try…I was just a coward, Issei. It wasn't an accident. I was just a coward – who couldn't trust his best friend."

Issei smiled. "Same old idiot, Shirou. Don't you ever get tired of blaming yourself for everything? If you're a coward, I'm a bigger one. You've got no right to hog all the guilt for yourself. Just let me in, okay? We'll start over."

And Shirou nodded, took a deep breath, and backed up to clear the door.

As she'd expected, Shirou kept excellent company.

...

"Arturia, this is Ryuudou Issei. Issei, this is Arturia Whittington. We ran into each other on a night hunt: we were after the same thing, so she's been staying with us."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm glad to hear he has someone like you at his back."

"I've been keeping an eye on him too you know," Rin commented from the side, sounding nettled.

"Yes, it has been a source of great worry to me," Issei said, without changing expression. Rin made a strangled sound. Issei turned her way and bowed solemnly...and twitched the fingers of both hands into a ward against evil.

The world held its breath…and then Rin's lips morphed into an unsteady line of suppressed mirth.

"That's for evil _spirits_, Issei. It's not going to stop me."

"Oh dear. I suppose I'll have to depend on your sense of hospitality."

"I'm surprised you put any confidence in it."

"But it's so _rude_ to eat guests."

Rin's voice quivered suspiciously. "You don't say. How about poison?"

"Even worse."

"You're sure?"

"Very."

"Well, it can't be helped then can it? So, are we ready to eat? I think that's all the introductions."

There was a short, very long silence, during which Kouji sent Illya a _very_ expressive look.

_I told you it was weird._

"Well then," Sakura said brightly. "Let's all sit down, shall we?"

...

Good as Issei's food was, Sakura's was inevitably better, but they distributed everything evenly. Only Illya would have considered complaining, and she felt too responsible for the whole thing to do it. And so, for a while, it was just a pleasant meal between long separated friends. Issei seemed to enjoy getting to know the ones he hadn't met just as much as he enjoyed catching up with ones he had, and by unspoken agreement, all issues of magic were left aside. However important your work, sometimes it's important to just live. It was a very pleasant, cheerful meal all round, even for Sakura – though Shirou couldn't seem to help throwing the occasional twitch-ish glance at Kouji. At some point, Issei asked why.

"He's probably reacting to that seed curse Illya mentioned," Rin said. "It's nothing to worry about really – it's so faint even I can't tell it's there. It'll be days before it's strong enough to hurt him, and we'll have it out before he leaves tonight. But Shirou is extraordinarily sensitive to magic, especially malevolent castings. Someday I'm going to lock him up in my workroom for a week and figure it out. I'm sure it could be useful."

"Hey, don't decide stuff like that all by yourself!" Shirou yelped.

"Relax, I'll feed you."

"That is _not_ what I meant."

"Malevolent magic, is it?" Issei said, smiling. "So you can find evil a mile away. You really grew into the man you wanted to be, didn't you?"

Shirou smiled too. "I suppose I did."

Arturia was intrigued. "You talked about it?" she asked.

"Not exactly," Issei said. He raised an eyebrow. "Well, can I tell? Or is it too embarrassing?"

"He wrote an essay in first grade saying he wanted to be a hero of justice," Illya promptly announced. "And he won't take it back no matter _how _much you tease him about it."

"Illya..." Shirou growled.

Illya smiled sweetly and made exaggerated chewing motions to indicate that she had taken a large mouthful and couldn't possibly be expected to respond. Shirou's glare showed the convenience of the timing was not lost on him.

Arturia, who didn't understand why Shirou was embarrassed by the story but sensed clearly the ire brewing, commented, "I think I was about that old when I realized myself. It was my first day at school, and I faced down a bully. He was a coward really: most of them are. All I really did was refuse to back down. But I never forgot what it felt like."

Issei nodded thoughtfully. "Birds of a feather flock together," he murmured.

Then, more loudly, "But you know, I've been wondering about how you do it Shirou. Following from senses, I could tell you can fight on a very high level, but you hardly have any mana at all. Where is it coming from?"

"He has a very rare gift called a Reality Marble," Rin said, putting down her chopsticks. All around the table, everyone was either finished or nearly finished. The ban on magic discussion was over. "It means to have a link in your soul to some aspect of reality that gives you a form of control over it. Less than ten people in all of history have ever had one. Those who do, are invariably powerful. And to answer your question, a Reality Marble doesn't draw on mana, or at least not directly. It's an inherent ability, like some equally rare kinds of magic vision. It can be worn out, and sometimes it draws on mana somewhere along the way, but as a rule, it's independent."

Issei nodded, looking thoughtful. He'd always been by far the more intellectual of the two, though Shirou himself was smarter than his naiveté had once made him seem. Rin could see him absorbing the implications. Finally, he asked the logical follow-up question.

"And just what aspect does Shirou's touch on?"

"The construction of objects," Rin said. "He memorizes the composition of everything he sees, automatically, down to every detail – magic or mundane. And when he tries to make one, instead of having to create every aspect from his own mana, like ordinary Projection must, all of the components are simply – there. There is no limit to what he can apply it to, and he saw a very wide range of magical objects during the war, thanks largely to Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon. That is where he gets his power from. Of course, there's another level, but it's been hard for him to make progress in it."

Issei raised his eyebrows. "And that would be?"

"Origination. It's theoretically possible for him to invent entirely new objects based on the information on various substances and magics he's learned. Unfortunately that uses more mana, even though his Marble will still take a large part of the load. Which means its hard to experiment. It's a pity, but he can do some very impressive things even without that. As you said, he can fight on a very high level. If he had just twice what he's got now, he could at least use the Tracer's Art more freely...but he doesn't, and he's strong enough as is."

"There is no such thing as enough," Shirou said quietly. "No matter how much you have, there will always be lives you could have saved if you had a little more. I'm still looking for a way to use the Tracer's Arts."

"That's the kind of thinking that made this town a magical battleground five times over Shirou," Rin said tightly. She didn't show it, but she was almost angry. Power, power, power – she'd seen quite enough of what that quest led to, and so had he. She couldn't believe the idiot was still talking that way. "It's also what orphaned you and incinerated several square miles of Fuyuki City. More people die from the search for power than from those who actually get it, don't you understand yet? You can go toe to toe with Einzbern or me and could probably kill several of the last war's Servants on your own. You _are _strong enough, Shirou. Just leave it alone already!"

"I am not, and I never will be," Shirou said. "Because I try doesn't mean I have to make the same mistakes."

"There are different mistakes, Shirou. Other people aren't the only ones who can pay!"

"Ah, not to interrupt," Issei said, no doubt hoping to do just that. "But if we're going to talk about this, can we start from the beginning? We were planning to anyway."

Rin looked around – everyone was done. Issei was right, it was time to get started. She took a deep breath and let her frustration with Shirou pass for the moment. "If it's from the very beginning, even Shirou doesn't really know. Well, how about it Illya? It's as much your story as mine."

"No it's not," Illya said flatly, face mutinous.

Rin sighed. She wasn't as proud of it as she used to be herself, but she knew where Illya was coming from. "Fine then. I'll tell it." And even though she was not so proud, without meaning too, she straightened as she prepared to tell the words: her eyes took on a proud glow and her voice the hollow ring of ancient import, her words the cadence not of the Storyteller, but the Teller, the Keeper of Knowledge, preparing to share her pearls.

...

"It began," she said. "Because a mage's goal is, ever and always, to learn more magic. When he is a child, he learns what his parents know; when he grows older, what his teachers know; when he grows older yet, whatever he can find to know, by means fair or foul. New magics, magics whose knowledge belonged to other families, always we strive to outdo each other, quarrel over who has surpassed whom, and jealously guard whatever we might have that the others do not, even as we scheme to take theirs. A never ending quest to climb the pyramid, and at the top of that pyramid, the goal of every mage and family, is the infinite knowledge of Akasha, the Root: a place that is both an intrinsic part of creation and yet removed beyond touch, in a plane of its own. It exists outside of time, and all the knowledge of what is, has been, and will be is there. One able to reach that place, could learn anything. Many magicians have spent their lives trying to find a way to rediscover the path. The Grail was one such attempt, and perhaps the greatest, for it alone contained the combined efforts of several families, a kind of cooperation nearly unheard of among us, even within the Mage's Association."

"It first began with the Einzberns. For several generations their family sought to find the path through genetic manipulation, trying to create someone who had that lost link to the Root. Over time, they perfected the art of the Homunculus: the creation of a human like being, from a human base. The peak of this came in the form of Lizleihi Justica von Einzbern, who partially fulfilled their hopes: she was able to tap the third of the True Magics, Heaven's Feel. Nearly all of today's magicians use Magecraft, which is the art of achieving the theoretically possible, however practically impossible or improbable. But the True Magics, which nearly all magicians lost the use of long, long ago, could achieve the theoretically _im_possible, and the ambition of gaining it goes hand in hand with the ambition to reach the Root. Justica von Einzbern could use the Third Magic, which had the power to materialize souls. It was a great accomplishment, but ironically, that very achievement proved the fruitlessness of their true task. It was clear at this point that their true goal – to reach The Root, by a path they and their heirs could use, would not be accomplished this way. And so, at last, they consented to the aid of two other families."

"Japanese families were chosen, because the Mage's Association and the Church were in bitter conflict at the time, and Japan was outside of the Church's sight. They were the Matous, who created the system of Master and Servant, and my family, the Tohsakans, though at the time we had just begun – that mage was our founder, Tohsaka Nagato. Our family's contribution was the use of this land, which is very powerful."

"Though they had called on the aid of the other two, the means still hinged on Justica Einzbern. Within the Root is a place called The Throne of Heroes. When a person – any person – gains such widespread fame and recognition that his or her name and image become a permanent part of Man's memory – which is to say, he or she becomes Epic, legend – that eternal remembrance creates a mold of sorts within the Root, which is also where souls return to after death, and are released from to be reborn. This metaphysical embedded shape of the hero, or anti-hero, allows them to hold their form, memory, and power, preserved eternally outside of the life cycle, if they should so wish to. Few die feeling that they have nothing left to do, and even fewer do not fear the oblivion of rebirth. Nearly all of those who achieved this fame, have chosen the Throne. And these figures have always been able to be summoned. The core of the Grail was formed from Justica herself, willingly transformed, whose enormous power channels made the process possible, as well as giving it the semi-sentience necessary to set the wars in motion, over and over. This core would gather mana over time, choose the next masters, and was a part of the summoning of every Servant, binding them to the rules of the war. But most importantly, what the Grail did was this – when each Servant was defeated, the pure energy it returned to was trapped temporarily, until all but one were contained. Their energy was then released through the Grail, and their passage to the Root made it possible to create the long sought portal."

"Except that, somehow, it never happened. It was supposed to be accomplished in one war, but every time, something went wrong, and it finished without the grail being properly completed. At the end of the Third War, things went wrong permanently. The incompletely formed portal regurgitated a different aspect of the Root: Angra Mainyu, the spirit of man's dark side, and the Grail was darkened, twisted, forever. And still the families would not admit their failure, and the wars continued. The Fourth War happened only fifteen years ago – but that, I think, is not my story. If its telling belongs to anyone here, it belongs to Shirou."

She put down her hands, which she'd held steepled in front of her as she spoke, and turned to Shirou. "Well? For everyone here, your father is the hero of that war. I know you're proud of it. Do you want to tell this part?"

Shirou paused – but Rin could see she had been right.

"I don't know many details myself," he admitted. "My father died while I was still young, too young to tell. But I know the basics. Father was originally a mage of the Einzbern family, and he was their representative in that war. I don't think either his family or his Servant understood what he was really fighting for – actually, I know his Servant didn't, because I summoned the same one. But I do know that there's only one reason he would have fought – because he was like me. Someone who wanted to save as many people as he could."

"He fought, and he fought hard. His Servant told me he used ruthless methods, was willing to do anything to succeed. Looking back, I think he must have hoped the Grail could achieve what he couldn't – that it's wishing could truly save the world, and redeem his own actions in turn. The details of the fight itself I don't know, and I don't think they matter. What matters is that my father won – he was the last Master left standing."

"And then he destroyed it. He used his last command spell to force his Servant to use her Noble Phantasm and erase it. He threw it away, without a seconds hesitation. I know it must have partly been because of it's corruption...but I like to think that he realized what I did too, in the end. That the world was better off without its power of wishing. He chose to thrown off his ties to the Einzbern family, and live here. With me."

"I was – am – a product of that war. The final battle for the grail caused a great fire – you know the place, Issei, just not the cause, just like the rest of the town, which is how it should be. I am its only survivor. Kiritsugu found me dying in the rubble, and merged Avalon with my flesh to save me. Its power healed me, and I became his son. I grew up knowing his one time ambitions to be a hero, and knowing of magic. Though reinforcement seemed the only sorcery I could manage, I never doubted what I wanted to do. To follow in his footsteps, and be the hero he wanted to be so badly. And then, five years ago, the Fifth War began, and like my father, I became a contender for the Grail."

"And now it's everyone's story."

...

It took a long time. The war was neither simple nor short, and there was a lot to explain. It was especially difficult for Illya, for whom some parts of the war described things she would have preferred no one bring up. She made an effort not to look at Kouji, which was a pity, because if she had, she would have seen he understood. But eventually Issei was satisfied. He shook his head.

"I can't believe all that could happen right next door without my knowing."

"We magicians have been keeping non-magicians out of things for a long time," Rin said. "We're very good at it. Something like the war had plenty of safeguards built in. I should go over them with Sakura some time, since she's so good at barriers."

"I guess it's partly because I'm used to always knowing now," Issei admitted. "My bond has developed much further than my brother's. There's nothing within the lands boundaries I can't sense anymore."

"Really? Well, that reminds me – it's _your _turn now," Rin said.

Issei nodded. "Before my own part, I only know what records I could find," he said. "But I can explain most of it."

"This land is powerfully magical, as Rin said. Such a place, traditionally, is guarded. My family was its guardians. It chose us, long ago, and from then on, all of our descendants were born with a bond to it. A magician is a magician because he can control his magic circuit – for us, Fuyuki _was_ the circuit, and through it we could use its strength as a magician would use his own. The land's power made us great, the least of us a match for any two magicians within the borders. I believe it was possible to draw power outside the land as well, though you couldn't call the golems."

"Most likely," Rin agreed. "Though it would diminish with distance."

Issei nodded. "Thank you. The biggest problems with reviving our skills has been having to start from scratch, with no knowledge of magic at all. That's why we haven't been able to go much farther beyond the golems and other magics related directly to Fuyuki. There's a certain amount of instinct involved there – the magic has a way of teaching itself. Unlike magecraft."

"Very," Rin said dryly. "Perhaps I'll help after all this is over. I'm sure I'll learn enough interesting new magics to make it worth my time."

"That would be very welcome. Though you already seem to be trying some interesting magics of late."

"You noticed? Oh, of course, because of the way it feels out the land. I'm working on a way to track the blood beasts. We can talk about that later."

Issei nodded. "Well, about two hundred years ago, something happened. No one seemed to know what. All they knew was that suddenly, the bond with the land was gone, and they couldn't restore it. There were some mentioning of troubles and battles going on that needed their attention, but no real details – it was all about their struggles to regain our connection to Fuyuki. After that generation, there are no records at all. To this day, the only clue I've ever had was what you've told me now – that two hundred years ago the wars began."

For a moment, everyone was quiet. Illya looked at Kouji. Kouji looked at Rin. Rin was looking at Issei – who was looking back. After a moment, she bowed her head.

Issei nodded, and went on.

"About five years ago – from the sound of it, just a few months after you destroyed the grail Shirou – I began to change. It was very subtle, very gradual, but I began to feel things. There was a sense of something living under my feet, a presence that existed everywhere I went, looking at me. Trying to talk to me. By the time we started our last year of school, I was beginning to see magic. Certain parts of town began to feel different from others. I was uncomfortable in places where there had been some sort of disaster – I could feel the land's memory in the ground. That place where the fire was? I can barely walk through it, it's like having a nightmare playing in the back of my head. At the time, I was still at a complete loss as to what was happening. I know my grades suffered – you were very worried, Shirou. See, I told you it was more my fault."

"Was not," Shirou said promptly.

"Anyway," Issei said, wisely choosing not to answer. "One of the strongest places was right on the Ryuudou grounds, and I started frequenting it, hoping to figure out what had happened. Since it was so strong, and so close, I thought it might be related. And then one day I realized that one of the magics I was sensing came from something that was still there. And that's how I found Avalon."

"Now that you've told me, I can see how she had started as a scabbard, but when I found her, she didn't have a true shape anymore. She still had roughly the right proportions, but her colors were loose and shifting. She was half translucent, and her edges were somehow blurred, like she was only half solid. And she felt – to my magic sense – like an egg. There was a life inside, growing, emerging. It was evolving, preparing to become more than it began. It was the first clue I'd found, so I took it back to the temple, and put it near the shrine, like a relic. And that's when I started to check the library. I just assumed it must have had something to do with the shrine. I was wrong, of course – I never found a single reference to her – but I found out about myself instead. I only knew what to call her because, when she hatched, she told me."

"That happened in the summer after we graduated. I'd finally begun to understand what was happening to me, from reading our archives. I was missing a lot that would have helped of course, but at least I didn't feel like I was turning into something I didn't understand. And then one day, I heard her voice, for the first time."

"She said: 'Am I? … I am. I am...Avalon."

"She'd finished changing, but not growing. At first her presence only filled the shrine room, but in a few months it didn't matter where on the grounds you were. We talked, a great deal, trying to understand, but she couldn't answer much. She knew who she was, but not what – or maybe I should call it the other way round. She knew her name, her essence – that she encompassed the ideals of peace and utopia – had a sense of self, and an instinctive knowledge of what her powers were, or should be, but she had only vague memories of any past at all – she only knew there had been one. In the end, the only real thing we had to talk about was what her purpose would be now. When I explained what a shrine was, and about my family, she decided to adopt our temple as her place. 'I do not know if I truly qualify as a Kami,' she said. 'But what I have become, is very close. This place is my birthplace, and it pleases me. To guard a place of peace and protection pleases me. It is my purpose.' And that was that."

Rin frowned thoughtfully. "Excalibur and Avalon were formed from the dreams of King Arthur's reign. Two ideals were embodied in his time – purest justice, and golden peace. Those dreams, crystallized, made Excalibur and Avalon – man's most powerful sword, which turns mana into cleansing light, and its sheath, which encloses its user in a separate plane of its own making, removed from all harm. So I suppose it always had a spark of life in it. England's myths defined it as a scabbard, but once it came here, where people believed in millions of spirits, for everything under the sun – I guess it just found room to grow here, to become more. It's like you said, Issei. It – or she I guess – evolved."

There was a thoughtful silence. Shirou shook his head. "I just can't believe I never thought of it. All that time, and I never wondered where it went. I just assumed it was gone – Excalibur certainly seemed to have left with her."

"That's because that wasn't the real Excalibur," Rin replied. "It was a kind of 'true echo' that she could use because Excalibur was an intrinsic part of her story. But the legends said she lost Avalon, so she only had the sword. Until you gave her the real Avalon."

Arturia leaned forward. "Does that mean Excalibur really is at the bottom of a lake in England somewhere?"

Rin nodded. "Yes, but don't count on finding it. From the description in the legends, my guess is that the Lady of the Lake is a spirit, and the lake itself part of her personal realm. It probably doesn't even exist in a form people can find, unless she decides otherwise."

Arturia nodded. She looked only a little disappointed. "I didn't think it would be practical to try in any case. Still, to know there really was a King Arthur, and an Excalibur, and an Avalon…I suppose it's rather remote to you, since it's not a story of your country, but it's very personal for me." Her mouth curved upward. "And I am very sorry that I will not be able to tell anyone else that King Arthur was actually a woman."

"I thought you'd like that," Rin said, smiling – and hoping Arturia wouldn't notice two-thirds of the table eying her like a stick of dynamite. They all already knew, so they couldn't understand why she wouldn't make the connection, even though they didn't espouse reincarnation in England – or at least not as a fact. Plus it's much harder to think of things like that in connection to yourself. There was every reason to expect her not to realize for some time yet…_if_ everyone else could stop looking like a deer in headlights and act _natural,_ damn it!

"Actually, I'm a little curious about your own name, now we're on the subject," Rin added, hoping to drive home the point. "It's a feminine form of Arthur, of course, and probably King Arthur's real name – she never actually told us while she was here – but your parents wouldn't have known that."

"I'm afraid I have no idea," Arturia said. "I was left for the matron of my orphanage to find, with a note giving my name and nothing else. King Arthur was left with his guardians in a similar fashion after the fall of Pendragon – the matron always supposed my mother had been trying to lend a shred of dignity to my situation. It never mattered much to me though. By the time I was old enough to care, I already knew what I was going to do. My birth had little bearing on my future."

Rin nodded. "Oh well. It could have been interesting. So, lets see…we've gotten all caught up on the past, so now we're ready to explain what's going on now, right?"

"What? _More?_" Illya yelped. "It's _late_, and I'm tired. Can't we finish tomorrow?"

Rin's reflexive reaction to whining kids at important meetings was cut short by Sakura's gentle cough. "I'm afraid she's right, Rin. It _is_ late, and she has good reason to be tired. And she's probably not the only one: I imagine Kouji-kun could do without a late night as well, and possibly even Arturia. We were going to end up inviting them to our morning meetings sooner or later, we may as well start now."

"I'm not so easily exhausted as that," Arturia said. "But I agree in any case. We would do better to continue this in the morning. Besides," she added, suddenly smiling. "I'm sure it will make Sakura very happy to have two more people to cook for."

Sakura laughed, startled but pleased. "Well yes, so it would."

Rin realized from the way everyone was stirring and smiling that they were relieved – it really was late, and she had been the only one who hadn't felt it. This kind of gathering, giving, and using of information invigorated her: she hadn't realized the others didn't feel the same.

"Well all right then," she said with a sigh. "If that's how everyone feels. But me and Sakura are going to need to take care of Kouji-san here before he goes."

"Will it take long?" Shirou asked.

"Not too long. Anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes, depending on how familiar I am with the magic Einzbern was using. Maybe you and Issei would like to go out back and talk a bit? I'm sure you've got a lot of private catching up to do."

Issei and Shirou glanced at each other: Shirou nodded. "All right then," he said, getting up. "Let us know when you're done."

"Please take good care of my brother," Issei said formally, getting up as well.

"I will," Rin promised. "I won't even nibble."

"Thank you," said Issei.

...

As his brother left, Kouji cast a severely disturbed glance at Illya, who had plopped her head on the table the moment Rin confirmed they were done. She waved a hand in a vaguely reassuring manner, as if to say 'it's okay, she really won't eat you or hurt you or anything.'

Kouji looked only slightly reassured.

...

It was a bit cold outside, so they stayed under the eaves in the back, against the house, sheltered from the breeze. As far as facts went, they'd more or less caught up already. It was their own personal bond that needed reaffirming, and they did it in companionable silence, gazing out absently over the lawn.

"There's a magic square, here," Issei said after a moment.

"Leftover from my dad," Shirou said. "Rin's using it to teach Arturia."

"She couldn't use magic already?"

"Not as spells. She forms raw mana into blades: Rin's been training her to do the same thing more complicated. Illya says she used some pretty impressive attacks during the battle today, so it must be working."

"I see. She's very strong, then."

"Yes. Very."

"Like before?" Issei asked quietly.

There was a silence. "Yes." Shirou whispered. "Like before."

"I see."

The air was slow and quiet, filled with a deep silence into which each phrase fell, as if through water.

"You loved her before, didn't you?"

"Love," Shirou whispered, eyes turned to the sky. "Present tense."  
"I thought so. She fits you. Like a glove."

"Yes. I know."

"Shirou – are you all right?"

Shirou closed his eyes; for a moment, his hands clenched. "I…can't talk to the others, about it. They knew her too – it's painful, for them. For all of us. But to tell you the truth, Issei," Shirou said, turning his face to him. "To tell you the truth – I'm scared, Issei. I'm scared straight to my soul. I don't want to lose her twice."

Issei put a hand on his shoulder. "I don't pretend to understand the pain, Shirou," he said softly. "I, who haven't yet loved – I just don't know. But you're my friend, and Avalon's domain is peace and solace. If you ever need to, don't hold back Shirou. Don't hesitate to come. Even if Avalon can't help – even if I don't understand a single thing you say or do – I'll listen. I won't question, even if you cry. All right?"

Shirou nodded. "Sure. Thanks Issei."

"Anytime, friend."

...

About ten minutes later, Rin came out to tell them they were done.

"Very nasty magic, but simple enough to remove," Rin told them with a kind of satisfaction, like a surgeon who had just successfully removed something unpleasant from her patient. "There's nothing left of it now. Just make sure he sleeps well tonight and he should be fine."

"Thank you very much."

"Ri-in, _invite_ them," Sakura called from further in the house.

Rin rolled her eyes, looking amused. "Right. And you're invited to come to breakfast over here at eight. It's when we plan, but we'll use it to bring you up to date on what's been happening first. You can bring Kouji-san too."

"I don't really know if he should be missing school for this," Issei admitted. "I hate to keep him shut out of something this important, but…"

"I'm not sure either, about him or Illya," Rin admitted. "We'll need them to stay long enough to tell what happened today at any rate. If we send them back right after with a note, we could call them up and tell them what we decided later, I guess? I don't think it's entirely fair either, but to be honest, neither of them can participate in whatever we come up with anyway. Kouji-san would be over his head, and even as powerful as Illya is now that she's over her mental block, she doesn't have much control over it – if she really tried to fight she'd probably level a couple of blocks. And she is one of his main targets. It's just too risky."

"That sounds reasonable," Issei agreed. "Though I still don't understand how a girl like her got to be a target of a man like him. Not that you've explained who he is yet," he admitted. "But that aura of his is beyond corrupt – it's half insane. The man's emotionally and mentally unstable, and I think it's still progressing."

Shirou and Rin looked at each other. "That certainly sounds right," Rin said grimly. "But no more long stories tonight. We'll explain everything you want tomorrow morning, before we talk about anything else, I promise. After all," she added, her face acquiring the slant eyed sarcasm that marked a bout of her hallmark semi-sadistic humor. "It's not like you'll be much use until we do. An ignorant ally is just a fat liability, don't you agree?"

"On the contrary," Issei told her. "A fat ally is an excellent source of emergency protein."

Rin's throat convulsed spasmodically. "Ah – yes. Of course. But you aren't fat, and we haven't got time to fix that, so we'll just have to inform you instead."

"Very efficient of you. Eight o'clock?"

"Right. Get him home and put him to bed, he really strained himself magically today."

"I know. That was his first time successfully calling a golem. Hopefully I'll find some time to be properly proud between now and eight o'clock tomorrow."

"It's amazing what we find we can do under pressure, isn't it? If it's any comfort, Sakura will probably cook a breakfast that could easily pass for a celebration meal tomorrow. She feels like she needs to make up for tonight, and having guests puts her into blissful overdrive."

"I'll look forward to it," Issei said sincerely. "And it is a bit of a comfort, in a way. Well, I'll be going then. Take care of yourselves. Good night."

"Good night," Shirou and Rin echoed as he headed past for where Kouji was waiting.

"Issei," Rin suddenly called. He stopped.

"We really are very grateful to Kouji-san. Very."

He nodded. "Thank you. I'm very proud of him."

"Naturally. Good night."

"Good night."

...

Shirou walked into the eating room, leaned against the wall and breathed a huge sigh. "Whew. Well, that was a lot to take in for one night."

"It certainly was. That's why I said it would be better to finish tomorrow." Arturia seconded from the table. She'd stayed to watch Rin and Sakura at work, fascinated the opportunity to observe a delicate magic working. "It's not good to take in too much at once. We'll do better for having been able to sleep on it."

"_Sleep_," Illya said longingly. "G-d, someone remind me what that's like, I've forgotten. Man, you guys talked _forever_."

"Well, no one's stopping you now," Rin said, feeling nettled. _She _could do that sort of thing all night, though doubtless she'd have no morning to speak of after. She was an owl, not an early bird.

"Yeah, yeah," Illya said tiredly, getting up. It was no act – the fight had been intensely draining for her, emotionally and physically. It had been a long time since she'd channeled mana at all: she didn't think she'd ever channeled _that _much in her whole life. Some sleep fogged part of her suspected that if she could help it, she wouldn't again. Too dangerous, too uncontrollable. The power the Einzberns had given her had not really been designed to be used. She was so dazed she stumbled and half fell over her own feet in the middle of the floor. Shirou caught her elbow and smiled.

"Need me to put you to bed, imouto-chan?"

She half leaned, half fell against his arm. "...Yeah. I think so."

"Well, come on then, this way. Not that way. Just let me point. Good lord, do you want me to carry you?"

"Uhhhh…" Illya was seriously considering it. Walking had never seemed so difficult, and she secretly enjoyed being carried by Shirou – it embodied a kind of familial warmth she couldn't help but crave. "Well..."

The pause proved fatal – her eyelids fluttered and she almost slid right to the floor. Shirou caught her and, without pausing, swept her up. "Never mind," he said, eyes twinkling. "Just keep thinking about it."

Except she was already asleep, head pillowed contentedly on his chest, and only snored in reply.

...

Watching him carry her down the hall, Rin shook her head. "You know, I could hardly believe it at first when he took in that kid, but really, he was wasted without a sibling. Born to be a brother, I swear."

"He is a natural," Arturia agreed. "I imagine he'll be as good a father someday. But were you really that surprised?"

Rin's mouth crept upward. "Alright, exasperated," she admitted. "It was par for the course for that guy. He's lucky he didn't die. He's better now – much better, thank _g-d_ – but he was so naïve back in the war he should've had flowers sprouting in his hair."

Arturia chuckled, the image of tall, strapping Shirou with a bouquet on his head crinkling her eyes with mirth. After a moment, Rin laughed too. "It wouldn't have looked quite so ridiculous then," she added. "But still pretty silly. Maybe I should arrange it."

"Rin, you wouldn't!"

"Well, _maybe_ not," Rin said, winking broadly. "But it's still fun to think about, yes?"

"I suppose it is," Arturia said, getting up.

"Going to bed?" Rin asked.

"To the dojo, actually. Shirou and I have been sparring every night, and I'm sure he won't forget tonight."

Rin blinked. "Oh. I suppose this an opportunity for both of you. I can't spar with him, and you wouldn't even have anyone you could show magic to back at home."

Arturia frowned. "I meant to ask about that. I understand you can't spar, but I would think you'd still welcome what practice you could get. But Shirou says you never have matches with him anymore. Why? Is it too dangerous?"

Suddenly Rin was very glad Illya had been so tired. "Oh, it just didn't work very well," she said casually. "We did try a few times."

Arturia shrugged. "Well, I suppose it is a very disconcerting effect."

Rin's head snapped up. "What effect?"

Arturia looked a little startled. Rin reminded herself that she had to tread more carefully. "There is no automatic effect of two people having regular magical duels," she said more calmly. "So if you are experiencing one, I would like to know what it is."

Arturia frowned. "Illya said that must be the cause."

"And she may be right," Rin said. "That doesn't mean it happens every time. I'm still curious."

"Well, I always know where he is, more or less. That's been for the last day or so. And I know whether or not he's fighting, even though my ring doesn't receive."

"The rings signals are purely mechanical in nature," Rin said, doing her best to control herself. "It has no affect on your magic senses, even our fully enabled ones."

At this, Arturia's brow furrowed slightly. Now she also looked perturbed. "When we last fought, we had a sense of the others intentions during the match. That was what I meant by disconcerting. At some point we managed to mostly shut it out. It did not interfere with our practice for the most part."

"Anything else?" Rin asked, very quietly. "Anything else at all?"

Arturia's gaze, which had become very sharp, softened slightly as she turned inward. "There is a mana flow," she said slowly. "From me to him. But it does not seem to be coming from my own stores. The amount of mana I have at my disposal is not being affected. Rin," she asked slowly, eyes narrowed. "What is this?"

"Well, it's probably like Illya said, from fighting and thinking together. You have said your wills are very closely aligned. It wouldn't happen to me, but I suppose it's not so surprising it happened to you."

Arturia, Rin was disturbed to see, was still staring hard. "When I told Illya that I knew where Shirou was, she reacted very strangely. And that is the least of the things I mentioned, am I wrong?"

"It is the least, yes."

"And that would make knowing his emotions as well, and being able to exchange power so easily, signs of a progressively stronger bond, am I wrong?"

Damn. She hadn't been so quick at this before. It must be her SS training. "No, you aren't wrong."

"But you tell me that this can occur merely from a few shared fights and mock duels?"

"It is not common, but it can happen," Rin said quietly. It was not a lie. "Normally it takes longer, but magical soul bonds do form. You and Shirou match each other closely enough for it."

"Then this is not something you did, to encourage me to stay."

Rin's eyes flared with rage. "That," she said, very tightly. "Would be highly intrusive sorcery, violating every right of privacy magekind recognizes and involving manipulation of the state of no less than two souls without consent. You may as well accuse me of black magic."

Arturia's stance – which had become almost aggressive – changed instantly. She bowed deeply. "Forgive me. I should not have had to ask."

Rin sighed. "I suppose it's only natural for you to be disturbed, forming a bond like that against your will. And I won't lie to you Arturia – I would love to see you stay, and I am not the only one. We all would. But I would not stoop to such means."

"And I should not have accused you. Again, please forgive my insult."

Rin waved her hand. "You should go and wait. It will give you a minute to get it off your mind before he gets there. It's not his fault either, you know."

Despite herself, Arturia smiled. "Shirou trying to convince me to abandon my duties is the least of my worries," she said, and turned the corner.

Rin waited until she heard the door of the dojo open and shut. Then she slumped over the table, head buried in her arms, hearing and seeing a scene from five years gone.

_I'm going to remove some of your magic circuits, Shirou, and fuse them into Saber. That will complete the Master Servant bond, and allow Saber to restore her own mana._

_ Fuse…is that even possible?_

_ I'll make it possible!_

"Oh g-d," Rin whispered. "Oh dear _g-d –_ it wasn't supposed to be _permanent_. Even through reincarnation…what did I _do_ that night?"

"I may be a black magician after all…"

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

.

One: I'm sorry, Issei) Never saw that one coming. Honest to g-d. I was writing the scene, all in innocence, when out of nowhere the story ambushed me. Shirou started talking with him and just – just started crying, and saying things like, it's my fault, I didn't trust you. I was floored. But of course he was right. While his reaction became less intense in the re-writes – for better or for worse – the essence of it was not only right, but important. There I had been, wondering how Issei would react with Rin, and I'd never asked what should have been a more obvious question – how would he react with Shirou? His best friend from his normal life, who he hasn't talked to all this time, suddenly walks in a fully fledged member of his world. I had never even considered the significance of it. That scene near the end, when Issei says to come to the shrine anytime? I never would have thought of it, if this scene hadn't pointed out the new angle to me. A male, perceptive, understanding best friend during such a time, of course there should be scenes like this. But I never thought of it till the story told me. I _love_writing.

Two: Reality Marble ) Sigh. When I was researching for the story, the wiki was missing a lot of stuff I wanted to know. Then while I was writing this and wanted to look up the Japanese name for The Root, I went back and found it has expanded tremendously, and of course this included explanations for all sorts of things I'd gone ahead and explained my own way, and also of course, it largely contradicted me. In the case of Shirou, however, I feel very justified with sticking with my way for the simple reason that I think the canon explanation leaves a lot to be desired and is full of logic holes. And now I am going to explain this in detail, so either brace yourself or vamoose. Your choice.

We'll start with the game version. According to it, Shirou's power is a combination of very acute senses, a very highly developed mental approach to Tracing, and a personality complex. Apparently, Shirou lost all sense of self in the fire, before Kiritsugu rescued him. He therefore can only feel happiness through others, hence his willingness to do any favor, any time, for anyone, the way we are shown in the beginning of the anime. The other, magical consequence of this is that he can use his own essence to make things. When he traces, he isn't generating the structure through mana, he's only guiding the process through mana – the material comes from his own body. _I am the bone of my sword _– the line is apparently a literal truth of Shirou's power. As for the Reality Marble, according to the game it is a sorcery, though a very high level one approaching True Magic, involving a boundary. It requires great skill, and even then, you may not be compatible.

Now, my problems, one by one. We'll start with Shirou's tracing. To me, Shirou's ability to memorize construction absolutely simply surpasses any explanation involving senses or approach. To highlight this, let me list some of the mental steps Shirou goes through when he traces (complement of wiki): 4. Imitate production technique 5. Share growing experiences 6. Reenact accumulated years. And he picks up the knowledge to do this through physical senses and a very fine magical nose? And even in a dream? Caliburn was unique even among Noble Phantasms, but Shirou was able to make a near perfect copy from glimpsing it in _Saber__'s_ dream? You can convince me there's a way – I believe in mine – but no simple gift can cover that. That's one angle. Now, for the bit about his body, and the self part. First of all, this does not explain, at all, why Shirou should be able to use a Reality Marble, a magic that clearly aught to require a lot of mana, which he doesn't have, not the mention the magical skill, since it clearly falls into a very different category of magic from Projection, and it is clearly stated many times that this is Shirou's _only_area of expertise in magecraft. And finally, there's the psychological angle. When compared to the level of the problem – no sense of self at all, to the point that he cannot enjoy life from his own perspective – Shirou's supposed symptoms are much too simple, near naive. He seems largely normal – this should not be possible. A complex like that should have much more profound, far reaching consequences on his day to day life than simply being willing to do any favor. Yes, once the war begins, we are shown that it makes him reckless of his safety, but frankly, nothing he did cannot be explained by simple compassion and naivete, both of which he had (and both of which, unless I am mistaken, have been used as the reason for near identical behavior in other anime in other characters). And, the crowning point, someone with no sense of self_should not be able to fall in love._You might be thinking that it's the opposite, the truest love is selfless, but bear with me while I go through the steps of that. When someone loves another so much they will cause themselves any amount of pain for the others happiness, the actual thought process is this: This one, special persons happiness has come to mean so much to _me_(self!), that I would rather that he/she be happy instead of me. Or, put another way, seeing them happy makes me happy regardless of my own circumstance. BUT – according to what the game says, Shirou is like this with everyone, by default. He doesn't value his own feelings or circumstance, so he lives through what he gives to others – any others. So you see? He can't fall in love. To single out one person to have especially strong feelings for cannot be done without a sense of self – your sense of self is what defines the entire process. So, someone with no sense of self – someone absolutely selfless – cannot fall in love, though he could after fashion be said to be in love with the world. But even now I'm not finished. Lets say that he does manage to at least come close. Someone like, say, Sakura, falls in love with who she sees (she would, she's the type), and Shirou responds with something close enough to love that one might argue the rest technicalities. All right, lets say the technicalities don't matter, I could see my way to saying that. But love is a cycle – you give, and are given in turn, and so it goes round. Shirou would be giving feelings of love (or like love), and the girl would be trying to give love back in return…except that all her attempts would be falling into a void, because Shirou can only gain satisfaction through what he does for her. _She cannot give back to him._And this would destroy it all in the end. Now, you could say, well, it's not exactly a good thing that Shirou is that way is it? So falling in love is how he's cured. Which sounds like a really great take, actually, until you consider that that would mean Shirou would lose his tracing ability. Or rather, he would lose his ability to use his body to replace the mana he should need, but it comes to the same thing, because Shirou does not have enough mana to conventionally Trace an iron poker, let alone a Noble Phantasm. So he can't fall in love, and yet romance plays a big part in both the anime and all three versions of the VN. So – game theory no good. So I'm sticking with mine.

Since Shirou will not gain the use of the Unlimited Blade Works in this story, I will now explain here how I link that to my way of explaining what Shirou does. First, a short (for real) bit of related Nasuverse data (Nasuverse is the name of the world in which all the works of Fate Stay Night's author occur. Yes, Shingetsutan Tsukihime is in the same magic universe). Demons, spirits, and elemental beings are naturally able to project their own realms within – or perhaps over – reality. Essentially, they can play with certain laws of probability to create miniature realms about them. These work by manipulating natural law rather than by defying them, and so is not rejected by Gaia (and therefore does not require constant mana to renew, as Servants and normal Tracings do). So, what the UBW is is a crude, enforced version of this idea, made possible by their link to the laws of reality. What Archer – and, someday, Shirou – is doing is taking that link to the ultimate form by putting pressure on it, temporarily expanding it's effects to create an area that is defined by that link. That area of distorted reality is the Reality Marble, Unlimited Blade Works. It is a product of will, not mana, so he could do it, but it is also a difficult act of will. The effect is far beyond what the gift is mean to support, and it's duration is limited. But it covers the parameters, so as a theory it's good.

Oh yes, one last thing. According to the game, Shirou's incredible ability only applies to bladed weapons – anything else is much harder for him. Well, I could not think of a single way to justify this, and have therefore abandoned it altogether. I refuse to tie myself and potentially the story in knots trying to accommodate someone _elses _idea.

Three: The History) As a whole, this part is accurate but occasionally skims over a few things that are more trouble than they're worth to explain, up there or down here. But you are welcome to look it up for yourself. The bits about the Einzberns, right in the beginning, is part conjecture. I knew they had been trying a long time before the wars, that they led the creation of it, that they had developed their Homunculus's as a part of that, that Justica had the Heaven's Feel, and that some believed man lost his connection to the Root as a result of becoming too genetically diverse. So I sort of filled in the gaps a bit. It's not background that will play a direct role, so I felt it sufficient. Besides, the chapter was already delayed enough without starting all kinds of research again.

Four: The Throne of Heroes) I've adapted this bit slightly. The way the original put it, it sounded like the manifestation of human consciousness – I forget the name of it, but it's kind of like Gaia for humans in the Nasuverse – would sort through souls, pick out its favorites and shelve them like a prize doll collection. According to it, the Throne was that manifestation's way of preserving a being mankind had come to think of as perfect. Any arguments about the presence of beings like Rider aside (her identity is the Gorgon), I just could not accept a universe that gave souls such cavalier treatment. How could they not have a choice in the matter? So long as it was my story, such a thing was intolerable. Frankly, I think mine makes more sense from other angles as well, but that's the real reason I did it. It is also how I explain the presence of the mentioned second Servant, which I will explain in more detail – along with Arturia's own presence despite having clearly been about sixteen during the war – when 'it's' identity is revealed (yes, I know many of you have guessed, but it's a matter of principle).

Five: The portal regurgitated Angra Mainyu) Actually, no one seems to know exactly what caused the Grail to be darkened, only when and what by (although apparently it is known to be the Einzbern candidates fault. Figures). In any case, I thought my explanation made as much sense as any.

Six: Avalon) Well, how do you like it? Right from the beginning, I knew that an important question to be answered was, What happened to Avalon? As I explained here, She – or it at the time – was real as both Saber and Excalibur were not. So it made sense that when Saber left, it would be left behind. The question was, how to explain that, in a way that accounted for the fact that we are shown her exit quite clearly, and there is no sign of a remaining gold and blue scabbard. That, at least, proved relatively simple. In its activated form, Avalon is invisible. During her fight with Gilgamesh, we cannot see any sign of it, even though its effects are very clear indeed. And Avalon was still in that state when she left. So, it was left behind, hovering in an invisible outline of Arturia, with no wielder to pull it back into its deactivated form. Over time, I reasoned, Avalon would pull back together, but without a wielders will it would take a very long time – several months at least. And so it was left, half buried in the spot where Saber left, forgotten. And that's where things got more complicated, because while that part has not changed since first conceived, everything that happened after – the ways in which it would enter and affect the story – changed radically multiple times. At first, I still hadn't even put Issei in the story yet. I thought that somewhere in the last third of the story Shirou, deep in thought about the painful dilemma Arturia's presence was, would return to the place where he said goodbye to Saber and find it. I thought the sudden, unexpected emergence of a link to that time would make a good touch (it probably would have, if almost everything involved hadn't changed). I pictured him finding it, having his confidence boosted a bit, and returning to give it to Arturia, saying 'it's yours really.' And yes, giving it back to Arturia was a big part of my motivation to involve it. Excalibur was too far away, and too much an unknown, to practically try to get it for her, I thought at the time. But Avalon was right there: who could resist? But of course as the story evolved, this inevitably had to undergo some heavy alterations. Once I knew Issei was in there, I figured he would have found it first. Then, the scene was that Shirou, with or without Arturia, would come to the Shrine and discover Avalon there. Remember that the Ryuudou's weren't guardians yet, just a family of priest-mages who had gone dormant until the large magical events of the Grail woke their gift again. Even at this stage though, the idea that Avalon had changed was already creeping into my mind. As I saw the scene, Issei revealed Avalon with pride, and showed that when he activated it, it would cover the entire Shrine, making the entire grounds a place where no one, under any circumstance, could be harmed. At this point, Shirou and Arturia only got the psychological benefits – instead of claiming it, Shirou tells him to keep it, acknowledging Avalon's enormous increase in power as a sign that this is where it should stay. And that – more or less – was how things stayed for a while. And then, when I was researching Shinto beliefs to help figure out what sort of things a family of Japanese mage-priests would do (and I recommend that you also look into it – it gave whole new levels to my understanding and enjoyment of Japanese entertainment), the final brainstorm occurred. Reading about the ways in which Japanese culture gave life, spirit, and sentience to so many things, I saw the final twist: that Avalon, under the influence of those Japanese beliefs, changed, and became a Kami herself. Like many other ideas that make this story, it was one I couldn't give up once I'd thought of it, and so, indeed, I haven't. So I just hope you all think this is as cool as I do.

Seven: The bond explained) The big revelation of the chapter – Arturia still has Shirou's magic circuits! I'll put a more detailed explanation in later, but for those of you who are bothered by it, I'll say it now too: As a human, Arturia had no need for the extra mana, so until now, his circuits had gone dormant. Being close to him has brought them back into activity, creating a close bond between them, but Arturia is still producing plenty of her own mana, so instead of going to her, the mana they produce is being drawn down the connection to the original soul – Shirou's. They've also become somewhat more effective after so many years attached to Arturia's intensely magical soul, so long term, Shirou's reserves will increase by six times. Mind you, that's still not much by mage standards, but for Shirou, that is enough to do incredible things. I don't believe he'll pass four times by the end of the story, but even now, his supply has doubled, so look forward to the true awesome power of the Tracer's Art, coming up next chapter! And just for the record, Rin's concern is purely moral in nature – there are no physical or spiritual consequences other than those we already know. But it's not easy to find out you may have altered a soul for all time. That's all.


	12. Chapter 11: Chefs and Chivalry

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Chapter Eleven: Chefs and Chivarly

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Arturia frowned. There was food floating all about her, but whenever she reached for them, they moved away. She tried harder, but no matter how much she flailed they only got further out of reach. Now they were moving faster, and she was running after them, but she still couldn't catch up, and now Einzbern was in front of her saying that she had to get a marzipan Illya off his lapel before she could eat, but when she said that she didn't want to fight now and who cared if he had a candy Illya anyway he reached out and hit her hard on the nose, making her yelp and open her eyes. The food disappeared, as did Einzbern. The pain in her nose did not.

She covered it reflexively with her left hand as she slowly registered that she was standing in front of the door to her room, which she had apparently walked into. She slid open the door with her right hand and put her head out, gazing wide eyed down the hall through which, from the kitchen, she could still smell near unearthly aromas. And she wasn't the only one – she could see Shirou's sleep tousled head poking out further down the hall. He turned to look at her.

"What happened to your nose?"

"I sleepwalked," she said, with a sort of dazed awe. "From the smells. I hit my nose on the door."

"I think I sympathize," Shirou said, looking equally awed. "If I'd known inviting Issei over would do this, I'd have done it years ago."

Arturia nodded absently, still staring down in the direction of the smells. "I think I'll get dressed now," she said.

"Yeah. Me too."

...

When they reached the kitchen, they learned the true magnitude of what Sakura was brewing in the form of Illya, fully dressed and wide awake, sitting impatiently at the table.

"_There_ you are," she said. "What took you so long? How could you sleep through all this? When is Issei getting here? I want to eat!"

Shirou, his gaze fixed on Illya the way you'd keep your eyes fixed on a ticking bomb, called, "Sakura?"

"Yes?"

"Try to remember the exact recipes you used: you seem to have achieved weapons grade."

Sakura's laughter tumbled from behind the counter. He'd never seen her in higher spirits.

"Well, _I_ told her to save a plate, and we'd use it to lure out Einzbern and jump him, but she didn't take me seriously either," Rin said, coming out to join them.

"Oh it would work all right," Illya said. "I heard him say once that it was almost impossible to find food worth getting excited over after two hundred years. Except that was before he got so weird."

"He wasn't always?"

"Nah, not really. He was nasty and all but he was pretty sane up until the Fourth War. Then he just seemed to get all eaten up. I think he must have double snapped after I stayed here and the Mages Association officially withdrew support of the war. He did found the whole thing."

"That just doesn't seem like enough—"

"Oh who _cares_," Illya cried, bouncing in place. "How can you even want to talk about stuff like this in the middle of all these _smells_? Hurry _up_, Sakura."

"Illya," Rin said warningly.

"They're supposed to come at eight, and that's not for ten minutes," Sakura said. "I timed the cooking for that. It's not my fault you got up early Illya."

"It is too, _you _made it smell like this."

"Good food makes good smells. That's not my fault."

"Why don't you go over your homework with me Illya," Arturia interjected hastily. "With all that happened yesterday we missed my lesson."

...

Issei and Kouji arrived almost exactly on time. Issei said, "Do you realize traffic is slowing down in front of the house so people can sniff?"

"No, but I would have guessed," Rin said. "Better sit down before someone snaps and barges in."

"What, your barrier won't stop over-enthusiastic eaters?"

"Not much that can – you know what they say about the grudge of food."

"True," Issei said, heading over to the table. "So, where do we sit?"

"You can take the end Issei, and Kouji can squeeze next to Shirou," Sakura said briskly. She'd considered putting him next to Illya – she was smaller, so it _technically_ would have meant less squeezing – but decided in the end this was a bad idea for any fifteen year old male, even one of Kouji's composure. "If we added any more, we'd have to get a new table," she added, as if this was the best news since government funded health care.

"I think this is enough, thanks," Shirou said wryly. Even if it did put him quite close to Arturia, fitting Kouji in wasn't entirely comfortable.

Kouji opened his mouth to apologize. Shirou stopped him.

"I didn't mean it that way, we're glad to have you here," he told him. "But I think we should get that extra table anyway. It would only need to be a four person one."

"It's always good to be ready for extra guests," Sakura agreed gaily, emerging with platters. All conversation immediately stopped, Sakura's every move becoming the fevered focus of the entire table as she put food down and started filling plates.

"So," Rin said, as Sakura finished. "Should we start with the first victims we found, Shirou?"

Everybody stared at her. Rin stared back.

"Ohhh – oh_ fine_ then!"

"You're the _only _who'd think about talking at a time like this," Illya grumbled.

Rin rolled her eyes and took a bite. Stopped. Swallowed. Sighed. Credit where it's due. Especially when it's due your sister.

"You've outdone yourself dear," she murmured quietly, glad Sakura sat right next to her.

"Thank you Rin," Sakura said happily. She hadn't taken a bite. She was watching everybody else eat, smiling beatifically.

The girl has _got _to get married, Rin thought.

...

Forty five minutes later they had all more or less finished both eating and explaining. Issei looked rather grim.

"I hadn't expected there to be a threat like this so soon," he said. "It's going to be years yet before we've recovered even close to the traditional Ryuudou skills. Still, I think there is one way I might be able to help. You have tried to trace him through senses, I presume?"

"First thing any magician tries," Rin told him. "And therefore the first thing he'll defend against. If Shirou can't do it, nobody can, and he can't sense a thing."

"Well, perhaps no other magician can, but I am not precisely a magician," Issei said mildly. "And I have very different methods of tracing unwanted magic in Fuyuki."

Rin's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "I see," she said slowly. "Yes. A _very_ interesting idea. Bring it up again soon. Illya, Kouji, we need you to give us the basics of what happened yesterday, _quickly_. Then you need to go."

To everyone's surprise, instead of protesting loudly and immediately, Illya just stared at Rin incredulously. Rin gave her an apologetic half smile.

"Sorry Illya," Rin said. "I know it's not fair, but we need to save your credit for when you really need it. It's better if you go to school now, so we can hold you back when it will matter more."

"You called me Illya," Illya said blankly.

"What's_ that_ supposed to mean? It's your name, remember?"

"No, I mean, at times like this you always say 'kid' or 'squirt' or something."

Rin sighed. "Look, I'm not blind Illya. I don't pretend to understand why you stayed a kid so long, or why it changed last night, but I can tell the difference, okay? Even if you are still acting that way most of the time from force of habit."

"….oh."

"So," Rin said briskly. "Last night, highly condensed, chop chop, if you please."

Illya and Kouji traded quick looks. "I went out back to think a bit," Illya said. "I often go to that spot. He jumped me, and tried to take me away without using magic so Arturia wouldn't know to come."

"I was going back to tell her Arturia said she could take as long as she needed," Kouji picked up. "I saw there wasn't time to go get Arturia so I forced him to use magic instead, so she'd sense it. I managed to call a golem –"

"Which?" Issei interrupted.

"A Light one first, but I changed it to Stone and then Fire."

Issei nodded, looking pleased. Kouji looked fairly pleased himself. "And at the very end I tried to invoke Avalon like she told us we could, but it didn't work very well at all."

Illya snorted softly. Kouji winced.

"Right. Well, then Arturia came, and she knocked him off and fought him until he seemed to recognize her and sort of freak out –"

"Father summoned his Servant weeks before the War started," Illya told Arturia. "So Old Ach knew what she looked like."

"Old…what?"

"Oh yeah, that's what most of the family called him before I left. I wasn't allowed to of course, but I'm doing it now anyway. Because I'm _not_ calling him Grandfather."

"Of course. And thank you for explaining."

"So," Kouji resumed. "He freaked out, and…" Kouji paused.

"He said that Father had tried to rescue me a lot, before he died," Illya said quietly. "You were right about him, Nii-chan. He didn't abandon me."

"Told you so," Shirou said, smiling.

"I was able to fight after he said that," Illya continued. "He couldn't hold against me and Arturia both, so he ran. _Damn_ him," she added with a kind of soft ferocity.

"Can't blame him for saving his own skin," Rin pointed out. "Well, you _can _of course, but it's unreasonable."

"So I'll do it for you, since I'm still doing unreasonable."

"Deal," Rin said, grinning. "So, what do you think Shirou? Do they need an escort to school, or will Kouji be enough after last night?"

Shirou grimaced. "After last night, I don't feel safe with her out of my sight period. I know I can't hover in the door of her classroom all day, but I'd at least like to walk her over."

Rin shrugged. "Fair enough. Probably for the best anyway. Let's see…Illya, if you're asked tell your teachers there was trouble from your original family – they've already been told you're with us because they weren't suitable guardians, right? – and that we'll help you to do today's and yesterday's tonight."

"Only if you really will help me."

"Well, if you need it I suppose, but I don't see why you would. Besides, won't Arturia be doing it with you?"

"Well, I really do want to learn to read Japanese fluently."

"Wait, what about me?" Kouji asked. "As far as they're concerned I'm not really 'with' Illya."

"You were a witness, and came forward responsibly. After all, you _did _see Einzbern committing violence on her, and you saw it first. It won't be a lie."

Issei glanced over at Shirou, eyebrows raised. "Has she always been able to do this?"

"Just about. Never would have made it this far without her, I can't come up with a lie like that to save my life."

"You certainly can't," Issei said wryly. "And I'm still impressed."

"I told you, we've been keeping non-magicians happily ignorant for centuries," Rin reminded him, looking pleased all the same. "In any case, if Issei finds him things are going to get busy, you should hurry over. Issei, whatever it is you need to do, can you do it from here?"

"As easily as anywhere."

"Good. Then you can start while Shirou is out, and I'll help Sakura with the dishes."

Issei's mouth twitched. "You're a fast planner I see."

"Keeps inferior thinkers from running the show," Rin said blithely.

"Ah. Well, I'll just do my 'inferior' thinking over here against the wall, out of the way of your superior table clearing."

"Right," Rin said, fighting to keep the corners of her lips down. "You do that. Have a good day Illya, Kouji."

"You'll call with whatever you decide?"

"Yes. I promise."

Illya nodded. "Alright. I'm ready to go then. I'll get my bag."

"Been a while since I walked you, over hasn't it?" Shirou asked.

Suddenly Illya smiled; the clearest smile they'd seen her make since Einzbern had come. "Years. Not since I was in elementary school. I was sulking because the school uniform didn't have any purple. It was the only way you could get me to go."

"Ah yes, I had _forgotten_ that part. Hurry and get your stuff."

Illya stuck out her tongue and left.

"Well," Shirou said, "she certainly seems to be alright."

"I know," Kouji said. "Her smile isn't made of glass anymore."

...

With them gone, the house seemed relatively empty. Issei sat with his back to the wall, eyes closed, deep in a magic users trance. Rin and Sakura cleared as quietly as they could. Arturia went to the magic square to practice. It was hard not to keep glancing at Issei: even Rin caught herself at it.

They were almost finished when he stirred. Rin quickly fetched a glass of ice water: sometimes people needed help to recover. He took it slowly, in both hands, and took several careful swallows, until his eyes cleared properly and his hands were sure again. Then he put it down.

"I've found him," he said. "More or less. I'll be able to pinpoint it once I'm closer."

Rin nodded and stood up. "If you haven't got your Armlets with you Sakura," she said, "better get them now. I've been thinking about it since he started, and I just can't think of any good reason to put it off. We aren't likely to learn much more about him without going in. We'll just have to take the initiative, and as much numbers as we can."

"We're heading out as soon as everyone's ready."

...

In school – roughly twenty minutes since her late arrival – Illya's pocket rang. Normally, of course, this was a no no, but luckily she already had a story established.

"I'm sorry Sensei, it's very important. Can I go outside?"

"Ah, well, if you say so…" the teacher said. Even if he hadn't been assuming it had something to do with the Private Issues Illya had referred to earlier, this particular professor was too intimidated by Illya to refuse. Twice graced. Illya left quickly.

"Shirou?"

"Yes."

"Where are you? Why didn't you call me in-between classes?"

"I wasn't sure we'd have time. Issei found his hideout, or at least the general location. But he says he'll be able to pinpoint it once we get closer."

"You're going in…_now_? Just like that?"

"We talked it over; we aren't likely to gain any new information by waiting, but a lot more people might die. And then there's the way he always knows when one of us is vulnerable. We decided this was best."

"How many of you?"

"All of us. Even Sakura. He might still be weak from last night, or at least we hope so."

"If he is he won't stay that way. He has millions of life forces stored away, remember? If it comes to using up a few or going down, he'll use them. Are you really ready for that?"

"Maybe not, but I don't think we'll be any more ready if we wait. At the very least, with Sakura's backup, we should be able to wipe out most of his beasts and get out. I promise I won't pull any 'if it costs me my life' moves, all right?"

Illya's hands tightened on the phone. "Shirou – you're the only real family I have. You know that, right?"

"I know. I won't die, I promise. Just don't worry."

Illya laughed painfully. "Are you serious?"

"Well, try anyway. I haven't come this far to lose to someone like him."

And, suddenly – and completely illogically – Illya felt better. Shirou had spent his life training to become someone who could slay every evil he found, no matter how strong. He wouldn't lose to someone like her grandfather.

"Fight your best, Nii-chan."

"I will. It'll be over by the time you leave school. You won't even need an escort."

"Than you can both pick me up, since you won't be busy."

"…You got it. I'd better go."

"Bye."

...

"Issei," Rin said, "let me know when we're getting close."

"I will."

They had reached the slums where Shirou and Arturia had been working. As they walked, Arturia and Shirou could see the occasional familiar face watching them, expressions wavering between hostile suspicion and confusion. They knew who two of them were, but not the others. Why were they along? And was it good or bad?

"Even though we don't have time, I feel like we should be stopping to explain," Arturia murmured to Shirou. "I'm not sure they like that we brought other people with us."

"They'll get the picture soon enough," Rin told them. "Issei, how much farther?"

"You're going to warn everybody?"

"Yes."

"Then now is probably a good time."

Rin nodded, and lifted her ring hand six inches in front and two below her mouth. She'd taken all their rings aside for a few minute before they'd left to add spells of communication: apparently she'd added something extra for hers, because what happened when she spoke definitely wasn't intended as a private message.

"ATTENTION, EVERYONE. IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, PLEASE PAY ATTENTION."

They could probably hear her for at least three blocks.

"THERE IS GOING TO BE A BATTLE SOMETIME IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES. I REPEAT, THERE IS GOING TO BE A BATTLE WITH THE BLOOD BEASTS SOME TIME IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES. IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, YOU ARE IN DANGER OF BEING CAUGHT IN CROSSFIRE. PLEASE ENTER THE NEAREST BUILDING AND STAY THERE AT ALL COSTS. WE WILL RAISE PROTECTIONS BEFORE THE BATTLE BEGINS. I REPEAT – IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, YOU ARE IN DANGER OF BEING CAUGHT IN A BATTLE WITH THE BLOOD BEASTS, PLEASE ENTER THE NEAREST BUILDING SO THAT WE CAN PROTECT YOU. THANK YOU."

Rin glanced about. The streets had become a ghost town. She seemed as much surprised as pleased. "It's usually much harder than that to get a crowd of people to do what they're told," she said.

"They live a hard life here," Arturia said quietly. "And they are used to threats."

"Well, it's certainly a pleasant surprise. If they're this obedient, we may be able to pull this off without casualties after all."

"You expected there to be?" Sakura asked.

"With a battle this size in this location, the risk was pretty much unavoidable," Rin replied. "But it will be much easier to protect them if they react like this."

"I've never done quite such a large area before," Sakura murmured.

"You can. Trust me. I speak as your magic teacher."

"I do trust you."

"Good, because we're almost there," Issei said over his shoulder. "If any of you have preparations to make, you'd better do it now."

Rin raised her hands slightly and flipped her wrists, exposing her Armenhides Armlets. Sakura slid back her sleeves, exposing her own. Arturia became, in some indefinable way, on alert. Shirou flexed his hands: with a shimmer, Kansho and Bakuya settled into his grip.

"Right then," Issei said, and moved on.

They'd come to a kind of clearing: a wild stretch of grass, cracked pavement and low rubble across which Issei led them, slowly, eyes looking sharply from side to side, expecting something…and then, confused by something. Moving slower and slower, seeming less and less confident, he walked across the entire clearing, then turned around, and walked back into the middle. The others followed.

"I'm sorry," Issei said finally. "I don't understand. I was sure it was here – I can still feel it here – but there's nothing here that could be it, and it's not any of these buildings. I just don't understand…I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Rin told him. "Even Shirou couldn't begin to track him normally, remember? You've already done more than any of us could."

"Maybe so, but still, this is very embarrassing. I apologize for the wild goose chase."

"It wasn't a wild goose chase, so stop apologizing," Rin said, now sounding half exasperated. "We'd already suspected he was in this part of the city: now we have a specific area to focus on. That's hardly useless information, Issei."

"But if there's nothing here, the whole thing may have been a decoy."

"I doubt it," Rin began. "For one thing—"

"Oh, it's important somehow all right," Shirou interrupted. "Everybody brace yourselves. We've got what feels like several hundred blood beasts closing in. I give the first wave three minutes."

...

Rin whirled around. "Sakura!"

But Sakura was already casting, hands clasped and eyes closed, whispering softly, mana drawing a gently glowing column about her. Her hair lifted in slow dreamy waves and, slowly, translucent shells climbed to coat the buildings around them. Rin turned to Issei.

"She needs someone to cover for her so she can concentrate on the barriers. I can fight without one but I'll be able to do more damage if I have time to cast. Can you keep them away from both of us?"

"Leave it to me."

"Good."

"What about Shirou and Arturia?"

Rin raised an eyebrow. "What _about _them?"

Issei blinked and glanced to either side. Shirou and Arturia had taken stances on opposites sides of their group, at distances clearly calculated for battle. Neither looked in the least need of direction.

"Ah. Well then," Isssei said, and raised his own hands. To Rin's surprise, he didn't use the seal sequence Illya had described Kouji as using. Instead he simply raised his hands in the classic sign of focus, lower fingers and thumb interlaced, upper two steepled, and spoke. "If You Please, Fuyuki. Dual Barrier, Style of Air – The Wind And Its Child."

The air seemed to tremor, then shake, then blow; something invisible blew out from Issei with a soft rush that sent all her and Sakura's clothes flapping; it stopped three feet out and began to circle, accelerating until it was clearly visible as a thick buffer of wind all around them. Rin's brow furrowed. He'd said a dual barrier…

"It's a static field," Issei said. "The wind enhances and focuses it around us, but you can't see it unless it's reacting with something. Most of the Energy manifestations are like that. We've got about five yards of clear space."

Rin raised her eyebrows, impressed. "Well then," she said after a moment. "I guess I should just do my part."

Her feet snapped apart into a spell stance; her hands clapped together with a business like crack. "After all," she said, face alight with the battle gleam that had made Shirou so very nervous once upon a time. "I'm keeping you from fighting, so I have to do twice as much to make up for it, don't I? I Call On Knowledge, To Know My Foe, I Call On My Allies, Know What I Know, I Invoke The Knowledge, To Destruction Sow, The Blood I Have Tasted, Alone Shall It Flow! I Call On Power…"

While she cast, Arturia and Shirou were making good on their freedom to fight without worrying about their surroundings. Arturia was the center of a blinding mass of yellow light, casting mana in all shapes and sizes, shredding every beast that came near into smoking chunks of meat. Shirou was the eye of his own private hurricane, wielding twin Durandals in a devastating pattern that created a ten yard death zone of gouged furrows, shattered rock and pavement, and very, very dead blood beasts. Issei looked slightly stunned. Rin was a little impressed herself – she'd never seen him dual wield like that before – but she had something else to think about. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a small bottle and, removing the stopper, carefully poured a single drop of red liquid onto the ground – blood from the beast she'd examined. The spell insignia around her instantly flared and changed color, its previous purple cast gaining a deep, ominous red hue.

"The Heavens Shall Shake To A Furious Cry, A Thousand Spears Shall Rain From Thee, Each A Wise And Seeking Thing, Gather To Fall On Those I Say!"

The power that had built around her like static roared upward; an enormous pillar of dark light shot into the sky to pool in an ominous cloud above, rumbling, waiting. Rin's eyes glanced about, assessing the situation. Everyone seemed to be doing as they should, but…

"Oi, Shirou," she said.

"What?" Shirou asked, slightly breathless. His voice seemed to speak naturally out of the air in front of them: the communication spell worked perfectly.

"That style of yours, it's putting a lot of strain on Sakura. I hate to ask it in the middle of something like this, but can't you try anything else?"

"Well, there is something I could use, but I'll need a diversion to switch safely."

"You're about to get it."

"Then, so will you. Actually, I was hoping for an excuse to do this."

Now _that_ was an interesting statement. Rin grinned savagely and clapped her hands together, voice ringing in command. "So! The Time Has Come For The Heavens To Smite! By The Blood I Gave Thee, Give Back A Thousand Deadly Spears Of Light!"

The looming cloud cracked and boomed; the bottom pealed away into thick sheets of lances that razed through the blood beasts like machine gun fire, altering course in mid-air to converge on their targets, laying them low without ever touching anything or anyone around them. Everything else was ignored: every one sought and expended itself on blood beast flesh.

It was all the diversion Shirou could have asked for, and he kept his word. The dual Durandals flew into the ground and burst on opposite sides, throwing out blinding waves of sparks. His feet set and his hands and arms moved into…what _was _that pose? The feet were a standard bracing position, but his left forearm was held horizontally in front of him, and his right hand was curled over and beyond his right shoulder, the circle of his thumb and forefinger facing forward. Then she realized where she'd seen it. Her eyes widened.

"No way…"

"Tracer's Art – Form of the Silver Knight! _Trace – On!_"

Shining silver tracer's metal settled into place with the menacing chink of all true and deadly weaponry. His left forearm now held an enormous triangular silver shield, the front embossed with the roaring mouth of a dragon. A gleaming suit of armor covered his body, etched lightly with dark swirling lines. A sword, perfect in every way, now rested across the shield's rim to point at the foes in front of him. As far as she could tell, it had no Noble Phantasms in it. Its only virtue was that it was entirely of Tracer's Metal.

Which was a virtue all its own.

"His other technique was more powerful," Issei said, frowning. "I suppose this gives him excellent defense, but before his offense _was_ his defense. It was a much more effective way to fight."

"You don't understand," Rin said, staring. "Shirou can attack with a tracing – it's a simple matter of putting it right through. To do that, he needs either to touch his opponent directly, or touch them indirectly through another Traced object. That suit – it's a perfect inversion of the Silver Spider's Web. _He has no openings_."

"_What?_"

But there was no need for Rin to explain; a live example was in session. For one short moment the blood beasts stayed stock still and eyed him uncertainly. Then they swarmed him in a rush, more than thirty leaping at him from all sides. The bottom point of Shirou's shield thrust into the ground with a solid chunk as Shirou went down on one knee; his grip on the sword reversed, thrusting the point out behind him as he lowered his head, putting his face behind the shield. And then they were on him, clambering madly over his body to create a grotesque living ball of livid, bloodthirsty limbs and claws. And then the ball seemed to slow…the inner layers seemed to stop one by one…and then the ones on the outside arched and died, heads convulsively thrown back and mouths gaping wide as silver spines erupted throughout their bodies, freezing the entire scenario into a twitching portrait of immobile blood beasts and silver spokes. And then the silver crumbled, and the entire ball collapsed, their bodies sprawling about the ground, spumes of dust emanating from open mouths and gaping puncture wounds.

And Shirou – unharmed, unfazed, and even unscratched – simply stood up.

The blood beasts surrounded him completely, a three sixty degree circle of red eyes and parted jaws, but not a one moved. They couldn't. It was just as Rin had said: as far as they were concerned, he had no openings.

It was a moment of uncertainty for Einzbern, and Arturia seized on it, sending a quick, almost subconscious surge through their link to Shirou: Hold.

"Pull them back, Einzbern," she said quietly. "You can ill afford to waste your blood beasts this way. You can't win this battle: if you continue we will only destroy more of them. Pull them back!"

The silence stretched. The blood beasts crouched, stock still. And then, slowly, they began to crawl backwards, and then they turned and left, flowing back over the buildings the way they'd come.

Sakura immediately dropped the shields she'd been holding and put her hands to her face, sagging in relief. "I thought you said I could do it," she muttered.

"Well, first of all, you did do it. I never said it would be easy. And to be honest, that wasn't the kind of battle dynamics I expected to be dealing with at all. But most of all, it's because I forgot you didn't have the experience to pick out the best spell at a moment's notice. You should have been using the Sheltering Mirror."

Sakura blinked, startled. "…oh. I guess, I mean, I was supposed to be protecting the buildings…"

"And you were rushed, so you didn't have time to think it through and pick the most efficient method. To be honest, you completely surpassed my expectations there. That was some very impressive spellwork Sakura-chan. Well done."

Sakura smiled. "Thank you. I'm a bit tired though."

"I should think. It's only about eleven, isn't it? We have time for you to go home and rest a bit before you eat and go to that job of yours. Unless you want to eat first."

"But if I'm going to cook for everybody—"

"You're not," Rin said flatly.

"We can survive on our own for one meal, Sakura," Shirou said, smiling. "You take that nap. We'll be fine."

"And I'm walking you to work," Rin stated. "Your reactions are off, so don't even think of arguing. It only takes one blood beast to take you by surprise."

Sakura opened her mouth. Rin glared. "I _said_ don't argue, didn't I? This isn't sheltering you, it's taking proper precautions. I'll let you come back yourself, but you are going _there _with me."

Sakura sighed. "All right."

"Good. Come on then. Oh yes, Issei?"

"Yes?"

"You have anything in particular you need to be doing this afternoon?"

"Nothing more important than this."

"Good. I'm going back to work on that spell you'd noticed as soon as I've walked Sakura over. Why don't you come too? At the very least it'll be an opportunity to see how spells are made, but I'm hoping I can use your bond to increase its effectiveness."

"It's a sensing spell?"

"Of sorts. Think of a magical radar attuned to a particular life form. The trick is constructing the spell in a way that tells you more than the general area and direction. It doesn't automatically represent landmarks."

"I see. That does sound educational. I accept the invitation."

"Well then, I'll call you when I'm ready. See you then."

"Wait, what about all these bodies?" Arturia said suddenly.

"Oh shoot," Rin said. "All right, hold an a minute while I—"

"Unnecessary," Issei said, folding his hands. There was a brief, light tremor, and then, slowly, the bodies sank into the ground, leaving softer patches and hollows behind.

"If any of the locals garden," Issei said. "You should tell them to use this spot next season. It should be quite fertile."

Rin turned her head to hide her smirk. "Well, you heard him Shirou, make a note of it. And good luck with this afternoon – it's back to the grind for us."

Shirou winced. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, see you."

...

"I'd better be going to," Issei said. "I'll call Kouji so he can pass things along to Illya. Since I'll be relatively at leisure for a while."

"Thanks. What have you been doing with yourself most of the time anyway?"

"Mostly studying our library, trying to piece together more of our techniques. Without someone to help explain, it hasn't been going so well. There's a certain amount of basics that just need a teacher. I'm looking forward to Rin's help."

"Hold on to that thought, she's a real slave driver."

"Thank you for the warning. I'll be going then."

"Be safe."

"You too."

...

"Slave driver?" Arturia asked.

"What, she wasn't with you?"

"Well, I didn't think so, but I've had elite military training. Perhaps it simply seemed so in comparison."

"Lucky. She must have mellowed since trying to make a proper ally of me in the War."

"Or I'm just a better student than you."

Shirou grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, that could be it. We both had the wrong idea about me and what I did, so it didn't go too well. So, what now? We could go home and eat, or just stop at a restaurant. Your choice."

For a moment, Arturia thought about it. Then her face hardened. "Neither," she said sharply. "Plenty of the locals serve food, we can get enough to eat here. We're going straight back to work."

"Heh? Wait, hold on…oi, Arturia!"

But she was already striding off, back straight and body stiff. Shirou stared.

"What…was with that…?"

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

One: Sakura's cooking. Fun, fun, fun, and just a bit eye widening. The image of Arturia, in a nightgown, eyes wide and with her left hand over her nose, peering out of her room strikes me as especially endearing for whatever reason. Am I alone?

Two: Issei's mistake. Yes, I know exactly why and how this happened. All will be explained in full and to satisfaction. Mind you, I did have a bit of panic at one point. I knew that Issei's tracking was different, but I also knew he could _not_ find him yet, it was way too early. Poor guy, I was against him from the beginning, of course he couldn't win…

Three: The Wind and It's Child. What a pity I couldn't arrange for Issei to go on the offensive. The offensive form of the dual element Wind/Energy summons – or one of them, I suppose – is called the 'Lightning Cyclone', and would have been truly cool to unleash. A short, wide, localized tornado that sucks enemies in and spits them out crisped and crackling blue. Oh well, another time.

Four: Wise Spears. Instead of heat seeking, as modern weaponry usually does it, she infused the magic with the essence of the blood beasts and made them seek it. As expected of Rin (of course you would need something as direct as a drop of blood to do it).

Five: Form of the Silver Knight! Oh, I've been waiting _forever_ for this one. This predates even the decision to write any fanfiction, let alone one for Fate Stay Night. All through the last third of the anime I was waiting for Shirou to go, as I thought of it, 'full paladin'. That fight with Gilgamesh? I was expecting him to make his own suit of armor and take him on. This was at least partially because I didn't realize he was copying, not making, an easy mistake to make when watching the anime. Still, it seemed to me it should be possible. I've dropped the random limitation of bladed weapons only, and it is my story…and so at last, I get to see what I always wanted to see – Shirou the full Knight hand out heads. Of course, I'm not done yet. The final power-up must be saved for the climax, doncha know. There are _two_ Knight Forms...

Six: Something eating Arturia? Well, what do you expect me to tell you? That would be giving away plot developments. Wait for the _next _chapter. Sheesh. Why do you ask these questions?


	13. Chapter 12: Where Strength Fails

.

Chapter Twelve: Where Strength Fails

.

.

For Sakura to get a reasonable amount of rest not only meant not cooking for the others but not cooking for herself either. Rin had survived more than enough dinners on her own before she'd become part of their group to put together an simple but edible lunch. Frankly, she felt that – practicality of the moment aside – it was good for Sakura to be occasionally reminded that she did not _have _to be the one to cook, and that what's more, it was not necessary for every meal to be gourmet. You could take a break every once in a while, honestly. Or so she grumbled to herself as she cooked.

Forty five minutes later when Sakura came down, she seemed much better, enough so that when she moved to serve, Rin let her. It soothed her impulses.

"You know, it's been a while since we ate together, just us like this."

Rin paused. Now that she mentioned it, this was true. "I thought you liked all the company."

"I do. But it is nice to have a just us meal, isn't it?"

Rin smiled. "I suppose so. Especially if I'm going to move out one day."

"What! Rin, when? Why?"

"No no, not like that. I don't have a date or schedule or anything. I just meant that when you do get married I'll have to go."

"Wh—of course not! Don't be silly Rin, of course you can stay! I wouldn't tell you to—"

"You'll be a new bride, Sakura," Rin said quietly. "And he a new groom, to you no less. If he's someone you fell in love with I'm sure he wouldn't tell me to either, but do you really think it will be that simple? You'll need privacy, Sakura, and I certainly don't intend to hang around to spoil it."

"But…" Badly as she wanted to, Sakura didn't seem to know what to say.

Rin smiled, and covered her hand with hers.

"That's how it goes with families, Sakura. Once they start growing, they just keep going, and they need room. So they have to move apart for a while. But eventually they grow till those empty spaces are filled with new faces, and then it's all right again. Knowing you, I'm sure it won't take too long. I'll only be going back to my house, you know."

"Is that why you've been studying and constructing the spell there?"

"I can't let this place be the center of my work anymore. Sooner or later, it's going to be your house again. That's how it has to be. You said it yourself love. I know that's not ever what you meant, but in the end, that's what you said. You're going to make your own life again. That's part of what that means, that's all. I'll be right there."

"Promise?"

Rin smiled. "Got any reliable way to stop me?"

Sakura laughed. "I guess not." But she had to wipe her eyes before she started eating again.

"So..." she said after a minute, clearly wishing to shift the mood. "Shirou's gotten stronger again, hasn't he? I hadn't thought it was safe for him to use a technique like that because it drains his mana."

"It wasn't," Rin said, staring at her chopsticks.

"Heh? Then – he borrowed a jewel from you? Or..."

"He has a new supply of mana," Rin said, voice flat. "From Arturia."

Sakura's eyes went wide. "She...she bonded with him? Like Saber with Shirou, except...sort of the other way around? That's...I mean...so, she already trusts him that much? That's wonderful! Maybe she'll stay after all."

"She didn't...didn't agree to it," Rin whispered, her chopsticks straining in her clenched fingers. "She...just..."

"Rin! Rin what...what's the matter?"

"It's my fault," she whispered hoarsely. Then she lost it: her gaze snapped up to lock with Sakura's, wide and vulnerable as only Sakura ever saw them. "Oh g-d help me Sakura, it's my fault! I had no idea what I was doing, this shouldn't have been possible...I had no _idea—_"

"Rin, Rin stop _crying _at me Rin, you're making me panic! Just explain already."

"It's my fault." The anguish she couldn't show to anyone else poured out; she rose out of her seat and gripped Sakura's shoulders frantically, eyes wide and desperate. "Don't you get it, it's my fault! _I _did it. I bound their souls, during the War! I fused Shirou's circuits into her, as Saber, and now she still has them! And that means she'll never _not _have them. It was just so she wouldn't die...just so we could fight Berserker...but, instead I changed her soul forever! She's going to carry those extra circuits for all of time, _and it's my fault_! I changed her...as good as against her will I changed her...and I can't even undo it, I don't know how. I can barely look her in the eye. I can't _tell _her. I can't even ask forgiveness from her! Don't you get it? _Of course I'm crying!_"

She slumped back into her seat, only narrowly avoiding putting her forehead into her bowl instead of against the table edge. "I changed a soul. I've been trying so hard to be different, to change what kind of a magician I was, I thought it was working – and now _this_ comes back to haunt me. It's no use, is it? I...I can't be pure, like you. I'll always have blood...even when I try...it'll always come back to me, won't it? All this knowledge, all the history, everything I used to call my legacy – it's all dark and bloodstained and selfish and cruel. And I can't wash it away...I can't wash it away at all. It's a curse...one I don't have what it takes to change. Because it's a part of me."

For a long moment, Sakura was silent. The room, large and meant to sit many more, echoed faintly to Rin's soft sobbing. Then she chuckled, and put a hand on her arm. "You can be really silly sometimes, you know that Rin? For someone so sensible."

Rin's face snapped up in shock. This was not what she had expected to hear. Unperturbed, Sakura stirred her bowl. "Me, I don't really believe in all this blood you think you're carrying around. Even G-d smites people sometimes, you know. Being pure doesn't mean being a pacifist. All this sin and blood and darkness...I don't really get it at all."

"But...a soul...you really don't get it do you? It's not even supposed to be possible! I changed a _soul_. Don't you understand how terrible that is?"

"And that's why I say for someone so sensible, you can be very silly. All that talk to Shirou about taking on too much responsibility, and here you go."

"But—"

"You said it was impossible, didn't you?"

"It's _supposed _to be...but they're _there_, Sakura, there's no other way it could have happened."

"I'm sure they are there. So now we know for sure. I think I'm glad, actually."

"But—!"

"Rin," Sakura said gently. "Did it ever occur to you that the reason Shirou's circuits are still there might not have anything to do with you at all?"

"If you ask me," Sakura said, returning her gaze to her food. "I think her soul just didn't want to let go. They were so very much in love, after all. Those two."

...

He might be in love with her, but that didn't mean he understood her. At least not all the time.

Up until now, it had been she who had been counseling calm, reigning things in and working with a steady, sustained determination to create the map and interpret it. She'd always been like that: an intense, contained drive that was all the stronger for the discipline she bound it with. As Saber, she'd had her reckless moments, times when the compressed fire she carried drove her to over-shoot and endanger herself. But now...he didn't know what to think. Except that he didn't like it. Something was wrong, and he couldn't begin to understand what.

Technically she was doing just what she'd been doing yesterday, and the day before. Filling in details and putting in pins on the map as the locals gave her the information. It was the way she was doing it: there was a brittle tension, an unsettled snappish energy in her movements. Her eyes seemed to have a certain hard glazed gleam that made him think of a thin metal bubble – it shone the right color, but you could tell how shallow it really was. She wasn't driving herself. She was being driven by some_thing_, some thought or fear not directly connected to the work, but that she was trying to exorcise through it. But he couldn't figure out where it had come from, so suddenly.

It hurt to watch her.

"What did you find?" Arturia's voice broke in.

Shirou shook himself. "The usual traces. About as fresh as they should be. As always, not enough. He never lets them layer trails for long, and they always use rooftops and things..."

"So." Arturia did some swift scribbling and shifted a pin. "Just a moment, I've made a list of places to check next."

"...Yes."

"Is something wrong?"

"Ah—" Shirou stalled. "Umm...the locals...are acting a little different around me, aren't they? It's a little strange." It was true, but he'd been too worried about Arturia to really wonder.

Arturia cast a quick eye over the crowd. "Awe, I think."

"Beg pardon?"

"You haven't been talking with them much, and have been doing all the legwork. I think they somehow got into their heads that you were my...sidekick, I suppose."

"Side...kick..." Shirou said slowly, sounding out the unfamiliar English word.

Arturia noticed his confusion and frowned. "Have you ever seen a western?"

"Ummm, no."

"Then...how to put it...well, technically, it refers to a close friend of the hero who accompanies and helps him or her."

"Oh. Well, that's not really so far off is it? They know better now."

"They certainly do, but no, I meant a different kind of sidekick. The kind that's always much weaker than the hero. He's someone who does all the less heroic things that need to get done, while the main character takes the spotlight."  
"Wait a minute..." Shirou said slowly. "You mean like...like those little heroes in training who follow the main guy around to help out?"

"Err...yes, something like that...except of course you're obviously much older and more experienced."

"..._me_?"

"You haven't really been talking with them, it's not like they've had a chance to get to know you. They didn't have any way of knowing you're too strong for that."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Shirou said automatically.

"Ten square yards of ravaged concrete say otherwise, Shirou. If you wanted to argue, you shouldn't have left such impressible evidence. Besides, I meant strength of character. You're too sure of your own purpose to let anyone else define it."

Shirou blinked. "I hadn't thought of it that way."

"You're a good team player, but you'll never be a follower Shirou. They probably still don't realize that, but after today's battle, they know you're my better in strength."

"Now that I definitely wouldn't say."

"No?"

"Of course not. For one thing..." Shirou's voice trailed off, as he realized she hadn't been talking to him, or to anyone in fact. Her eyes were tight and full with bitter bile, staring as if to burn holes through the paper in front of her. In her hand, the pencil creaked under the strain of her fingers.

"No. You are definitely...much more dependable than me. Much stronger...and better able to protect..."

"Arturia?"

"Ah-" she shook herself, tried to look normal. "I'm sorry I—I was just thinking..." she turned her head away again, staring down. "Perhaps it would be better...if you picked up Illya today. It's best if I work on the map."

"Don't be silly. She'll want to see you won't she?"

"Please!"

"Arturia?"

"I...really think it would be better. Please."

Shirou stared. There were a dozen things he wanted to say, and even more questions he wanted to ask. But none of them could be said or asked here.

"...all right."

...

For a moment, poor Hiragi-san had a terrible double take as wild thoughts of Sakura having cloned and come to work expecting two positions and two salaries scampered through her over-stressed head. Then she registered the difference in clothes, and then in expression and bearing. Whoever this other woman was, she was clearly a close relative of Sakura. But she was equally clearly of an entirely different nature. She almost seemed to quietly shout 'strong woman of character.' Out of habit, Hiragi's assumptions were morose.

"I am very sorry if I have offended or wronged by accepting her request for work," she said, seeking to head off an exhausting confrontation with more willpower than she cared to match. She was rather sorry though. The girl was a natural, the children had been asking about her all morning. "I was fully aware that her stature was above the humble work offered here, and will accept—"

"I didn't even _say_ anything yet," the new woman said. Her voice was deeper and richer than Sakura's, and – more importantly at the moment to Hiragi's point of view – did not sound as if she'd planned any kind of confrontation. Hiragi allowed herself to relax slightly.

"My apologies. Welcome to Hiragi Day Care."

The woman looked at Sakura. "Do I have my intimidating face on? I was sure I didn't have my intimidating face on."

"I'm afraid you're always at least a little bit intimidating, Rin." Sakura said.

"Not _that_ much. She took one look and panicked."

"Hiragi-san worries a lot. Oh, I'm sorry. Hiragi-san, this is my older sister Rin. Rin, this is Hiragi-san, my employer. She manages this place."

"Nice to meet you. I think the hordes are coming."

"...what?"

"Well, technically that child was yelling 'she's here, she's here' as he went, but somehow it sounds a lot like 'charge, my brethren' to me."

"Oh dear," Sakura said, smiling. "I guess they were looking forward to seeing me."

"They've been asking about you all morning," Hiragi said. "We finally agreed they could post a lookout." The woman – Rin's – good humor had her more or less reassured at this point. Which was a relief. She hated new things to worry about.

"If it were anyone else I'd be surprised at that, in only one day. Incoming."

"Wh—awwoof!"

"Sakura-nee!"

"Yes, yes I'm here," Sakura said, laughing helplessly as she knelt.

"They've been very anxious to see you," Abraxas said in his soft rumble, emerging from around the corner with his customary adornment of squirming amateur mountain climbers.

Rin took a long, slow moment to eye him. "That," she said finally. "Is not fair. That is not fair at _all_. I walk in and she panics, but she lets _you _among the children. I didn't think we had bears that size in Japan."

"I'm Greek."

"There either."

"Abra-kun isn't a _bear_, he's a _tree_," a child hanging half on, half off Abraxas's left shoulder explained, clearly exasperated with Rin's inability to grasp the obvious.

"My mistake," Rin said, guessing this was one of those things that took a long time to explain and still wouldn't make sense when they finished. "So what are you then?"

"I'm a plum," the plum announced, clambering the rest of the way onto Abraxas the Tree's shoulder to grab a hunk of hair and curl up around it in a passable attempt to imitate a dangling fruit.

"You can't be a plum!" Another child yelped. "I want to be a peach and I can't be on the same tree as you if you're a plum!"

"Why not?"

"Because you can't have two different fruits on one tree stupid!"

"I'm a very unusual tree," Abraxas said. "I grow all kinds of things. But none of them are allowed to be stupid."

"What kind of tree is that?"

"An Abraxas tree. I am the only one. That is why I look different from other trees, and people think I am bear."

"Haha! Abraxas can't be a bear, he doesn't have fur or claws," the plum laughed. This had no relevance to the fact that he didn't have roots or leaves either. The tree identity was make-believe, and therefore sacrosanct.

Rin shook her head. "I guess I've seen this place alright," she said ruefully. She turned to Hiragi. "I just wanted to see the place my sister was working. I'll be leaving now."

"You're Sakura-nee's sister?"

Rin peered somewhat bemusedly at the round little girl face peering up from knee level. "Yes?"

"You're much scarier looking than she is," the face informed her.

"I am much scarier than Sakura," Rin agreed solemnly. "Sakura is not scary at all, so it is very easy to be scarier than her."

The child looked deeply impressed. "Do you..." she seemed to be struggling for some appropriately scary person question. "Do you...scare away bad guys?"

Rin found herself warming to the little thing despite herself. "Yes," she said. "I am very scary to bad guys. I have to scare them away from Sakura all the time, since she's not very scary."

"They're not _bad _Rin," Sakura protested. "They're just...rather enthusiastic..."

"Same difference," Rin said equably. She was used to this argument.

Sakura shook her head helplessly. She was used to it too.

"So – so you protect Sakura-nee from bad guys?" the very persistent girl face said, now looking ready to build a Tohsaka Rin shrine.

"Exactly," Rin told her. "But I'll protect other people too. Which reminds me that I have my own work to do. I'll be going now. Behave for Sakura, got it?" she added to her attendee. The attendee nodded fervently.

"She's...quite forceful, isn't she?" Hiragi said after Rin had left.

"Yes she is," Sakura admitted. "It's a good thing really, most of the time, since I'm so bad at it. I really don't know what I'd do without her."

"Does she really go around chasing bad guys?" Hiragi asked with some trepidation.

"Well...she doesn't _go around_ doing it, exactly," Sakura hedged. "But she's really very capable of it. The family heads practice a unique form of Chinese Kenpō. She's very skilled."

Hiragi decided she was _very _glad she did not have to worry about Tohsaka Rin.

...

When Issei got there, Rin already had most things set up.

"As I said," she said as she paced the contours of the room she'd apparently chosen to place the spell in. "This spell is best imagined as a kind of magical radar, or perhaps a heat sensing array. It scans a certain area and shows where certain things are. What that sort of thing can be depends on what the magician wants, and how well he or she can input the information. That part is simple in our case: I want to detect the blood beasts, and I'll use more blood to teach it the 'scent'. No problem there. What's more complicated is the manner of detection. The larger the area, the more you have to think about this. For a small area such as, say, this house and its grounds, it's fairly simple. The spell can easily cover such a space with no blank spots, and since the area defined is small and well known to the caster, the lack of indicators within the spell itself to help pinpoint exact locations isn't an issue. Obviously, both of these issues become exponentially more troublesome the larger the area you want to monitor. Or at least, I assume it's obvious?" she added, stopping to look over at him.

Issei nodded. He'd taken up residence against the wall, leaning back with his hand on his chin, expression showing that not only was he paying attention, he was doing so with great and unfeigned interest. Unconsciously responding to that, Rin took a position against the wall opposite him instead of resuming her pacing, meeting his eyes and talking straight to him.

"For that reason, it's rarely attempted for an area too much larger than, say, about five blocks radius. You see where this becomes a rather ambitious project, as I want to cover a significant portion of the city. We have two hurdles to overcome. One is how to cast the spell so that it will effectively cover all the space it's supposed to. The other is to be able to make use of what it tells us, meaning when it detects a blood beast, I need to be able to tell where in the city it's originating from. I've solved the second half of the problem, more or less, though I've only just started here."

Issei frowned at the floor under their feet. There was an outline embedded in it, not in a circle or any other shape, but in a kind of random squiggle that reminded one strongly of a... "A map," he said. "You're putting a map into the floor, and you'll cast the spell within it. Instead of changing the spell to solve the problem, you'll layer it over a more natural solution. Very neat."

"Thank you. It's still quite difficult though. The scale has to be just right, and I can't just cast a spell to carve it out – I have to know what the map will look like before I start. In short, I can skip all the long hours of careful chiseling – and the consequences of slipping – but not the sketches and plans. For now I've put down some basic delineations to help. I want to get the spell part done now."

"So how are you solving the power problem? Or is it a matter of power?"

"Power can be used to solve it, and my family specializes, among other things, in the storing of mana in objects for later use. Extremely practical for an attempt such as this, since instead of focusing all the power here and trying to push it ever farther out, I can place some of the stones – mana is best stored in precious or semi-precious stone – at intervals throughout the intended area to extend the spell, which is actually much more efficient. Which is why I hadn't worried about it. But you've given me a better idea."

"Which is?"

"If necessary, I can switch back to plan A, and use Jewels. But right now I'm wondering if I can get the spell to tap into the same awareness that you use. Your bond seems reasonably well developed. If I can plug the spell into that – or, perhaps more accurately, if I can convince Fuyuki, with your help, to 'talk' with the spell – it may well perform beyond all expectations, and be almost entirely independent of my own resources."

"That seems even more ambitious than plan A."

"It is. But ambition has always been a mage's middle name."

"Even yours?"

"...yes. Once. No, I still am. But different. Maybe more, now. In a way."

Issei nodded. Some sentences weren't meant to be unraveled. "It may be unnecessary...but I just wanted to say, now, that I don't consider you responsible."

For a moment, Rin just looked at him, eyes thoughtful. Then she held up her left hand, and rolled down the sleeve. With a thought, she sent the mage mark it held into glowing life, slowly revolving on her skin.

"This is the Tohsakan mage mark. Every family has one, every one is unique. Mage families are long, aloof, and prideful, and their mark is the symbol of it all – names, time, accomplishment, pride. When I accepted this mark from my father, I accepted the legacy it represents. By choice, I declared myself a mage of the Tohsakan family, to carry on its line and teachings as I would. To tell me that I am not responsible is impossible. To carry their pride, I must also carry their shame. I am a Tohsakan – all their acts are my burden. That is honor. That is a mage mark."

"Because it is such a matter of pride, a mage learns to know the look of it intimately. By the time I was fifteen, fighting in the Grail war, I had come to know it so well I looked without looking, if you know what I mean. It was like those puzzle sentences that deliberately repeat a word in the middle. Because you know so well what it should be, you don't see the mistake. So it wasn't until I learned of my family's deed and examined it that I realized. You can't see it – you'd have to have known it before – but there is a pattern of marks that are missing. Somewhere in the war, or after, my changing feelings released your seal through this mark. As the only holder living, my will became fact. But it was there, Issei. There in this mark I accepted, and have carried with pride. That I still carry, and still, despite it all, with pride."

"I am responsible, Issei, but that is not something that frightens me. I have chosen to reject the Grail: my responsibility, my choice. I have released your family, knowingly or not: my responsibility, my choice. And I will continue to watch and aid you to restore yourselves. That is my responsibility, and that is my choice: I will carry it without shame. So long as I do so, there is no cause for it. That, too, is the meaning of a mage mark."

She let the marks fade, and pushed her sleeve back up. "It may not have been necessary," she added quietly. "But I'm glad you brought it up anyway. I feel much better for having been able to say it clearly."

"I'm glad. I was afraid I had unknowingly insulted you."

"Not at all. In any case, this was good in more than one way. The more you trust me, the more likely this will work." Her mouth twitched. "I give you my solemn vow not to bite."

"Or poison me."

"Same thing. No fangs."

"Oath accepted."

"Good. Then lets get started."

...

Back at Hiragi's, gameplay had resumed as usual. Abraxas was still moderately popular as a tree, never short of two or three fruit to display, but most of the other children had turned to a new game called 'Rin vs. Bad Guys,' involving two girls to play Rin and Sakura and a host of boys to play Bad Guys. The rest of the girls – and a few more innocent boys who didn't like pretending to attack Sakura-nee – played horrified bystanders who cheered when Rin's doppleganger won. By and large the boys seemed to enjoy their villainy as much as the girls enjoyed getting to be unusually heroic. One Minagi, known to Rin as 'Endearing Face At Knee Level' (or something like that), was both the ringleader and a hog for the Rin role. Sakura was torn between being deeply amused and being deeply annoyed.

"It's not _like_ that," she said to Abraxas for the fifth time. "Rin's incredibly overprotective about me. I'm surprised she didn't give _you_ a once-over just because you were male and in my vicinity."

"The children probably had a disarming effect," he said calmly. It took a very even temper to allow children to use you as a jungle gym.

"And _that_," Sakura fumed. "Just try and catch her acting that way if any _adult_ tried to flatter her, you'd worry more about the poor dunce that tried, but Minagi-chan goes up and says oh do you scare away bad guys and she just—"

"It's only a game."

Sakura sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to overreact all over you."

"The children are all over me. You are quite reserved. You do realize a large part of their enthusiasm is because they love you, so anyone who protects you is a hero?"

Sakura gave up and smiled. "Yes, I know. Though if that's how it is, there's at least one other they could be immortalizing."

Abraxas raised an eyebrow. "So one boy made it through Rin after all?"

"Hu..no, no!" Sakura said, half laughing in surprise. It had been so long since she'd thought of him that way, she was actually startled when others came to the conclusion. "No, I stopped thinking that way of him a long time ago, but protecting people is just in his blood. He'll fight for anything on two legs, and I wouldn't be surprised to see him go for four if there was no one else around. It's just how he is."

"I see," said Abraxas, eyes twinkling. "Perhaps he should come here, give the boys something to do other than be villains."

Sakura, picturing Shirou here, couldn't help smiling. "I think he'd enjoy that."

She sighed softly. Looking around the room, there was a warmth in her middle that told her that many of the answers she sought were here. And yet, somehow, it still wasn't quite right.

"It's the context," she murmured.

"Sorry?"

"Ahh," Sakura said, flustered. "I was just thinking...do the children ever play outside here?"

"We used to, but we stopped a few weeks ago when the weather got colder. Why?"

"Well..." She paused. While she was not the kind of liar Rin was, she was good enough at it to get by, and as a rule acknowledged that, distasteful though it might sometimes be, it was by and large the better course. But now, somehow, she found herself ever so slightly tired of it. Perhaps it was because Abraxas was playing the same game with her, to some extent. No doubt he also had good reasons, but having it played back in front of her did something to her mouth when she tried to do it back. It tasted bad. Maybe she could half tell?

"Well," she said. "It's nothing serious really. It's just...a feeling I've had lately."

"A feeling?"

"Yes. Like – when you're walking in the dark, and you suddenly feel that something is watching you; that there's something dangerous lurking in the dark in some nook or alley you see every day. You know?"

Abraxas nodded.

"Well – for the last week or so the whole town has felt that way at night. And I don't like it. So I don't want the children out alone."

"I see."

"Like I said, it's just a silly feeling, but I feel better knowing the children won't be going outside."

His expression didn't change. "So you – do find those shadows frightening?"

Sakura stared, startled. "Yes. Doesn't everyone?"

Abraxas looked away. Something distant and hard came into his eyes. "I have never been frightened by shadows. Because they have always seemed more frightened of me. It is natural, for one such as I."

Sakura stared, now with a kind of horrified concern. "Abraxas..."

Suddenly she became aware that all the playing had stopped: twenty odd pairs of eyes stared with frightened solemnity at their caretakers.

"Abraxas," she said, abruptly changing her voice. "Stop scaring the children. You're a tree, remember?"

"I have decided I would like to be a woodcutter instead," Abraxas said, picking up on the need to change the mood – and possibly the opportunity to avoid explaining. "They have all the fun, swinging axes around. I am going to cut myself down, and sell these fruits at market."

And in the squealing that ensued as Abraxas gently pretended to make good his threat, the children forgot about the strange conversation.

But Sakura didn't.

...

"Onii-chan? Where's Arturia?"

"Back working on the map. Einzbern fooled Issei somehow. We had a fight and that was it."

"I'm hearing some really _big_ gaps in that explanation, Onii-chan. Really _suspicious_ ones."

"It was more like an ambush, and there were a lot, but there were a lot of us too, relatively speaking. We were never really pressed. I was probably the safest, actually. I used a new trick." He couldn't help looking pleased as he said it. It had, after all, worked perfectly, and impressed even Rin.

"That's nice," Illya said briskly, stomping on her brother's pride in true sibling fashion. "So what about Arturia?"

"She's fine. She didn't get hurt either."

"That's not what I meant. I mean, I'm glad to see you of course, but didn't she want to do it? I just sort of thought..."

Shirou sighed. "I know. Actually, I wanted to talk with you about that. She really is fine physically, but – something else is wrong. You're much better at this than me."

"Okay, go ahead then. From the beginning."

So they walked, and Shirou cataloged the days events. Illya frowned.

"Saying you were stronger and more dependable...overworking...she asked you to meet me right after that...do you think she's obsessing over last night, maybe?"

"But – that was last night. Why now?"

"Because there hasn't been _time, _idiot. Remember? By the time Issei went home she'd probably forgotten for the moment. Now she's started thinking about it again."

Shirou sighed. "I see. I think you're right. Damn. I hope it's not my fault for insisting on walking you this morning."

Illya punched him on the arm – sort of lightly. "Idiot. What have we told you about taking the blame for everything? She would have gotten around to it sooner or later, you know how she is."

"True."

"Well, you'll just have to do your best, I suppose."

"Sorry?"

"Well, I can't talk to her about it can I? I'm the one she's ashamed to meet. Besides...you're just better for it, Shirou, if it's her. You know that."

Shirou smiled sadly. "Well, if you say so."

"Good. So, what's this about a new trick of yours? Does that mean you're really getting mana from Arturia?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I found out that she always knows where you are – I figured out the rest. So? You wanted to tell me about it, right?"

Shirou chuckled. "I guess I did. Very kind of you to indulge me."

"Very. So don't drag it out."

"Okay, I get you."

.

.

* * *

Authors Notes:

This one went pretty fast, once I got going. That is because I learned that if I stayed up until one thirty instead of twelve, I slept better and woke up better, often earlier. Bound to have an effect. Look forward to greatly increased pace of updates. If you are reading, or choose to read, this on the blog, I remind you all of the comments function, just as good as the review button and more accessible. Thanks.

.

One: Families need room to grow. Again I call on the experience of my sister getting married and moving away. This is one of the things I came up with the night she was engaged, as I exorcised all my regrets and sorrows onto paper. After that I was able to celebrate and be properly happy for her, at least until the wedding night. Her first year anniversary was last week – as we had all pretty much expected, they are doing well together. My sister is much too wise in these things to marry the wrong guy.

Two: Rin's insecurities are revealed, as only Sakura could ever hope to see them. Here is Rin's true task to face in this story: the battle between what Shirou has taught her and what her family did. She's strong, she can do it, but it's not always easy. And perhaps the most terrifying thought of all is that to have truly succeeded, she must somehow pass it on to a heir.

Three: I think her soul just didn't want to let go. Long in the waiting, at last unleashed for all you Saber x Shirou shippers to enjoy. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Next chapter should be split between Abraxas and Arturia x Shirou, after that, mostly them. At last.

Four: No, Arturia did NOT think Shirou had been asking her on a date. And he hadn't been – 'a restaurant' simply meant 'eat out', as in 'take a faster, easier way to eat and get on with things'. That was really frustrating: just what kind of sad anime rip off scene did you think I was trying to pull, eh? Don't underestimate me!

Five: Sidekick? Rofl, that was fun.

Six: Have I mentioned how much I love writing children? Those parts of this chapter were so much fun…as was Rin's reaction. Incoming, lol.

Seven: Chinese Kempou. It's true, I didn't make it up, I saw it while browsing the wiki to check on something else. It explains more than it doesn't – for a magician, traditionally a scholar type, Rin was incredibly athletic, wasn't she? Not to mention the way she seems to like to fight closer in. And then there's the way she hit Illya when they were setting up the date – where'd she learn a professional paralyzing strike? Definitely fits the picture.

Eight: Illya is already sounding older, isn't she? She's finally growing up.


	14. Chapter 13: Heart and Soul

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Chapter Thirteen: Heart and Soul

.

_Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength._

_Ralph W. Sockman_

.

.

It had taken nearly four hours, no few of it spent simply trying to understand how Issei's link worked in order to figure out how to 'plug it in'. But they'd succeeded in the end: the spell worked perfectly. Between one thing and another they'd come up with a lot to talk about, and they were still discussing it as they snacked in the kitchen, taking a well earned break. Issei was sitting by the table, Rin half sitting, half perched on the counter. Somehow she managed to make it look suitably adult-like.

"So seeing magic in colors – that's not normal for mages?"

"Nope. Normal mage senses are kind of like a hyper sixth sense. The same way a gifted fighter eventually learns to sense danger subconsciously, a mage learns to sense and know when magic is about, and what sort it is, to some degree or another. Shirou is a special case, but even his works on that principle. But you are seeing magic through a physical sense – in this case, your eyes. No mage I've ever heard of does that."

"Which begs the question: why me?"

"Not really. All of your sense and perception of magic – or most of it – is actually coming from Fuyuki. The problem is that since you're human, you can't sense things the way it does. It doesn't have eyes or ears or a nose – everything it knows, it knows through a kind of awareness. That's not something a human can encompass. I'm guessing that you're subconsciously filtering and translating the knowledge that Fuyuki sends you. What you can't integrate at all is left out, and the rest converted into some form you can understand. Hence, you see different kinds of magic in different colors, because Fuyuki is aware of all their existences in it's own way, and that awareness is passed to you, who in turn sees it in a way that suits you best. The way you keep slowly developing new ones is probably a sign of the process. First you get the easy ones, then you slowly develop ways to use new ones."

"Interesting. I think Fuyuki must be aware of souls then."

Rin's eyes widened. "That is...almost certainly correct but...Issei, what are you seeing that makes you say _that_?"

"Well, this only started relatively recently – over the last few months – but sometimes now I see the shapes of people's personalities, if their nature is distinct enough."

"Good...lord. Just how does this manifest?"

"Usually as symbols I recognize. I thought that was strange, but after what you've said it makes sense – it's another effect of the filtering."

"Organic symbols or abstract ones?

"Organic, mostly. Sometimes a bit of a mix I guess."

"Sounds right. That's quite...disturbing...not to mention tempting."

"Tempting?"

"I'm not sure I can resist the urge to ask whether I've got one."

Issei raised one eyebrow, amused. "You most certainly do. It's not random, it's based on how strongly defined the person's personality is. Again, no doubt an effect of the filtering: I'm only seeing the easiest ones to categorize. Illya is just a misty haze right now, for instance. Yours is...quite impressive."

Rin blinked. "Impressive?"

"Awe inspiring might be a better word for it."

Rin paused. She hadn't intended to ask, but... "Oh all right. Hit me. What am I?"

"An angel."

Rin almost choked on her own tongue. "Gg – wh – Issei, if you're making fun of me—"

"No no, not _that_ type of angel. That's Sakura – all white grace and glowing halo. You're an _Guardian_ Angel. Flaming spirit and a flaming sword and great storm gray wings that blot the sky."

"...the hell..." Rin whispered, voice trembling. "What's _that _supposed to mean?"

"It means you are a powerful person who hates a sinner. It means that even though you will never be white, your convictions will never let you fall. It means you wield justice and swing heaven's sword so that people like Sakura will never, ever have to change. It means no matter what it looks like, you never kill: you smite."

_All this blood and death you think you're carrying...I really don't get it at all. Even G-d smites people sometimes._

Rin had to leave the room. Issei said nothing, understanding. She rushed into a hall and stayed there, hands against the wall, letting the tears flow.

"You're...so annoying sometimes, Sakura," she whispered. "Who said you were allowed to be right so much?"

...

"Abraxas?"

The day was over, the last child had been picked up, and he had been on his way out the door. Now – reluctantly – he stopped. He turned back towards the room.

"Yes?"

She looked both beautiful, soft, and fragile, standing in the middle of the now empty room. Hands clasped, looking him in the eye in a way that suggested she wasn't sure of what she was about to say. The beauty tugged on his heart, and the fragility soothed him, just as the children's small, tender trust did. The things most easily harmed were the only things he could be sure he never would.

"Abraxas...I'm sorry...this is probably out of place...but it's really bothering me. You...every once in a while...it's like you're afraid of yourself. Or hate yourself. I just...watching you with the children...I just can't believe you could really. What about you could possibly put that look on your face?"

The problem with being polite was that you often had to find a way to answer things you didn't want to. There were times when he could brace himself and simply walk away, brushing off the question as if he hadn't heard...but this wasn't one of them. He had to give those eyes an answer, and the truthful one – even though he knew they would never look at him with trust again.

His eyes roamed the room, searching for something he could use. His eye fell on a box of wooden blocks. The children would not miss one of them.

If he was going to have to answer, then he would make sure he only had to do it once.

Deliberately, he crossed to the box, and picked out a flat, thick bar of wood. Turning to Sakura, he held up the block in front of him, clasped in the two front fingers and thumb of each hand.

And with an effortless twitch, he broke it in half.

"The size of my strength," he said. "Is not normal. With no training, no effort on my part, my strength surpasses the greatest practitioners of any strength based discipline."

With a flick, he tossed both halves in the air. His hands made a blurred buzz; twin cracks sounded almost on top of each other. His hands stopped, held apart and facing each other, spread wide: the halves of _each_ half were held between his fingers.

"Nor is my speed. In all ways, my power is abnormal. I am beyond the level of man. Even the shadows...those shadows you fear...they seemed to gather around me, and yet at the same time, they cower from me. Hide from my strength. When I was young, I did not understand it, and I hurt people. As I grew older, I understood better, but I angered quickly: I still hurt people. Then one day, I almost killed my best friend. I had not even truly intended to fight."

"That was the day I understood. The day I understood why my strength was so huge, why my power was so overwhelming – so overwhelming I could not take the paths of other strong, warrior men. Why the only things I did not hurt, in the end, were those that were utterly powerless – woman and children."

"Quite simply, it was because I was a monster."

Sakura's face went white. Her lips parted and her eyes bulged. Any minute now, he knew, she would stutter in fear, stumble as if to go past him, and he would let her. He would move aside so she would feel safe to pass the doorway, and let her go, running as all who truly understood did. That was how it should be, for people – things – like him.

"You..._idiot!"_

Her scream made him jump; suddenly he realized her expression had morphed, not into fear, but into fury.

"You _imbecile_. You blithering, over-sized, wooden headed beast!"

Against all reason, he found himself stumbling backward, putting distance between himself and this diminutive titan of rage. And then she ran at him all right – stalked right up to him as he cowered – cowered! – against the wall and seized his wrist.

"Come with me! _Now!_"

And, once again against all reason and logic of size and leverage he found himself bobbing helplessly in the wake of this woman who weighed a third his own self at most like a cork tied to a boat.

"You imbecile, you idiot, you _numbskull_...I'll show you monster! Hurry up!"

He hardly had a _choice_...

...

By the time they reached their destination, Abraxas had stopped trying to wonder at any of it – her reaction, her intents, or the improbable power of her will – he just wanted to get his feet back under him. He wasn't _used_ to being dragged.

"Sit down!" Sakura said, shoving him onto a crate.

"I'm sitting." He said, in a stunned, flat attempt at pacification.

"Good. Now watch carefully, and tell me when you see something moving behind me."

"What..."

"Just do it."

"Well...yes but..."

"Trust me."

"...All right..."

For the first few minutes, nothing happened. Then he tensed. He saw nothing...but he sensed it, felt their lurking presence – two, three...no, five at least.

"Sakura," he said urgently.

"Do you see them?"

"No, not yet but—"

"Oh? Your sense for danger is very sharp. Any idea how many?"

How was she so _ordinary _about this? He had nothing to fear from them, he knew it in his bones, but she... "Five or more."

"Excellent."

"_Sakura—_"

"Idiots should be quiet and follow the lesson. Tell me when they're about to jump."

Every fiber in his body said, grab her, pick her up and get her out, it doesn't matter what she thinks afterward so long as she doesn't get hurt – but once again he was foiled by her simple overwhelming certainty as she glared into his eyes, knowing exactly what he was thinking and forbidding him to try. And so he found himself staying still, eyes flicking over the wall behind, determined to at least give that warning as quickly as possible.

"There!"

"How close are they to leaping?"

"Not yet...not yet...almost!"

Sakura slammed her palms together – the flare of her sleeves revealed strange brass circlets on her wrists; circlets that suddenly started to glow with strange patterns.

"Armenhides Armlet, cycle two, _kaihou_ – Air of Rejection!"

They leaped from the wall behind her in a staggered line of terrifying, twisted bodies, descending as Abraxas tried to get up from under the weight of Sakura's unchanging glare...and then their descent slowed, stopped, and then abruptly reversed, flinging all six away in various tumbled piles of flailing, unnatural limbs. Abraxas's eyes followed them, widening.

"That's right Abraxas. Take a good look. Take a good, _long _look."

He could hardly look away. What were they? Was there any zoologist who could say? Looking at them, his gut said no: no ordinary person would ever name these beasts, would ever know them except as a horrific death on a dark night.

"They feed on life force," Sakura said calmly. "They have to hunt humans to live. They don't need much, but because they've tasted it they can't stop. They will constantly seek human life until they die. Or are killed, as Shirou and my sister do as often as they can."

"Your sister..."

"Is a magician. As am I. Though I've never learned offensive spells. On purpose."

"You..."

"Both my family and my adopted family were magicians. But Rin was the eldest, and the Matou family had no heirs, so I was adopted to give me better opportunity. Unfortunately it turned out that Grandfather Matou had turned to darker practices. My father never knew of course – he would never have sent me to that on purpose. My sister didn't find out for a long time: she wouldn't have left me alone. No one else will ever know, but my grandfather did not die naturally. Rin killed him in a mage's duel. She fought him for my sake, to free me to find a life and happiness unmolested."

"Abraxas – look at me."

He was already looking, but he nodded to show he'd heard.

"Back there you said, because you are so strong, you must be a monster. But I don't think you understand what a monster really is. I'll tell you what a monster is, Abraxas: it's bloodlust. It's the wish to kill, or the inability to care. Something to whom lives are just obstacles, or tools, or even food. Something that does not, cannot, appreciate the value of life. Someone like that, a beast like that: _that_ is a monster. Human or animal, I've seen both kinds, I know them well. I know _exactly_ what a monster is."

"Abraxas, you're the farthest thing from it I know. You make Shirou look like a sadist. Comparing yourself to them...that's not _fair_, Abraxas! Don't you get it?" She was crying now, tears pouring down her face. "It's not about your body or strength, it's about your soul. A real monster – a real monster could never love children like you do. And yet you'd say that...you idiot...you _idiot_..."

Slowly – carefully – Abraxas raised a hand bigger than her face to wipe at her eyes. "I made you cry," he said softly.

Smiling tearfully, Sakura took hold of his hand as he was about to take it away, holding it where it was, open against the side of her face. "Abraxas – you were just a kid. A kid too strong for his own good. So strong no one else knew how to help you. So it all went wrong for a while. You were walking about with more power than any three men, but you were too young, too young to control it, and no one else could help. It wasn't monstrous, Abraxas: you were beyond them, and yourself. You just had to grow into it. And you have. I've seen it, in the way you move and touch, the way you handle the children. I can see how much power you have, how much force you aren't using from day to day. You're not a danger anymore, Abraxas. You don't get angry, and you finally know your strength. You won't hurt people you don't want to anymore. That's over, you idiot. It's all over. You fool...you poor fool..."

She turned her face into his arm; it was so huge she could bury her face in it as she softly sobbed. "You...you poor idiot..."

Carefully, Abraxas crooked his arm around, bringing her into the curve, until she was resting her face on his shoulder instead. Still softly crying, fists clenched in his clothes.

"Idiot..."

"I'm sorry."

"You're the one you should be apologizing to."

"Yes, but it's so awkward, I hardly ever see the fellow."

She laughed shakily, which was what he had hoped for. When she turned her head so her face lay towards him, he knew it was alright. "You should visit your mother you know. At least a little. Or call."

Abraxas didn't even try to understand how she'd guessed all that. Some people just knew these things: it came as no surprise that Sakura was one of them. "I don't really want to go back just yet. But you're right about the call."

Sakura smiled. "Well...I suppose I can't complain."

Feeling it was a little early to respond to that, Abraxas turned his head, watching the beasts with increasingly narrowed eyes as they prowled about the edges of Sakura's bubble. That they had emerged from the shadows, gaining reality and form, had not changed the balance of power: he still felt no fear. It was something primal that he read, unknowing, in their stance, and his knowledge of himself. That he was the stronger predator.

And they knew it. Their eyes skittered away when he looked at them: they humped their shoulders and crouched lower as he stared. Though he had the shape, was technically of the right race, he was not prey. And they feared that.

He didn't like them. They made his fist clench.

"It's all right, they can't break through," he heard Sakura saying. Without looking, he felt her lift her head off his shoulder, straightening to follow his gaze. "I'm very good at these, they'll never make it. Not the likes of them."

He was glad, but for her sake: the more he watched, the more he hated. They were abominations, beasts that preyed on the weak, eagerly draining the strength of those who could not stop them so that they might live to feed again. Sakura was right: he had not understood the meaning of a monster. Even in his worst, most impetuous times, he would have never raised a hand against someone helpless: he had never felt anything but protective of women and children. These things...they made him want to fight as nothing had for a long time. He had not allowed himself.

Without meaning to, he spoke. "Shouldn't we do something about them?"

"I told you, I never learned offensive spells. It's all right, if we wait one of my friends will come and kill them. We have ways of knowing when one of the others is being threatened."

It made sense, but it didn't satisfy the brooding disgust in his gut. Slowly, Abraxas stood up, eyes locked on the beasts. They started, froze: when they started moving again, they did so slowly, haltingly, watching him from the corners of their eyes. It was the age old game of reading your opponent: what acted like a victim, acted like it was weak, was. What did not, was not prey, was to be left alone to avoid unnecessary injury. But Abraxas was yet one further: despite all, he was _their_ predator, and they knew it.

Slowly, a new thought emerged in his mind.

_There was no need to hold back against these._

Always the problem with his strength had been of doing more harm that he'd meant. He had never met a man so foul that he wished only to annihilate him. It was not in his nature. No – it was beyond that. He was so huge, so strong, that to use it against another person had simply felt wrong. He had never wanted to hurt men.

But these...these were monsters.

_These_ were _monsters._

"Abraxas?"

Sakura's voice, uncertain, a little frightened. He paid it no mind.

_These were monsters._

These – he could fight.

_What is someone too strong to fight men?_

_ Someone strong enough to fight man's foes. _

A monster's monster. A champion.

A Hero.

"Abraxas?"

Slowly, deliberately, he raised his fist and knocked it against the brick wall behind him. The hard rap rose and died. He rapped harder; slight echoes muddied the sound as it went out and faded. He rapped again. The brick cracked.

He did have control.

He was ready to fight.

He felt something in him change: something, a pride, a strength he had suppressed all these years, unfolded within his soul, straightening his shoulders and hardening his eyes. His stance changed; the very power of his immense being seemed to push back the air around him. The beasts froze where they were, flattening themselves to the ground.

"You should have stayed in the shadows," he said, his voice laden with deep assurance and the subterranean rumble of death. "You should not have stopped hiding from me."

"After all, I am...your predator."

It was not an explosion. There was no roar, no huge cresting wave of masculine determination. It was simply the moment between inaction – and death.

The foe merited no more.

...

She wanted to stop him. Watching the fire build, watching his stance change and his muscles subtly tense, knowing what he was going to do, every instinct in her screamed not to let him, to tell him to stay within the circle. And yet – this power – this was his birthright, the gift he had buried out of fear for so long. Now it was emerging, huge, confidant and magnificent, and she couldn't bring herself to stop it. He needed – he needed to find something to fight, she realized. He needed to know there was something his strength existed to match.

But most of all, this man he was becoming before her eyes was completely different from the man she'd dragged out of the building. To tell him now, don't fight, it's dangerous – was simply, patently ridiculous.

One instant he stood within the circle of her protection, beating down on the beasts with his mere presence.

The next he was among them.

Only her time watching Shirou train allowed her to follow the course of the battle: what Shirou had spent years of physical training and struggled with Reinforcement to achieve came to Abraxas with eloquent ease. He swept low, impossibly low for his size, turning sideways to sweep one beast with his trailing right arm as he passed to his left. The hapless beast's eyes bulged as the web between Abraxas's thumb and forefinger swept under the chin to crush its windpipe and fling it, already dead, into limp, heavy collision with the wall behind.

One.

The beast he headed toward reared back, trying to avoid him; the monolith's left hand flashed out to grasp a twisted handful of stomach flesh and fur; the beast, paralyzed by the pain and pulled flesh, dangled stiffly as Abraxas held it up and away, continuing on to plunge his right hand into the thick fur under the chin of a third beast; with a roar, he straightened, both beasts held over his head, then dropped to one knee and smashed both against the pavement, crushing their skulls and no small portion of their bodies. The remaining beasts that had leaped as he straighted, seemingly occupied, collided and tangled in midair above him. Abraxas straightened, seeming to flow backward as he did, rising above the three hapless killers even as they tumbled to the ground. His left and right hands seized the left and rightmost beasts and pulled them away; the third suddenly exposed, had time for one upturned, wide eyed moment of terror before a huge foot impacted its chest so hard its head crunched as it hit the pavement.

Four.

With a final growl, Abraxas slammed the heads of the beasts he held together between his palms; they fell, limp, to slap against the ground.

Six.

One man, six beasts. Ten seconds, at most, to kill them all. Sakura felt her jaw trying to dislocate.

There was something about his form, his aura, that seemed familiar...but before she could place it, he slumped to his knees, and all her thoughts were replaced by panic.

"Abraxas!"

"Strange," he murmured as she reached him, hovering, trying to see where he'd been hurt. "None of them hurt me very much. Scratches really. I shouldn't be so weak from that. I should hardly notice."

"That's because they feed on _life force_, remember?" Sakura snapped. Now that it was clear he wasn't in danger, she felt free to be angry. "I told you that. Even you have to notice when something takes a gulp out of your _chi_, you masochistic moron!"

"But it was so...satisfying...to fight that way," Abraxas said, sitting back against the brick wall to look up at her. Even like that, it wasn't such a long way up. And the man who was looking up, was different. The man who played so gently with children was still there – the love and protection he felt for them had never been a lie. But there was an undercurrent of strength that had not been there before. The soft, sheepishly differential air he had once possessed was gone, replaced by strong, shining confidence. It was gentle and benevolent now – not hard and cold as death like it had been before – but still there, and always would be. It was how he was meant to look.

Looking at him, Sakura had to admit he had been right to fight. It had been the last seal, the final confirmation of who he was. Not a menace, but a monster slayer. Even if he never killed another in his life, never even met one, the knowledge of the one fight he'd had, and what it had shown him about himself, would hold him up and keep that pride in his eyes. There is a certain strength that simply comes from knowing the truth of your own self.

Looking at the proud, gentle, powerful giant sitting in front of her, Sakura realized she too had been right. He had needed this – needed to be shown this world. It would be difficult, but she would explain that to the others. In time.

Unfortunately, he was going to need to be treated at her house – which meant she was going to have to deal with the hardest one first.

"I guess I'd better call and warn Rin," she sighed.

...

Remarkably, Rin seemed to take it quite well.

"For the sake of my own sanity," she said. "I'm going to assume you have the best of reasons for this and go from there. Until you prove otherwise."

"Thank you," Sakura said gratefully. "I can explain, but right now is really—"

"Yes I'm sure. I'll look up what there is on treating drained life force while you're getting him here."

"Will we be able to use the spells? They might be very different from normal healing ones."

"Actually, I strongly suspect there are no spells to deal with it directly at all. Most likely it will be all just advice on helping someone to regenerate it themselves. I doubt there's more a magician can do. But we'll see. Or rather, I'll see – _you'll_ see how to get that three hundred pound gorilla of yours all the way home. Better pray he can still walk."

Sakura's mouth twitched. "I thought he was a bear."

"I've given him a field promotion to Sapien for bravery in combat."

Sakura laughed so hard she slid down on the ground next to Abraxas. "I'm sure he's honored," she finally gasped.

"He should be. He's alone with you in a dark alley, and I'm not even going to hurt him."

"Yes, Rin."

"Just bring him. Bye."

Abraxas raised an amused eyebrow. "Sounds like she likes me."

Sakura giggled. "Well, that would certainly make things easier, so I actually hope you're right."

"So – let's try walking."

...

As it turned out, he could still walk, and he seemed to grow somewhat steadier during the subway ride. He was able to make it the rest of the way from the station by himself, though slowly and carefully. Sakura hovered just under his arm the whole way – hoping that if it did come to supporting him, she wouldn't go right down under like a matchstick trying to stop a brick. Thankfully, he never needed it, though he did continue to slow, placing his feet with deliberate care. When they got there, Sakura, worried, inadvertently predicted roughly three fourths the prescribed treatment.

"Bed," she said. "Or a couch, I don't care which, but you are lying down now."

"I'm sure sitting would do," Abraxas murmured in his innocence.

Shirou could have warned him.

"You'll find a couch in the big room at the end of the hall," Sakura said. "It has your name on it. Go find it, and I'll go find Rin."

"Well—"

_"Immediately!"_

Somewhat too late, Abraxas remembered his experience back at Hiragi's. He went.

"_Men_," Sakura growled, and headed toward the library.

...

This was, indeed, where Rin was. She also knew exactly what Sakura wanted to hear first.

"As I expected, you can't heal the damage directly. All you can do is help him regenerate it himself. So basically, we'll use magic to remove anything that might divert his recuperative power – like his injuries – and leave the rest to him. Rest being the operative word. The exhaustion can be deceptive: he's probably already asleep. And it's unlikely anything will wake him before morning. He'll want plenty to eat when he does wake up. He probably eats too much already," she added wryly.  
"I wouldn't know," Sakura said demurely. "I haven't watched him eat...yet."

"Only a matter of time now he knows you, hm? Speaking of which – or should you heal him first?"

"The injuries really are very slight. On him, almost minuscule. I'd rather let him get really asleep first."

"Good. Then why don't you explain exactly how this happened? Just make it factual the first time round. I'll drill you after."

Knowing this was almost certainly far from exaggeration, Sakura sat down. Consequences were consequences.

She did her best to emphasize how much of a difference being shown the beasts had made, but despite it all – even despite being certain she'd made the right choice – even she could tell it sounded like she'd broken a long standing taboo on the spur of the moment. She was almost cringing herself.

Rin frowned. "Six of them...he beat six of them and took that little injury?"

"If you'd have seen him you'd understand. It was just..." she shook her head. "You had to have been there."

"Are you sure you aren't...umm...not exaggerating, exactly, but...since you weren't expecting it..."

"You do trust my ability to count, don't you?" Sakura asked with some asperity. Questioning her judgment on showing Abraxas the magic world was _not _the same as questioning her judgment in general.

"Well, of course but..."

"And you do realize that if his injuries were remotely significant, I wouldn't have talked to you first."

"Well, that's certainly true..."

"So how else could he have done it?"

"Well, if you'd had a protection up..." Rin suggested hesitantly.

Sakura's eyes flared. "If I didn't know better," she said frostily. "I would think you were suggesting I deliberately set out to make him look stronger than he is. Rin-san."

Rin, to her credit, looked properly ashamed. She bowed her head. "I'm sorry."

Sakura looked away, feeling hurt. She could understand Rin not wanting to accept it, but that had been completely unfair.

"Look...I get your point. To have fought six blood beasts so successfully means he really is...capable...of handling our world. And he does _seem_...emotionally equipped as well. Though I couldn't say for sure."

"I understand that," Sakura said. She hadn't entirely forgiven Rin, but she met her eyes again. "But it's not just that he can handle it. I'm not going to try and claim I did it because I realized this – I just couldn't stand hearing him talk that way. But I think he actually..._belongs_ in our world, the same way someone with a magician's potential would. If you'd seen the difference after he'd fought, you'd know what I mean."

Rin frowned suddenly. "Sakura, have I – or anyone else – actually explained _why _we keep it all a secret?"

Sakura blinked. "Um...well, now that you mention it...no. I guess...it just seemed natural, since it would cause all kinds of trouble if we didn't."

"Technically right, but still missing the point. Sakura – people _don't want to know_. They think they do – they dream of their magic and their fantasy – but when it's the real world? They just push it away. There was a time when magic was a fact of everyone's life. Those medieval accounts are true. The Magician's Association worked with – and sometimes against – towns and kingdoms, and there was nothing secret about it. But the people – the non-magical people – they were afraid, always afraid. When they suspected someone of using magic badly they would react with the kind of indiscriminate blind fury only the deeply intimidated know. They were terrified of it, Sakura. But frightening as magic was, the world itself was scarier. They were afraid of magic, but even more afraid of being without it. But then time moved on, and science started rising, and they stopped being afraid of the world, stopped thinking they needed the power of magic to be safe. The decision to change wasn't ours, Sakura. It was theirs. The world chose to forget magic, and so we allowed ourselves to be forgotten. And that mentality has never changed. Believe me, people have tried. No matter how much someone might say he or she thinks magic would be wonderful, they almost always run, in the end, if they find the real thing. Sooner or later."

"So, you're saying...the taboo isn't to protect us at all. It's to protect them."

Rin nodded. "We've simply come to accept that that is how they want it to be. But my point is it's not a matter of belonging, or being a danger to our secret, or anything like that. Whether or not it was right begins and ends with how he feels about it. If knowing of our world is actually a relief for him...well, that's really all there is to it then."

"Oh," Sakura said, deeply relieved. "That's all right then. You haven't really talked with him, so you couldn't know, but I'm really very sure it will be all right."

"Well, that is your specialty after all. Understanding what people need, I mean. Still, it's very interesting. For someone to _need _our world like that. For a magician it makes sense, because otherwise they are freaks."

"That's just what made me so mad," Sakura said. "He thought he _was _one. He was so strong, so fast, so dangerous, but he didn't want to fight people. So he thought he must be wrong somehow – monster was the best word he could find."

"Well, I won't say I'm not glad you were able to cure him of that," Rin said. "No one deserves to go through life thinking that about himself."

"You should see the difference it's made," Sakura said fervently. "His aura has changed completely. He was so powerful during that fight I actually thought—" she stopped.

"Thought what?"

"Nothing really. I mean, nothing that makes sense. It was just a moment."

"Just a moment _what_? For heaven's sake spit it out, I'm not going to make fun of you. Actually, I _really_ want to know. I'm still suspicious."

"Huh? Suspicious of what?"

"Mmm, bad word maybe, but – I just feel like there's something about this picture we're missing. I just don't feel like the way he's adapted to monsters is as simple as it looks."

Sakura sighed. "Promise you won't yell either."

Rin looked very strange. "Yell? You think I'm going to want to _yell_?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, okay, I promise. Now go ahead."

"Well – that fighting aura he had – and his form when he fought – for a moment, I thought I recognized it. Except of course I hadn't met him before...and I didn't really know the one I thought it resembled that well either...I never fought directly in the War."

Rin's face had developed several twitches. "Eight feet tall, greek, impossibly strong and fast, had a temper as a youth, you think you recognize him from the war _and _he found himself by _slaying monsters_—"

"Rin, Rin you promised, you promised you wouldn't yell!"

Rin dug her hands into her head. "I'm trying, I'm_ trying_ but...for heaven's sake _please _tell me you're joking!"

"Look, I just don't _know, _all right? I never fought in the War, I never knew any of the Servants well except for Rider and Saber. If he wasn't so distinct, there's no way I could ever make a connection at all. You're the one who fought him. I really don't know."

"Good g-d," Rin groaned. "Good g-d, one reincarnated hero wasn't enough? Now you tell me we've got goddamned _Berserker _here too?"

"If that is who he is then it's _Heracles_, Rin, not Berserker, and don't you _dare_ blame him for the War! You know how the Berserker class works as well as I do, _and _how much Illya exploited it. He never had a sane moment for the whole thing. It was her way of controlling him."

"Not quite – he did have a few moments right after Shirou and Saber got him."

"And? What was he like?"

Rin's refusal to answer spoke volumes.

"Rin, you listen to me. He's spent the last five or more years convinced he was a monster, some kind of barely restrained menace to mankind. Now he's found out it's not true, that there are things only he can fight, and he's finally satisfied with himself. So don't you dare, don't you _dare _go blaming him for things he can't possibly be blamed for! Even blaming the real Berserker for Archer wouldn't be fair, let alone him. We can't even be sure he _is _him."

"Not much doubt of it," Rin muttered.

"Rin—"

"I _know _Sakura, all right? I'm not a kid either. I know it doesn't really matter anymore. It's just...hard to accept."

Sakura sighed softly, her look now of gentle pity. She'd always wondered what Rin's relationship with Archer had really been like. "Oh Rin."

"Look, just...go take care of him. And then you'd better get to Shirou's place. Bet you he shirks and tries to work late."

"Ohhh, shoot, what time is it?"

"Nearly six."

"Oh, shoot, _shoot,_ I don't have time, I didn't warn them to do anything—"

"You have plenty of time Sakura," Rin interrupted firmly. "Just do something simpler for once. And get Shirou to help. It'll be good for you anyway: you never let anyone make things easier for you."

"That would be because a certain sister never gives me a choice," Sakura said, a smile in her eyes.

"You have smart relatives. Must be genetic."

Sakura got up. "Good night Rin – oh wait, what am I saying. Come on, if I'm going to have help you may as well join in."

"Actually, you had it right the first time, mostly. Someone should be staying here with him, even if he's asleep. Or rather because of it."

"Oh for goodness sake Rin, can't you even trust him unconscious?"

"Even if I didn't trust him directly, I'd trust the fact that he's recovering from a partial soul drain. That's not it. Partially it's a precaution for his own health. He's vulnerable while his life essence is low, in very unusual ways – it's best if someone who can use healing magic is with him. I may not be as good as you, but I'm hardly unversed either. As a preventative measure, I'm more than enough."

"Still, if it's like that, shouldn't it be me?"

"First of all, you'd be distracted by guilt pangs over Shirou eating his own cooking. Second, I'm also worried about Einzbern. I doubt he pays much attention to individual hunts normally, but there's a chance he realized something went seriously wrong with those six in time to get a glimpse of him. I doubt he wants any more complications that we're already giving him. Not to mention that his soul is very potent. Remember that if he's really Heracles, that means he's half divine. My presence should be enough to deter Einzbern from any opportunistic assassinations while he's asleep. Remember, he practically _can't _wake up right now."

"And thirdly...you hate being here alone, don't you?"

Sakura went very still

"You never leave Shirou's house before I do," Rin said softly. "And you always leave before me. Whenever I'm not here, you're either out or at Shirou's. I don't think he's noticed: as far as he's concerned you're family, and it isn't strange no matter what time you're there. But I'm right, aren't I? It's your haven. So you don't have to come here when it's empty."

Sakura shook her head, slowly, painfully. "It just seems so foolish. Being afraid of my own house."

"There's nothing foolish about being afraid of those memories Sakura. And in any case it's not just your imagination: the house still reeks of him, all over the place. The damn man lived here two hundred years practicing his filthy magic: I'd swear some of the halls sweat hellsmoke. It makes even me nervous, and I'm not the one who had that magic poured inside me for eleven years. It's all right, Sakura. Really it is."

"But – how can I make my life here, when I'm afraid of it? Sometimes...sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't have said it to you...that I'm not ready...that maybe I'll never will be."

"There are some kinds of things you never really feel ready for: you just have to do it. You may not have had the right kind of strength to fight Zoken, but I think this is exactly your forte. As your chosen part of the fight, it suites. You'll win."

Sakura smiled slightly. "Thank you. No matter what, I want to conquer his memories, not run from them."

Rin nodded. "Just remember you don't_ have _to do it alone, all right?"

"I will. Thank you Rin."

"You'd better go on over. Shirou's probably wondering when his phone is going to ambush him for overworking."

"Oh, I'm not that bad am I?"

"Bad, no. Terrifying? Remarkably."

"Oh, _Riin_."

"Go home and cook, mother."

Sakura sighed. "Yes ma'am."

...

Technically, Illya knew that this was not Shirou's fault. He'd been recruited for kitchen duty as soon as he'd gotten back: he hadn't had a chance to talk with Arturia yet.

Illya didn't feel like being logical. The food was already simpler than usual, but that would be fine if it weren't for the _atmosphere._ It would have ruined a five course meal. Or even ice cream, if they'd had any.

Normally, Arturia would be on her third serving at this point. Instead, she was on her first, still ceaselessly moving her chopsticks back and forth, somehow managing to steadily go through the motions of eating without actually eating very much at all. Her eyes stayed fixed below a certain level, calculated to avoid eye contact. Assuming she'd guessed right about what was bothering her, the reason for this was obvious: her, Illya, right across the table from her. Even more than she hated how uncomfortable everyone was feeling, she hated having Arturia treat her that way. For her, who had spent so long, and fought so hard, alone, everyone she could call family was a precious, precious thing, and being ignored like this hurt.

Even though she'd broken her emotional stasis, neither miracle nor magic would ever make her patient. Or even tempered. Or, under it all, less sensitive.

"So – how'd it go today, Arturia."

"Fine."

"You've gotten most of the map finished by now, right? Any ideas on what Issei's spot meant?"

"No."

"Well then—"

"I'm sorry," Arturia said, standing up. "I'm not feeling well. Please excuse me." And she left the room, as rapidly as she could without seeming to hurry.

Illya looked down: she felt guilty already. She could also feel Shirou and Sakura giving her reproachful stares. "Well, it wasn't going to get any better anyway was it?" she said, sulking. "Besides," she whispered. "I can't stand her avoiding me that way."

Shirou sighed. "I guess it can't helped, really."

"Aren't you going to go?"

"Go?"

"To her. To talk to her. You know you need to."

"You do realize _you_ owe her an apology."

"Yes," Illya agreed simply. "But I won't be able to give it to her when she's like this, will I?"

"True." Shirou put down his bowl. To be honest, he hadn't eaten much either. "All right. Save our portions, okay? We might be back for them."

"Fine."

...

It was a beautiful night, outside. Though still very slightly chilly, it was quite warm for the season, and the breeze that blew was light and comfortable. Perhaps spring was coming early this year. In any case, Shirou understood why Arturia had chosen to stand here, out on the walkway that ringed his house. It really was a perfect setting to try and recover tranquility. Hands resting lightly on the sill, head tilted back as she gazed at the sky, he could once again see that gentle, beautiful grace he had always loved in her. He was glad.

It was moments like this, perhaps, that she was most beautiful.

"I'm sorry," she said, without looking. "For being bad company."

"Don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure they understood."

"Really?" she said, sounding wistful. "You really think they understand?"

"Yes. Even if they don't understand why."

"...I see. I'm glad."

The breeze blew softly, ruffling the loose threads of her hair around her downcast eyes. It was a kind of vulnerable moment that was so very rare in her: it tugged on his chest and pulled him towards her, even as he kept his silence. Waiting for her to speak.

"It's just...so strange, isn't it? I thought I knew about this. About failing, and moving on. No matter how good you are, it will always happen. I failed every day for two years trying to stop the blood beasts, after all. So many lives – I should be used to it, shouldn't I? I thought I was."

"But now...now I...I can't even look her in the eye...and I can't talk to her...and I can't bear the thought of being responsible for her again, ever again, what if he took her this time Shirou, I couldn't _stand _it. I thought I knew, but...failing to protect someone you love...it's so much worse...it's painful..."

Her shoulders were hunched, tight and trembling: her hands clenched on the rail and dug her fingers into the wood. Gently, Shirou moved to stand behind her, gripping her arms just behind the wrist, stopping her from hurting herself. For a moment she resisted: then she slumped, the small of her back falling to rest on his chest.

"I thought I knew," she whispered, tilting her head back to meet his gaze with tearing eyes. "I thought I knew, but I'm not ready at all. I can't protect her again, Shirou. No matter how much she trusts me, I can't. I can't trust her with myself."

"Kouji couldn't have done it alone," Shirou said quietly. "You did save her. She needed your strength."

"If it had been you, you would have known. Einzbern could never have escaped without you noticing."

"Not really. Magicians aren't that easy to detect by themselves, they're not like magical beings. If I had known, it would have been because I have the ring. So it wasn't that you lacked strength."

"I'm still not dependable enough. Shirou – she _trusted _me, and I failed. She was so afraid of him, so desperate, but it was as good as luck that Einzbern didn't take her that day. Shirou...she can't depend on me. I'm not enough to make her feel safe. I can't support that girl, can't make the fear go away. Not being able to do that – it shouldn't hurt this much – it shouldn't hurt...but it does. So much...like nothing I've ever known."

For several moments, Shirou was quiet. Gathering his thoughts. Knowing she was wrong, and hoping that he could find the words to tell her.

"I've...been taking care of her...for a long time now, you know? Over five years. And...all of that time...I knew something was wrong. I was doing everything I could for her, and I knew she appreciated it, and yet...it was never enough. I couldn't understand enough to reach the core. I couldn't touch the root of it, couldn't help her break free. All I could do was support her, and watch her try. Being helpless like that...it was hard, really hard."

"And then...and then you came."

"In two days, you did more for her than I'd done in all those five years. It's a power I'll never have, Arturia: I'll never be able to reach right into peoples hearts and find what to say. I guess I might really be...stronger than you, in a fight. But all my strength couldn't save my sister from herself. But you did – you did. That night, she finally broke free. She's finally, finally able to grow. It wouldn't have happened – could never have happened – if I had been there.

"Arturia – I'm glad it was you that night. More than I can tell. It wasn't my strength she needed – it was yours. Haven't you looked at her Arturia? You did save her from her fear. You saved her from needing to be afraid. You gave her the means to use her own strength, to make her own way forward. It's a gift I couldn't give her."

"I'm jealous of your strength, Arturia. I wish I had yours."

"I'm glad you don't."

"What?"

She turned her head, and her eyes were bright again, sparkling with unshed tears. "Well, if you had mine too," she said, smiling at him, "Then there wouldn't be much point in my being here would there?"

Eyes focused on hers, Shirou found himself unconsciously pulling, gently, on his grip on her arms. Pressing her every so slightly closer.

"No," Shirou said softly. She was so close...

"There will always... be a point in your being here."

She kept getting closer...

"Always."

So close...time took on dreamlike suspension, carrying their faces together with slow, perfect grace...

He could hear her breath, her heartbeat, even her thoughts, a warm haze knowing only the moment...

Her whole face was a luminous smile.

"Really?"

He could feel her...

Time's spiral stopped.

.

...and then it was slow. Just barely real, as lips moved apart so eyes could meet. The moment was in motion, and yet seemed to encompass infinity.

And then, inevitably...the spell shattered.

Arturia's eyes – soft and half closed – snapped apart. Her mouth opened, but no words would come out. Her body turned rigid, but she couldn't seem to quite cross the line to breaking away.

A lesser man might taken advantage of it.

Sometimes Shirou wished he could be like that.

He let go, and stepped away. The moment had been too true, too real, too precious to apologize for. But – like once long before – he would not stop her.

For one more moment she stood frozen, staring, caught between convictions and the feelings that defied them. Then she broke and fled, steps flurrying franticly down the hall and through a door. The screen slid shut behind her.

Leaving Shirou, standing on the deck, alone. Like once before.

"Damn," he whispered.

.

.

* * *

Author's Notes: Well, this one took much longer than I'd expected. I thought I was really clipping along, and then I came to the last two pages – and ended up needing more than a week to finish. Well, the results are worth it I think. I've been promising the serious beginning of Shirou x Arturia for a while. Here it is. Hope it's worth the wait.

.

One: The Angel sisters. This analogy for Rin and Sakura has been in my head forever. I just loved the symbolism. Sakura, the white, pure healing angel, a being of mercy – and Rin in front of her, huge with righteousness, wings seeming to summon thunder as she fights, with all her heart and all she has, to keep that whiteness, that mercy, pure, for all of time. I've always known that the emblem of Rin's wish to fight was a Guardian Angel. And now she knows too: that her fierceness is not a flaw, nor a darkness, nor a sin. It's a righteous fury.

Two: Berserker awakes! Demonraily guessed first, but he wasn't the only one – I'd say at least two others for sure, and who knows how many more who just didn't say anything. I guess he really is distinctive – but even among you correct guessers, the reaction was as I'd expected – that's crazy! That can't be right. But…it works…' . Hehehe. I knew I wanted to pair Sakura up in this story. As stated several times, making her own family is a very strong part of her own vision of the future, so it really made sense to do so, if I wanted to end the story with her path clearly laid out. So, I was riding the bus to college, thinking on the image of who she might go out with – I was seeing someone quite large and strong, but very gentle with children, maybe a bit afraid of his strength to give him something for Sakura to help him with – and then it just popped into my head. What if he was Berserker reincarnated? Because of the way he behaves in the anime at first this seems flat out wrong, but as Sakura said, you must remember how the Berserker class works. His actual personality was completely masked by an induced artificial madness. So what that really meant was the greek hero Heracles being paired with Sakura – and that's a rather appealing story, isn't it? But some explanations are in order.

First: Heracles or Hercules? They are both correct. Heracles is the original Greek pronunciation. Hercules is the Roman version. I just liked Heracles better, plus it is original, always a plus in my opinion.

Second: Temper as a youth. In a way, I've presented what might have happened to a modern day Heracles. In his original mythos, as a youth his temper led him to hurt people. He calmed himself – and no doubt matured in the process – by herding sheep. A long gone option, but 'herding' five year olds makes a good parallel, don't you think? Only, there was an ingredient missing. In those days the land was filled with gods and demigods, powers and beasts and monsters. The place for such a powerful man was clear. But now, in the modern age, when no one believed in such things, he lost his way, and even his perception of himself. He could find no moral place in this world that justified his power. And so he fell, in time, to believing he was the enemy himself. Until he met Sakura, and found out that there were still monsters, after all.

Third: But he was alive during the war then? It's time to give the rest of my theory, which I have promised – to myself, since it would have been a spoiler to say it to you – I would unveil here after unveiling Berserker. First, I must ask you to remind yourself of the details of my explanation of the Throne of Heroes, both in the story text and in the Author's Notes, back in Chapter Ten. Got it? Then here we go.

First, it should be understood that Arturia/Saber simply never truly entered the Throne of Heroes. Time does not exist for that place – that is the most important thing to remember no matter what. The Root simply exists, and all of time is the same. Arturia's existence in the war was the result of a deal – she would serve Gaia in return for the power to undo her disastrous rule. The means she tried to accomplish the undoing by was the Grail. So when they said that until she achieves the Grail, she would not be a complete Servant, what was meant was that until she got it, the terms of her contract would not be fulfilled. But then, before completing it, she chose to die instead. And so she never truly entered the Throne of Heroes. Remember the flashbacks? Bedivere comes back, and she wakes up, and says 'I had a dream?' Everything that happened, happened during those moments she had seemed asleep. The Root does not know time. She entered it, was called from it into the wars, and then chose to leave. When she chose to leave again, she re-entered time where she'd left it. Involving anything from the Root in our world is an instant time paradox.

Now, lets consider the implications of that last bit carefully. The Root is oblivious to time. Something from the Root can be called to any time, any era, and to the one called it is all the same. There are two ways this could work. One: Only those things that came to the Root and stayed without ever leaving can be called into Time, because if they ever left, the paradox created would make it as if they never existed. Or, the opposite: once something has been in the Root, for any length of time at all, it can be summoned forever into Time, because every summoning simply draws on that one instant – because it has been there, it is there. Yes, it's confusing, but all time paradoxes are. I've cobbled together a rough diagram in Illustrator, which can be viewed on my blog - I can't post it here (www dot thewordpile dot com). Moving onward though, we now have our Paradox. The Root contains, by nature, everything that was, is, and will be – therefore simply choosing to enter the Throne, for any length of time, means that Servant is always available to be summoned from there: we in Real Time can no longer distinguish. At the same time, if he chooses to leave then he re-enters time where he left – his death – so he has also been simultaneously reincarnating normally ever since. Final situation: every Servant who has entered and left the Throne is both available for summoning for all time and has reincarnated normally since the time of his death. He can even be summoned to a time long before he ever lived – to the Root, there is no difference. I personally feel a great deal of Berserker/Heracles behavior has been influenced by the moment that qualified him for the Berserker class: the madness induced by Hera that made him murder his wife, children, and two other children as well. I think he chose the Throne because he was afraid he might cause such a carnage again, without the memory of the first time to check him. Also, the memory of it left a deep mark: he compulsively cherishes and protects women and children. That's why Illya could call and control him (something the wiki notes as surprising), and why even in his mad state he protected her selflessly: to him she was a child, a being to whom he owed eternal recompense. In any case, this is why we have him around. This actually also means several other Servants might be running loose. Caster – Medea – I think she found what she was looking for and left the Throne: a man who was faithful to her onto death. But this story is full, no room for any more shenanigans.

Three: Is it just me, or did his compatibility with Sakura sky rocket after he'd finished? Suddenly that perfect set that I had used to see them as, but recently found missing, was back. Phew. I was sure I hadn't done anything wrong.

Four: They don't want to know. Mostly invented. I know the Magicians Association used to be in the open, and I know what Kiritsugu told Shirou was the reason to hide magic. The rest is just what seemed natural. It bears a strong resemblance to later events in my own private fantasy universe that I'm developing for my original novels to be in.

Five: Time's spiral stopped…I had thought they were only going to almost kiss, but Fate Spiral Time had other ideas. This is the part that delayed the release of this chapter by more than a week. I hope you can forgive me for wasting so much time on such an inconsequential scene (grins). It's my first time writing a kiss – I really had high standards for myself. How'd I do?

.

Well, at last Shirou x Arturia is well and truly in motion. It's Chanukah tonight, and after my brothers vacation is over my sister is visiting from overseas, so I pushed hard to get this out today. I don't know when I'll next have time. Look forward to the next chapter!


	15. Chapter 14: Chances

She huddled in her room. The night was warm, the house warmer, but she hunched in her shoulders and wrapped her arms about herself as if she were freezing: she lay curled tightly on her futon amidst bedraggled bedding, her breath shuddering in and out.

She could still feel it...

That warmth – that hadn't been lust. She wished it had been. She could have ignored that. She could have dismissed the whole matter as an unguarded moment: it was hard coded into humans, so to speak. Embarrassing, yes, but she could have moved on.

But this...this was nothing so primal. There'd been no desire in that moment – it had been drowned in something much deeper and purer, something that had made her chest expand so it hurt, something that had filled her up and spilled out to paint the world. Something that had brought sunlight into night. In that moment after...kissing him, looking in his eyes, she had glimpsed something timeless and sweet, warm and good as anything in this world.

She knew the word it must go by, but didn't dare say it.

She could feel the parts of her body where the warmth of him had been: they felt colder than the rest, a chill that penetrated to her soul. He had awakened a need for warmth that she hadn't known she had, and now she couldn't forget it.

Even when, fully clothed, she buried herself in her futon, blankets clutched tightly about her, she shivered.

And so, fitfully, she dozed. And dreamed.

.

_She walked down halls she knew, through eyes she knew, and that she did not. In her breast, feelings warred – feelings that were hers, and not hers. The same, from someone almost the same...but not quite._

_Duty want can't have musn't love _but

_Their figures were hazy, breezing by, existing only in thought. And yet her eyes focused on each, seeing her conflict in them. She and her echo, the same feelings, the same thoughts._

_Duty want can't have musn't love _but..._can't – stop –_

_I can't stop. I can't help it._

_I love them..._

_._

She wasn't aware of opening her eyes – only of her view shifting back to the walls of her room. Odd, vague echoes of the dream remained. Briefly, her feelings seemed somehow distant – unchanged, but removed. Soft, gauzy whispers of the eyes she'd seen through hung over her senses. They had been so similar to her own, it was hard to distinguish...awake, but still somehow feeling dreamy, she got up. The faint haze turned her head towards the hall, and she followed.

She remembered now: when Shirou had chosen a room for her. He'd stopped at this corner here. Hesitated, and glanced down this way, before going the other. Now she walked, softly, dazedly, down the forbidden hall. The haze pulled gently at a door: she opened it.

It was not, at first glance, any different from the other rooms. The same size, the same table – except the table was against the wall in the middle of the room, directly opposite the door. And it had things all over it – remembering her studies, she realized it was a shrine of sorts, as the Japanese made for deceased relations. She drifted towards it. Stopped. She was starting to awaken properly now, and realized that this must be something private: surely she had no business here...and yet something in her said otherwise.

And then she saw the pictures.

Normally, a Japanese shrine will feature a framed portrait of the deceased in the middle. This shrine was very informal, more a simple gathering of memorabilia arranged vaguely in the fashion of a shrine. But still, roughly in the middle were a small heap of photo booth pictures. She had never been in one, and certainly not in Japan.

But that was her face..._her face_.

_It's beyond resemblance, Arturia. It's just uncanny. You even act like her..._

_I can't tell you all the details – it would take too long, and some of it's private._

"Liar," Arturia whispered softly, without rancor, slowly examining these impossible portraits. But for the difference in age – she was about six years older than the girl in the photo – the resemblance was perfect. It was _her face._

Of course you couldn't tell me all the details – I would have run all the way back to England. I would never have given these feelings a chance to grow.

_I won't lie to you Arturia – I would love to see you stay. But I wouldn't stoop to such means._

No. No, Rin would do nothing that stole from her will, nothing that would make the choice anything less than her own. What worth would it be if she did, after all?

But she _would _make sure that she stayed long enough to learn what she was really choosing.

_Duty want can't have musn't love but_

_But..._

She understood Rin's behavior now: she had known. That before the week was out, Arturia would discover that 'but'. She wished she could hate her for it. But she couldn't, not anymore. She understood too well now. Anyone who had felt this way – would surely do anything.

Shirou was next to her, in those pictures. Despite the revelations of the moment, her lips curved upward: she thought she could see the naiveté that had so infuriated Rin once. And yet, even here, she could see the steel as well – the unyielding core than ran through the center of his kind, compassionate exterior. She wore her professionalism outside, showing her softness only when she chose, to whom she chose. Shirou was the opposite: he wore his softness outward, concealing the unbending resolution he was capable of. Opposing manners, identical traits. She thought the self in that picture must see it as well. What he really was; what he would, in time, become. When he grew up.

What he was, now.

That was a line of thought she was not ready to follow. She put the pictures down, looking across the table at the other items laid across it. A cutting board with several deep notches. A carefully folded set of clothes – white blouse and navy blue skirt. Two halves of a cardigan – however that had happened. A piece of colored glass, looking like it had been carefully removed from a stained glass window – it must have been an abandoned building, for Shirou to have taken it. Two movie stubs, two for an aquarium. A receipt for a restaurant. And...

Abruptly, she found herself smiling. Despite her intent not to disrupt the shrine any further, she found herself picking up the object to look at more closely. A child's stuffed lion, with comic, round, out thrust limbs and round, shiny black eyes. Unlike the fierce animals of zoos, this one seemed to wear an innocent smile. Holding it out in front of her, she found herself chuckling a little, and moving it slightly up and down.

"Why, you must be the Lion of England's little nephew," she murmured in English. "Will you also be big and strong and beat up Unicorns when you grow up?"

Was he shaking up and down for yes, or shaking in general for fear, she wondered. Then she realized she was playing with this thing like the child it was made for. She blushed lightly – now she understood what it was doing here. Apparently this other self had been no more immune to its charms at fifteen or so than she was now at twenty one. How embarrassing. She was rather grateful she was alone.

That was when she finally realized that she wasn't.

Her disturbed state of mind could have been the only explanation: that and that Shirou had no doubt made every effort not to be noticed from the moment he'd seen her enter. Knowing now just how strong the connection between herself and his past companion was, and just beginning to suspect the nature of it, she realized this was a natural place for him to go, to think, and to remember. But how the situation had come about was secondary: she was struggling not to panic. She was not ready to discuss what had happened, and certainly not in this room. What all this meant was something she badly needed time to comprehend. She was, in a different way, no more prepared now than she had been immediately after the...kiss.

Something, anything – _anything _to divert the conversation to come in a safe direction – only it would surely come around eventually...unless...

"Tell me about her."

"What?"

It was, strangely enough, possibly the safest subject. Trying to talk about something patently unrelated under these circumstances would be nearly as excruciating as talking about it directly. But this they could talk about in 'safe' terms – mutually agree to ignore all the reasons it was more than simply stories of the past, for just a little longer.

And...she had to know. Sooner or later, she would have to come to terms with this, would have to learn to embrace this ghostly doppleganger that had left such deep impressions on these people's lives. For now, they would speak of it as merely stories of someone past and gone. Tomorrow, she could think about them as stories about – something like herself. If that is what they were.

She settled down on the floor in front of the table, turned facing Shirou. Absently, she put the lion in her lap. "The woman this room is for. That you fought so closely with. Your Servant. Saber."

For a moment, Shirou just stared at her. No, not at her: he gazed into the past, while happening to face her way. And then, slowly – without ever losing that soft, distant stare – he began to talk.

"She was – perhaps the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. It sounds so cheesy, I know but...I just can't find any other words for it. It was the first thing that came to mind, when I saw her. She sprang from nowhere and stood against the moonlight with all the elegance and dignity of a bygone age, and all I could think was that she was beautiful. Right to the end, those were the things that most defined her. Pride, dignity, elegance, and the beauty they made in her, of her, the beauty that was all her own: a beauty no one else had. She...truly was...the King of Knights."

At first she was a little uncomfortable, but Arturia quickly found herself fascinated. The way he spoke of it...she found herself edging closer, asking questions, listening with riveted eyes and ears to the answers. At some point she felt tired, but didn't want to stop, so she moved next to Shirou, against the wall, so she could lean on it as he spoke. And he did speak, on and on, on and on...

...

The clock struck twelve. The moon rose, and sent silvery fingers through window binds and shutters. Rays that stroked the room, and traced the lines of their sleeping faces, her head lolling towards his shoulder, his head leaning towards hers.

Rays that coaxed twinkles from the black button eyes of the lion, sprawled in floppy, friendly complacence in her lap, one arm still held lightly in her fingers.

…

In Sakura's house, Rin rubbed her eyes and mused that the pace must be getting to her. It was most unlike her to drift off when she didn't mean to – at night, that is. The first half was the most vulnerable stage, and she'd meant to stay awake for it, ready to respond if anything happened. Apparently she should have chosen a less comfortable armchair.

The realization that she might have much more serious things to worry about arrived on the heels of noticing that the couch no longer contained Abraxas's distinctive bulk.

Trained and practical, Rin quickly squashed her initial panic. The house was well protected, and she herself carried her share of spells to prevent things like sleep charms and such. For Einzbern to have neatly abducted him from under her nose without waking her was unlikely in the extreme. Of course, technically, the likelihood of someone who'd had a portion of his soul drained, however small, managing to both wake up and quietly and ably slip out of the room of his own power was highly unlikely as well. She couldn't eliminate the possibility of a possession/hypnosis spell, but she doubted it: getting close enough to place one on him unnoticed wouldn't have been much less trouble than spiriting him away unconscious. She could only conclude that she had badly underestimated the potency of a half divine soul.

That irked her. She hated making mistakes like that. And either way, she had better find where he'd wandered to. Even if he was every bit as trustworthy as Sakura claimed, and as powerful to boot, there was plenty of unwanted things that could happen to a non-magician in this house.

She sighed. It was also a very large house. This could take a while.

…

As it turned out, Abraxas's half divine soul still had some surprises in store.

When Rin left the room, she realized with dumbfounded amazement that he had left a trail. Not a physical trail – the only way he could have left one of those was by active destruction of the house or household items as he went. Nor was it, precisely, a magic trail of his own essence. He was human, and did not leave a track a human could sense, not even a magician.

It was a path marked by absence. Wherever he had gone, the lingering presence of Zoken had been burned away almost entirely, leaving a vague, hollow tunnel of clear air behind, like a corridor of mist. Somehow his mere presence was washing Zoken's memories from the walls, leaving fresh untainted space behind. What's more, he was aware of it's presence – the trail of cleared halls led straight for the worse parts of the house. She and Sakura had been avoiding those areas almost entirely. No casual afternoon would have sufficed for cleansing them: Rin almost had trouble breathing there sometimes. But now she walked with stunned ease through Abraxas's back trail. This definitely settled it. He was Heracles reincarnated all right. Only the force of a half god could do something like this.  
She found him standing in front of a door, examining it with a heavy glare. It was well placed: the seal on it suggested either very private or very dangerous content. It was very likely both: they were in the heart of Zoken's old haunts now. Those that remained after she'd destroyed the entire wing containing his main workroom that is.

"You should be resting," Rin said quietly.

"I am rested."

Rin sighed. "I can see that. You should still lie down. This isn't a normal thing you're recovering from: you can't gauge its effects so easily."

"It does not belong here. Any of it. Not in her house."

Hearing her own deepest, most lovingly protective sentiments come out of his mouth so easily was deeply disturbing. "No. No it doesn't. It's not that easy to erase two hundred years of existence though."

"So long – and so strong. And yet he himself was so small."

It was an odd way of saying it, but Rin thought she knew what he meant. It was a rather apt description, really. "I'm impressed," she commented. "You can tell that much about him just from this."

Abraxas shrugged. "We should take care of it. It's no good for her to try to build her life here with such things."

"I meant to help her clear it all away sooner or later. She'll kill me for letting you run around when you are supposed to be resting but _don't touch that you idiot!_"

Too late. With deliberate power, Abraxas lifted one massive hand and slammed it, palm out, into the door.

Rin expected to watch his hand melt off. Instead her eyes widened as his aura rose around him like a tide to confront the power of the seal. No wonder Sakura had spoken of it with such awe – it rose in a wave and thundered through the halls like a flood; the tattered remains of Zoken's presence vanished all the way up and down the corridor. The air around him rippled, so thick she was sure if she threw a rock it would bounce back. Where his hand met the door, the air hissed: thin trails of smoke rose into the air, but Abraxas gave no sign of pain. She was no longer certain he could _feel _pain.

So this was the power of Heracles...

"You are a forgotten shadow," Abraxas rumbled, as his power warred with the door. "An unseemly darkness lingering where it does not belong. Your time is done, your master is dead, and _you will_ _STAND – ASIDE!"_

The door burst open so hard and fast it rebounded between wall and sill three times before slowing. There was an imprint of a hand seared into the hard lacquered wood. Abraxas gave no sign of injury. He simply strode in.

And Rin – after a moment's hesitation – followed. If that's how it was going to be, she'd be damned before she let him do it all himself.

…

They didn't finish the whole room of course. The task of actually and properly disposing of the contents wasn't something you could take on at an hour to midnight. But they'd identified, contained, and when necessary sealed what was in there for later. As she now knew to expect, Abraxas's mere presence was a powerful aid: Zoken's malice, when faced with his will, shredded and faded like smoke. Eventually she'd called a halt and convinced him to go along with it. But he'd still insisted on a roundabout route to his room for the night, clearing as many halls as he could, especially the ones most commonly used. She hadn't had the will to argue.

If nothing else, Rin mused as she opened the door to her room, one thing had certainly been accomplished tonight: she trusted him now. If it came down to it – and she was fairly certain that it would – she would be able to give him his fair chance with Sakura.

Thinking with vague sadness on that possibility – how in the world had it happened so _soon –_ she was rather surprised to find the subject of her thoughts already there. She must have been waiting a while: she'd fallen asleep in the armchair, head lolled back and to one side, breathing, slowly and softly.

Rin watched, quietly, tender love on her face. She'd used to do this more often. Back when Rin had first moved in, Sakura had needed constant reassurance. Every night she'd start out in her own room, but at some point – rarely more than half an hour – Rin would hear those soft, hesitant footsteps outside her door: afraid to knock, afraid not to. Afraid that this time, her sister would be gone, as she had been all the years before, and she alone again. And so Rin would open the door, and put an arm around her shoulder, and guide her to that armchair. She'd sit together with her, and hold her as gently and tenderly as any mother, for as long as she needed. Often, in those first few weeks, they'd never said anything. There was just so much unsaid and undone, and Sakura was still so, so afraid. Afraid this dream would end.

_I'm here. I'll be here in the morning. I'll be here in the night that comes. On and on, always and always, until the day I die, you die, or you no longer need me. I'm your sister. I won't leave you alone anymore._

Without words – with warm silences and gentle hands and loving patience – Rin told her this, over and over, over and over. Until she finally began to believe it. At some point, Sakura had stopped leaving at night: She'd arrive in her nightgown, and fall asleep in her sister's arms. Sometimes she cried. Always she clung tight, tight as she could, even in her sleep.

_Don't go don't go don't go don't ever go please don't go I need you so much _please

And Rin would curl around her, enclosing her in warmth, cheek pressed to the top of her still slightly purple head.

_I won't._

_Go to sleep._

And she would.

Over time she'd grown less desperate. Rin's efforts to rid her of the lingering effects of the worms were succeeding, and her constant presence was at last truly sinking in: no longer did she lie awake at night, afraid that Rin had gone. But still she came to her room, to talk. To be sisters, as they hadn't been for so long. To sit together, to giggle and smile. Together. Sometimes they even slept together. But now they lay comfortably next to each other, and went to sleep in sprawled, casual ease. And Sakura had no nightmares, and did not cry as she slept. Anymore.

Now that she thought about it, Rin wasn't sure when the sporadic sleepovers had begun to stop. It had made sense really: they'd both been growing up, and eighteen is a little old for that kind of thing. But still Sakura would come by to talk. Not every night, but often. No amount of age would change the fact that they were sisters. Their bond, forged in Sakura's healing, was not something that acknowledged time.

Rin knew that, knew that it was all part of living, and that their love wouldn't change. And yet, watching her asleep here, as she hadn't for years, she couldn't help feeling a pang of regret for what had been. Those times would be ending very soon... and they would never come back. Precious memories locked in the passing of time.

Perhaps she wouldn't wake her. Sakura could tell her whatever she had come to say in the morning.

"...Rin?"

Oh well. "Yes?"

"You're late."

"I was supposed to be sitting up with him, remember?"

"Yes, but it didn't look like he'd been on that couch anytime recently."

"Ahhh...welll...that is...you see..."

"It's all right."

Rin blinked. "Really?"

"Well, it's not like you don't always stay up anyway."

"It wasn't me I thought you'd be mad about."  
Sakura shook her head. "He spent all his life knowing he was meant to fight, but not knowing what. Now he knows...but he still needs to believe in it. Someday it will be different – but right now, I can't tell that man what to do with his strength, no matter what. It's too important to him."

Rin nodded. "I see. So...what did you want to talk about?"

The look that crossed Sakura's face was so terribly painful, in such a deep, desperate way, Rin found herself running across the room to hover over her. "Oi, Sakura! What is it?"

"Rin...do you think...do you really think it will be all right this time?"

Rin drew back a bit, surprised. "...did something happen?"

"Yes. I don't know what, exactly. She was upset about having failed to protect Illya the other night – because she would have without Kouji – and Shirou went to try and talk with her. And...neither came back to the table. I thought of looking for them but...I didn't know what I'd find. Whether I'd make it worse. If it's about that – I don't know if any of us can interfere, even now. Oh Rin..."

"How can I know?" Rin whispered. "I want to know, I want to more than anything. So much has changed, and yet everything was still ready for her. She's fallen back into our lives so easily it's terrifying. Sometimes I wonder – if we were waiting for something like this. For her. All this time."

"It wasn't real, then," Sakura whispered. "No matter what – no matter how much we liked her – we knew who she really was. We kept a barrier. All of our feelings came with the knowledge that someday – someday soon – she'd go. Only Shirou was naïve enough to try and deny it. To try and find a way for her to stay." She smiled fondly as she said it, seeming to remember that younger, greener Shirou they had both once loved.

"It was one of his good points, really. Most of the time." Rin murmured, her thoughts the same.

"Yes. But...it's different this time. She's real. Really her, really a part of it all. Here, now, right in this moment, she's _alive. _And it's so much more wonderful – and so much more painful. It's not going to be like last time, if she goes. Shirou won't be the only one to mourn. Illya will – I will – and you Rin?"

"She belongs with us," Rin whispered. "You could feel it even then, during the War. Except then she was from the past, a could have been that was already gone. But not this time."

"Of course I'll mourn. She's like Shirou. The family we chose."

"Rin..." Sakura was shaking her head, slowly. Her voice trembled. "Don't you think...don't you really think...don't you think anything? Anything at all? If we're going to lose her...I'd rather know now, and do all the things I'd regret not doing."

"Live each day as your last," Rin quoted softly. "What I think isn't knowing, Sakura. What I think could be completely wrong. But – there is just one thing I know. I, too, tried to live without any friends or family once. And so I know how hard it really is to walk away from it. I couldn't go back, in the end. For all my father's teachings, I couldn't return to how I'd lived before the War."

"So...there's a chance."

Rin nodded. "A chance."

Sakura looked down. "I guess...we couldn't really have had any more than that, could we?"

"No."

"You know Rin," Sakura said, smiling tearfully. "I'm feeling really lonely tonight. If you don't mind...just one more time..."

Rin smiled and hugged her. "Me too."

"Me too."

...

"Hey, Rin," Sakura murmured sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"The house...feels lighter, somehow."

Rin smiled softly. "Does it? I hadn't noticed anything."

There was a smile in Sakura's voice too. "I thought so...good night, Rin."

"Good night."

...

Somehow the house seemed quieter than usual. It wasn't just that Sakura had finally gone, Shirou and Arturia were still about somewhere. She knew: the house made noises, subtle ones, that it only made when there were people in it. Illya knew she wasn't the only one here. But there was a pall over it all that seemed to muffle and dull, giving everything a dreary look.

She wished she knew what had happened. At the same time, she could tell even now it hadn't been good.

For most of her life, family had been a very confusing thing, full of conflicting feelings of love and hate and resentment. Wanting the comfort it was supposed to represent, but never seeming to find it, until it was all a mess inextricably tangled with her fated death as the homunculus of the Fifth War. It wasn't until she'd spent some time here in Japan that she'd started to be able to sort it all out. The should haves from the might haves from the if-only-it-had-beens. Not all of her should haves had been given back, but still she knew she'd gained many precious second chances, ones she never wanted to lose again.

That was why her new family was more important to her than anything. How many people even got second chances?

What were the odds of a third? Not many.

Now there was a new second chance. Not just for her, or even just for Shirou. For all of them. To regain the person who'd helped bring them all together. And no one knew better than her that second chance to love should never, ever be thrown away.

She didn't know how this would end. There was no way of knowing if she was going to gain a sister/mother to Shirou's brother/father. The only thing she knew was that Arturia was here, now.

She had to use her chances, while they remained. For better or for worse, she wanted at least one precious memory to keep. Of when the might have been was.

The hunt was at a lull right now. The slowest point. All the information had been gathered, and now all they could do was pore over it and re-examine old sites. But it was also the point that came right before the big rush, when everything would finish, once and for all. If she wanted to take things in her own hands and make that memory, a memory with all of her family as she wished they would be, she had to do it now.

More often than not, you didn't get second chances either.

.

.

.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Sorry this took awhile. I'd put a LOT in thirteen, and found it rather hard to get started on this as a result. Or perhaps it was the relative lack of response. So many of what regular reviewers I have here on FF are too busy to leave their usual feedback…and despite a consistent three hundred plus visitors to The Wordpile since its beginning – this is the third month – I am still not getting any comments there at all, on anything. But I got over it of course.

In any case, dropping the whining, this one is relatively short but sets the stage for fifteen, which I expect to be quite long, and very heavily centered on Shirou and Arturia. It was a long wait, I know. But we're there, and believe me, I'm just as excited as you. Scenes I've been planning for a year now – Fate Spiral Time has now been in the workshop for a year! – are finally going to come out. I can't wait (and I wait less than any of you ^_^)

That hadn't been lust: I don't know if I overdid it, but I wanted very badly to avoid the pitfall so many romances fall into, which is to allow the portrayal of sexual attraction to completely swamp what actually makes a romance. And I wanted to make sure the readers understood that was not the case. It's like Arturia herself said: it's hardcoded into humans. You can get that way about a complete stranger. So why do nearly all of them end up having their characters spend two thirds their 'about him/her' narrative discussing how magically sudden their overwhelming sexual need for 'him/her' is? Or some variation on that theme? This is why you have a fifty percent divorce rate America.

And yes, I KNOW the VN was an eroge. I am happily taking the anime cop-out to allow me to ignore this. Because I disagree on principle. Sex before they've even confessed? As part ofbuilding up to confession? Dead wrong.

The dream: The closest she can ever come to remembering, and probably the only time she will ever come so close. Certainly within the bounds of this story. Just so you don't get your hopes up.

Photo booth: So how many of you remembered there were pictures for her to find?

The Shrine: Just a memory jog for those of you who can't remember where some of those came from. The cutting board is from when Shirou is injured and Saber tried to cook for him. The sound of her chopping vegetables like she was cutting firewood brought him on the scene in time to show her how to do it properly before she did damage to the kitchen counter. I figured there's no way that board went through that unscathed. Two halves of a cardigan – they were shopping, Saber was examining it, and accidentally ripped it in half, remember? During the date. The glass is the subtlest bit – it's from the window over the bed where Rin fused Shirou's magic circuits into Saber. Easy to miss. Shirou will mention it in chapter fifteen too, but I may as well say it here for all your sakes. If you need help for the rest, it's been way to long since you watched the show. Obviously they are from the date. That should be enough.

The lion: It's back!

What's Unicorns got to do with anything?: The lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown/ the Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town are lines from an old British nursery rhyme every bit as well known as Little Bo Peep over here in America. It's an analogy for Britain's long conflict with Scotland, whose heraldic animal was the Unicorn, until the two countries were united through the merging of their royal houses, and the English crest was modified to contain both animals. It being such base level knowledge in her home country, a reference to it is very natural to Arturia, as it would be for her to fall back into English when saying it. So at least Shirou isn't sure what she said when she played with it (lol. I loved doing that to her, cruel as it was).

Well, that's that. At the moment I think Chapter Fifteen will be named Choices. And I've already written four or five pages of it. Which is, what, a third of it this time? It may take a while folks. Bear with me. I'll make it worth waiting for.

Don't I always?

P.S. Damn. I accidentally named this chapter Choices. It was supposed to be named Chances. Which it now is. Grrr...


	16. Chapter 15: If Your Face Shall Haunt Me

*

**Chapter Fifteen: If Your Face Shall Haunt Me**

*

*

*

It was the sunlight that woke her, streaming through the window in bright, strong golden rays and pouring in through her eyelids, gently prying them open. It was a slow, easy awakening, filled with a strange sense of peace. Even the realization that she had fallen asleep on Shirou's shoulder couldn't shatter it. She'd already had a far more intimate accidental moment with him after all. She got up, slowly, careful not to wake him.

She found herself lingering to watch his sleeping face. It made her smile. It was easier to see the traces of the idealistic boy he'd once been this way. She thought she understood what his Servant had seen in him, to feel the way she had.

Shirou hadn't tried to hide it this time. He'd confirmed what she had already suspected: that Saber had loved him, and he her. Deeply and, ultimately, painfully. It was perhaps his first truly adult, mature decision, she thought. Realizing that if he loved her, he had to let her go. It was also reassuring to know he'd done it.

It meant she didn't need to fear what he would do about her own decision.

Not that she knew what it was. She and Shirou would be able to interact normally now, and in talking with him about Saber, she sensed that she had managed to help stabilize the line between herself and Saber's memory. Perhaps most importantly, she had been able to realize that her connection to this previous self did not matter. There was no fate in this. None of what she'd heard changed who she was or what she thought. Even if she was Saber reincarnated, as she now knew they must think – and she realized might well be true – that changed neither her feelings nor her choice. It was rather like having a parallel of yourself, complete with its own timeline. She might be so similar as made no difference, but they were still separate beings, with separate wills and paths. What she did would be her choice.

Whatever it might be.

***

Shirou woke up not long after.

He was a bit startled to see where he'd slept. Even during the first year after he'd decided to make Saber's Memory Room, he'd never actually fallen asleep here. He'd spend a fair amount of time on it, whether gathering the things it held (the glass from the building where Rin had fused their souls had been a bit difficult) or simply sitting, thinking, and remembering. But never fallen asleep. Then he felt the warm spot on his shoulder and realized that until a short time ago, Arturia had been with him. So she'd fallen asleep here too...there might be consequences for that, he realized. He couldn't do anything about it now though.

Sleeping leaning against the wall all night had consequences of its own: getting up was a stiff and somewhat painful process. Once he'd managed it, gotten to his room, washed his face, and redressed (he'd fallen asleep clothed), he felt human enough to be up to the task of waking Illya.

He was in for a surprise.

Two surprises in fact. One was that she was already awake: a quite rare occurrence in and of itself. But it had happened before, and was therefore a great deal less surprising than _how_ he knew, from outside her door, that she was awake.

She was talking on her cellphone.

To a classmate, apparently. And from the sound of it, there was texting as well. For a normal teenager this would be...well...normal, but Illya was very rarely normal, and until now, Shirou would have sworn there was no one Illya would call or be called by, let alone engaged so enthusiastically in conversation with. The animation in her voice...she sounded _normal_, happy. Open. It was like watching a five year old flower bud bloom.

And Arturia had thought she'd failed Illya...she'd done more than even Shirou had known. He wondered if they were on easy enough speaking terms for him to tell her. He hoped so.

In the end, he didn't even knock.

She'd come when she was hungry.

***

"So we really have enough people?" Illya said, excited. "It really worked? It's really a go?"

"Yup. Looks like it."

"_Yes_," Illya half shouted, thrusting her fist in the air and falling back on the bed with a flop. "Oh, I was so afraid it wouldn't..."

She sighed, and her face changed. "Hey...Yukita-san?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. Thanks a lot."

"What, for this? I just couldn't resist, that's all. There's no way I could ignore something that made you call me voluntarily."

"That's what I meant," Illya said quietly. "After all this time, I called you for such a big favor. Thanks for listening."

"Hey...it's complicated with you, you know? Don't worry about it."

"Still, arranging it so suddenly..."

"Look – just try to stay open a little after this."

Somehow, Illya felt both ashamed and grateful at once. "I'll try. It's...still not going to be easy for a while but...I'll try."

"Good enough. I know it's not simple for you – whatever 'it' is."

"Complicated," Illya said promptly.

"So I gathered. Try to get over here a little early, okay? We'll need to talk a bit with the others."

"All right."

***

Breakfast, at least in the beginning, was quite distinctly uncomfortable. No one was quite positive where things stood after last night, with the result that the first five minutes or so of conversation strongly resembled an army's forward scouts testing for land mines. Once everyone had satisfied themselves as to the absence of social tiger pits however, things got a lot better, though both Sakura and Illya still seemed a little tense and preoccupied.

Once she'd finished eating, Illya caused a minor sensation at the table by requesting to leave for school early. Only Shirou had any notion what might have brought Illya to volunteer for something he'd normally have to drag her into, and of course, even he did not have the full picture. Still, even without his silent signals to let it pass, no one was inclined to discourage her, so she got her wish: she and Arturia left fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, with Illya carrying her homework sheet, trying to make up a bit of their lost study time.

Rin sighed. "So...do we get an update, or what?"

"Well..."

"It's okay, I figured it would be that way," Rin said, looking resigned. "But I had to ask."

"Sorry."

"It's all right. It may be our concern, but it's your privacy. I haven't forgotten that."

"Thank you."

"So – any idea what you're doing today?"

"Well, we've finished the map so—"

***

"You seem a little quiet Illya."

"Sorry. Thinking."

"Well...on the subject of apologies...I wasn't very good company last night, and I can't say my reasons were entirely rational."

"It's fine," Illya said quietly, looking ahead. "Don't apologize...for being yourself."

Arturia stared, her gaze the center of a sudden, uncomfortable silence. Illya suddenly realized she'd spooked her. "And besides," she added quickly, trying to sound more like her usual self. "I was pushing you anyway."

"I started it, if you count the silent treatment I was giving everyone."

"So we both could say we started it. We're tied, see? So it's okay."

Arturia's lips curved. "I'm not sure how that works, but if it means I'm forgiven I'll take it."

"It does."

"Good. I'm glad." Arturia blinked. "Is that girl waiting for you?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. That's Yukito-san. She's the head of the Dance club."

"The head of your club then. Did you miss practice or something?"

"No, there's just a club event we wanted to talk about."

Arturia frowned. "Ah. It must be difficult, I know you love to dance."

"What?"

"Well, talking about it – isn't it because it will be hard for you to go? With what's going on?"

Illya blinked. That wasn't it, of course, but opportunity knocked... "I didn't want to bother you and Shirou," she muttered. "Escorting me for something like that right now."

Arturia frowned. "Hmm. Normally you'd be right, but...I actually think it could be arranged. Things are at a standstill right now, and likely to stay that way for a bit. Unless something comes up today, which I doubt, I think we can spare a few hours. After all this, it would be good for you to get a break. Just what sort of event are we talking about?"

"Well, it's a dance, but kind of a private one. A family thing," Illya said, praying silently. "Just dance club members, their family, and two friends if they want. So, I mean – the thing is...I'd really wanted everyone to be there."

"Well, I can't speak for Rin, but it can't hurt to try. I'm sure Sakura would be happy to come. That makes everyone but one."

"So...you're good with it? You'll come?"

"If Shirou agrees, yes."

"Thank you!"

Arturia smiled. "Don't mention it. Say what you like, I still feel bad for last night. I'll see you after school."

"You won't send Shirou for you?"

"And since when is Shirou the big bad wolf?"

"Shirou will still be here next week."

Illya clapped her hands over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that. Arturia just looked sad.

"I'm...thinking...about that. …And I'll be there. Not Shirou."

"Good. See you."

"See you."

***

"Wow, some management there. You should have gone for the drama club."

Illya snorted. "My whole damn _life's _a drama," she said fervently. "Why in the world would I want to spend my free time acting out fake ones?"

Yukito eyed her carefully. "I suppose that's filed under 'it's complicated' too."

"Definitely."

Yukito sighed. "I knew it." She blinked: Illya was staring after Arturia with a very strange, wistful look.

"Thinking about it.." Illya whispered. Unconsciously, her fists clenched. "Thinking...what the hell does that mean?"

"It means you aren't wasting your time arranging all this," Yukito said firmly. "But you are wasting time standing here. We need to talk with the food providers, and hammer out the last details about using the school after hours, and—"

"Ah ah ah okay okay I'm coming!"

***

With the map done, it only took half an hour to update for the previous nights casualties. They had reached a stage Arturia was quite familiar with, when the only thing left to do was slog through the same repetitive motions until something new came up. Every campaign or mission had one. It was usually right before the high point: once you'd done all you could on your own, the only thing left to do was take all possible precautions and wait. In this case, that meant alternating between poring over the map and running about the area, investigating sites all over again or just randomly patrolling, hoping to trigger a thought or find something they'd somehow overlooked. In its way it was perfect timing – it made it very easy to think and work at the same time.

She could feel it everywhere she went now, her bond to Shirou. She was beginning to understand Rin's expression when she'd first mentioned it. To her, the fact that she'd established such a thing must have been the first sign of hope. Even assuming it was somehow connected to having been linked in a previous life, she understood, somewhere in her soul, that it could not have happened if she had not felt so...trusting of Shirou. So sure – when had she thought about that sureness? He'd been a stranger, however close in drive and goals. And yet she'd fallen so readily into his household, and never even questioned it. She'd begun to think of him as a partner before she'd even entered his house. She'd found herself caring for Illya within days. She'd taken a room in his home without a qualm. And...the night of the kiss...she'd talked of private pains and fears so easily, so sure of her safety, of her trust, that nothing said to him would harm her, she'd never even hesitated. And he'd fulfilled that trust absolutely. He'd held her so carefully...the kiss had been no betrayal, no lack of thought on his part. She knew this in her bones. His caring and his words had been honest and warm, and she'd unintentionally responded.

Like the bond they now shared, that moment could only have occurred with her consent. And that was the most frightening realization of all.

Her feelings for Shirou had escalated so fast without her noticing, and now she found herself struggling to deal with them. Was she in a dream or a nightmare? Heaven or hell? She couldn't tell.

She knew what these feelings wanted to do, and yet such things had no place in her life, fit nowhere in the path she had seen so clearly, walked so steadily, for so long. She had no business falling in...becoming attached to..._staying _with a family in a foreign country, no matter how perfectly she seemed to fit in. As if her place had been waiting...

She wanted to stop thinking about it, but knew she could not afford to run away.

Because the one thing she knew beyond all doubt was that Shirou's love was true. Perhaps it was the truest thing she would ever find.

Whatever she might decide, she could not ignore that. Ever.

***

Sakura was puttering about the house, trying to do her chores around Abraxas. To be honest, she was losing quite a bit of time at it. She knew this should be irritating her, but somehow, she didn't really care. She was still blissfully not thinking about that when the phone rang. Finding Illya at the other end was a thoroughly unexpected surprise.

"Illya? What..oh dear...you haven't done something you can't tell Shirou have you?"

"Hey, what's with that reaction!"

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't imagine why you were calling—"

"Well you're wrong!"

"Okay, okay, I get it. So...why _are_ you calling?"

So Illya explained about the upcoming event as best she could. Sakura frowned. "So suddenly? Shouldn't they have mentioned this earlier?"

"They – we – only decided last night."

"For _tonight? _Why?"

"...because I asked them too," Illya said quietly. "You know almost as well as I do Sakura – about losing and finding family. Next week Arturia may be gone. Don't you want it too? Just one night like this, with her? One time for us all to treasure? One night as a family?"

Sakura closed her eyes. "...you...really have grown up, Illya," she said softly. "All right. I'll help in any way I can."

"Then, can you try to convince Rin? I'm really not sure it'll work if I do it."

"I think she'll be more understanding than you think," Sakura said, remembering last night. "But I'll do it. Anything else? What about Arturia?"

"As far as convincing her to go, I've already done it. I got lucky. But...there is one other thing..."

"Yes?"

"I don't think she brought a dress with her."

Sakura smiled. "Ah – I think I might enjoy that one. It'll be tricky finding something sufficiently gown-like to start from but...I do have a good base idea to work from after all."

"You'll make _that _dress!?"

"Not possible, and she'd look like an exhibit from a museum or something. But I can definitely make something along those lines. Adapted for the present, that is."

"You might have trouble convincing her to wear it."

"She's too honorable to protest now she's already agreed. It _is _a dance. I'll take care of the rest."

"Okay. Thanks Sakura."

"It's for my own sake too. You're right – we all wanted to have something like this. Thank you for arranging it, when we were all too busy and confused to try."

"Until tonight then."

"Until tonight."

***

Arturia returned from her latest run to find Shirou hunched over the map wearing a very familiar expression. She'd worn a similar look on her first campaign.

"Are you _sure _we're not doing something wrong?" He asked. "It's all here, right in front of us, and yet I can't see a thing."

"This one is particularly obtuse," she agreed, sitting down. "He's scattering their motions well. I can't find a pattern either. Maybe we'll check with Rin later and see if she's been able to start gathering information yet."

"Well, she's got the basic spell running, but since they make nearly all their movements at night, it might be a while."

"Then it's back to the grind for us. I know it feels wrong to be stuck in a rut like this, but it really is normal. We're not doing anything wrong. Sometimes it happens this way."

"Maybe we should skip doing stuff here during the day and try to patrol at night instead," Shirou suggested.

"Go nocturnal for a bit? Not a bad idea, but I'm not sure we'll be able to track them back if we catch them."

"At least we'll make taking victims more difficult. We could really do with another chance to bloody them up. Or at least I could."

"I know what you mean," Arturia agreed. "And it certainly couldn't hurt, so long as we stick together."

"We'll cover more ground if we split up," Shirou objected.

"We also risk being divided and conquered. If it's blood beasts we can both handle quite heavy odds – you especially, with that Knight suit of yours – but he's clever and devastatingly good at using our positions against us, not to mention the fact that he might well have more powerful beasts in reserve. It's too dangerous to assume he can't take us down individually. Even if he doesn't have a means to penetrate your defense, he can use me to make an opening. I have no such technique." She frowned for a moment. "All right, let's try it at night. A shift in routine like this could very well break the stalemate. And at least it will contain variety. Boredom, and the laxness that goes with it, are your worst enemies at times like these."

"How about empty stomachs?" Shirou asked, glancing at his watch. "Can we fight those too?"

"Certainly. Another good idea. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Well, we can just grab something from a stall here of course, but I was thinking maybe we could turn it into a real break for once, go to an eatery or something. Tension and Stress are enemies too, right?"

"Without question." She briefly wondered whether the mention of going to a restaurant should make her suspicious, but dismissed the thought as unworthy. Besides, he was right about combating stress. Calculated breaks in routine served a very real, necessary purpose at times like these.

Which reminded her...

"Speaking of breaks and beating tension, Illya mentioned something to me this morning. Has she said anything to you?"

"Not yet."

"Then let's talk about it on the way. It seems to be important to her."

"Well, sure, fine."

***

On the other end of the line, there was a long silence while Rin digested Sakura's report. "I've done about as much fine tuning as I can for now," she said at last. "The rest is going to have to wait until I can test it, which means night. And late night: dark comes early this time of year. It's a safe bet I won't see much on this thing until nine at least. Did she say how long it was supposed to go?"

"Errr..no, actually."

"Well, I can always leave a bit early. This was all her idea?"

"Yes, it was," Sakura said proudly.

"Huh. At this rate, she's going to become downright tolerable." Which Sakura mentally translated as meaning that Rin was impressed. If Shirou and Illya's relationship was a cross between father daughter and siblings, ideal version, Rin and Illya's relationship was pure sister style – reality version.

"So, is there anything I need to be doing, aside from the obvious?"

"Illya pointed out that Arturia will need a dress. I thought I might need your help to track down a suitable one in time."

Sakura could _hear _Rin's smile stretching across her face. "A _dress_...of course, she'll _have _to wear a dress won't she? Talk about nostalgic...I can't wait to see her wear it. I hope Shirou can handle it."

"If he can't, we're in real trouble aren't we?"

"True. I think I know a good place to start. If we can find it there we'll have time to make a few adjustments."

Sakura blinked. While Rin did not precisely take pleasure in being in the latest style or being the most seductively dressed woman in the room for its own sake, she tended to view the process as a form of weaponry, to be developed to the fullest and used with precise, devastating effect. So the thought that she might know a good place to get a gown for conservative, straight backed Arturia off the top of her head not only had not occurred to her but, put forward, was quite disorienting.

"Well, that would certainly help but...since when do you frequent that kind of store? You haven't changed styles have you?"

"What, and lose to that innocent charm of yours? No, something in their window caught my eye for something else. I thought it would be good for...ah, well, if it's there too, I may pick it up. And I just thought that a store that had something like it might have something for Arturia too. If we're lucky, in blue."

"Yes," Sakura murmured, eyes going briefly vague with memory. "Blue would be very good..."

***

That night, Shirou and Arturia found his house in a state of highly organized chaos. Clearly all three girls knew what they were trying to do, and seemed to be doing it, but that did not prevent the impression of wide ranging frenetic movement. Movement that, on their entrance, promptly reoriented towards the door. It was all Shirou could do not to summon Kansho and Bakuya by instinct.

"Right. Shirou, inventory."

"...what?"

"Well, unless you'd prefer me to rifle through your closets myself?"

"Wh – oh. Ummm – I'm pretty sure I have a good suit..."

"It's a dance, not a state dinner. Anything else?"

"Uhh...I don't usually do this..."

"That's why we're asking _now, _silly, while we have time to do something if we need to."

"Riiight...ahh..."

"We're thinking nice colored dress shirt and pants, and some sort of jacket," Sakura said kindly.

"Oh," said Shirou, feeling his head break water. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Good. Arturia, just to make sure, you don't have a dress with you, right? As in, a dressy dress."

"...a what?" Arturia asked, wide eyed and blank. As Illya had predicted, Arturia had not yet figured for this part.

"A dress. It's a dance club thing, there's going to be dancing, even if you don't join in you need a dress. Unless you'd like a kimono? I'm not sure how many there will be using traditional Japanese style clothing, but I think we could find one that would look quite good on you."

"W-well" Arturia stammered, desperately trying to get her brain moving. She could have dealt with Rin's suddenly pulling a dagger on her better than this. "I...I think...if it has to be this way...then a dress...do we really have to do this Rin?" She asked desperately.

"Yup. Don't worry, we knew you'd probably feel this way so we took care of it ourselves this afternoon. We'll help you change after dinner."

"Err...well, good...thank you?"

"You're welcome. You'll have to ignore the stigma, we used Saber as a model. She wore them, and what with her having the same coloring and bearing and so on...you understand."

"Err, yes."

"Good. Then just come along someplace where we can measure you."

"Uh, but—"

"We have some idea of your size from the same person, but if we're wrong, we still have time to adjust it if we find out now. This way, come on!"

"Ah, but, I don't..." Arturia's voice trailed off into the distance as Rin dragged her cheerfully into the hall, panicked eyes giving Shirou one final entreating look as she disappeared around a corner.

_Sorry Arturia – even I can't save you from this one._

"Shirou?"

"Ahh! What? I have clothes!"

"Shirou, can you please help me with the cooking? We need to eat early and then change," Sakura said patiently.

"Oh. Sure. Fine."

***

When they had finished eating, it was time to get dressed. For Shirou, this more or less amounted to a break, both because his clothes were simpler and because everyone inclined to make the process any more complicated were mercifully barred by taboo. For Arturia, the trials were just beginning. She couldn't help eyeing the bag in Rin's hand with severe discomfort. Her social life – by choice – had been entirely bare of such experiences.

"Oh come on," Rin said, noticing. "You haven't even seen it yet, you might like it you know? Have a little faith."

"I'm sorry, it's just I've seen how some people dress at these things..."

"Liar, it's 'just' that you've never done it before. And getting the most modest classy thing we could find was number one on our feature list. Like I said, have a little faith."

Arturia sighed. At the end of the day, she _had _agreed to this. It wasn't their fault if she hadn't thought it through. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you picked something excellent."

"So am I," Rin said, straight faced. "Illya, you had a dress in mind?"

"Well yeah, why?"

"Just how much do you like it?"

"Well," Illya said deliberately, "I _do _like it, though I would have liked to look a little _longer_, but _someone _just couldn't stand to _stay_ long enough."

Rin's lips twitched. "Show me a male who's willing to shop for women's clothes as long as the woman they're for and I'll show you a male who's either been hypnotically conditioned or drugged to his ears. Don't blame Shirou for nature. Here." She pulled a package of wrapping paper from the bag and handed it to Illya.

"This is?"

"A dress. I think you'll like it."

"...._you _bought me a dress? Rin, are you okay? You've never gotten me anything before."

"It looked liked it would look good on you, it was in the same store, seeing it was how I knew they might have a dress for Arturia, I really haven't gotten you anything before – can I _stop _now?"

For a long moment, Illya just looked at her. She seemed strangely amused. Then she smiled from ear to ear, gave a completely stunned Rin a huge hug and said, "Thank you Rin-nee!". And ran to her room, clutching the package to her chest.

"Rin..._what_?" Rin said after a full five second pause.

"Downright tolerable," Sakura murmured.

"Sakura, cut it out!"

"Aren't you going to watch her put it on?"

"Huh? I thought we were going to help Arturia."

"It only takes one, Rin."

"Yes, but—"

"Rin," Sakura interrupted. "She's changing. Shouldn't your relationship be changing too?"

Rin stared at her for a long moment. Then her gaze turned back to the hall where Illya had disappeared. Almost as if to encourage her, a delighted squeal rang out.

"Um – you don't mind Arturia?"

"Not at all," Arturia said, smiling.

"Well then...maybe I will. That thing is delicate, after all," she said, suddenly regaining her usual demeanor. "And it wasn't cheap. Even if I can afford it, that doesn't mean I'm going to get another if she rips any of the ribbons off. Okay, I'm going, don't let Arturia slither out okay Sakura?"

"Better hurry, she's probably half undressed already."

"Right," Rin said, and headed down the hall. They heard her knock.

"Hello, Illya? Mind if I—"

Slam! "Rin it's perfect it's perfect it's _gorgeous—_"

"Oi oi watch it not so fast—!"

Slam!

Sakura smiled happily. "I was afraid she was going to stay stubborn for months," she confided.

***

After all her fuss, Arturia was almost embarrassed to discover what she looked like in the dress Rin and Sakura had found

They had been lucky, Sakura told her: the dress was a magnificent shade of strong, rich blue, accented in white that ran along edges and in soft patterned cream stripes down the sides. It was a true ball gown, flowing down her sides to hide her feet and covering her arms in a loose sleeve of silk. It was beautiful, but even more than that, seeing herself in it, for the first time Arturia understood something else.

_She _was beautiful.

She'd been told, and she'd acknowledged that it must be true. But it wasn't the same as realizing.

"Almost perfect, isn't it?" Sakura murmured in satisfaction.

"Almost? I...my goodness, what if I rip it? You'll have to buy it proper, it must cost a fortune."

"Who ever said we rented it?"

"Wh—!! Sakura I can't, this must be..." she had to pause while she converted the sum from pounds to yen. "At least two hundred thousand yen! Just for one night..."

"It's a gift, Arturia," Sakura said quietly. "For all your time. Whether we are there for it or not."

"…Sakura..."

Sakura held up her hand. "We don't want to influence your decision, Arturia. But to all of us, this time with you is precious. Remember, we're _all_ family by choice. Once before, Shirou made a decision that none of the rest of us had the courage to make: to love with all his heart someone he knew was going to leave. This time, we've chosen it too. For better or worse, and whatever your choice may be, we all love you as our family. Even if you can't stay, we want whatever time we can get. We will live these few days as if they are our last to know you. It doesn't matter if you never wear that dress again Arturia. What matters is that it can go where I can't."

"Arturia – it's not just Shirou. We all love you."

Arturia stared. All this time she'd wondered at her feelings for Shirou, and his for her. And somehow she'd missed the others that were right in front of her eyes. This woman, her sister, Illya – offered her another kind of love that had been missing from her life. Something equally precious.

The love of family.

These people...

Suddenly Arturia found herself hugging Sakura, tears in her eyes. "I will treasure it," she whispered. "As a memory of you. A reminder of you all."

"That was the idea," Sakura said unsteadily, and hugged her back.

"Here, sit down," she said after a moment, her voice back under control. She pushed her gently away, and back towards the chair in front of the mirror. "I said almost, remember? I've still got something in mind for your hair. Just leave it to me."

This time, Arturia didn't presume to argue.

***

It took a while, but Sakura was patient and worked with quick, sure fingers. Slowly but surely, Arturia's hair was transformed from its usual practical knot to an elegant wonder of braids that hung in heavy, ribbon enhanced harmony against her neck. The hair that grew from the front sides of her face ran in blue laced lines along the side of her head to blend, by what womanly art she did not know, seamlessly in the back. She stood, slowly. Beautiful no longer seemed the right word, though it was certainly still true. But the right one eluded her.

"She was that way too," Sakura murmured. "Elegant, pure and proud. The essence of nobility. This style suits you."

"Thank you."

Sakura laid a hand on her arm, smiling. She was dressed in flowing pink, with short sleeves that hung halfway between her shoulder and elbow. "Come on. Let's go meet the others."

***

After only a moment or two of waiting, Illya's door opened and Illya came sailing out, clearly already seeing herself on the stage. It was probably the dress. A marvelous blending of white and violet, it flowed and fluttered as she moved as if she traveled with a wind: the effect was finished by a light waterfall of white and purple ribbon that hung over her long white hair. When she danced, she would hardly seem human.

"You look like a fairy," Arturia said, smiling.

"Thanks Ar – oh _wow_. You look terrific!"

"Nice job Sakura," Rin seconded. She herself was, as Sakura had known she would be, dressed to kill males via excessive nosebleeding. The fact that she did this using tasteful, calculated suggestion rather than simply wearing a dress with lots of 'missing pieces' lessened the effect not one iota. Sometimes Rin's approach to things kind of embarrassed Sakura.

"Thank you. You're all very beautiful too."

"Yes, but we're used to each other. Come on, poor Shirou has probably been waiting for the last half hour. Guys so have it easy with these things."

"That's because all their clothes are boring," Illya declared.

***

Which made them, collectively, wrong on two accounts.

When they reached the hallway, they realized that Shirou was in fact not finished yet. After about ten minutes, he finally showed up, looking a bit flustered but pleased. Rin's eyebrows snapped up.

"Umm...this isn't a bad idea is it?"

"Noo...it's actually a very good idea but...where did you _get _it?"

"Oh my gosh, it's Dad's isn't it?" Illya burst out. "He wore coats like that. I never knew he bought dress ones."

"Neither did I," Shirou admitted. "I had to search around, and then it needed a little dusting off and stuff but...well, I thought it would be pretty good for something like this."

It was. Somewhat shorter than the late Emiya's standard fare, this coat was also made of softer, more stylish material, and was pure white with gold trimming and buttons. On Shirou's tall, strong frame, and with his redhead coloring, the effect was very good indeed, and quite, quite suited to a dance.

"Funny though," Illya commented. "I never thought of Dad as wearing _white_. I mean, I don't think it would even look right on him."

Shirou shrugged. "Well, it looks all right on me."

"Yes, it does," Arturia agreed, who was becoming accustomed to compliments.

Shirou started . Arturia suddenly realized that with all the fuss his appearance had made, he was only noticing her own appearance found herself wanting to look away, almost embarrassed. Suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted him to see her this way, so different from the partner he'd known before. She hardly knew this side herself...

He was smiling. Just smiling.

Arturia opened her mouth, but no words came out.

Rin coughed. "We had better move on people, or we'll be late."

Shirou shook his head. "Right. Right."

***

For something so rushed, it had really come out very well.

This was largely because the event had included family. Most of the parents had loved the idea and pitched in, resulting in a very good layout of food, more than sufficient helping hands, and a number of volunteered accessories of various sorts for the occasion. So the stage room, while not what it would have looked like had this been a school wide event, was still quite impressively transformed.

Arturia's eyes, of course, were drawn to the food table first. She had no reason to expect anything of dancing herself, and Illya would not be performing for a while, but she'd intended to sample quite a bit more of the local cuisine than all of this fuss had allowed. Even knowing that it would probably taste dull after Sakura's cooking didn't keep her from immediately gravitating towards the entrées. Illya was right alongside, and the others, for lack of a better place to start, drifted along behind. Shirou, Illya, and Arturia remained in roughly the same location, while Sakura and Rin wandered off with a cup each (it was an event hosted by an underage group, so the beverage was punch – unspiked).

"Umm, Rin?" Sakura said after a moment. "Is it just me, or are those girls glaring at us? I don't think I've even been introduced to them."

"Noticed, did you? I guess some of those Shirou fans Illya's mentioned are dance club members."

"It's remarkably uncomfortable."

For an answer, Rin turned her head to meet a particularly venomous stare with a smile and wave of her own. Just what subtle nuances turned this into a threat even the recipient couldn't have said, but she abruptly found great interest in the nearest platter of onigiri. "I'll handle the love-struck sprouts, dear. You just enjoy yourself."

"I hope Arturia's alright."

"She can handle a petty pack of high schoolers. And Illya will back her up. You want to worry about someone, worry about Shirou. The poor man won't have our advantage: he'll have to be _polite._ They'll behave for him, and you know he hasn't got what it takes to just disillusion them and get it over with."

"Oh dear. Maybe we should help?"

"And confirm their suspicions? We spend too much time with him as is, we'll never get the idea out of their heads."

"Yes, but..."

"And if _someone_ is going to interfere and be the object of those suspicions…" Rin interrupted.

"…oh. Are you sure? It feels like manipulating."

"If she decides not to make it true then she'll be on the other side of the ocean where it won't hurt her, unlike us."

"True. So any other results would be a fortunate bonus?"

"Essentially. Fingers crossed?"

"That _really _makes it feel like manipulating."

Rin, thoroughly enjoying her role, caught another girl's eye and realized too late that the stare was just shy and curious: the poor victim squeaked and hid behind a tall platter. "Have it your way," Rin said, and moved over to try and apologize.

***

Back by the others, things were going more or less as Rin had predicted, as Arturia found herself being targeted by a particularly unpleasant girl. Luckily Illya had given her a quick warning, otherwise, under such unfamiliar conditions, she might have been quite flustered by the seemingly random animosity. As it was, however, Rin had it right: it would take more than a jealous fifteen year old to shake her. She had decided that brief, noncommittal responses were about the best strategy available to her, and was enduring reasonably well, though she was beginning to wish the girl would just attack her or something and get it over with. At least then it would be in her area of expertise.

The breaking point came when the girl, who until now had been making weak but spiteful pokes at her hair, decided to try something else. "Do you have a skin disease?" She asked.

"…what?" Said Arturia, surprised into the mistake of saying something that invited an answer.

"Well, wearing such an old fashioned dress, you can hardly see any at all."

Arturia gave her little blight, whose own dress had no such 'fault', a long look. "Thank you," she said, and moved away.

It took the girl a slow, baffled moment to realize she'd somehow been put down. At which point she would have moved in for round two, if Illya hadn't appeared in front of her and thrust a pastry in her face.

"Have you tried these? Hatori-chan's mother made them."

For a moment, Illya and the girl locked eyes. It was a predetermined victory: Illya had experiences the other couldn't even dream of to back her up. With a humph, she snatched the pastry and walked away.

"Sorry about that," Illya said, coming over. "Not that, try these." Illya, as the nearest, most willing, and most enthusiastic expert, was serving as Arturia's guide to food choice.

"Ah, ok. And don't worry about it, it can't be helped."

"It's so _stupid_ though," said Illya, blessed with an upbringing that had left her with no equivalent moments to shut her up.

"It doesn't matter. This sort of thing won't bother me much. When are you dancing?"

"Not for a bit. We're only going once near the middle, since it's more of a 'family of the members' thing. The rest of the time it's going to more like a regular dance. I think a lot of the girls want to show off their skills with their boyfriends," she added. There had been that 'and two friends' clause, and not a few members had brought Y chromosomes. Not enough of them though, judging by the gaggle around Shirou.

"Man, I should have just left him at home," Illya said. "He's just getting tortured here. I don't think I can run off that many at once, and they'd just come back, they're like fruit flies."

"That's not a nice way to speak of your classmates."

"Hmph. When they act this way, I'm not associated."

Arturia shook her head. Illya was right though: Poor Shirou was fighting panic. Just as Rin had said, he didn't have the heart to be firm, with the result that he couldn't get away. Arturia frowned: she didn't like it. She didn't like the way they were pushing and ogling, and she didn't like that they were ignoring how Shirou felt about it. The whole thing was shameful and ridiculous. She quickly filled her plate with some of Illya's suggestions and got a cup. A friend in need and so on, not to mention comrade-in-arms. Shirou was as much in need of rescue right now as he'd ever been.

She arrived just in time; even as she approached, she heard one girl ask what all of them had no doubt wanted to ask but hadn't been quite brazen enough to try. "So...are you seeing someone?"

"Talking about private matters in public is bad for the food," Arturia said, slipping through the mass with highly commendable grace, considering her dress. "With so much of it about, perhaps we should change the subject."

Shirou smiled gratefully. "You're enjoying it then? I noticed Illya was helping you."

"Yes, very much. I didn't get as many chances to try Japanese food as I'd intended," she said, smiling. Under the circumstances, saying that felt like a private joke. She felt the girls' animosity ratchet up: they'd noticed. Well, they could hate her all they wanted, it was their own fault for behaving so badly.

And so it went for a little while, with Arturia using her presence and small talk to keep things under control. She would have liked to have been able to focus on the food really, but she couldn't abandon him now, and besides, she was actually enjoying this. Somehow, she realized, she and Shirou had never really talked for the sake of talking. It was strangely relaxing.

She recognized the feelings as they stirred, but let it go. There was little chance of anything like last night happening here, and besides, she'd promised herself that she wouldn't run.

And then the music started, and she found that promise confronting her head on.

_I promised not to run..._

The girls were visibly nerving themselves. They were going to try to ask Shirou to dance, and he was going to have to refuse somehow. His nervousness was thick and tense in her mind.

She could save him from that. It was very easy, very simple really.

And yet she was afraid. Afraid of everything it meant.

_Am I less than him even in this? _She wondered. _He's already loved and lost, and yet he's not afraid to do it again. Even now, he's giving me my choice without a word, knowing every moment I might break him. I can't even imagine the courage he's showing right now. And here I am, too afraid of my own feelings even to dance._

_ You've offered so much, and yet asked for so little. You are ready to sacrifice everything, even your heart, and here I am, still trying to run away. _

_Shirou...your feelings, your love and your sacrifice...I will face them without flinching, for both your sake and mine._

_ Because if I don't, I won't even deserve you._

She took a deep breath, and put down her plate and cup. And took his hand.

The world seemed to hush as he turned, slowly, to meet her eyes. She opened her mouth, meaning to say something like 'Shall we?', but the words stuck in her throat: as on the porch, time congealed around them and shut away the world, as Shirou led her onto the dance floor.

She'd never danced, and she sensed that neither had he. And yet they moved perfectly, with no hesitation, spinning and swaying to sounds they hardly heard: all of their senses were focused on each other, and somehow, this was all they needed. Their gazes were bound in some way she did not understand: even when she spun, her body moving to stimuli she was hardly aware of, it seemed like she never stopped looking into his eyes. So long as they could see each other, they knew what to do.

_It was always like this, _she realized. _I know this feeling._ _Every time we've fought, I've had this feeling. Even that first time, when we didn't even know each other, we already knew how to move together. Our bodies knew...our _souls_ knew._

_ It was already too late._ _The day I met you, it was too late. It began the day we stood back to back and fought in perfect harmony, more perfect than I'd ever known. It began the day I realized that the stranger who stood behind me, and fought so strongly, burned with the same fire. It had already begun, and it was too late. Too late to stop. Too late to go back._

_ I was doomed to love you. Emiya Shirou._

_ I can't change these feelings. They are already born, already true. I am already in love with you. I already treasure Illya, and all the others. You've all already become my family._

_ I was wrong. No, I was asking the wrong questions. Nothing I do will change this new truth in my heart. All I can do is choose whether I will acknowledge them._

_ No matter what, for these few days I am here. And whatever I may do, I can still choose to leave or stay. What I feel does not change that. You are the proof of that, aren't you Shirou? You've already made this choice before._

_ I understand, now. Why you chose to love her._

_ I don't want to regret these feelings. I don't want any shadows on these precious days, this time out of heaven. I don't want the memories to be tainted by sadness._

_ I still don't know...I still don't know if I can abandon the course I've followed all my life. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that here and now, I'm being offered a gift, the likes of which I will never find again. And it's too precious...just much, much too precious to throw away._

_ Shirou – would you really give me such a painful, selfish gift? Would you really give me that love in your eyes, knowing I would soon give it back? Can you love me, just for these few days, and let me go?Would you really do that for me?_

His eyes never wavered.

_You would. Of course you would._

_ Oh Shirou...how did I ever believe I could _not _love you?_

The music spun to a close, and their bodies spun with it, slowly revolving to a halt. They were so close in mind and spirit, what their bodies did seemed almost inconsequential...even when they met, the lines of their profiles melded into one, their mouths sharing breath.

It was only a brief manifestation of the truth.

_Shirou – here and now, I will love you with all my heart. And if your face should haunt me to my grave, I will never regret having known you._

_ My beloved Shirou..._

_***_

_**_

_*_

Watching from the side, Rin raised her cup through tear blurred eyes.

"To a happy ending," she whispered. And drained her glass dry.

The punch was salty.

*

* * *

Sometimes you just want to hold on to your own thoughts, and don't want anyone elses. The Author's Notes for this chapter will be appended onto the next. Until then...make a toast.


	17. Chapter 16: Unforgivable

Author's Notes for Fifteen:

Heh – I didn't realize at first that putting notes for the last chapter right before the notes for this one might be really, really jarring considering the change of tone. Putting it here, first, was the logical, simple, but somehow initially elusive solution. They so often are. Whatever – time to give my thoughts on that last one. Aside from just pure, general pleasure and pride.

One: This first scene is very, very important, as Arturia's being able to both realize and make peace with the true nature of 'her' past here is absolutely essential. There can be no misconceptions, and she must be comfortable with it, or it would be a ticking time bomb, a land mine. On the other hand, any direct discussion of it would be a doomed enterprise: how could you possibly put it that wouldn't come out sounding wrong? A gradual realization on her part was a long planned eventuality. And we achieve it none too soon…

Two: The club dance. I have a confession to make. This scene came to exist not because it naturally complemented the story flow, but because I have always been entranced by the image of Shirou and Saber dancing. I have always wanted to see it. I just had this feeling they would turn it into something wonderful. So, in an unusual inversal of my usual sequence of cause and effect, I started out (a long time ago, mind you, back in the beginning of planning this whole thing) thinking: how and why could they dance? And went from there. Of course I had to find a way for it to _become_ a natural extension of events in the story, or I wouldn't have been able to do it no matter how much I wanted to. My storytelling ethic still had that much sway. At a certain point, I knew the facts of what would happen. But when I approached the actual writing of it – actually, as I advanced through writing Chapter Fourteen – I realized that one element was still too weak: how and why the dance got started, and Shirou and Arturia ended up there. I had original vague thoughts of the dance really having been some long standing thing she hadn't mentioned. Arturia finds out by accident, everybody else promptly recognizes opportunity and arranges Shirou and Arturia escorting her, and the rest mostly resembled what you read. Once I got there though, I realized this was shallow, cheesy, and reeked of match making, and I can't abide match making, at least beyond the level of 'I think you should try to get to know so and so.' I hate people who try to get involved in these things and manipulate them and arrange situations because they get a selfish thrill out of seeing two people _they_ think are perfect together, regardless of almost every other consideration. At least that's how it's always come across to me in anime. So, I needed to rethink things. As is often the case, the result greatly strengthened the story, as Illya's own wishes became a key to their fulfillment. I was very pleased with the resulting potency.

Three: You haven't done something you can't tell Shirou have you? Lol. Loved that.

Four: Getting Arturia in a dress was another major perk of arranging a dance.

Five: Confession number two: I – hate – designing – clothes! When I was first seriously trying to write in tenth grade, I made the mistake, influenced largely by Tamora Pierce I think, of trying to describe a new character's dress, detailed and original. I ground to a halt and was stuck there, writing about a line a day if I was lucky, until I finally realized that many other author's never bothered to describe clothes in anything but the most passing detail at all, and I was clearly intended to take the same approach. This is literally my second time trying. I couldn't get out of it, and of course I'd learned a lot about myself and my style since, plus my time earning a graphics degree no doubt left me better prepared, but…I was really, really glad to get it all over with. I mean really. Shirou's was hardest. Here I thought I could just pop the man in a tuxedo, blessing the gods that men's dress clothes are all more or less the same, when I pictured him next to Arturia's rainments and realized he came off unbearably drab. He had to match her somehow. My more astute readers may have picked up hints of more to come in Illya's comment that she wouldn't have pictured Kiritsugu as buying or wearing white. I've learned a whole lot more about Kiritsugu's game cannon past since I started writing (remember that I tried at the time, all those entries just didn't exist yet). I've found that the essential angst is easily overlaid on the alternate historical facts I outlined in Chapter Four. So I have, in my head, done so, and some new bits in the parts leading up to the showdown occurred because of it. The white coat has much more poignant roles to play…but for now, it made great, stylish dressup for Shirou.

Six: I say that, but I also enjoyed it at the same time. So much was going on in the midst. I enjoyed what came of Rin's decision to buy Illya a dress, and enjoyed putting her in it, even as I winced my way to actual describing it in writing. I enjoyed putting Rin and Sakura in dress up situations. And most of all, of course, I enjoyed putting Arturia in that gown. I did a little googling to make sure the kind of dress I had in mind would even plausibly exist. It did. The ones I saw cost around two thousand dollars, which converts roughly to two hundred thousand yen. How much in pounds? I have no idea. Go google a converter online and find out if you really care.

Seven: It can go where I can't. The fact that the love she has found is multi-faceted is very important, because the person Arturia is could never, ever make the choice to stay if it was just Shirou, no matter what I did. We'd be repeating the Fate Stay Night ending all over again, and wasn't once enough?

Eight: Rin enjoys terrifying deserving high schoolers. Will that girl never change? Not while I'm doing the writing.

Nine: Petty high schooler acting on a baseless crush vs. Illya, master of Berserker in the Grail War. Even in a staring contest, talk about being hopelessly outmatched. I wonder if the twit ever realized just how much weight was behind that stare – weight no normal high schooler would have.

Ten: Ahhhh – I have dreamed of writing this scene for a year or more. This dance, this moment, that line: Even if your face should haunt me to my grave…I've waited to write them for such a long time, longer than I thought I could and still persevere to succeed. But I did. It's a wonderful feeling. And a wonderful scene, full of everything I'd wanted it to be. It's magic when that happens. The responses from you all were uniformly enthused and unequivocal: thank you. It was a pleasure to provide it.

And now for our feature presentation…

* * *

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Chapter Sixteen: Unforgivable

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.

For the rest of the night, everything she did revolved around Shirou. She spoke with him almost exclusively. When they weren't speaking, they hovered together, just touching at the arm or shoulder. When it was Illya's turn to perform, she watched from the crook of his arm. And they danced, twice more. Reveling in the harmony they shared, a sharing untainted by motives or concerns. Moving in concert, not to achieve a goal or defeat a foe, but purely for the sake of union. For the sake of moving as one.

It was the closest to magic she'd ever known.

Her only regret was that her indecision had cost them a day and a night. But the past faded to unimportance, held against the wondrous present. She could have watched his eyes for eternity.

She was vaguely aware of Rin and Illya working overtime to make their private glory possible, intercepting those girls that might have still tried to intervene. It occurred to her, somewhere along the way, that Illya must have been working hard to make this possible before any of them had even known about it.

When at last the night was over, and it was time to walk home, Arturia gently steered Illya so she was standing in-between her and Shirou, and put one arm around her waist. Shirou, on cue, did the same.

"Let's go home," Arturia said.

And that's how they went, with Illya wedged between them: held close on both sides by family. It was her secret dream come true: she smiled, openly, the whole way, seeming not to notice that she was also crying. Shirou and Arturia pretended too.

And Rin and Sakura followed behind, smiling even wider than Illya. Technically, their routes home had split some blocks ago.

But they wouldn't have missed a minute for the world.

...

When they reached the house, Sakura and Rin came in too, mostly out of habit. Arturia headed for her room to change. She had already missed two nights of homework with Illya, and didn't want to miss anymore. And of course she and Shirou would be dueling later. Neither of those were things she should be doing in this dress.

She was still thinking about the dance as she walked down the halls and turned a corner, passing the place where she and Shirou pinned the map of the slums. She could see it all in her mind, laid out like whirlpools of cloth across the dance floor, spinning, spinning...

Spinning...swirling inward..._multiple concentric centers._

Arturia spun around and dashed back to the map, eyes flicking over it madly. There, and there, and there...five, five centers, all arranged around the place where Issei had stopped. And the common point...there had to be a common point..._what linked them_?

Subway entrances.

Arturia ran back into the main room. "Rin! Sakura!"

"Wh—"

"Good, you're still here. Call Issei: we're having an emergency meeting _now_."

"I know where Einzbern's been hiding."

...

"Underground," Rin said in disbelief roughly fifteen minutes later. "Of course_. _Issei, your magic sense is _two dimensional_. You can't tell up from down. Fuyuki's perception of it must be too alien. You _did_ lead us to the right spot – above it."

"So, that means we know exactly where to go?" Illya asked, eyes big. "We can just go straight in and finish it?"

"Unfortunately, no," Rin said regretfully. "We only know where we need toget _to_: the problem will be how. The only kind of map we'll be able to get will be of actual used routes, and he'll be using some abandoned offshoot, assuming he didn't hollow out something of his own. We'll have to find all the tunnels around the area that seem to be going in the right direction, and start exploring them. Actually finding the way in could take weeks. It probably won't, but it could."

"I was only planning to use one week, but I actually have over a month's worth of off time to draw on," Arturia said. "Because I never took any before now. I'll stay as long as it takes to track him down. I refuse to go back to England without settling this."

"Don't hold your breath waiting for me to argue," Rin said wryly. "Okay, we can discuss more details tomorrow, but for now let's agree on a basic plan of action. Rather than run around after hours on the tracks if we don't have to, I think we should ride the routes that pass the area and note where there are unused offshoots. If we're lucky, he hasn't been able to hide the trail so well down there, and Shirou will be able to smell out the one the beasts have been using."

"Assuming he doesn't have multiple entrances for that purpose," Arturia pointed out.

"Even then he might. It is Shirou after all."

"True. That does sound best."

"We should do it in groups of two. Even though we aren't supposed to engage, it's just safer."

Arturia nodded. Shirou opened his mouth and then shut it, apparently giving up. Good. She'd have hated to think he was someone who had to have the same thing explained three times before he'd accept it.

"You and Shirou should be one group of course. It's usually best if there's someone not moving around to coordinate and keep track: logically, that should be me, using the magic map. I can etch in what you find as you report it, and warn you if you're going to be attacked. I'd like to say you'll be safe with so many people around but, well...you all know how it is."

Five grim faces confirmed her statement.

"Right. With luck, we'll soon be able to put an end to this."

"What about me?" Issei asked. "Should I accompany Sakura? To be honest, I'm not sure how safely I can use Fuyuki in an enclosed space like a subway tunnel. If I did go, I might not be able to function as backup. I could bury us alive."

Rin frowned. "Damn. Are you sure? I'd hate for us to have only one team to work with at a time. This could take way too long as is."

"I'm not sure, but I am sure that it would be a very bad time to find out."

Rin sighed. "Great. I know something always goes wrong, but really, you'd think it could have waited till tomorrow morning at least...ok, I wasn't going to do it for efficiency's sake, but you'll back me up instead. I'll be able to follow them much better with you in the spell, maybe even interfere remotely if necessary. It's not a total loss."

"Sorry about that."

"It's not your fault. I'd rather you said it now than stand on your pride."

"Impractical pride is a rare trait around you I'm sure."

Rin grinned. "Oh, you think? Sorry Sakura, it's really not that I'm being protective or anything. I wouldn't let Shirou or Arturia go alone either."

"I know. I wasn't thinking it. But you know, if it's a matter of a second person who can back me up, there _is _someone I can ask."

Rin frowned. "Are you sure you have any business getting him involved?"

"Not only would he want to be, he technically already is. I don't think he'll hold back at this point."

"Well, it's your call I guess."

"Umm – Sakura? Rin? What are you talking about?" Shirou asked.

"Huh? Oh - well," Sakura said, suddenly looking self conscious. "Actually...there's someone I want you to meet, I guess. It's kind of complicated..."

"You've got a _boyfriend_?" Illya squeaked, eyes bulging.

"Wha – no! That's not it at all! Rin, tell her!"

"Your idea, your problem," Rin said, leaning back. Directed against anyone less dear to her, her grin could have been called wolfish.

"But—"

"Oh my gosh why didn't you say so?"

"It's really not—"

"What's he like? How'd you meet him?"

"_I'm telling you that's not it_," Sakura wailed.

"Illya, let her talk," Arturia said firmly.

...

Thus was ushered in a particularly strange morning for the Emiya household and its honorary members. Not in conditions, but in the odd mix of expectations. Anticipation of a war council made odd contrast to everyone's speculations on the new member. Despite all of Sakura's protests, most of them couldn't help feeling as if they were preparing to 'meet the son-in-law'. Shirou and Arturia, at least, believed Sakura's denials. Illya appeared unconvinced, but it was hard to say what she really thought: very possibly she was just enjoying making Sakura squeal. Eventually Rin felt compelled to interfere. Unlike Sakura, she had the sense not to try to answer her: she just physically removed her from the kitchen.

"Hey, let go, I was just _asking_."

"For the third time," Rin reminded her. "Any questions you've got left to ask, you can find out about when he gets here. Shouldn't be long: he only has to come within three blocks and he can follow his nose."

Sakura, clearly nervous about her friend's introduction, had compensated in the one way she had confidence in: cooking. It was beginning to feel like extraordinary breakfasts happened on schedule.

"Why are guests always late," Illya grumbled.

"They're not late, you're impatient."

"Same difference."

"I agree," a mountain commented soberly. "Myself, I have always felt that rather than being too large, everyone else is too small. It is the same difference."

There was a long silence, as everyone turned to contemplate what certainly appeared to have human proportions but exceeded what any one of them would have considered its limits. Issei and Kouji, who had brought him in with them and were relatively tall people, seemed to take on the appearance of hobbits.

"No," Illya said slowly, eyes wide. "You are _definitely_ too big."

Shirou rapped her head lightly. "That's not a proper greeting Illya."

"Well he is," Illya muttered, rubbing her skull. Shirou sighed and stood up. "Pleased to meet you. Any friend of Sakura's is a friend of ours." He held out his hand, guessing the man would be more comfortable with a handshake. After a moment, Abraxas held out his own. Shirou's strong, capable hand was dwarfed in the clasp, though his grip still raised a flicker of approval in the larger man's gaze.

A handshake, Shirou discovered as their eyes held over their grip, could tell you a lot about a person. The man's hand, so much larger, wrapped in a way suggesting that he was used to cradling and taking care of what he held. He could sense immense strength locked away, bound within a powerful will and soul; large, immovable, and implacable as stone. Sakura had not been exaggerating when she described him.

"You've made Sakura's dream come true," Shirou said after a moment, smiling and letting go.

"Sorry?"

"We needed another table."

...

They ate first, because nobody could have a rationale conversation and smell the food at the same time. Well, Rin looked a bit disgruntled about it, but this time she didn't say anything. Once they'd finished that though, it was time for business. Quite serious business, and Shirou had something to say right up front. It was a matter of principle.

"Abraxas? There's something I need to ask you before we start."

"Yes? Go ahead."

"Well, first, how much did Sakura tell you?"

"Most I believe. I'd already met the beasts, and she explained the rest; about where they're coming from, and that I would be of help in tracking him down. It seemed enough to me."

"Are you sure? You have to understand that even though it's supposed to be reconnaissance, there's no telling what he'll do if he realized he's being tracked. We've already learned the hard way that he doesn't care who gets hurt in the process. What's more, once you've done this, he'll know you've been involved: you'll be in danger from him until he's dead no matter what you do. Though I'll welcome your help, this is nothing we can't achieve on our own. If there's any reason not to do this, you need to decide now. That's all."

For a long moment, Abraxas was silent, thinking.

"All my life," he said at last. "I was big and strong. Strong in all ways of fighting. But I could find nothing I wished to fight. I was too big, too strong. So much that I thought, for a long time, I must have been born to do harm. Now, at last, I have found something big enough for me to fight, an evil against which I can pit my all."

"I will not turn away."

Shirou nodded, satisfied. "All right then. Welcome to the team. Rin? Brief him please?"

"We've determined that his hideout is somewhere off the subway system," Rin told him. "We also know, basically, where, but only as the crow flies: we need to find out where the tunnels that will reach it are. That's what we're trying to do today. And tomorrow, too, until we find it."

"Replacements could become awkward in a few days," Abraxas rumbled. "I am having mine and Sakura's position filled by people I had considered when we were still short handed."

"Well, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it – for all we know we'll find out what we need today. Anyway, we need you to accompany Sakura and ride the subway routes nearby, to try and find all the places that could lead there. Shirou and Arturia will be another team and split it with you. We'll have him go over the spots you found later, since he has an extremely sensitive nose for magic. If it's been used by enough blood beasts, he'll probably be able to tell. Issei and I will monitor from the map – I've put together a magical map in my workroom," she added hastily, remembering Abraxas didn't know about it yet. "We can communicate magically – Sakura will show you – and I'll alter the map based on what you find, so all you'll have to do is report it, I'll do the rest. And I'll coordinate any necessary meetings. If there's trouble, I'll try to help."

"I'm not too confidant about that idea of yours," Issei interrupted.

"To experiment and discover is the soul of magecraft," Rin said with a shrug. "Besides, it's accelerating your grasp of spellcasting quite nicely."

"I understand the benefits, I'm just not sure it will work."

"Then they'll have to get out of it themselves. That's the point of the pairs anyway. Sakura can protect Abraxas from the soul drain, which means she'll have some offense available if she needs it. One of us can always go in if it gets really hairy. I'll be the judge of whether a team needs help. I'll also try to help you avoid trouble if I can. Does everyone have the general idea?"

Everyone nodded. "Good. Then let's figure out the rest."

...

Besides for the basic details of who would go on which routes when, they had to decide what to do with Illya. It was Saturday, which meant they needed something for the whole day. Illya, of course, was all for a third team consisting of her and Kouji, but this was voted down so fast it hardly even counted as a vote; it was more like an unrehearsed orchestra of 'No!' It was Issei who had the best solution.

"She and Kouji can stay at the shrine," he said. "It's protected by Avalon: the entire grounds are barred against harm. Neither Einzbern nor his beasts can put toe or claw past the archway so long as she hold it. They'll be safe there, and she won't be alone or cooped up either: she can explore the library and talk to the other priests and so on."

"_NO!_" Illya shouted. "You think I'm hiding while you're doing this! I'm not finished with him! I'm not! I'm going to defeat and kill him myself!"

"You're essential to his goal, and the only piece he doesn't have," Rin reminded her. "It's too risky."

"That's just _it,_" Illya shouted, pounding her fists on the table. "He's going to use me as his homunculus again – he _thinks _he's going to use me as his homonculus again – and I'm not, _I'm not the Einzbern homonculus anymore. _I'm not an Einzbern, and I'm going to pound that into his _face_. I'm going to shove it down his throat and make him choke on it! I'm going to prove—" her voice cracked; her fists trembled on the table. "I'm going to prove it to him – I'm never going to be his tool again – never...never again..."

Gently, Arturia put a hand on her back. "You've already told him that," she said. "Every defiance you could think to say, he realized that night. I saw it in his eyes. He knew he'd never control you again."

"There's no one to prove it to anymore, Illya."

Rin counted slowly to ten before making the necessary interruption. "So – who's going to take them there? Someone should go along."

"I think I'll do it this time," Shirou said.

...

He knew the difference the instant he saw the archway and broad stairs that led to the shrine.

"I can't believe I didn't notice this before," he said in disbelief. "I mean, I don't pass here often, but I've done it over the last three years."

"She's only become this strong over the last six months or so," Issei said. "The growth of a god is slow I guess. We've only just started trying to learn to call on her outside of the shrine. It wasn't possible before. As soon as she reaches the point that she can do something new, she just seems to know."

"How handy. Wish I could train that way."

"You're all too capable of advancement already," Illya informed him. "Rin's right, you're too greedy."

Shirou shook his head. "And I'll tell you what I tell her: you're wrong. There's no such thing as having enough power to protect. There will always be those you could have saved if you were just a little stronger."

"But then there wouldn't be an _end_," Illya said.

"Who said I expected to find one? I chose to do this because I believe in it. If there are more people living because of that, that's all I need to know. But I'm never going to stop reaching for the next level."

_It is a path you are well suited for._

Shirou stopped cold.

_Most people have at least a seed of the lust for power. Your Rin is especially familiar with this human vice, and fears it as no other, because she knows it to be the darkness that destroyed her family, and she believes that it lives within herself. So she fears for those who seek to become stronger. It is good for her to fear it, but you have no need to._

"Rin talked to you about it?" Shirou asked, amazed.

"Not directly," Issei told him.

_I am a god, _Avalon said. _The goddess of home and hearth, of that tranquil dream that fuels peace and revives the warrior. To know that which makes and threatens this dream within one's heart is but one of my natural abilities._

"Whoa," Shirou said softly. "And to think I was fused with this thing for ten years."

_Ah – that is why you seem familiar. _Avalon seemed honestly pleased and excited. _There is so little I can clearly recall before my awakening, but I know your essence somehow. I am very pleased to meet you. I was – fused with you, you say? How so?_

"I'm...not too sure, actually," Shirou confessed. "I'll admit that's not how you usually functioned as the scabbard Avalon. I was very little when it happened, plus I was unconscious, so I just don't know the details. I didn't even know he'd done it until just a little before we took you out."

_I see_... The voice seemed a little disappointed. Then, suddenly, _Can you show me what I looked like? I know it is your ability to reproduce what you've seen. You can make a version of my old self that works just so, yes? I would very much like to see it._

Shirou blinked, then shrugged: a gold and blue scabbard shimmered into existence and fell into his outstretched hands.

_Fascinating_. Despite having no discernible form, the sensation of Avalon peering closely at the scabbard was somehow quite distinct. _I don't suppose you could leave this for me? _She asked delicately. _If it would not strain you too much, that is._

"It'll last a couple of hours without my putting anything more into it," Shirou said. "It's fine."

_Thank you, _Avalon said sincerely. _It is very disorienting to learn about oneself as I have been forced to. I am grateful for this opportunity to examine my origins. It may help me better understand myself._

"No problem," Shirou said, a little dazed by all of this.

_Again I thank you. Anywhere in the grounds is equally good for me. Now, is there perhaps something you wish to ask? At the moment, answering certain kinds of questions is my most reliable service, and I would like to express my gratitude._

"You'll be protecting Illya while I'm hunting Einzbern," Shirou said. "I'm grateful enough for that, though I appreciate the offer."

_Ah. Yes. Always there are those tormented by their inability to find peace, compelling them to seek to destroy. Then I will provide you with an answer to a question you have not asked, but which shall be of great importance to you. Remember it well, Emiya Shirou: This is the advice of a Goddess. _

_ Every Sword needs its Sheath. And every Warrior, a Hearth. Without a sheath, a sword will become, dirty, pitted and dulled. And without a hearth, a warrior's soul will slowly fade, until he has forgotten that for which he once fought. This is the truth of every warrior._

_ Remember well, Emiya Shirou. May it guide you to the peace we all seek, knowingly or not._

"All, huh? Even Einzbern?"

_Perhaps. Perhaps most desperately of all._

_..._

Once he and Arturia were on the train, Shirou brought up what Avalon had said. "I can't help but wonder what she meant," he said softly. "Saying that Einzbern is tormented by the inability to find peace."

"Most people want the same things, in the end," Arturia said quietly. "I've come to notice that. Money, happiness, love...and yet, we all come out so differently. We all choose different ways to achieve them. Whatever wish or desire made Einzbern evil, evil he still is."

"I know," Shirou said quietly. "And yet, I can't help but try to understand."

"Yes. That's another thing we all want," she said softly. "To make sense of this world, and the people in it. That is how we live."

For a while, they were silent. Shirou found himself watching her face: calm and serene, the face he'd wanted to see again for so long. And he found himself remembering Avalon's other words, the ones meant for him. The ones he hadn't told her.

_Every Sword needs its Sheath..._

"Hey, Arturia."

"Yes?"

"It occurred to me – your sightseeing really got ruined, didn't it?"

She smiled. "So it did."

"Well, I was just thinking...I mean, I don't know how long it's going to take us to finish up, but...once you're already staying long enough to see it through...maybe, when it's over, you could take one extra day? We could try to make up for it a little."

He paused. "Just us, I mean."  
She didn't turn his way, but her face had that gentle luminous cast that had always made him think of the sun.

"I would like that."

Shirou sighed softly. "Good. That's how we'll do it then." Turning his gaze away from her face, something in front of her caught his eye. "You're being watched."

"Huh?" Arturia blinked, and scanned the car they were in. "I don't see anybody."

"Try looking a little lower."

Arturia tried, and found herself meeting the rather large eyes of a rather small person. The fixated intensity of his stare was a little startling. "Ah – did...you want to say something to me?"

"How did you make your hair look that way? Onee-chan tried to do it once she didn't look pretty in it, she looked ugly."

"...Oh. I see. I was born this way. Many people have hair this color where I come from."

The child was clearly still of an age to believe that, by default, everyone he met was in truth of his own nationality, and what's more, lived somewhere within two blocks of his house. "_I _never saw any place with that hair color," he said accusingly. "There _isn't _such a place, so there!"

"There is, but it's very far away," Arturia explained. "You'd have to—" She paused, trying to grasp a way to describe it that would fit into his little world. "You'd have to get into the ocean and swim for a very, very long time to find it."

The boy's eye's bulged. "That's how _you _got here?"

Arturia blinked. There was a pause, while her face acquired a certain sense of pent-in force. Then she began to giggle uncontrollably, finally devolving into mostly silent but very intense laughter. Never, ever until now had Shirou seen her do more than chuckle. He found himself staring, entranced. It was...beautiful. He didn't want her to stop.

He didn't want her to – but he didn't have a choice. "Arturia," he said warningly, as a tingle on his senses began to steadily increase. The sensation, or rather the vague knowledge of his experiencing the sensation, transferred to her through their bond: she stopped laughing, her face acquiring the hard, cold edge of alertness to danger. "Is there anything there now?"

"No, not yet. But something has been. A lot of them. Multiple times. I think this is it—Arturia, _hurry_!"

She was already moving, sheer instinct allowing her to act on on his knowledge: she lunged forward and seized two passengers, dragging them into the circle of safety and depositing them cavalierly on the floor, already frantically rushing to the next nearest people in reach. Shirou's hands were slammed into the wall; his eyes were closed and his head bent as he gave everything he had to tracing harder and faster than he ever had before: silver metal poured out from his hands and spread over the ceiling of the car, defining a bubble of safety capable of protecting whatever was inside. Even as the walls met their limit and began to move downward, Arturia tumbling underneath their descent with one more, furiously squawking passenger clutched in both arms, Rin's voice screamed frantically through the air, all caution and secrecy tossed to the winds.

"Shirou, Shirou my g-d Shirou the _train, Reinforce the train!_"

_"Shirou!"_

But it was too late. He would have needed at least thirty seconds and he had less than five; the small protective dome covering one third the car was all he could do. The walls of his protective bubble closed, hiding the uncomprehending stares of unknowing, doomed passengers.

_"Forgive me," _he whispered.

And then the tunnel came down.

...

Back in her workroom, Rin screamed like an animal, wordless and raw, unable to find a single word to describe her pure, helpless fury as Issei frantically struggled to keep her from doing G-d knows what.

"Rin, stop it! You have to stop!"

"Let go of me! Damn you Einzbern, what do you think human lives are? This is why – this is why _I HATE MAGICIANS!_"

And Shirou – Shirou stood without moving, just as he had when he'd begun to trace, head bowed and tears pouring down his cheeks.

_No matter how strong you are, it won't be enough to save everyone._

His hands spasmed against the wall.

_ Forgive me – forgive me. I wasn't strong enough this time._

_Next time – next time I'll save more of you._

_._

_._

* * *

Author's Notes:

That was pretty brutal. In a way, this last scene is the opposite of the last part of Fifteen. This would be a good time to assure you all that Einzbern is indeed going to die. Horribly. Not physically horribly, but psychically: stripped of all pretenses and revealed for the small, desperate, pathetic man he really was. No honor to his death, only glaring, ugly truth. It will have to do, as neither Shirou nor Arturia would really torment anyone, and Rin will be out of it for reasons you'll discover come next chapter. So, the notes.

.

One: And so the plot kicks in. We learn how and why Einzbern has been able to hide till now, and why it was so hard to spot a pattern. I acually had a brief period of panic regarding this around chapter ten or so. You see, the answer of where Einzbern's hideout was existed long before I realized the true nature of the Ryuudou family: I didn't figure all of that out until chapter eight, remember? Suddenly I had to find a reason why Issei couldn't lead them right to it. It had to be plausible. It had to work, it couldn't work by ignoring anything…but I figured it out in the end. I hope you are all satisfied with it (I'm much, much fussier about these things than many, I've come to learn).

Two: Impractical pride is a rare trait around you I'm sure. Hehe – I enjoyed that line. So true.

Three: Abraxas is revealed, not without a certain inevitable amount of misunderstanding. Rin appears to be getting revenge for all her own shock involved. Does Illya really believe he's her boyfriend? I suspect not (though no doubt she suspects he might become one). But there's no way she'd let a bone like this drop. Poor Sakura.

Four: The Shrine of Avalon. The scabbard Avalon enclosed its user in an alternate dimension where nothing from this world could reach to harm. The Kami Avalon encloses the grounds within herself. No evil can enter, and no harm can occur within the grounds unless she chooses to allow it. Meaning if someone were to trick his way it, he'd find himself unable to hurt anyone else, but absolutely vulnerable to harm himself. A sacred place where peace reins and pain is soothed, such is the Shrine of Avalon (remember the regeneration qualities of the scabbard: those within the Shrine heal quickly, and can recover from things normally impossible).

Five: Meeting the God. I thought I carried this off well. Both wise, otherwordly, and yet still uncertain of herself, Avalon was the sort of thing I keep wanting reassurance I've done well, even though I'm sure I have. I don't want to trust myself.

Six: Every Sword needs its Sheath. Remember well, readers: this is the crux of our happy ending to be. Eventually.

Seven: A date! Yes, it's really a date this time…lol. ^_^

Eight: Plot go boom. And you thought you hated Einzbern before. We've been kicked back into action with a vengeance, and we're not slowing down or sidetracking again until he's finished. It's the beginning of the action/plot climax, folks, so buckle your seat belts, because _here we go!_

_._

Those last bits were tough to write - and the first bits of seventeen are no easier. But we will come to what we want to see: action. Revenge. Justice. Rin, Arturia, and Shirou all want him dead like no one else before. How many ways can you spell 'doom?'


	18. Chapter 17: Towards the Red Dawn

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Chapter Seventeen: Towards the Red Dawn

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Shirou's bubble had saved them from being crushed, but they were still buried. After a short discussion with Rin they decided to wait and allow the rescue teams to get them out, rather than try to explain how they had escaped themselves. A little work ensured a supply of air until then. Rin told them that she was coming over to help, as was Sakura and Abraxas. Issei would stay to monitor things and keep Illya and Kouji up to date. Depending on what followed, he would bring the two of them to wherever they came to meet.

Shirou and Arturia endured it all with the dull, desolate mien of the grief laden. Neither had ever drawn those lines that so many people do, distinguishing, unconsciously, between their pain, the pain of those they knew, and the pain felt by everyone else. Protectors of the world, everyone they met was already equally important. Now they stood surrounded by a small, pitiful group who were all they had managed to save. The trap had been designed to kill – if there were any other survivors, it would be a miracle. Soon enough, Shirou knew, they would be able to begin to turn that terrible pain towards its cause, and move again. But for now...for now they could only stare, first around them, and then at each other. Trying to seek some comfort in shared misery.

"I'm hungry."

Arturia looked down to see the questioning boy tugging on her pant leg. "I'm hungry now," he repeated. "My father has snacks. Open the wall."

It took Arturia three tries to respond. "I can't," she said softly. "Your father – isn't there now. He isn't there anymore."

"Yes he is! Yes he is! I _saw _him! He was right there when you closed it, I _saw_. I'm _hungry_. Open the door! _Open it!"_

"I can't. I can't."

"Open it! Open it! _Open it!_" Sitting down with all the obstinate weight of a stubborn four year old, he began to kick and bawl, screaming at the top of his lungs. "Open it! Open it! _Open it! O__pen it _now! _I'm _hungry! _I want my father!"_

Arturia knelt but had no idea what to do: she crouched, arms open but hesitant, trying to see where her hands should go, trying to find a way to tell him the truth. That his snacks were buried with his father in a tomb of fallen earth and stone, victim to a mage who neither knew nor cared.

"Shirou..." she whispered helplessly, as the various other occupants shifted or turned away, not wanting to face the child's tears.

Shirou just shook his head, teeth and eyes clenched.

He had no words for this either.

...

Eventually, they heard noises: footsteps and shouts and the clink of machinery and men preparing to assault the piles of rock. Exchanging looks quickly, Shirou put his hands on the wall, dissolving the sheath of Tracer's Metal. He paused, waiting to see if the car would hold. When it did, he cupped his hands – he didn't dare pound on the walls – and shouted "Here! In here! We're still alive!"

"What the – get those things over here! We've got survivors!"

"You're kidding me!"

"Heard him clear as day! Hurry up, and be careful – don't collapse it on them now. How are the walls holding in there? Can it take any jostling?"

"I think so," Shirou called back cautiously. "It's held this long. If you can just clear in front of the door..."

"Move in front of it and shout."

"I am in front of it."

"Right here? Where my voice is coming from?"

"Yes, right there!"

"Good, okay, I've got the spot marked. Sit tight and hold on, we'll get you of there. Sing out if anything so much as creaks, you hear me?"

"I got it. Will do."

"Good. Right, let's _move_. We're gonna get 'em out before anything else can happen. Make sure what happens isn't you! Easy does it. Eeeaaasyyy..."

The men were being cautious, and there was a lot of earth: Einzbern had clearly intended to wipe out whoever had come this close in one go. The corner of Shirou's mouth curled grimly. He'd have some things to say to him about that. Despite the mage's best efforts, both he and Arturia were still alive. There would be a reckoning with the mad old mage. Soon. Very soon.

Because the trap confirmed what his senses had found, just before the spell triggered.

They'd found the entrance tunnel.

...

After a long, tense wait, filled with the slow scraping and thudding of the crew's painstaking efforts to clear a way out, they heard the last boulders leaning against the door begin to move away. Shirou's ring buzzed softly.

"Shirou – you're going to sense a spell form over the door in just a minute. It's me: I'm right behind these fellows. All the people in the train over twelve or so – besides for you two of course – will go into what will look like a form of shock for a short while after they pass through it. When they recover, they'll have replaced whatever you did in there with something else."

"Why only the ones over twelve?"

"Because if you leave the invention to a child's subconscious, you never know _what _will come out. Even an imaginative adult's mind has set what is and is not possible: whatever they come up with under this spell will fit that. But a kid's still playing around with that kind of thing. It won't do much good to make them forget that you saved them using Tracing if they come out thinking Rurouni Kenshin appeared or something."

"They'll still remember something impossible."

"They're children. Other adults will dismiss it, and eventually they'll forget it or dismiss it themselves. I admit wiping it from them would be kinder, but it can't be helped."

"Shirou...hang in there. Okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. We're fine. We found it, you know. The tunnel."

"Yes," Rin said, voice both grim and predatory. "So I'd guessed. I can't _wait _to explore it."

"Me neither," Shirou agreed, as the door was pried open to tired cheers. "Me neither."

...

Watching the people exit the train car, Shirou was struck by how many of them were children. He and Arturia had been standing near the door: an open area where a bored child might play. Especially if there was an interesting foreigner there. He wondered how many had been here with their parents. How many had relatives waiting to take them in. How many now had no one. A particularly grim faced girl of about twelve or so trudged past carrying a two year old boy: something in her stance told Shirou that they'd already lost homes before this. Perhaps now they had none left to go to. He'd expected her to go into the memory altering trance, since she looked so hardened, but she passed through Rin's veil without changing expression. Shirou and Arturia left last. Careful hands grabbed at them, making sure they got through the exit safely, without putting any more stress on the load of earth and rock still covering most of the train car.

"I swear it's a miracle," one man said, shaking his head. "I mean, one of the ends I could understand, more support and all, like a doorway. But right in the middle there – that's the last place that should have held up. You folks are lucky to be alive."

Luck had nothing to do with it. Or with any of it. Shirou was too emotionally exhausted to play the game of pretending. He just shook his head and shrugged, and moved on, trudging over to Rin. Arturia came with him.

"You skipped the girl?"

Rin shrugged. "Just a gut feeling. She was right on the line, after all."

"Yes."

"You two are all right? No injuries?"

"Not that kind anyway."

Rin's mouth twisted. "Good. Then I'll go examine those remains. I think our wily mage may have finally gotten careless with this spell. If I can gather enough residue..."

"Go ahead."

Rin went, picking her way through a ruin of rubble and boulders punctuated with sudden splashes of color where survivors huddled or rescue teams bustled. Police and various emergency medical teams had arrived while they were being excavated: now white coated men questioned various former passengers and took pulses, carefully searching for any injury, physical or otherwise. The slightly dazed state Rin had induced had worried them at first, but Shirou could see them relaxing as it wore off, and the people began talking again. Shirou wondered what they were saying. Just how would they explain it? Just say it held somehow? He doubted he himself figured in their replacement story. No man could do anything about a cave-in, not in their minds. That was a good thing, as far as he was concerned. It meant no one would try to praise him or thank him. He didn't think he could have stood it if they had.

Nine people, children included, had survived.

It wasn't nearly enough.

A slight commotion on the side caught his eye: the girl he'd noticed, still clutching the boy he assumed must be her brother, saying the same thing over and over again to an ashen faced officer.

"We don't have anybody. There's no one for you to call. Mom said if we had a relative who could afford to take care of us she'd have put us there already. There's nobody for you to call. Nobody's coming for us. You should talk to the others. Nobody's coming for us."

"There's no point in talking to us. Talk to the others. Nobody's coming for us."

Shirou's fists tried to clench, but they were exhausted and sore from all the clenching they'd already done: his hands spasmed briefly, then gave up.

He'd meant what he'd said to Illya about saving people.

But it was still hell sometimes.

...

They weren't the only ones alone, though she was willing to bet they wouldn't stay that way. They'd have had two parents, not one, or maybe they hadn't even been with their parents, and soon the other would come along and they'd cry together and make each other feel better, and later they'd talk about the person and cry, and then—

Her arms tightened around her brother. _I can't cry. I can't cry. I'm the only one – the only one __there is now. I'm the only one who'll take care of him._

_ I can't cry._

Across the station, someone female screamed. The boy who'd thrown a fit in front of that blond foreigner got up and ran clumsily across the platform into the arms of a woman, clearly his mother. Sure enough, they both started crying together. Crying with someone else always worked better. She remembered that, vaguely, from when she'd still done it sometimes. Mom had been more useful then. It had been a long time since she'd cried.

_I can't cry._

"Mama, Dad still has my snacks, and they said he's not coming back with them."

"Oh sweety, I can't believe you made it alive..."

_I can't cry._

"I'm still hungry Mama."

"Yes...of course...we'll feed you soon love."

_I can't cry. Can't cry can't cry can'tcrycan'tcrycan'tcrycan'tcry_

"You are very big for your size," a large voice said.

Slowly, Maya looked up at the biggest man she'd ever seen. Somehow, even though he shouldn't have, he also seemed the kindest.

"Someone like you should only cry on someone who is even bigger." Before she could say anything, he reached down with one arm and plucked her _and _her little brother up like they were made of straw – tucked them against his shoulder and slowly walked toward a black haired woman who was comforting someone else.

She never even knew when she began to cry, but once she had, she couldn't stop.

...

Shirou watched Sakura and Abraxas work their magic with relief and a sigh: those children's pain had been, to him, a constant demand to act, but one he'd had no power to respond to. Even if he'd known what to say to them, he couldn't have. He couldn't have looked them in the eyes. Now he could stop thinking about it, and start thinking about something else. His eyes focused on a darker arch across the open space, made just visible by all the powerful portable lighting now placed all about the grounds. The opening of a tunnel.

Einzbern would pay. In blood.

"Tonight," Arturia said quietly. "We'll go in tonight. Perhaps we'll be able to go all the way and finish it, perhaps not, but I'm not resting till I've tried."

"Me neither."

"Oh, you'll be able to finish it all right," Rin said as she came back. Grim, vicious satisfaction covered her face: in her right hand she deliberately tossed several small stones. "It's just like I'd hoped; he was so sure this spell would kill he got careless. There's enough clear traces of his mana left to put him into the map spell, bind him into the ring's detection system, and even give me enough edge to take down his defenses– he'll have all kinds of spells set up around his base."

"The rings?"

"He'll never hide from us again," Rin swore softly, fire in her eyes. "Ever. Ever again. He can run till the ends of the earth, but he'll never hide again."

Shirou nodded. "You can finish all of that by tonight?"

"Oh I'll finish it all right," Rin growled. "I'll finish it if I have to cast till I spit blood. That damn _bastard_ – if Necromancy existed I'd raise him up after you killed him so I could kill him again!"

Arturia frowned. "You talk as if you won't be there."

Rin smiled crookedly. "I doubt it will really kill me, but it will drain me, doing all that remotely via that map spell – it's become half detection spell and half a link to Fuyuki. I won't have enough left to come and fight with you. I'll give all I have to pave the way, so don't you dare fail, you hear me? I'll only sleep knowing you'll finish it while I do."

The look on Shirou and Arturia's face would have turned a dragon cold.

"Finish by sundown, and he'll be dead by sunup," Shirou said flatly.

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other."

"We had better get everyone together and plan. One last time."

...

They found Sakura talking to one of the officers, holding one child in her left arm and cupping the head of another, pressed up against her leg, with her right.

"So you don't think these two are going to be picked up by anyone tonight?"

"We just haven't been able to contact anyone ma'am," the officer said uncomfortably. "I assure you we will do our best—"

"I wasn't questioning your dedication officer," Sakura interrupted smoothly. "I'm just trying to make sure I understand the situation. I assume you haven't found out anything to contradict that child over there about having no relatives or friends of family?"

"I'm...I'm afraid so ma'am," the officer said with some trepidation. He was clearly trying to anticipate just where Sakura _was _going to jump him. Clearly she was a bleeding heart.

"And by any chance – not that I am blaming you in any way, this has all been very sudden after all – do you have any arrangements for them for the night?"

"I'm sure we'll be able to arrange something," the officer said stiffly.

"You're all going to be very busy Officer. The police station is a terrible place for a child who's been through all this to spend the night."

"Ma'am, we have our job and we are going to do our best for them," the officer said with the deliberate patience of someone with very little left. "Unless you are willing to help—"

"As a matter of fact," Sakura once again interrupted with flawless timing. "That is exactly what I had in mind. Assuming it is allowed of course."

The officer stopped, startled. For the first time he seemed to really take in the scene: Sakura with two children she couldn't possibly have met before clinging to her like she was the only safe thing in the world, and Abraxas, who was clearly 'with' her in some way or another, holding that child who had seemed as tough as nails curled up half asleep in his arm with tear tracks on her face. Indecision wavered briefly, then settled. Shirou was willing to bet what he was about to do really was against procedure in some way.

"You do have the means to take care of them, ma'am?" He asked. "Four children is a lot to take on suddenly."

"I have a large house, and there is very little I cannot afford," Sakura said. "And I will have help."

The officer nodded. "I'll need to see your ID for a few minutes," he said. "Possibly note down some other information and take a fingerprint."

"Of course," Sakura said calmly. "Whatever you need. Here's the card." The officer took it and hurried down to his car to check it. Sakura turned to the others.

"I'm sorry; I know we're all used to meeting at Shirou's house but we're going to have to do it at mine this time. I want to give them time to feel comfortable there before dark. They'll be feeling very insecure right now."

Nobody argued.

...

As it worked out, the first hour or so was spent settling in the children. Plenty of rooms existed but most hadn't been used for a while. Luckily the house had _used _to have more people living in it, so there were plenty of beds. On Sakura's orders, they were all to be put in one room together, 'for comfort', so some rearranging had to be done (Abraxas did a great deal to simplify this). Once all the basic arrangements had been made, Sakura said they could be left alone for a little while, together in their new room, to give them time to absorb things. So the long delayed meeting was held.

"My role is simple, as far as the rest of you are concerned at least," Rin said, putting down a jar with her mana laden rocks on the table in front of them. "I'm going to use these to put Einzbern into the map, and our rings. It will also give me the edge I need to dismantle the spells he'll have on his hideout. I'm going to do it all from my house, starting right after this meeting. Issei, I'm going to need your help, but I'm positive we can do this through the spell medium."

Issei nodded. "If you're sure, I'll help any way I can."

"Good. Shirou, Arturia, you're going to know when I've finished enabling the rings to find him, because unlike ours, his is going to be permanently on: I'll keep it to light so it won't distract you, but as soon as it's ready it will start sending signals for you to follow. On the wild chance that he does get away tonight, I'll adjust things for a more long term view. But I'd prefer not to."

"He's underground, so neither Kouji nor Issei can help. I won't have enough left after taking care of my part. I'll be taking the brunt of the exhaustion, so Issei will stay by the map to help guide you afterwards. I'll almost certainly be asleep. Is that all right with you Issei?"

"Of course."

Shirou was a little startled. He'd never heard Rin ask an opinion when in totalitarian mode before.

"So, that leaves Sakura, Abraxas, Shirou, and Arturia. Sorry but that's how it is Illya."

"I wasn't arguing. But _someone _had better start teaching me magic after this."

"Actually, I was thinking you should learn with Kouji. The Ryuudou spells would have been designed with a larger than normal mana capacity in mind, they'll be perfect for you. But that's for later. Sakura and Abraxas, I'd prefer for you to stay here, partly for the children, partly as insurance. I doubt Issei can fight in here if he can't underground, and I'll be out for the count. Someone capable of mounting an effective offense should be here to keep Einzbern from any bright ideas. So long as there's no easy pickings for leverage or hostages or whatever, he should keep his beasts holed up with him to defend the fort."

Shirou frowned. "You make it sound like I and Arturia won't be here."

"You won't be," Rin said quietly. "You and Illya are the main targets, you and Arturia are the main fighting force. You three are going to go to the Shrine and wait it out. When the rings start signaling you'll head out and leave Illya safe inside the barrier. Einzbern knows we've already found the tunnel, and that he's going to be attacked very soon, one way or another. He'll be thinking in terms of defense, and that means keeping his beasts at home. If he can't strike at you three he shouldn't strike at all. After a sense, you _will _be protecting us – because you'll be there, it won't be worth his while to attack here. With backup from Sakura Abraxas can handle a very respectable number of blood beasts, so even if he does take a shot at it we'll be fine."

Issei frowned. "Are you sure? I mean, unarmed?"

Rin smiled wryly. After seeing him recover from a soul drain in a third of a night and still have enough force of will to negate a powerful warding spell, her estimation of Abraxas had risen to rival Sakura's. "Yes. Trust me."

"Well...if you say so..."

"If it's about his being unarmed, I can fix that," Shirou said suddenly.

Rin blinked. "Oh. Of course. _I _should have thought of that. Your weapons last for hours no matter where you are. An excellent idea. Make sure it's something that suits his strength and size, it would be a waste otherwise."

"Oh, this should be _exactly _right for his size, I think," Shirou said quietly.

"Huh? What are you...you wouldn't."

"Why not? It's not even a Noble Phantasm."

Rin didn't know what to say. Shirou was right – it made perfect sense. And yet, some part of her wasn't ready to see what Abraxas would look like when he picked it up.

_If I can't get over this, I'm not over it at all am I?_

"Go ahead," she said quietly. "May as well do it now."

Shirou nodded, and stood up, and cupped his hands in the air by the wall. The characteristic shimmer of his tracing – a little slower than usual, thanks to his lack of practice with this particular item – glimmered and faded, leaving behind a monstrous weapon, part sword, part club, all massive chipped stone, to thunk heavily against the wall. Stood upright, the hilt would have brushed Shirou's chin – five and a half feet at least.

Illya went very still.

"The halls are pretty big here," Shirou said to Abraxas. "You'll have room to swing it. With your reach and all, you should be able to bottle up a hallway and hold them there easily. You should try to meet them just inside the entrance to one, if they come."

Abraxas nodded. "I will remember," he promised.

There was a pause, while those in the room who'd been in the War pulled themselves out of the various recollections the weapon conjured. Even after Rin spoke, Illya continued to stare at the weapon, eyes soft, distant and vulnerable.

"I think that covers everything. No wait – Kouji, you get to choose here. You can stay with us or go with Shirou to the Shrine. Whichever you'd prefer."

Kouji glanced at Illya, who seemed somehow lost, right there at the table. "I'll go to the Shrine," he said quietly.

"Good. Then we're set. I guess we might as well get started then."

Sakura coughed meaningfully

"What?" Rin asked defensively. "I need as much time as I can get."

"Rin, it's almost noon. Don't you think you should _eat _before starting a magic working that will take the rest of the day? And everyone else may as well eat with us then. To be honest, after all that's happened, cooking for everyone would make me feel a little better."

"...oh. I forgot. Sorry everybody."

Almost everyone just smiled and shrugged. Illya still wasn't paying attention to anything, and Arturia was just plain relieved.

"Well, it'll have to be quick and simple. Illya...oh dear," Sakura said softly, realizing for the first time what seeing the weapon Shirou had chosen had done. "Ah – Kouji? And Shirou, yes, come and help me out please."

Shirou got up to go. Rin seized his wrist and yanked him downward.

_"When did you guess?"_ She hissed.

"No idea really," he replied quietly. "I just sort of knew at some point. I fought pretty hard with him after all. Who else does?"

"Sakura. We haven't told anyone else yet. I guess I should have said something to Illya."

"Too late now. She's not alone, and she knows it. She'll be okay."

Rin let go. "She'd better be," she said, not seeming to realize that her usual brusque act was slipping. "She was just starting to seem really happy."

...

The food, as promised, was quick and simple, but everyone ate ravenously – in one way or another, it had been a draining morning for all of them. Somehow being ensconced in such a crowd seemed to make it easier for the children – they were able to eat quietly, and feel left alone without being alone. Illya ate steadily, but absently. Her eyes often drifted to Abraxas now – Shirou could see that the inevitable realization was not far away. Berserker had been her Servant, and the first person to be kind to her. If he'd noticed, she would. He had to wonder how she felt.

When they'd finished eating, Abraxas asked Shirou if he would trace a few dummies for him before he left. "I want to have some practice swinging that before I need it," he said, nodding at the sword-club.

It was a sensible thought, and Shirou was happy to oblige. It only took a minute, but he stayed to watch – aside from simply reassuring himself that he was leaving the others in good hands, he had a feeling it would be a sight worth seeing.

Abraxas approached the dummies, then swung the weapon a few times, not with any intention to hit, just getting a feel. The massive weapon, so heavy Shirou wasn't sure even his Reinforcement would let him use it properly, swung as casually as a rapier in his huge hand. The experimental swings broadened, becoming more purposeful, as Abraxas gained confidence. The power in them was disturbingly familiar. Then, at last, a certain look crossed Abraxas's face. He turned to the three heavy wood dummies, striking both feet firmly into the ground and holding the sword-club directly in front of him. Then he pulled it back over his head and performed a massive full house swing, two handed, his deep chested _hah_ grinding against the ear like the foretelling of an earthquake.

All three shattered.

Surveying the pieces, Abraxas slowly left the stance of his lunge, and let the blade rest on his shoulders. He nodded, satisfied. "I won't lose with this," he said, looking at Shirou, approval in his voice and eyes. "Thank you."

"I'm the one who's grateful. No matter what Rin says, there's no way I could leave them like this if you weren't here."

Abraxas nodded. "Don't worry. I won't let them get hurt."

Shirou nodded back. "Well, I guess we had better get started then. Illy...ya..."

Illya didn't look like she'd heard. She was staring at Abraxas, mouth slightly open, lips moving a little, as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't begin right. Slowly, she started to walk towards him..then stopped. Staring with her heart in her eyes, but no words in her mouth.

Abraxas knew nothing of the story behind those eyes. But he knew when someone needed comfort. The hand not holding the sword, a hand larger than her head that cradled five year olds with care and crushed blood beasts with pride, gently came to rest on her head.

"Don't worry. I won't lose."

For a moment, she just continued to stare up at him. "Don't...don't die either."

"I won't."

She nodded. Then, like a sleepwalker, she turned around and walked through the gate, past Shirou and Arturia and Kouji, without looking. She got about half a block, the others following behind. Then she stopped cold. Her shoulders began to shake. Shirou rushed over to her.

"Illya...Illya..."

"They're all here now Shirou," she said, turning her face to him, smiling and crying at the same time. "They're all here. Everyone who was kind to me...they're all here. Even my Servant...even Berserker's come back. And now...now it's all come full circle. I don't know how...I don't think I know how to have this much family."

Shirou opened up his arms, and she buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

"It doesn't make sense Shirou," she said as she cried. "It just doesn't make sense, it's so stupid. Why does being this happy hurt as much as being this sad?"

...

Rin had clearly intended to go straight to work after eating, but Sakura had other ideas. She promptly roped them into helping to clear and clean while she tended the children. Uncharacteristically, Rin didn't argue. Issei hadn't been on close terms with her for very long but even he knew that for her to accept this kind of delay so quietly wasn't normal. If it came to that, the way Sakura was acting didn't seem right either. She was always confident and in charge in these situations, but normally she was very natural and calm about it. Now she seemed over-assertive, speaking and moving sharply. There was a wholly unnatural air of belligerence in the way she – not told, demanded – that they do the chores while she played mother. Out of his depth, Issei followed Rin's lead and said nothing, quietly going along as Sakura directed them for a good forty five minutes. Then they left. Issei waited until they were in Rin's house to talk. He suspected it was going to be private, assuming he got any answer at all.

"Rin? Is something wrong with Sakura? I haven't been with you that long but she really seemed...well, uptight?"

"There's plenty to be uptight about."

"But I didn't think she was the sort to be derailed so easily. She's so much steadier than she seems."

For a long moment, Rin just looked at him. He let her: she was thinking. Finally she sighed. "It's as much my story as hers, I suppose. I can tell it if I like. She's afraid."

"Afraid of what will happen to us? Or to Shirou and Arturia?"

"I'm sure she's worried about that too, but not so much. She has faith in them, we all do. They're strong individuals and work perfectly as a team. No. What she's afraid of is being angry. All of this makes her want to be angry, very angry. And that frightens her."

"I don't understand. She's frightened of being angry?"

"Sit down. This won't be quick."

Issei moved into the kitchen and sat down. Rin sat down near him. "Issei, how much have you figured out about Sakura's adoption?"

"That it was bad. That the Matou's misused her in some way. Something changed after the War and then you – finished it – just a little bit ago."

Rin nodded. "Understand that even Shirou hasn't been told what I'm about to tell you. And I'm still not telling you everything. None of this is something I want talked about, even among us. All right?"

Issei nodded.

"Good. Issei, abuse or misuse can't even begin to describe what Zoken did to her. He said he wanted an heir, but what he really wanted was a puppet, a tool, a vessel. He literally invaded her soul. He made these – things – worms is the best description, made of magic. They put her under his control, when he wanted them to, but what was truly evil about them didn't come from him. Issei - he used some of the sludge from the fourth Grail. That Grail – as all since the Third War – was infected by Angra Mainyu, which is a manifestation of the dark side of mankind itself. Think about it. She was living under circumstances that could have turned anyone bitter and cruel, and she had constructs made of evil incarnate running amok in her body. She believed that she had no one to turn to. My father didn't care. One of my relatives cared but he died in the Fourth War. And I – I was trying to become the Tohsakan Heir. I should have found out, but I didn't. I think a part of me knew that once I did, I would have to choose between her and the rest of my family. I was a coward," she said softly. "She was right to blame me."

"Is that what she says now?" Issei asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, but wait for it. She was being twisted from both outside and inside. And she believed that everyone who should have cared for her had abandoned her. Who _wouldn't _have learned to hate? She's strong, like you said. Very strong. She didn't break. She struggled desperately. When she couldn't hold on alone, she found Shirou, and held on through him. Not that he's ever figured it out."

"I know she had quite a crush on him for a while."

"I'm not sure it was really about him, not that way. She needed something to hold on to, something to believe in that was outside of herself. She found Shirou. Naïve, stubborn, idealistic – he was a perfect beacon for her, exactly what she needed. Through him, she was able to hold on to herself as she wished to be – kind, gentle, loving. But the hate, the rage, the capability for all consuming spite, was still there, planted in her heart."

"When I found out, the worms were already gone, eliminated by Caster. But the affects of the possession remained. For a year and a half I struggled and studied, trying to undo what had been done. The first year was terrible: she was a wreck. My arrival, combined with Zoken and Shinji leaving her life, permanently or effectively, upset the equilibrium she'd struggled to maintain till then. She attacked me twice in the first six months. Not got angry or shouted, she did that all the time – _attacked, _fiercely enough to almost kill me. And each time, when she really realized what she was doing, she'd collapse like a puppet with her strings cut, crying and crying. I have never hated anyone as I learned to hate Zoken. Even Einzbern. Even now."

"In the end, a complete recovery wasn't possible. You can't unhappen a thing, and I couldn't eliminate her darker emotions – everyone has them, it's a part of human nature: she wouldn't have stayed human if I'd tried any more. So she was left with the clarity of mind to control and to choose, but an unnatural awareness of her own dual nature. Her experience had polarized the good and the bad in her, leaving her constantly aware of which direction every single choice could go. That perception remains."

"Do you understand now? She had to make a choice. Most of us are either generally good or generally bad, but at heart we're always muddling through all of our different parts and wants. But Sakura could only be good or bad. Pure dark or pure white. After having spent all those years learning the worst of human nature, in herself and others, she swore, sometime in those last six months, that she would never be guided by that self again. That the Sakura everyone else had always seen would be the true one, through and through. She doesn't refuse to learn offensive spells because she's repulsed by them, or because she can't learn. It's just one more manifestation of her choice. She refuses to learn to destroy. The struggle to maintain that balance is a battle she'll fight all her life."

"And that's why she fears being too angry. She immerses herself in domestics and children, until she knows she's won the battle, one more time. Even when it's at a time like this, I can't argue with her. How can I, when it's all my fault? I will never, ever fail anyone so badly as I failed my sister."

"In a way," Rin said softly, "she is like me though. We both live in fear of the paths we almost walked in life. We were both saved from our paths by the same person. And now we both struggle to forge paths of our own. She fears anger, hate, revenge. I fear greed, knowledge, obsession. Both are really just the dark side of the lives we do lead, so we can't simply avoid them. We have to face and fight them, every day, and every night. For the rest of our lives."

"Everyone fights that battle," Issei said quietly.

"But they aren't as aware," Rin said quietly. "And they don't have our power. But yes, it's still a very human struggle at heart."

"And you're afraid that her forgiveness is really because she's afraid not to. Because she's afraid of holding a grudge. Of giving her dark self an edge."

"Yes," Rin whispered. "Sometimes anyway. We've become very close now. I don't really believe she still hates me. But I can't forgive myself, you see. So there are still times when I wonder. Relatively speaking, it's a mild remuneration."

"I suppose. But you know, that really explains things for me. I couldn't understand what I was seeing."

"Sorry?"

"Do you remember me mentioning that Sakura's image was a white angel?"

Rin blinked. "I remember but...what with what you told me about mine, I never thought about it. That...that can't really be right, can it?"

"Well...I'd thought it must have been some mistake, but...Sakura's angel...has a shadow. A perfect black silhouette. It's the only soul image I've ever seen that has one."

For a moment, Rin said nothing. Then she smiled, and leaned back with a long, soft sigh. "Which is the reality, and which is the reflection?" She quoted softly, paraphrasing a philosophical debate. "In the realm of the mind, it's all a matter of will. Every day she chooses that reality is the white angel, and the reflection the black. And because of that, it's true."

"Thank you for telling me."

"I could say the same, telling me something even Shirou doesn't know."

"Well, 'even' is kind of relative you know," Rin said breezily, getting up. "Different people, different rules. Come on, we've lost enough time already on this. You know Shirou and Arturia will be chewing on the bit until we turn 'em loose."

"True. I'm coming."

...

It was a natural assumption, but in truth, Arturia was rather enjoying herself.

It helped that she'd trained to a more regimented discipline than the others. For them, inactivity was much more maddening because it usually signified a stalemate: they were used to taking care of everything themselves. But in the SS you had specialties and divisions and so on, so she was a little more used to the idea that while you yourself simply waited, important progress which would be transferred to you in due time was being made elsewhere. Rin was at the wheel, which left things in good hands, so all there was to do was wait for the promised signal. Until then, the Ryuudou shrine presented an unexpected opportunity.

As Shirou had pointed out, her sightseeing plans had been thoroughly derailed. She wouldn't have done it any other way of course, but she still would have liked to have seen more. So finding herself with time to kill in a large, authentic old style Japanese shrine was, to her point of view, near unbelievably opportune, and she was proceeding to make the most of it. She'd already toured most of the inside, taking her time: Rin had made it clear she was unlikely to finish before dark. The libraries, various halls and functions, and even the residents, all had fascinated her, as all things new did, and her genuine interest and appreciation had earned her plenty of willing ad hoc tour guides. She'd saved the fields outside for last.

Those, she wanted to explore alone.

The breeze was surprisingly warm, tossing long, slow green waves of grass across the lawn. It felt like she'd stepped back two seasons: Avalon's influence, most likely. She walked, slowly, ever so slightly alert and apprehensive, even though she knew there was no reason to expect anything to happen. That self, if self it had been, was long gone, and its memories with it. This place was only history: relevant history perhaps, but history all the same.

And yet, of their own accord, her feet sought to move towards the peak of a gentle slope. When she realized what was happening she stopped for a moment – but nothing else seemed wrong, and she felt no compulsion, merely vague attraction. So she went on, following it, until she stopped. She turned about, so she was gazing down the slope. Still feeling for that strange, so very subtle not-knowing, she felt her body shifting and straightening, settling into some pose she did not know. After a moments hesitation, she once again allowed it to occur.

So. This was the place.

Here, five years ago, Saber had said goodbye to Shirou.

She frowned, lifted her feet and swung her arms. No difference, no resistance, no strange reluctance or compulsion. She almost laughed at herself: what had she been expecting? To be suddenly swamped in a flood of memories? To find herself possessed, perhaps, by the spirit of the one who'd come before? Much as the girl had come to seem like a ghost of herself, she knew that whatever connection there was was far subtler than that. It must have been a very intense moment, for her body to remember anything at all.

_What were you thinking then, Saber? You who loved the same man as I. You who said goodbye to him, as I will. Did you regret it after all, at the last? Did you wish to stay? To have one more day, one more night, one more moment of peace with your love? When you watched him disappear, were __you sad, that this was all there was? Or were you simply glad that it had happened at all? Grateful for the gift of knowing this feeling, for a short and blessed while._

_ I know that I am grateful. And yet...I wonder if I won't be sad as well, after all..._

_All dreams end,_ a voice otherworldly and female said softly. _And no good dream ends unmourned. Whether it lived in sleep or in life._

"Avalon?"

_Are there any other gods around? _The voice asked, a rich undercurrent of amusement suggesting an invisible smile. _I am very fond of this spot. I am often drawn to it. Issei tells me that it was here he found me when I was still half grown: I imagine that is why. The temple may be the center of the shrine, but _my_ center seems to be here. I try to keep it green and warm._

"You've succeeded. It's quite wonderful, especially now in winter."

_Thank you. You seemed deep in thought._

Arturia frowned. "From the way you answered me, _you _seemed to know all about it." There was an edge in her voice: she did not like the idea of any god, even one as benevolent as Avalon, reading her mind.

_I know hearts and dreams, but not thoughts. I could see in you the glimmer of something cherished, and that you anticipated your sorrow when it passed. I responded to that alone. I have not invaded your thoughts, my daughter, rest assured._

"So you can see dreams?"

_All that makes you smile and feel at peace, and all that can shatter it; all that gives you joy and all that destroys it; all these things I see, in you and in all. I was first formed from a nation's dreams of a perfect, golden utopia come to earth. At the time, many believed this was at hand. Of course it still did not come to pass, but much was accomplished, and within me lingers the memory, and the knowledge that even if our dreams cannot be perfectly realized, we can still make some part of it true. And a dream come true is no dream at all, but a reality, precious and fragile, to be protected as valiantly as you fought to achieve it. If you will pardon my intrusion, I believe you face a similar situation now._

"I did not dream of this, though perhaps I should have. Wonderful as it is, I had never thought of it before."

_The dream was still there. Closeness and companionship, love and understanding, no one lives without longing for such things, knowingly or not. I am Avalon, born of the deepest wishes of a million souls, and no one knows better than I. Your awareness of your need has come on the heels of finding it, but it is only awareness: it has not been created, but discovered._

_ My daughter – have you no plans to fight for this dream?_

"There is nothing to fight," Arturia said softly. "I love Shirou, as a man, partner, soulmate. I love Illya, a girl who needs me, as a sister, as a mother. I love Sakura, and Rin, as dear, close friends. And they all love me in return. When I go back to England, I will know they remember me just as I do them. I will be nurtured by thoughts of love from across the ocean."

_And you believe that thoughts will be enough?_

"...what?"

_Your need has not been created by your time here; rather, your time here has made you aware of your need, which all men share. You cannot undo this awareness. Do you believe that you can return and fight in England this way? Knowing everything you lack there, all the fire that lies just beyond your grasp, an ocean away? Are you so sure that knowing only their thoughts can sustain you? For no one can give for long without receiving, and not pay a price in their soul._

Arturia stood unmoving, shoulders tight, back stiff, eyes glaring ahead. It made no difference where she looked in this conversation, after all. "Do not presume to tell me what I can and cannot do, Avalon. You may know much of dreams but you know nothing of me. I have fought for the lives of the English for years; when I return, I will do so again. Nothing will change, except for having known them. That is how it should be."

Avalon's voice, when she spoke, was heavy. _...As you wish, my daughter. Then please accept this gift before you go. Though it will not last, it will protect you well in the battle, should you come to need it. Hold out your hands, palms upwards._

After a moments hesitation, Arturia did so.

_Hold them more evenly please. Yes. And now please be patient, as I have not done this before: it may take me a few minutes._

And indeed, for the first few seconds, there was no sign of anything at all. Then the air above her hands seemed to gain slight substance; she felt a ghostly sensation of a rounded hard surface that grew steadily more distinct. Now a shape began to show in the air, first transparent, then etched ever more clearly in vibrant blue and gold. And then she was holding a broad, magnificent scabbard, richly designed in blue leather and gold linings.

_There, _said Avalon, voice tired with satisfaction. _I knew I could do it. You may thank your Shirou for this, in part: I could not have come to realize this possibility if he had not left a copy of my old self for me to examine. I have become much larger than I was then, but that form still comes naturally to my power. You hold a portion of myself, formed into the likeness of my origins. It will perform just as it did. The separation cannot be maintained for long, but for the course of the battle at least you will carry the protection of the Noble Phantasm I once was. Shirou can tell you how to use it. May it guard you well, and see you safely home. If my blessings have power, then I bless you now. Fight well, my daughter. Fight well, fight safely, and live to fight again._

"Thank you. It is a splendid gift."

_The golden peace of utopia knows no war, but the peace we find in this world is often shielded by swords from far away. Fight well, my daughter, _Avalon repeated. _Fight well, hero. Fight and win, and live to return to peace again._

_ And now, unless I am mistaken, it is time for you to go..._

_..._

Somewhere in a smooth swept wood room, Shirou sat, eyes closed, thinking. There was a great deal of personal past and history in this battle; both his, those he knew, and the one he considered himself the heir of.

Kiritsugu.

He'd learned a lot about him of late. Not so much detail, perhaps, but he'd learned something of where that deep sadness about him had sprung. Of why he'd spoken of being a hero with such deep, fond regret. And yet still something in the way his foster father had spoken had lit a fire in him, made him want to pick up that abandoned, rusty ideal and restore it to its former glory. And he'd known that this made his father happy. But only to the extent that the child he had been could understand it. And when he'd grown into greater perception, all he'd had to turn it to was memory.

He'd started this train of thought out back behind the shrine, where his father's grave was. But a grave is a cold and impersonal thing: the idea that stone and slot represented the closest he could now get to his father had always seemed wrong to him. Here, crouched in the silence of his own mind, was where the last remnants of his father lay – there and in the shared ideals he held. And so here, waiting to go into battle with his father's last enemy, he thought about him. About what he'd already known, and what he'd know come to know.

And about a piece of paper, folded carefully in his pocket, where it would be safe.

Bringing the white coat he had found it with had not been possible. But the message, a small, portable piece of paper, burned steadily in his mind.

.

_Shirou;_

_ I hope and believe that this letter finds you well. If you have not changed your mind then you lead a rather dangerous life; so much so that I could not fault you for changing. And yet in my heart, I do not believe that you have._

_ I don't know what led you to find this. I had no way to know if you would ever find it: if the coat would not be thrown away or left to moulder, letter and cloth languishing as one. All I know is that as you read this, I am surely dead, for I estimate I cannot have more than a year remaining to me. But if you have found it, buried amidst my other things, then you must be wondering what it was doing there, so unlike my other clothes, not even opened at all. The truth is, I simply couldn't wear it. _

_ Shirou...your father is a rather sad man. Born with the noblest aspirations, I quickly found myself falling into ever darker shades of gray. I made so many mistakes Shirou, and I was trapped by them, unable to find my way back. I thought surely the War was my salvation, a beacon of hope where my dread skills could win the end I sought after all, through the Grail's power. I fought, I hoped, I prayed – only to find that the Grail I sought had become far more corrupted than I. Faced at last with the true nature of my actions and where they must lead, the hope I had staked so much on no more than a mass of foul mud, all that was left for me was to salvage what I could: reject and destroy the Grail, and try to move on. I was one man shorn of even the illusion of victory, surrounded by flaming ruins: one more mistake, and thousands of lives that perished of it._

_ And there, in the deepest moment of despair I have ever known, you emerged, and fell at my feet, alive against all odds. And I found a spark again._

_ It was a pleasure to raise you Shirou, but also a torment. In your eyes I saw the pure light I had lost so long ago. Oh, I tried, my son, I tried very hard. In what time I had left, I tried to take back what I'd lost, tried to make up some of my mistakes. And yet nothing I did seemed to succeed. In the end, I found myself facing a painful truth: I was, now and forever, a black Shinigami, a fallen deliverer of justice, and I could no longer learn to fly. And yet here I was, a stained Messiah, raising the purest heart I had ever seen. A heart that trusted me with all its soul. Some days I could not decide if I did not deserve you, or if you did not deserve better than me._

_ When people are desperate Shirou, they grasp at things that make no sense, that are not really relevant and cannot possibly solve things, but which are easier to accept than the truth. I was that desperate, pulled about by my own futile attempts to repent, and watching you grow. I wanted to be worthy of that trusting gaze so badly...in my heart I knew, of course, that no simple change of clothing could possibly change who I was. Even in the moment after I finished ordering it, I knew I could never wear it, that it would only highlight the sad hypocrisy that riddled my soul. And when it arrived, that conviction was confirmed. Holding it, seeing all my hopeless efforts look back at me in white and gold, I almost threw it away. _

_ And then I heard your voice playing in the corridor, and I suddenly realized that it would look excellent on you. And I knew – as I had always known – that what redemption I could find for my short dark life would come, not from me, but from the life I saved, and guided onward in the world._

_ Shirou – you are the one thing I have no regrets for. Amidst a thousand demons hounding me, always after the War there was one light, one hope, one cherished thought that none of it could touch._

_ There was nothing left to believe in in myself. But I believed in you._

_ Could you find it, I asked myself. Could you find the path that I could not, the way to true justice? A way to remain a white Shinigami, pure even in the delivery of death? _

_ Till my last breath I shall cheat the curse of the Grail, the curse that regret would never leave me. Because in my heart of hearts, I believe that you can._

_ I could not wear this coat. I never could, it would have been a mockery. But you can. Though I told you all the realizations that had led me astray, your resolution never wavered. I see a hope in you that I myself could not hold. If all my mistakes can at least guide you on the proper path, then I will die knowing I had done something worth living for._

_ Live on, my son. Do all that I wished to, but couldn't. Find the path I sought._

_ Be a White Shinigami._

_._

Emiya Kiritsugu.

.

On Shirou's left hand, a circle of heat flashed briefly. Lifting his hand, he saw the glowing pulse that now pointed the way to Einzbern. Slowly – deliberately – he got up.

_Father – I believed in you, whatever you may think. And I will continue to believe in you, whatever they may say, and whatever they may tell me. Because in the end, you gave me my way to live._

_ I will win this battle. And I will save your daughter. I will finish your undone battles, and then fight more of my own. I will save all the lives I can reach. _

_ Not because I am pure. And not because I am a hero of justice._

_ But because I am your son._

_..._

He and Arturia met outside the doorway. There was no need for words: as one, they turned and strode out the archway, heading for their final confrontation. Avalon had never seen two souls so perfectly in step. Then again, she was ever uncertain of just how much that encompassed. Whether, when she thought such a thing, she spoke of the experience of a multitude, or of a mere two years. Or whether her understanding transcended it all. After all, she was supposed to be a god.

Then again, what kind of god of dreams could not guide a soul so deserving, with so much in front of her, to hold on to her own?

_Oh my daughter...must you _always _take the hardest road, always sacrifice more than you have? When will you realize how important those things you sacrifice are, to your very purpose? And when will reward find you, you who have fought so selflessly for four lifetimes, and now prepare to do so again? When will the gods reward virtue, if not now? And how can they reward you, if you refuse to hold on when it shimmers before your eyes, inviting you?_

_ Perhaps, if you will not fight for your dream...perhaps, it will fight for you._

_..._

In the Matou household, the halls were dark and silent. Abraxas, leaning against the wall outside the childrens' door, seemed just another part of it all: an equally dark and silent shadow looming against the slightly lighter backdrop of the wall. Even if they couldn't see him, the children knew he was there, outside, watching. One more comfort between them and the dark terrors of the unknown.

Abraxas's head lifted; he shifted, moved, still relatively silent but now in motion, slowly straightening from the wall to walk slowly, softly, down the hall. It was a remarkably silent passage for such a large, powerful person. The impression, when viewed from the side, was subtly terrifying: a huge dark figure passing with unnatural, perhaps lethal grace through darker and lighter patches until he reached the end of the hall, stopping just before where it opened up into a large room, where his sword awaited, leaning against the wall. It seemed no smaller than before for the dark; the opposite in fact. But so did Abraxas, as he grasped it in one hand and raised it, slowly, smoothly, to rest over his shoulder. It was like the edge of the sword was a curtain; uncovering, as it rose, the warrior beneath, as the Abraxas who played with children bowed out before Abraxas the Hero, who made the slaying of six blood beasts seem child's play – _without _a weapon. Now he was as frightening from the front as from the back, a silhouette of towering menace painted in inky, terrifying black. He stepped forward slightly, emerging partway into the relative light emanating from the room, so that he could be seen from beyond. His eyes stared steadily ahead into the dark.

"You shall not pass," he rumbled.

.

.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Longest chapter yet – roughly ten thousand three hundred words long. Phew.

.

One: First scene hit hard huh? I didn't pull my punches, despite the material being as emotionally draining to write as to read. It's not my writer's way. I knew something like this was coming for a long time. Even when much of the now present detail remained undiscovered, I knew that somewhere along the line, Einzbern was going to cause some kind of disaster that would leave children orphaned. The details of how, where, and why evolved later.

Two: I kinda liked that bit about having no way of knowing what children would come up with if you left the lie to their subconscious.

Three: That girl with the brother is a bit special. I've planned her a while too. Not nearly as long, but for a while now. Watch for her, there's more than meets the eye. But for now, you can just enjoy that scene there – I really liked that, was looking forward to writing it. I love Abraxas' way of making the adjectives 'big' and 'large' cover so many things so accurately. His dialogue is a lot of fun because of his deliberate peculiarities.

Four: Rin asks permission. The scene is more significant than you might think. For someone like Rin, the accord of respect, especially of opinion, plays a huge part of her relationship to others. Of course she respects the opinion of everyone in the group to some extent – she'd hardly tolerate the company of anyone she didn't for long – but what she displays here with Issei is a little different. She asks, not because she isn't sure of the answer, but to show that she will respect his right to choose and answer otherwise if he wishes. This is not something she feels a need to do with the others, but in the kind of deeper relationship she and Issei are forming, it is very important – the closer you are, the more such things can come to matter. Rin can be quite overbearing – she is saying, whether she realizes it or not (probably not), that she will go out of her way not to do this to Issei. An accord of respect unprecedented. No, this doesn't mean I've finally starting planning their scenes. I'm simply (and admiringly) noticing all this in retrospect. Didn't see it that deep at the time. Because they were writing it. As always. But they're doing a great job, that was pretty solid.

Five: The weapon. Cat's out of the bag. Been building towards this for Illya. I honestly thought it would happen much earlier – I thought she would realize almost immediately after seeing him. Then I tried to write that when they met – at breakfast, remember? – and it just wouldn't happen. Having learned to gracefully submit to such pressures, I let it go. And now the time has finally come. I think it came out even more poignant than I had envisioned. I'm so disappointed…(lol)

Six: Why does being this happy hurt as much as being this sad? Oh, I _love_ this line. Completely unplanned, was born as it was written. But oh, _how _I love it. It became my favorite of the story instantly. I got a real quotable here, at least in my opinion. Other opinions?

Seven: The black and the white angel. When I wrote this story, I knew there would be many inconsistencies with the VN. I accepted it. I even deliberately chose not to try and match the VN in certain places – magecraft comes to mind. I quickly realized it would be more trouble, and much more time, than it was worth to try and make the magic here just as canon dictates. To me, such things are more or less interchangeable, so long as the interchanged facts are solidly made. I really didn't feel very guilty at all. Characters, however…are a different matter. Even though my initial conclusions about Kiritsugu were understandable, even if my portrayal of Sakura is so natural as to be almost inevitable even with my skills and properly conducted wiki trawling, these bother me far more than not being able to figure out whether a Reality Marble is an inborn trait or a magecraft (it still seems like Natsu keeps contradicting himself to me there). I mentioned about Kiritsugu in the author's notes, so you knew something like it was coming. Anime watchers, however, may or may not be bemused by this new angle on Sakura. I sincerely hope not, but as I had not known about it when I wrote previous scenes, it's possible that it seems out of the blue to them. If I do someday have the time to revise this story from the beginning, certain scenes will change subtly to properly herald this eventual revelation. VN players, however, have made it clear that if there is one significantly misrepresented character here, it's Sakura. To anime watchers it would of course seem natural, but even with having researched Heaven's Feel, I'd truly believed that the all the darker emotions she shows was a result of the pressure of her situation - to me, the face she showed Shirou was clearly the face she herself preferred to believe in, and therefore, given the events and support she gets in my timeline, this is how she would be. I still felt that way, but apparently I needed to elaborate more, lay down more background and such, to make the VN players (and therefore me and my perfectionist tormentor self) comfortable. Now, all of those people also made it clear that as far as they were concerned, the story was already excellent and such flaws were easily dismissed. In fact, few saw fit to even mention particulars - a brief reference to 'some misconceptions' was the norm. So I could have just gone on and ignored it if I'd wanted...except that I _really _hated knowing I was presenting a character unconvincingly. In the end, even just within the scope of the story, she is improved as a character for the depth this adds. And have you noticed, it gives her another connection to Abraxas? He, too, has seen his worse self, and battled to overcome it. An unexpected bonus.

Eight: She needed something outside of herself to believe in. When I read the wiki's explanation of how she fell in love with him (I see no need to retell it here, VN people already know it and to anime people it was always just a background thing anyway), this was what I immediately thought. That, it seemed very clear to me, was not love. That was desperation. Once Rin gave her the support she needed, her 'feelings' faded away with her need. That is what I sincerely believe, from what I know of her and her interactions and thoughts of him, from my research. She was never in love with him. She needed someone like him desperately, knowing or not, and after years of depending on him it is not surprising she thought herself in love. But she wasn't.

Nine: Arturia meets Avalon. It took three tries to get this one right. Avalon kept trying to jump the gun. _She _saw clearly all the arguments that would eventually become clear to Arturia. But she isn't supposed to hear them _now_. Quiet you fool, we've got a plot to follow! Anyway, getting the right balance in that conversation took quite a bit of editing, is what I'm saying. More mention is made of the big realization: that to live the life she's chosen, she _needs _to have people like Shirou and Illya in her life. _For no one can give for long without receiving_…but she's not ready to accept that yet of course. Arturia is going to have to learn the hard way. I knew that all along.

Ten: Avalon's sheath. Cool, yes? I thought of that a while ago.

Eleven: Be a white Shinigami. I was very pleased with this. I flatter myself that perhaps I've managed to tap into some of the emotions of Fate Zero, at least for those who've played it. As I mentioned in chapter fifteen's notes on top of sixteen, this is essentially overlaying the canon angst of his past over the factual alternate past I had already given him.

Twelve: You shall not pass. Definitely one of my subtler atmospheric scenes. I was very pleased with it. Note the complete absence of any direct reference to what he sees or hears – only the depiction of his responses. That's a deliberate technique there.

I've been wondering: should I change the summary for this story? If I had a hundred more characters to the limit I'd be a lot happier, but as is, that summary is a forced compression of what I'd like to say. Notice I had to take all the proper grammatical spaces out to fit it. It looks messy, even if it sounds decent. I've been thinking maybe I need something more like a tagline. When I tweet it for people to find, I simply say: Fate/Spiral Time: The future is like the past - but different. Any other ideas, or opinions on that one? Or just on whether you think there's really any need to change at all?

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Chapter Eighteen is where the fireworks begin. Iiiiiiit's showtime! I hope to unveil Shirou's final power-up in it, even he doesn't actually use it much before Nineteen. But we'll see. (Of course there's a final power-up, everyone knows you save the coolest and strongest new move to unveil for the showdown)


	19. Chapter 18: Brave Hearts

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**Chapter Eighteen: Brave Hearts**

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The streets were dark and silent, but not unoccupied. Like an eerie honor guard from an alternate world, the inhabitants of the slums stood silently in various poses outside, watching as Shirou and Arturia passed. For four days they had worked hard together to make this happen. Now all heads turned their way, acknowledging in silence their champions as they marched past on their way to battle. Some saluted. Some nodded. All followed them with their eyes until they were out of sight. Watching. Thinking.

At last, the time had come.

Words had clearly been spoken at the station: silent city employees met them, doors that said 'authorized personnel' and 'staff only' were opened and closed, leaving them on the sidewalk used by the subway repairmen. A map with the route they needed to take marked in red was given, along with the terse comment that 'that old tunnel only goes back a little ways.' The information was accepted with a nod: only a short part of the tunnel had existed before. This meant the rest would be much more dangerous, as Einzbern would have constructed them with eventuality of just such an attack in mind. But they had already been prepared for that.

It was a rather long way on foot; they traveled in silence, each wrapped in their own grim thoughts, their singular purpose lending a unified, somehow final ring to each step, as if they prepared each moment for that step to become the first step into battle. In their minds, the final confrontation had already begun.

When they reached the entrance, Shirou stopped Arturia.

"Barrier of some kind. Rin must have concentrated on the ones farther in. They would have been the strongest ones." He flexed his fingers; a long, wavy blade that gleamed in a sickly range of rainbow hues, like oil on water, appeared in his grip. Rule Breaker, the anti-sorcerer Noble Phantasm, whose touch dispelled all magical spells and powers. "Rule Breaker can't break the big spells without a lot of mana behind it," he added, as he slowly pushed the point through the entrance. Briefly, some invisible resistance held the blade, as if the air were thick gel. Then with a jerk it broke free. Shirou dismissed it.

"Let's go." He said.

...

In the Matou house, a silent war was being fought. The blood beasts stood glaring from the dark shadows of the halls on one side. On the other, Abraxas loomed, a silent statement that unless they could kill him, the hall ended there. Abraxas was still and inviolate; the blood beasts were tense and unmoving. Nobody stirred.

The war was in their heads.

Einzbern had raised them to be mindless. It was part and parcel of his purpose for them. All the will and sense of self that could be stripped from a being, had been stripped. As such they obeyed without hesitation, quite simply lacked the ability to conceive otherwise. The only conflicting need that had ever risen in them that Einzbern had feared his ability to control was the blind need for life force their feedings had created, which he had planted and planned for himself.

Until now.

The most primal and basic instinct in all beasts, beyond procreation, beyond food, beyond rest, is the simple will to live, to survive, to struggle and fight for every moment of breath that can be gained. And even Einzbern had been unable to remove it. And now, temporarily, he found himself unable to overcome it. By his will, they could not retreat. But all of his will could not make them advance. They knew, deep in their souls, by the eternal balance of predator and prey, that what stood before them was far beyond their strength. Concepts of numbers and a collective victory at the cost of some were beyond their capacity to comprehend: they were only capable of gauging in terms of themselves. And what they gauged was this.

Death barred the door.

Will of master and will of beast locked, and stalemate prevailed. Sooner or later one would break, but for now, all was still.

...

For the first part of the tunnel, all was still but Shirou and Arturia. There were no more spells or barriers, no physical traps, no ambushes of blood beasts. It was a little unnerving, but they were still in the parts of the tunnel made by the city: apparently Einzbern had chosen to save his resources for customized ground. But when they got to the end of that part of the tunnel, they stopped. Not because they had finally found some form of resistance, but for what was in its way a more troubling reason: the tunnel split in two.

Shirou frowned, and held up his ring, calculating. "He's down the right hand one," he said at last. "But," he added, looking troubled, "there's _some _kind of heavy duty spell down the left hand one. It feels like a barrier of some sort. I don't like to leave it. He could be keeping the life-forces there. If we can take it out first he'll be easier to deal with."

"If it can make that much of a difference in his fighting capacity, then that won't be where it is," Arturia said. "At a time like this, he would make sure that it was behind him, where we would have to fight him first to reach it."

Shirou nodded. "I see. You're probably right, but..."

"A big spell like that can't be for show," Arturia agreed. "It's a drain in and of itself; he wouldn't maintain something like that without a purpose. Something else important is there. Something we shouldn't leave un-investigated."

"Shirou – please let me handle this."

"What? Don't be silly, who's been lecturing me about splitting up anyway? We'll check it out together and then go back—"

"Shirou," Arturia interrupted. Something in her tone made him stop. There was a worried expression on his face, but he waited for her to continue. "Shirou – I think I know what's in there. I never had time to wonder in England, and because they were clearly beasts it probably wouldn't have occurred to me, but there is something strange in how I was never able to reach a killing in time to find any evidence but the bodies. Again and again – I was on those cases exclusively for two years. But always some little delay would occur, and when I got there it would be too late. And even though Rin says he can't possibly have any magical spying spells on us, he always knows where we are and when to attack, almost immediately. What if he isn't using magic to watch us? What if he's using military level equipment instead?"

"You think you have a traitor," Shirou said quietly, almost gently.

"It makes sense in a way," Arturia said, looking sad. "Unlike the rest of Europe, England is also across water. To get his beasts there from Germany, and back, might be doable without help – but it would be easier. The SS have their own ways of crossing. And if that's so...then this is my responsibility, my fight. Just like Einzbern belongs to you. He challenged you, not us. In your father's name, and in the name of your father's honor. You already intended it, didn't you? Even if I was allowed to help, it would only be after you'd clearly lost. You were going to defend Kiritsugu's memory with your own strength."

"...sorry."

"I didn't say I held it against you Shirou. So long as you let me stay to save you if and when you fell, it would have been enough. It was important to you, a matter of honor. I understood that. But – now I have my own battle of honor. If his accomplice is a member of the SS, as am I, then I will be the one to judge him, and no one else. It should not be a hard fight – my one true challenge will be destroying that barrier. After that he will pose little threat to me. I will come up behind you. I'm sure you won't lose that quickly."

She said the last smiling, trying to tease, to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Shirou tried to smile back, but it was slight and sad, quickly fading into a look that blended fear, sadness, and sorrow in a way that pulled at her heart, molding her face to match as strained silence stretched. And then they reached at each other at the same time, kissing with a kind of sweet desperation. No matter how strong you are, every battle holds the chance to die, and neither could face that without saying some form of goodbye. Every moment they had together was precious – they gripped this one, with its faint but no less frightening chance of being the last, as tightly as they did each other. Finally they broke apart.

"If your face haunts me to my grave, I will never regret knowing you," Arturia whispered. The words she had only thought, at the dance just one day ago. Because she had sworn to have no regrets, and no regret is worse than thoughts forever unsaid.

Shirou gripped her tighter, pulling her a little closer for one brief moment of acknowledgment. They both knew better than to try to kiss again. Slowly, he let go, and Arturia turned towards the left hand path, preparing to go on.

"Wait!" Shirou said suddenly. Arturia turned, a little surprised. Shirou held out his hands, palm up. A sword shimmered into them.

It was a regal golden blade, but even that did not explain the way her eyes riveted to the weapon. Her hands reached out to it almost instinctively, without her command; the sword seemed to sing softly of things that lay deep in her heart, the things that had brought her here today – justice and righteousness and innocent lives, and what should come to those that threatened them.

"Excalibur," Shirou explained. "The sword that goes with that sheath. It should be...attuned to you. And it is one of the most powerful Noble Phantasms that has ever been. It should help."

Slowly – without ever removing her eyes from it – Arturia took the weapon, feeling the latent rage that slept in it, the pure unyielding resolve of a servant of Justice. This sword lived to slay the unjust, hummed in anticipation of the righteous kill. Slowly, she slid it into the sheath, hanging on her back by a belt Shirou had traced for her. For a moment, their eyes locked again. She nodded.

"Thank you," she said, and ran down her tunnel, footsteps receding into darkness.

Shirou waited until he couldn't hear her anymore. Then he turned to face down his own tunnel, eyes piercing forward for the first sight of the long awaited attack he at last could hear.

With a glimmering and a clanking, the Silver Knight's form settled onto his frame. His arms thrust outward: thick lines of Tracer's Metal grew from his palms to pierce the walls, borrowing out of sight. Wild vine-like traceries bulged, advancing down the tunnel towards the approaching sounds of the blood beasts.

He was through with holding back.

"Tracer's Art – _Tunnel of Teeth._"

...

Deep in their minds, the two voices roared at each other, freezing their bodies in dumb terror.

_Fight!_

_ Hide..._

_ Fight!_

_ Run..._

_ Fight! Fight! FIGHT!_

_ Ru..._

_ Fight, damn you! He is a human, he is your prey!_

_ Prey...not prey...predator..._

Einzbern was becoming desperate. He only had a short while more to spend here before he would have to put all his mind to the battle at home. But he refused to abandon the effort. It was their own fault that they did not understand. He had not challenged Shirou or Kiritsugu, but the ideals they stood for. Ideals he intended to crush.

Love? Family? Protection? When the boy died broken and in pain, knowing that all he loved behind him were ravaged corpses, he would finally understand. Understand the truth of this world, the truth of power and the truth of Magecraft. And the truth within himself.

You were not strong – not you, not your father. Just weak cowards. That is all. That is why...

_Fight! Defend yourselves!_

_ Defend...?_

_ He is your predator! He is here, you cannot escape! If you do not fight you will die! You must escape past him, through that hall. You must fight him to live! Fight!_

_ Live...fight...must fight him...to live!_

The stalemate broke; the beasts screamed defiance and attacked as one.

As they had known would happen, the first wave died instantly, slain to the last in a single swing.

...

At Rin's house, the young mage was half collapsed in Issei's arms, breathing hard.

"I...guess I...underestimated it...a bit..."

"I told you you were using too much power. Even you can't use too much of Fuyuki without consequences."

Rin managed to regain enough air to smile for a minute. "Worth it," she told him.

Issei shook his head, but he couldn't help grinning back. "I knew you'd say that."

"Then you shouldn't have asked," Rin said, levering herself up. "There's nothing dumber than asking questions that..."

"Rin?"

Rin was staring at the map under her knees, eyes wide, face a rictus of horror. Her breath was caught at the last silence before the scream. Issei looked down.

Where Sakura's house was on the map, a thick cluster of red pulses glared.

Blood beasts.

"No...no..._that's not fair!_" Rin wailed. "It doesn't make _any_ _sense! They should have been safe!_"

She lurched to her feet and stumbled towards the door. Issei lunged to intercept.

"Wait, Rin, you can't, you've got no strength left!"

"Don't you dare tell me to stay here and watch!"

"...Then at least let me help you. You can barely walk."

Rin laughed shakily.

"Who said I was trying to go alone?"

...

There were neither traps nor barriers in this part of the tunnel – whatever waited was not so very precious after all. Worth some effort to preserve, but no elaborate defense. Which fit well with her expectations: Einzbern was not someone to give unnecessary worth or loyalty to an ally. His or her uses had diminished as soon as the collection of lives was through. No doubt he'd only kept up the 'partnership' this long for the means to spy on them undetected – it had certainly served him well. At this point though, with it all coming down to the finish, Einzbern most likely no longer cared what happened to his former support. Perhaps the spell was not even very strong after all, meant to keep out blood beasts in case of an accident before he was ready to cut ties. It did not really matter anyway. Defenses strong or weak, of great or small value to the true enemy, all were irrelevant thoughts. Arturia was not here to weaken Eiznbern.

She was here to judge a former comrade.

The tunnel ended in a largish room, hollowed out and lit by dim sourceless light. Along the edges ran electrical equipment – mostly wires and such, and the occasional small metal box where some cords converged, sporadically disrupted by a larger metal column of electronics. And one much larger cluster, where a series of screens had been assembled, and a chair. An empty chair.

Its owner was already standing in front of it all, waiting. Only a few feet in front of him was the film that marked the barrier Shirou had sensed. Arturia suspected, on sight, that it was quite strong after all. But this was a side observation. Her senses were focused on the man raising his hand in greeting. He did not look as if he expected a battle at all: he was smiling as if greeting a close comrade. He was even wearing the SS uniform. It made Arturia's teeth grind together.

Of all the nerve...

"Well, hello my dear. I was beginning to think we'd never get a chance to sort this out."

...

Arturia frowned, straightening from a battle-ready crouch. "Johan Hortington, First Lieutenant of the Second Division," she said finally. "I would like to say it is a pleasure to see you, but I do not like lying to superior officers."

Johan winced. "That's really a very cruel way to put it my dear. I know you have always been very loyal and all, but was that really necessary? I went through a lot of trouble to convince Einzbern to give us a chance to talk."

"You are standing in the stronghold of a man who has taken hundreds of English lives," she pointed out. "Just what did you expect?"

"A fair point," Johan admitted. "I do have an explanation mind you," he added hastily. "But I suppose I do seem a traitor under the circumstances. It's not as if I could charge you for subordination anyway," he chuckled. "This is all secret even from the rest of the SS. At least for now. Once the deal is complete, however..."

"Deal?"

"Yes of course; you didn't think I went along with him because I cared about avenging his pride on some errant family member from fifteen years ago did you?"

"I did not think there was any good reason to go along with him at all."

"An understandable sentiment, but quite shortsighted. Einzbern turned out to be very reasonable; he has made an offer well capable of making up for our losses."

"Making up for our losses." Arturia repeated. "You arranged for him to give you something to _make up_ for nearly five hundred lives?"

"Oh not to _me, _of course not," Johan protested, appearing sincerely shocked by the notion. "I arranged – as the only available representative under the circumstances, you understand – for a benefit to _England_ that would make up for it. It was really quite a bargain my dear."

"A bargain," Arturia repeated. "For half a thousand lives. It would have to be, I suppose."

"Oh but it _is_," Johan enthused. "We've been promised a portion of it, you see dear? We will get a portion of this Grail. Only fair, as he could not make any of it without our help, and just think of what that power could do for us. We would never need to fight a war again."

"No we wouldn't," Arturia agreed. "We'd be tyrants of the world within three generations. If we were lucky."

"Wh – nonsense my dear, it's simply a matter of proper precautions. So long as cooler heads prevail—"

"Did Einzbern ever tell you, Johan, what the Grail was supposed to be?" Arturia interrupted. "It was supposed to be a great magical achievement, a portal to a long lost source of ultimate knowledge, and have the power to grant any wish to the winner. It _became _a weapon, Johan. Its own makers corrupted it in their desperation to achieve it. Such was the madness it induced. And you think if you put it in the hands of a country, it will be used for _peace?_"

"All you need is the right will, yes?"

"And what sort of will is that?"

"...sorry?"

Arturia drew Excalibur. Even though she had never wielded a sword at all before, it came easily to her hand, a natural extension of her will to fight. "I said, what sort of will can use such power for peace and only peace? Someone who calculates lives saved and spent like numbers, un-bothered? Someone to whom sacrifice is such a natural logic that it never occurred to you to question, to think on the fact that the compensation you bargained for depended on the honesty and goodwill of a madman? With or without such a power, England is better off without your guidance. I cannot forgive or allow for what you have done."

"Johan Hortington - you are never returning to England."

...

When Issei and Rin – who now needed a little less support – reached the house, they realized they had an unexpected problem.

"If we go in the normal way we'll be on the wrong side of the fight: we'll never even get close enough to see what's going on."

"Then we'll go through the side. There's a, um, shortcut, at the moment."

"Sorry?"

"You guessed I'd killed Zoken in a duel, right?"

"Yes. Mages have official duels?"

"Figure of speech. Means I challenged him and beat his brains out. Anyway, things got explosive...let's just say there's a big multi-story entrance round that side right now."

"I get the picture."

And then, a few minutes later, "I take it back."

...

In their room, Maya's skin itched. Or perhaps her brain. Things were _happening –_ big things, all over the place. Even Sakura was _doing _something. She was sitting in her chair, straight up with her eyes closed, and she looked like she was trying to hold something heavy, except she wasn't even using her arms at all. She was..._doing _two things, Maya thought. One of them was keeping her from hearing anything outside, but she thought it was really to keep things out? She was pretty sure she could trust Sakura, and whatever was outside – it was really weird, all vague and cloudy, like fog or mist – felt like what had _made _the roof come down back in the subway tunnel. And the other – like she was pulling, really hard, holding on to something that someone else was trying to pull away...

She turned to her brother.

"I'm going to leave. Say nothing, stay quiet, and whatever you do, _do not_ touch or talk to Sakura-san unless she does first all right? No matter what. It's important." _Maybe as much as your life._

Her brother nodded.

"Good boy," Maya said, and left, as quietly as she could, easing the door open, sliding through, and easing it shut again. Technically, she knew, she should be staying and following the same instructions she'd given her brother. But she'd long ago reasoned that rules like those were for kids who had adults to do adult things, so she didn't listen to them. She and her brother didn't have adults: that was why she had to do them herself. She was her brother's only older sister, so this was her job. It was as simple as that.

She could hear the noise of battle now. She headed towards it.

...

Arturia frowned as she charged.

As she'd expected, the barrier itself was the true obstacle: it was resisting all of her attacks. But she had confidence that she could break it in time. The problem was Excalibur. It did not seem to be helping as it should.

She didn't let that stop her of course; she continued to hit the barrier with all the force she had. She'd never been able to fight this way with a weapon before without shattering it, but Excalibur delivered the force of her blows with beautiful, devastating ease. And yet...she was sure this couldn't be right. She'd seen Shirou wielding other Noble Phantasms, and their power had always been immediately obvious. Even Kanshou and Bakuya turned into something unusual when he asked; Durandal and Harpe's power had been clear and undeniable. And Excalibur was their equal, if not their better: she could _feel _it, feel the strength of its essence in her hand. And yet she could draw none of it. There was some trigger, something she needed to do to unlock its true power as a Noble Phantasm, something that would level this barrier like a stage prop. And yet she couldn't find it, couldn't bring it out. The more she tried, the more it seemed as if the sword itself would have liked to tell her, but the urgings were vague and somehow removed. Because it was a copy? Swords like Excalibur were famed for having a mind of their own when choosing a wielder. Was that something even Shirou couldn't copy? Was it of no use to her at all after all?

Behind the barrier, Johan had mostly recovered from his shock. "Will you please calm down girl! This is ridiculous and uncalled for!"

"I'll be the judge of that," Arturia snapped, and charged again, this time putting all of her power into a thrusting attack that she almost thought would make it.

"But you don't have an answer for me do you? You know my reasons were right! You just can't accept my methods!"

"Methods reflect beliefs and scruples Johan. And someone whose beliefs and scruples aren't correct only make the right decisions by luck and circumstance. I won't let someone like you remain on the force."

"But he's already come this far! If you can't understand why I did it, you can at least understand that it's too late! We may as well get our due."

"You are the one who doesn't understand Johan. This isn't about sacrificing people to end war, it's about your own shortsighted selfishness. End war for us? And how many people would die to prove it? How long would it take to abuse it? And how many _hundreds of thousands _of other lives did you toss aside as unimportant when you struck that deal? And why did you trust someone who would even begin such a thing to start with? _He _was not trying to end war. The fact that you believe your actions be patriotic is the worse thing about it: it means you will neither learn nor change!"

"And perhaps you simply never learned the meaning of the word yourself!" Johan snapped, finally goaded into rage. "Since when are the lives of foreigners your concern? You swore to protect England and the English – not these foreign monkeys! A hundred of them should mean nothing to you! Are you not a Knight of England?"

For a long, dumbstruck moment, there was silence. Arturia stood absolutely still, only slowly able to believe what she had heard.

And then she saw red.

_Mama! Mama!_

_ I'm hungry! _I want my father!

"Don't you _dare..._DON'T YOU _DARE JUDGE THEIR LIVES LIGHTLY!"_

Arturia stopped trying to attack directly: she stood straight and still and swung the sword to the sky. Excalibur had been born to slay fiends like this. It _would_ answer her – it would respond to her need!

"You are wrong Johan. I did not swear to protect England and only England – I swore to protect those closest to me – because they were the ones I could reach!"

"I am a Knight of _Man, _Johan. _And you will answer for your crimes!"_

She stopped trying to listen and understand the sword: she roared at it, pushing with mind and mana, demanding a response.

_Answer me! A foe lies before you, how dare you hold back? Answer me! Give me your power to vanquish!_

The more she pushed, the more resistance grew, and the more furiously she pulled in turn. The sword grew hot and vibrated in her hand. There was something else...something out there...something that was also trying to respond to her call...

.

_Water churned around a white hot shape that shook and strained..._

_._

_ Answer me! _Arturia shouted again, too enraged to be checked by the lines of force, the strange conflict that was building as the sword in her hands tried to respond, the rising tension between it and that other something...something that wanted to answer as well...something that could not exist in the same place as the sword she held...

.

_A long line of silt rose and struggled, obscuring its source..._

_._

_ Answer me! _Arturia shrieked again. _Answer me! There are demons to slay, is this not your purpose? _Are you not Man's Sword!

_Answer me! _Give me the power to shatter the darkness!"

.

_ With a final flurry, water rushed inward to fill a sword shaped vacuum._

_._

And in Arturia's hands, the sword...changed.

The tension vanished, and the resistance with it: the sword opened up in her mind, embracing her rage and purpose with its own, welcoming her with fierce recognition, melding with her mana, a raging fountain of righteous power. This sword had seen it all – this sword _was _it all, everything she fought for. And it knew it. It bonded gladly with her, unveiling its secrets, showing her the path to its power.

_If you wish to slay the darkness... then by my name we will make it so! Let there be no shadows before us!_

The sword blazed: she became a sun, a comet, an unbearable beacon: a center of light so pure and harsh as to be almost impossible to look at. The sword swung and the light left, a thing of force and power, a raging bolt of Justice. As Excalibur was the crystallized incarnation of all Man thought good and right, given form to do battle with evil, this light was its Power: the power to vanquish the darkness.

"_Ex...CALIBUURR_!"

Johan had been wrong. Utterly wrong. And yet in the end, he'd truly believed himself a servant of England. So, perhaps, that is why it was his eyes that witnessed it – the sight that the bards had sung of for a thousand years. To see it...and understand.

King Arthur walked the earth again.

"My lord," he whispered, from a part of himself he did not know.

And then harsh golden light ended his world.

...

After his 'I take it back' comment, Issei made no more remarks on the state of the Matou house, for which Rin was grateful, as she had no spare energy to bite his head off. Everything was focused on navigating the rather rough terrain without losing her grip on Issei, which would have meant falling over, and her dignity was taking quite enough of a bashing already, thank you very much. She couldn't remember if there was still a stair left on their side of the battle at first; Issei was almost ready to try and find some way to use Fuyuki to lift them up parallel when she managed to find it. She wasn't sure if she was happy – it would have been a good excuse for Issei to do something extravagant to save her some effort. Not that it mattered much in the end: she'd be unable to do much more than watch the carnage – or the prevention of it, if Abraxas somehow held out. But she had a sinking feeling that Einzbern, who had showed so much uncanny sensitivity as to where and how to strike, had sent _exactly _the right number to overwhelm their defenses and kill them all. And even Issei couldn't right the balance – not here, not in the house. Not without risking killing everyone for them.

Navigating the stairs took a while. Clutching his shoulder over and over, Rin was pleased to find that Issei was remarkably patient and steady. He was very reassuring to lean on. It was rather nice really...Rin blinked. "We stopped," She said blankly, then kicked herself for sounding like a dimwit. She really was too tired, if things like that were coming out of her mouth.

"It sounds like this is the floor."

"Yeah, it is," Rin said, rallying her senses. "It's the one the children's room is on; it stands to reason he would hold them here. Turn right."

"There _is _no left. Not for very far anyway."

"Shut up," Rin muttered.

...

Shirou ran through tunnels laced with silver strands. Here and there a blood beast gurgled, writhing or dying, grotesque fruits on a crazed metal trellis. He paid them no mind. His goal was not far ahead now. He could sense the massive presence of all the lives Einzbern had gathered – and the single group of lives in front of it, waiting for him. Shirou stopped to trace his sword and shield. Then he went on, more slowly.

The room he entered was big, very big, for something underground: fifty to sixty yards wide, perhaps, and nearly twice as long. Shirou wondered if he had made it for exactly this purpose – the final duel with his rival. He certainly couldn't have been planning to enact the Grail Summoning here.

Einzbern waited two thirds down. Between them were six blood beasts.

_Different _blood beasts.

The more he looked, the more he suspected they had been evolved specifically to counter his own fighting style. They were bigger – easily three times the size of the usual ones. They had thick, tough outer coatings of leathery skin over their chests and limbs, thinning out around the joints. His Tracer's Art attacks would have a hard time piercing that kind of resistance. But most importantly, they were all linked in some way with the huge mass of life force further back. Magic that toughened their bodies, enhanced them, and almost certainly gave them some level of regeneration.

Einzbern sneered. "Welcome, _boy_. I've been waiting for you."

...

The house's halls were kind of confusing. Even though she could hear the battle loud and clear, and even sense where it was happening – sort of – she kept getting turned about. It took her much longer than she'd expected to find the hall. Still, she did find it, and managed to come out farther back, near the end, where the house...ended. However _that _had happened. She suspected more _doing _things. There seemed to be a lot of that around here.

Maybe she and her brother had ended up someplace where it was normal? Would _she_ be normal?

Not important. Look forward.

There were two people who were closest, but they didn't count: a glance told her they weren't fighting either. She recognized them from the table: the woman was Sakura-san's sister, Rin-san, and the man was a friend...of the adults at least. Adults were always friendly to orphaned children, it didn't mean anything. At least not right away. She'd watched them all closely and kept eating. When they still hadn't dropped the act for a couple months, she'd think about whether they could be trusted or not. Anyway, something had happened to the woman, and the man was busy helping her. They weren't fighting.

Abraxas was.

She almost couldn't recognize the man who'd spoken with such warmth in his voice and eyes, carrying her and her brother like...well, like children. _His _children. Now he was a Demon, a roaring center of rage and blood, swinging that insane stone weapon like the Death God's scythe, with roughly similar results: nothing it hit got up again. And yet, there was something wrong in the way they were fighting...when they hit him...something..._pulled_. It was some kind of invisible tug of war, and she had a feeling that if Sakura lost it, Abraxas would die. It didn't matter that he could look this way, like someone completely different – what about her? Taking care of her brother at twelve, doing Mama's job, being all hard and self-sufficient when she cringed inside. She'd had to stop being a child because Mama stopped being an adult. There was nothing wrong with Abraxas stopping being kind because of something like this. She'd done the same thing. She'd had to.

Her fists clenched. She'd had to, and now what good had it done? Over and over she'd told herself that because she was too little to help anyone else, it was okay not to try. She'd had to keep her brother alive, she'd had to take care of him, it was okay if she ignored other people because of that. But now it wasn't even going to matter. They were going to die anyway. She could have let him give thats piece of bread to that kid after all. It wasn't going to matter anyways. She was going to die without ever getting to be kind again...and so was everyone else. It was all going away...

"I hate it..." she whispered, not even realizing she spoke, her thoughts so black and all consuming they escaped through her lips unnoticed. "I hate it..._I hate not being able to fight!"_

"What the...what are you doing here? Get out, go, it's dangerous here!"

Dammit, she'd forgotten about them: it was dangerous to let adults notice her when she was doing adult things. They always tried to stop her. "I'm not going," she said flatly, hoping Rin's weakness would keep him from forcing her.

"Don't be an idiot, don't you realize what—"

"Wait Issei."

Issei stopped, befuddled. Maya was too. Why was the woman stopping him? She was an adult too.

At her urgings, Issei turned so she could face Maya. Rin's and Maya's eyes met.

She remembered the moment for the rest of her life.

It was the moment her world changed.

...

She'd defied many adults before now, in all kinds of situations. It never even occurred to her to do it this time. This woman wasn't like the others. Tall and strong and proud with eyes that were hard and kind and powerful all at the same time. Maya didn't move. She almost forgot to breath.

This was the woman she wanted to be.

"What is your name?"

"Maya."

"Maya what?"

"Morinaga. Morinaga Maya."

"Tell me, Morinaga Maya, what is happening here that the eyes cannot see?"

"Something that feels like what brought the roof down is making those things attack. They're trying to...pull something out of Abraxas whenever they hit him, and Sakura – I think it's Sakura – is pulling it back. And she's doing something to the room, so nothing can get in, not even sound. I think that's all."

"Very good. It takes quite a bit of latent mana to hone your senses that much with no practice. No wonder I left you out of the forgetting spell."

"You're a mage."

Seemingly without noticing, Rin straightened, hands falling from Issei's shoulders to stand tall and unsupported. Her eyes stared down, portals to another world, another life. To a new beginning.

"Tell me, Morinaga Maya. Why do you want to fight? If I gave you the power to sweep this hall clean, for what reason would you do it? What is your reason for power to exist?"

"To...take care of people, the ones I'm supposed to. To...be able to take care of them, without hurting other people. To keep my brother alive without hating myself because I'm taking things out of other people's mouths and I don't know what will happen to them. Because I hate not being able to be kind!"

"What if your power was so great you could protect them all?"

"Then...then I'd finally be free. Free to be as I want to be. And I'd never be ashamed anymore. Ever again."

And those eyes softened, and the mouth beneath them smiled. "Good. Very good. A good answer. Come here then, Morinaga Maya."

"I will show you the first step to power."

...

Rin gestured. "Stand here, just in front of me." Maya did so. "Good. Now face the battle. And close your eyes."

Maya closed them. Rin stepped away from Issei and crouched behind her, hands on her shoulders, mouth just behind her left ear.

"You are going to need absolute calm. You have a few minutes more before Sakura is in danger of losing her hold on his soul. It is enough time, so put it away, all away. Forget all that distracts you. Shut it out. Focus. Focus. Focus only on the darkness of your mind. Here your magic sense is clearer, yes? Without the distractions of your other senses. Focus on that sense. Isolate it. Hold it. It comes from your own power. So follow it, down to its source, down inside of you. Follow it down. Down. Down to its source. Down to where your own mana pools. Follow the sense. Follow it. Follow. Focus...be slow. You have all the time in the world."

"Have you found it?"

"...yes," Maya whispered.

"Good. Now carefully take two handfuls. Draw the power, pool it through your arms. Pull. Gently. Your body is the channel, your mind the guide. Guide it; let the power flow through your arms towards your hands. Slowly, carefully. Not too much. Hold the connecting flow. Now, open your eyes."

"Focus. Focus. Do not lose your image of the magic. Hold up your hands. Choose one blood beast – just one. Focus on it. Focus. Do not think about who or what it is: focus only on where it is. Make a circle with your fingers around where it is. Good. The space between your fingers is empty, but your mind can fill it. Your will is a lens, your power sunlight: draw it out of your hands and focus it in the center of the space. Slowly. Carefully. Do not lose control. Let it gather and grow. Keep it within a small space, in the middle. Slowly. Slowly. Focus. Focus. Can you still see the blood beast? Is he still within the circle of your hands? Think only: that is where my power should go. Only that."

"Shoot."

Lulled into a half-trance of readiness by Rin's soft, rhythmic instructions, the word 'shoot' hit like a small shock: Maya's hands spasmed briefly as her eyes abruptly focused once more with crystal clarity on the world. The line between the spot of power in her hands and the beast she wanted it to find was, for a brief instant, almost visible, an undeniable pull. There was only one way for it to go, and only one outcome there could be.

A brief afterimage of thin bright yellow light hovered in the air.

An afterimage that passed straight through the blood beast's skull, cradled in faintly hissing flesh.

For a brief instant, everything seemed to freeze. And then the beast toppled, looking as if it still did not understand what had happened.

Their focus on the attack had been absolute. The speed, silence, and effectiveness with which one of their number had dropped seemingly from nowhere confused them. For a few brief moments, they were befuddled. Their attack slowed.

Abraxas didn't.

In an instant, the tide turned as he seized the moment to regain control. In an explosive flurry he dispensed of those beasts who had pushed back into the corridor, regaining control of the hall and re-establishing the line of battle at that crucial point Shirou had pointed out to him: where the full swing of his weapon could dominate the entrance completely, destroying everything close enough to gain entry. It was a simple, brutally effective tactic that matched his simple, brutally effective style.

It was a tactic they couldn't overwhelm twice. They didn't have the numbers anymore.

The wounds they'd inflicted hardly seemed to register to him; Sakura had successfully won her battle to keep his life essence intact, and without the debilitating effect of the soul drain he seemed almost more powerful now then when they had begun. The battle fever burned in his eyes; he was ready to take on the world, and looked as if he could do it.

Once again, the delicate balance between Einzbern's control and their natural fear of Abraxas was in flux. The moment hesitated, stretched.

At just the right moment, which she herself wasn't sure how she knew, Maya dropped the one in the middle.

They broke. The mob turned and scrambled away, tumbling haplessly through the halls and out of the house, fleeing like the simple beasts they were, Einzberns' mind now too occupied with battles of his own to turn them back.

They'd won. It was over. They were going to live.

_She'd_ won.

Her glow of self-discovery was doused when Abraxas carefully leaned his sword-club against the wall and keeled over.

"Ah, oh no! Rin-san—"

"I can't talk you through anything so complex as a healing spell girl," Rin informed her. "It's the same in magic as in everything else: it's ten times easier to destroy something than to make it. He'll be all right though—"

"Teach me anyway!"

Very slowly, Rin stood up. Once again their eyes locked, and Maya knew she was being Judged. Weighed.

"You want to know more?"

"I want to know everything. Building, destroying – helping and hurting and healing. All of it – I want to be able to do it all."

"Once you begin, you will never be able to stop. Your life will be devoted to the study of magecraft; its demands will shape your life. If I make you my heir, to my name and to my heritage, then you will also be heir to my mistakes and my accomplishments, and those of all my predecessors. You will carry their weight and mine, our shame and our pride, until the day you pass on the magemark. Morinaga Maya – for the power to never know shame, to stand tall and protect the world: can you accept all the rest as well? Will you shoulder the responsibilities that follow, and never shirk them? With the knowledge, can you accept the weight of my family name?"

Maya's shoulders straightened. "Yes – Rin-sensei."

Rin smiled. "Then so be it – Tohsaka Morinaga Maya!"

And then she utterly spoiled the moment by kneeling and hugging Maya to her chest. "You will a great mage," she whispered. "The greatest our family has ever known. And the meaning of a Tohsakan Mage will change forever."

Maya was confused. One moment it was like she was being indited into some grand secret order, and now..."Um...did you just make me your apprentice...or your daughter?"

"Both. It's the same thing in mage families."

Maya stared at the expanse of slightly rough, warm cloth in front of her, feeling Rin's arms wrapped tight.

_ Both_...

"So...do I call you sensei...or Mom now?"

"Well, let me see...I called my father father even when he was teaching me...so I guess it's Mother. Don't think it means I'll go easy on you in your lessons."

"Yes – Mother."

"Now then," Rin said briskly after a moment, sitting back. "Abraxas isn't in any danger but he still needs to get treated. Go tell Sakura the coast is clear please. Oh, and I really need to go to bed, so don't look for me. We'll talk in the morning. Promise."

Maya started to go, then stopped. "Uh – just one more thing? M – mother?"

"Yes?"

"Well, about my brother..."

Rin smiled. "Oh, him? Don't worry, he's almost certainly going to be adopted by Sakura, who is my sister. I'm no more interested in being too far from her than you are from your own sibling. You'll live in different houses, but not in different lives. I promise you that."

"Okay." And she went. She started out walking, but she was too full of feelings – before long she'd started to run. The whole scene played over and over in her mind, lined with fire. The moment that woman had given her her name.

_Tohsaka Morinaga Maya!_

Her fate had changed. She was going to be strong, strong, stronger than she'd ever thought she could be. Strong enough to know no shame. Strong enough to carry the pride of a long line of strong people.

Strong...like her.

_I'm going to be like _her...

...

Rin watched her go. Then she fell backwards into the carefully placed chest she already knew would be there. Not that she was playacting – she just knew she could afford to let go. She'd really overdone it now.

"I hope you don't have any more theatrics in mind, or I'm going to have to carry you," Issei told her.

"I think you already are, actually. Legs feel like noodles."

"I'm not surprised. Whatever possessed you back there?"

Rin smiled, eyes once again seeing the fierce purity of Maya's gaze. "The future."

Issei exhaled slowly, relaxing behind her. "I guess it couldn't be helped. Just don't bite me for this."

"Of course not. After all I—eh, that way?"

"I didn't think you'd find either way any more preferable. This one is easier for me."

Yes, but it's called _bridal_ style for a reason, Rin thought. Still, she didn't really mind, and nobody was watching. "Fine, but no ideas. Remember that your neck is in _really _easy reach from here."

"I will."

Satisfied that the mood hadn't changed to anything awkward, Rin quietly let her head rest on his shoulder as he walked them down the hall. Now she'd accepted it, there was actually something rather relaxing about being carried like this. He walked quite steadily, and the regular thud of his feet, combined with her exhaustion and the reassuringly warm and solid grip of his arms, all seemed to combine into something very soft and soothing. She began to be afraid she'd fall asleep before they got there.

"You seemed very happy," Issei murmured. "Did an heir mean that much to you?"

It took Rin a moment to climb out of her half-daze to answer. "It wasn't that, exactly," she replied finally. "It's more that I realized that an heir was my solution. I'd never thought of it that way before you see. I was always struggling to overcome my past. But your past is a part of you: no matter how much I learned from it, I was still formed by it. I couldn't change the fact that it _was _my past, and the reason for who I am, good or bad. And it haunted me. But then back there, I looked at her eyes, all full of latent strength, untouched and pure, demanding to know...and I realized that if I taught her honestly, with all I had, then she would have learned the same things I did – and she _wouldn't _have made my mistakes.I can't undo my own history. But I can teach her what it taught me. I can pass on the lessons without the stains, without the memories. She'll grow up knowing the truths I learned the hard way. And then she'll go on to learn truths of her own. So long as that cycle exists...then there will always be meaning and purpose to our sins. In her my past will become the path that guides her. And that is how it should be."

"So in the end, we are redeemed by the next generation."

"Yes. Exactly."

"And now you're a mother. What do you think about that?"

Rin's face changed in a way Issei – and perhaps not even Sakura – had ever seen before. Suddenly she seemed very young, and lost, and frightened. And terribly, terribly vulnerable. "I...I don't know." She whispered.

"Do you think...she'll be able to love me?"

Issei stopped walking. He turned his head to look directly into her eyes. "I know she will," he said.

He'd never seen her eyes that wide.

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"..._why_?"

"...Because I already do. So I know how easy it is."

The words slipped from his mouth and seemed to spread, filling the world, fading to a whisper that continued without stopping, a soft rushing that blotted almost all thought, leaving only his ever approaching eyes, until they were too close to see well, so she closed her own and focused on the warmth, and the thoughts, and the tears.

_This...is what I wanted from Shirou once, _she thought. _But...one day I realized that he couldn't give it to me. Because he wants to save the world. He wants it so badly, it's like he's in love with __everyone in it, even though he's never met them. So many people...no matter what he did, I would never __feel like he cherished me and only me. I would never feel like...this. This very personal tenderness. Only I had no idea...I had no idea I wanted it so badly, even then. Issei..._

_ Issei...are you...going to cherish me?_

Slowly, their mouths pulled away again, until they were looking at each other's faces.

_You are, aren't you? You really are...why, Issei? Why me? Why ever me? I'm too afraid to ask...deep down, I always have been._

_ If you never stop holding me...perhaps, someday I won't be?_

Issei smiled at her, a small, intense smile that was brighter in his eyes than in his teeth. "I knew it," he murmured.

"Huh?"

"Your bark is worse than your bite."

For a minute, Rin just blinked dumbfounded at him. Then she made a brief attempt at her usual effort to pretend she hadn't thought it was funny. Then she gave up all pretense and laughed against his shoulder. And when she finished and looked up, she was smiling the same way.

"Just put me to bed, you idiot," she said, slinging an arm loosely around his neck. "And I'm still too tired for ideas," she added. "Just in case you were wondering." There was never any knowing what even sensible men like him started thinking after they'd kissed you.

"Of course. You'll sleep in as long as you like, and tomorrow morning I'll serve you Einzbern's head on a silver platter."

"Oh would you? That's so sweet: Shirou and Sakura _never_ pamper me that way."'

"Then I'll bring you breakfast too. On a different platter," he added.

Rin chuckled. "You do that."

...

It was as he had thought. The odds had been thought out specifically with him in mind, and all that Einzbern had seen him do. The six beasts alone he could have dealt with. The combination of the six beasts and Einzbern's spells, however, had proved deadly. Unable to get the openings he needed to even the odds, the lone victim gurgling behind him was his only victory: Gae Bolg stood straight from the point of its throat, the spear's curse of the never healing wound warring with its regeneration. Einzbern had been forced to cut the beast's connection in order to cut the steady drain on the collected life-essences its efforts to recover created. Making that attack had come at a price however. Shirou now stood pinioned between two of the huge things, large dark arms entwined around him from either side, locking him in-between their bodies. His Tracer's Art couldn't pierce their thick hide faster than it regenerated: all his efforts only locked them more firmly in place.

Directly in front of him, some fifteen paces away, Einzbern slowly began the spell intended to finish him. Shirou had no doubt he planned to keep the blood beasts controlling him until the very end: after sacrificing so much else to get this far, why stop now?

Einzbern was taking his time. But then he'd been working towards this for five years. He was clearly savoring it. The depth of the satisfaction in his eyes was sickening. Even vengeance didn't look that way: as if the death that was about to occur was the entire reason for his existence. A mad, eager, savoring gaze.

Shirou had honestly had enough of it.

"You're looking quite satisfied, Einzbern," he said quietly. "Isn't it too early to be celebrating victory? I'm not dead yet."

"But you are dead. You simply haven't quite finished dying yet. It'll only take another moment boy. And then this will finally be over. You volunteered so nicely before, to take your father's place. Don't regret it now."

"Dont' misunderstand, Einzbern. I volunteered to _fight _in my fathers place. And I'm not finished yet." It was a small movement, almost lost within the tangle of encumbering limbs – Shirou's hands shifted to lay splayed almost gently on the chests of the beasts that held him.

"Bold words from someone who has already lost. In the end, all of your sentiments couldn't make you any stronger. You couldn't beat me. Your father couldn't beat me. None of you could beat me! Your way was the weaker one! Why don't you just admit it and lay down? What are you still fighting for? _You have already lost!_"

A strange sound came from inside Shirou's helmet. A sound familiar but distorted, deepened and blurred by dark echoes of metal into something almost grotesque. And yet still recognizable.

Shirou was chuckling.

"Don't underestimate my resolve Einzbern." Something was happening inside the tangle of beasts.

"I'm going to show it to you."

Something about his armor was changing. It wasn't the shape. It was...

"So you can no longer deny it."

It was...the color...

"_The strength of Kiritsugu's son!_"

Abruptly, Shirou's arms thrust straight out.

The two beasts – the two eight foot, magically enhanced beasts, rooted from the torso down in Tracer's Metal – burst free of their bonds and flew straight across the room to hit the walls on either side, eyes burst from their sockets by the sudden implosion of their chest cavity, their entire fronts massive craters with a central hole where the force of what had hit them had blown straight out through their backs. They hit the walls with no resistance and slumped with no movement other than post-mortem twitching. Almost every vital organ had been pulverized simultaneously. There was no recovering from that.

And Shirou stood in the middle, arms still spread, light splatters of gore covering his metal frame. A pure white metal frame, with mica like white lines tracing the original designs – and every inch imbued with the power. Durandal's power.

A pure white mighty figure, that blood could mark but not stain.

A White Shinigami.

"Tracer's Art Ultimatum – Form of the Shining Paladin!"

.

.

.

* * *

Shinigami (sorry, should have done this two chapters ago) – Japanese conception of a spirit of death. Interestingly enough, it's actually a recent term according to the wiki, not traditional at all. Still, it differs so much from the way american/western culture likes to define such things that I was reluctant to use the term Death God or Reaper. Japanese tend to see them as more…human, and often somewhat less forbidding. Probably because their culture is much more accepting of death in the first place (even admiring it in many contexts).

Author's Notes:

Well, that took a lot longer than it should have. It couldn't be helped, and was ultimately necessary to bring the chapter to the proper level of perfection, but I apologize for the unusually long delay. The scenes with Johan ended up taking much longer than I'd expected (those reading this who follow me on Twitter have already heard my mutterings and grumblings as I wrestled with this). I couldn't seem to get them right. Even after allowing my beta to see them as they were, and having a long talk about it, it took me another week and a half of banging my head. The truly nastyheat wave we had for about a week didn't help. In the end, editing of various sorts dragged things out an extra two or more weeks total, but looking at it now, I cannot regret: the chapter would have been far less refined, and far worse off, without it. I'm sure you're all too used to my standards to want me to cut corners now, even to post two weeks sooner.

On another note - you people are waaaayy too inured to the substandard level of FF formatting. How long were you letting me get away not knowing the stories were coming out with no scene separations at all? I'm assuming it only stopped supporting star symbols and removing them entirely relatively recently, since I picked up the trick from another story on here, but I had no idea - all of my chapters are supposed to have proper breaks. Now I can't even do that in an aesthetically pleasing manner here at ALL. I HATE THIS PLACE, I really do. You all need to come down to the blog and remember what real standards of layout are like. It's dangerous to let yourself accept something like this. It's bad. Really. I don't know how you all stand it. As a writer, it drives me nuts (I have updated most of the chapters to have breaks again, but not all). I'm put in mind of how when I changed my way of posting in a way that turned out to eliminate all italics, nobody noticed (or mentioned it) either. Really people, stand up for yourselves a bit! That covered chapters thirteen and fourteen, too, those italics were important, they helped clarify transitions and stuff, really delicate ones.

Okay, okay, I'm _doing _it now...

.

One: I am unsure to this day how it works with Shirou's weapons, which are, apparently, usually supposed to depend on mana to fuel their powers, according to what I researched. Shirou does not really have mana. And yet Shirou seems to be able to use them every time he calls them. So…what? I decided to just sort of pretend they materialize able to function a certain amount before they need something from him. So, when he calls Rule Breaker he can use it for most things but if it's big enough it will start taxing him. It's crude, and pretty shaky, but hey don't blame me, this was what's-his-name's idea (I'm bad with names even when they are in English). I really don't think he thought it all through nearly as well as most people think he did.

Two: Big revelation – the traitor. Knew this from the beginning. In fact, interestingly enough, I knew someone from Arturia's home force was involved before I'd even figured out _Einzbern_was. At the time, I only knew that the enemy's 'fighters' were perversions of humans. I saw the person Arturia knew involved, and at the time assumed him the main villain – some kind of unpleasant experiments, something generic like that. But I quickly realized that wasn't right. He just didn't work, didn't fill that slot at all, and the whole concept was, as I described it earlier, generic – cripplingly so. It wasn't until I re-watched Fate Stay Night, also in preparation for writing this (mind you, I made frequent use of Zoom Player's wonderfully versatile skip function), and got to Illya's part, that I had my brainstorm about the grandfather she mentions trying to come back and take her. Once I did that I knew I had my main villain, and the SS man's role rapidly clarified into something pretty close to what it is here – changes were more on Arturia's reaction to them than to him. Now we know how Einzbern was tracking them, and knew when they were vulnerable. Hope my explanations cuts with you all. This is an important conflict for Arturia, as it is a catalyst for two things (by the time you're reading this, you've finished the chapter, so why stay in order?). The first is, obviously, Excalibur (grins). The second is to put the seal on her growing understanding that her goal is not to protect England, but to protect people: the fight is the same no matter where she does it. Of course she always knew this at some level, but she's going to need this much more conscious acknowledgment of it later on. Ahem.

Three: Shirou traces Excalibur for her. So – at that point, what were you all thinking/expecting? Bwahahahahahaaaaaa

Four: The attack. Rin assumed he would keep the vast majority of his beasts with him, to defend against Shirou and Arturia. It was a natural assumption, and what was left to attack with, Abraxas could handle. Instead he sent the vast majority after Abraxas and the others in the house, as a psychological blow to Shirou, let Arturia go to Johan and faced Shirou with a few specialized beasts. Looking at the map, she could see how many had been sent. On another note, the relationship between her and Issei already feels much deeper here doesn't it? I'm really pleased with how well that developed.

Five: I take it back. G-d, loved that line.

Six: Maya. I thought I managed to quickly evoke a sense of past in her, one that painted a poignant picture. No one ever seems to disagree with me on these things, but that's ok, unadulterated praise is perfectly acceptable…lol. But seriously, she's quite a character isn't she?

Seven: EXCALIBUR! I did it, I did it! Bet you didn't see _that _one coming! Yes, Arturia has acquired the original Excalibur. Just fighting that way would never do it, but the copy, so very, very close to the original, as only Shirou could make it, acted as a focus and antenna – when it responded to Arturia – or tried to – it drew the attention of the real one. Real and false immediately came into conflict with each other, as the existence of the real is the reason that the false eventually disintegrates. Normally the real Excalibur would simply have forced the false one out of existence, but there was the added element of Arturia, whose soul and battle cry pulled at the very warp and weft of the ancient golden blade – and so in the end, the conflict was resolved by the real Excalibur merging with the false: the false _became _the real. If this did not make sufficient sense as you read the scene itself, please please tell me, that is SO important. This scene almost didn't happen in this chapter – I'd originally thought it would, but when I first finished the chapter it seemed like it wouldn't. But when I finally got those Johan bits right, it ended up here anyway. Guess that proves I got it right the fourteenth time. (or something like that _)

Eight: There _is _no left. Boy, those two are hot tonight.

Nine: Tohsaka Morinaga Maya! Oh, oh, _oh _– I have been waiting so, so long to write this…though the same actually goes for the scene with Excalibur. I knew, ever since I truly understood Rin's personal dilemma, that this would happen. That she would find her solace in an apprentice. That I've finally gotten far enough to be writing scenes like these, scenes that have haunted my daydreams for over a year…the feeling is indescribable. I think Maya and Rin will get along famously, don't you? I rather like the mother image Rin takes in my head. A little casual, sometimes a bit rough, but no less loving. And Maya can tell. And she never stops admiring her…ever.

Ten: Rin x Issei. Oh my – I had not anticipated anything so…so _tender_. I'd actually imagined something quite casual – the kiss somehow happens, not in a hugely romantic, way, and Rin says 'there, I bit you. You can stop dreading it now.' Or something like that. The scene that resulted – just wrote itself. Well, I'd said from the beginning I was leaving it up to them, I shouldn't be surprised. But what a surprise…that whole scene, starting from when she asks if Maya will be able to love her (g-d, that was so – so _Rin_, but a Rin that almost never talks…), it just _happened_, I thought I knew what was coming right up until then and it just happened, just poured itself out onto the page before my awed and astonished eyes. Quite teary eyes too, by the end of it. Are you…going to cherish me? I almost named the chapter that. We – you and I – have seen something I never dared dream even I could bring to life: the truest and deepest core of the tsundere. This is what they are trying to protect when they strike and sputter and scream -and yet Issei was able to see it without any of that. I can think of no more profound statement as to their relationship. I was left with a completely unanticipated scene of such romantic power as to rival fifteen, at least in my opinion. I am still half astonished when I read it, and can't shake the feeling that it wasn't me that wrote it. Rin – could it be…you're _real_? When things like this can happen, who needs magic?

Eleven: Shirou and Sakura never pamper me that way! ROFL. Thank goodness I was able to work that in. I was afraid it disrupted the mood but actually I think it was well placed…though the placing did suck out some of the absolute hysteria of what she said. I encourage you to read it over, just by itself, later, to appreciate the absurdity of that exchange.

Twelve: We are very close to the true nature and source of Einzbern's obsession now…

Thirteen: Form of the Shining Paladin! As promised, the final technique is shown here, even though the battle is obviously to be the highlight of the _next _chapter. So, how do you like it? Shirou's been using Durandal frequently in the story so I figure even the anime people should be comfortable enough for this to register, even if the true level of power he's just put on won't really sink in till the battle starts. VN players are probably much more awed at the moment – or perhaps just more aware of what they are ogling. It's a pretty awesome scene. I'll discuss how effective it is more next chapter. I knew this was coming for a long time too, though the way and manner in which it emerged was in constant debate right up until the writing of it. I'd actually expected some actual choreographed battle between him and Einzbern before it emerged…but I agree with how it turned out. Writing the way Shirou blasted those beasts off of him, I am struck for the first time (dont' ask me why now) by just how unapologetically graphic my violence is. I mean, I'm describing their eyes as having been pressure popped out of their sockets. I'm not ashamed or worried about it or anything, I'm just amused, because people who know me personally would definitely not expect me to be the sort. Me neither, in fact. It's interesting.

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And so I've finished this at last. Again, I'm sorry you all had to wait so long, though I am not sorry I did it. Hopefully the next will go more smoothly. And at least it's pretty damn long…right? Next time – kick Einzbern to the curb!

(no, that's not the title. Really. I swear.)


	20. Chapter 19: The Strongest Dream

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Chapter Nineteen: The Strongest Dream

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There was something deeply soothing about the Ryuudou Shrine. She supposed it was an effect of the presence of Avalon. Despite having so many reasons to worry and fret, Illya, walking quietly through the grounds outside, found it impossible to feel anything but peaceful. Grass swayed and breeze blew and sun shone, and her heart seemed a part of it all, gently waving in warm winds. She found herself standing where Shirou had destroyed the Grail. It had a different meaning for her than for Arturia. For Arturia, it was the place where something beautiful but doomed had finally ended. But for Illya it was the opposite: here the seal on her new life had been set. The death she had grown up waiting for had been stayed forever, shattered by Shirou and Saber's hand. He'd caught her as she fell, and he'd carried her ever since. And now...

_Now it's almost time for me to walk on my own again. Almost time for him to put me down. These years have meant everything to me, and they will always be precious memories. But...I can't stay in the nest forever. No one can. I've finally woken up, and soon I'll begin the journey most people my age have already begun. Sooner or later – you won't be able to carry me anymore, Shirou. Though I know you'll always be ready to catch me again. But you know...I'm never going to stop owing you. But I guess I wouldn't want to. Some debts aren't meant to be paid._

_ I'm finally learning to walk, and someday I'll even run. But you'll always be the source of it all. Because you really are my father Shirou; it's not just a piece of paper. Because of you, Emiya Illya was born._

_ You are as different from my old family as night and day. That's why I know..._

She heard footsteps behind her, and turned towards them with a smile. She already knew it was Kouji.

"It's ok," she said, letting her gratitude show on her face. "I'm not really worried. Not too badly, anyway."

"I know he won't lose."

...

For several moments, the entire scene held frozen like a master painting: Einzbern staring incredulously from behind the patterned wheel of his spell insignia; Shirou glaring through the bars of his helmet, resplendent in white metal splattered with gore; the three remaining beasts, unmoving, scattered between them. Then Einzbern snarled; the sigils of his spell flared and accelerated. And the beasts moved to attack.

Their formerly random spacing arranged into a pincer, two at forty five degree angles from the sides, the third directly in front and behind, a grappling formation meant to bind and hold him for as long as it took their master to complete his spell.

The beasts charged: Shirou crouched, waiting, eyes shifting rapidly as he tracked them. When he moved, they were only feet away.

He leaped straight up and forward, slipping smoothly into the notch of their approach; a neck each slipped neatly into the crook of an elbow. Shirou's forearms compressed; a Durandal and a half of power crushed their necks into two inch wedges of matted flesh and bone. Eyes bulged and tongues almost seemed to double in length as they lolled; they flopped useless and lifeless to earth as Shirou released them. Immediately channeling his momentum forward, Shirou thrust up with his legs as his visor dropped and his head lowered: his metal clad, Noble Phantasm empowered body became a battering ram as his helmed head slammed into the last beast's chest – its entire chest cavity turned inward and out the other side; it flew backward to tumble into a limp heap at Einzbern's feet. Shirou slowly straightened: his eyes blazed as he locked stares with Einzbern. The stare was a challenge.

For a response, Einzbern fired his spell.

The center of the spell wheel fluoresced: a blinding white column of tangible force roared across the space between them, distorting the air and crumpling the floor as it came; enough power to have shredded Shirou in the Silver Knight's form like paper. It was the strongest blow a mage like Einzbern could summon; the coup de grace for his most hated foe.

Shirou crouched and held out his hands; Durandal appeared between them. And then he lunged directly forward.

The blow of a trained warrior of any worth contains much more than just the strength of the striking limb. When a skilled martial artist strikes, all of the forces connected to the motion are a part of the blow – all of his body, all of his momentum, all the laws of physics become sources of power. He thrusts with his legs, twists with his torso, and times and guides the strike to hit at the point of peak velocity. This is an art common to every form of physical combat.

The sword began at the farthest point of a swing. As he surged upward, legs set, braced, and thrust – three and a half Durandals of power were propelled through his upper body. His torso twisted, channeling the force and adding a bit of its own – four Durandals of force rolled into his arms. His arms flexed as they swung, collecting the force as they added their own; the building momentum of the blow surged though it all, blending and magnifying: seven Durandals rolled onward into the sword. Which contained the power of one more, to make eight.

Shirou's mightiest ever blow blurred to meet Einzbern's strongest spell.

The spell lost.

The Shining Paladin propelled blade smote into the side of the oncoming spell and then pushed through; the column of power split and shattered across the room, scattering waves of power that shook the walls on either side and brought a rain of rubble; the force traveled straight on through the spell to smash the spell insignia and fling Einzbern against the wall with enough force to half daze him even through his shield. The wall behind him cracked. His own breath left him; his vision blurred; he glared while barely able to see.

What he saw was something gleaming white that barreled through a rain of dust towards him.

He just managed to half fall, half stumble out of the way; Durandal plunged into the solid rock wall behind him halfway to the hilt. Shirou's head turned; the wall erupted into rapidly evolving silver claws that grew rapidly towards him, expanding around him like the talons of a thousand unnatural beasts; Einzbern stumbled backward, almost scrambling to stay out of the way as his wits recovered from the blow. Then he got his feet under him and spat out a phrase in German, thrusting out his hands: with a muffled blast rock and Tracer's Silver broke apart, clouding the room in silt and dust, buying him precious time.

Both froze. Einzbern was gathering his wits and magic, seeking a strategy. Shirou was simply waiting for Einzbern's next move. Silent movement was impossible in his present state, but the instant the mage began a spell, he'd know where he was. And so he waited.

But in these kind of situations, time tends to produce ideas anyway.

Movement in the dust caught Einzberns' eye; a gleaming wall of Tracer's Metal loomed, tracing in a circle towards him. His lips curled; power sigils rapidly evolved in his hands; a smaller version of the spell Shirou had countered hit the wall, running along its length, racing it to its end and destroying it as it went.

A figure loomed from the opposite side.

"Just because the _wall's _there..."

Einzbern flung himself backward so suddenly he was unable to maintain his footing; near flat on his back in midair the sword just scraped him, the edge rasping its way across his shields. Suspended in midair, utterly at the mercy of any force, even this sent him tumbling wildly over the broken floor to skid to a four legged halt some feet away. He just barely muffled a curse and the urge to spit dust from his mouth: he was still within the cloud cover. Once more silence fell.

This was going to be harder than he'd thought.

...

Surfacing slowly from the depths of unconsciousness, Abraxas was aware of several presences, accompanied by voices.

"Is Abra-kun okay?"

"What happened to him?"

"Maya says he fought _hundreds _of monsters."

"Did he win?"

"I think so. I think he'd be dead if he lost. He's not dead right Sakura-san?"

"No he isn't," an older voice said, soft and close. "And he isn't going to be either. Thank goodness."

Sakura's voice. That's right, he was supposed to be guarding the hall. If he wasn't dead, then he needed to be awake. He opened his eyes.

His view was a kaleidoscope of faces, mostly small and round and worried. And one woman's face, shaped by the kind of gentleness that has weathered untold cruelty; a gentleness that had proved stronger than the world. A gentleness she had fought to keep just as he fought to reign in his strength. Perhaps that was why, against all logic, he felt so close to her. In a way few others perhaps could have understood, they shared the same battle.

Abraxas opened his mouth to speak. Sakura stopped him with a finger. "The beasts are gone," she told him quietly. "And they won't come back, because Einzbern is too busy fighting to make them. Everyone is safe, and everyone but you is unhurt. And you are going to recover." She leaned forward, and kissed his forehead.

"So please...just rest love."

He obeyed.

...

Einzbern knew that he, unlike Shirou, could still move relatively silently, and he also knew that Shirou's own hearing would be impaired by his helmet; he rose slowly, carefully, eyes flicking rapidly to spot the first sign of movement, mind flicking equally quickly through various incantations, trying to find something that would work. Raw power had already been eliminated: even his best efforts could not shatter the Shining Paladin's defense. Any form of close combat was also out of the question: unlike the Tohsakans, he had next to no knowledge or training in it. He briefly considered some form of containment: if he could keep Shirou from moving at all, he'd be unable to use the strength of the Paladin armor, and from there, perhaps...but then he remembered how Shirou had fought in the Silver Knight's form. The Form of the Paladin might have more devastating abilities but it was still formed of Tracer's Metal: those tactics were still available to him. Containment wouldn't work for long. There was, of course, always the life-forces...enough power to shatter anything, even this...but no. That was the last resort of last resorts. Not because of the drain on his collection, but the drain on himself. He was no Homunculus: channeling the power to shatter so much Noble Phantasm would destroy his ability to work magic for weeks – if indeed he ever did again.

If he could just find the angle...everything had a weakness...there _was _a way to do this...

Out in the midst of the drifting debris, Shirou, who had also been thinking, deliberately raised his foot – and set it down with a distinct _clank_.

Einzbern's reaction was instantaneous: the battle was joined again and rumination would kill him. His hands spread; two different spells formed: one to stop Shirou, one, hopefully, to hurt him. If he used an attack force that was immaterial – fire to lick through joints and heat his armor, or energy, that would be conducted by it...

Out in the cloud, Shirou, Einzbern's spells a beacon to his senses, cocked back his hand and then flicked it forward.

And Einzbern, mind perilously balanced between the difficulty of a dual cast and the need to stay alert, was thrown abruptly into an even more perilous balance between the simultaneous need to canceltwo spells mid-cast and to remove himself from the weapon's path – _now._ Only his abnormally long experience saved him from the backlash of his own spells: only adrenaline-fueled panic saved him from losing every personal protection spell he had as Rule Breaker whistled past his shoulder. Sweat formed on his forehead as he stumbled out of the cloud: one touch from that Noble Phantasm and the shields that had saved his life so many times would vanish like a dream. Damnthe boy's unnatural skill; _no one _should be able to replicate Noble Phantasms like this!

_Kiritsugu...what the hell is your son?_

"Tell me Einzbern – why did you come here?"

Shirou's voice echoed from the dust, accompanied by slightly muffled metallic footsteps. Einzberns' face was a contortion of fury and frustration – if he tried to attack carelessly he'd only be forced to dodge again. How _dare _he mock him this way?

"I told you boy – I came to redeem my family's honor! On your corpse, since your father's is already buried!"

"Liar. Your family's honor was destroyed by the Grail. You began it, your actions corrupted it, you refused to accept responsibility. All the rest, all who mattered, realized this and abandoned it. Your family's honor doesn't care what happens here anymore: they have left it behind. Only you do. You came for yourself."

"They gave up! They gave up on the Grail! But I will make it now!"

"No." Shirou's voice was coming closer; a vague figure was coming clear. "Even if you really believed that, it is because you desperately clogged your own mind. You really believed that after the disasters of the fourth war, the blatant rule breaking and the defection of their own referee in the fifth, and most of all, the incontrovertible proof of the Grail's own corruption, proof that all it had stood for and been intended to accomplish was lost – you really believed that the Core would have been left alone? If not us, then the Mages Association itself would have dismantled it – they sent a messenger to make sure it had been done. The Grail is gone, and even you can't restore it. So why, Einzbern? What's your _real _reason for coming here?

"Why did you need to fight my father so badly?"

Einzbern's lips curled. Now that hecould see where Shirouwas, he was far from helpless. The boy would pay for taking him lightly. "I have no need to explain myself to an idealistic fool," he sneered. Einzbern slammed his hands into the floor: an enormous mage's ring lit the room. "Don't underestimate me in my own fortress!" With a roar, a sea of flames rose from the ring and cascaded inward towards Shirou, cresting with Einzbern's viral, triumphant howl.

"_Die!_"

For the first time, Shirou found himself struggling for time to respond. His sword slammed down as he went to his knees, taking root and changing as the flames rose around him. He was able to protect his most vulnerable spot – his head, with its slitted visor – but the flames hit before he could close a silver dome of protection. Shirou called up Rule Breaker again, waving copies in both hands, but he could only lessen the effect without pulling his face from the protection of his shield. Where the magic canceling blades waved, the flames disappeared, but all too soon they rushed in again, renewed from without. Finally, Shirou flung one copy as hard and straight as he could and clapped the freed hand over his face: lunging up from the hood-like shelter, he sighted frantically along the open path the blade's path had left in the flames and threw the second Rule Breaker, praying it would hit the right place; he would have no time for a second shot. Already his face felt singed.

Rule Breaker flew across the room, hit the floor, bounced forward, turning...the hilt descended, turned away centimeters above the ground...and then the blade rapped against the sigils of the Mage Circle.

Instantly the spell vanished; without a natural source of fuel the flames rapidly began to die. Shirou grasped the now unrecognizable form of his former sword, embedded in the ground.

_You're not doing that twice._

_...  
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It was quite late now, and even Avalon couldn't fake the sun: the dreamy yellow meadow had become a calm moonlit vista, beautiful in a way almost unreal. It was still warm though, and somehow Illya hadn't wanted to go inside. She preferred to wait out here, under the stars, surrounded by Avalon. But she had to admit that, if it hadn't been for Kouji, she'd probably have ended up going back inside anyway. She wasn't very good at being alone anymore.

Part of her was surprised he was still here; more of her was flattered, pleased, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. With her head out of the sand, as it were, it hadn't taken long to put all the 'boys acting funny' business into more appropriate words: they were smitten. But she knew she would never be able to see any of them that way. Not because of circumstance, but because of experience: the life she had led had put her someplace they weren't capable of going. That was how it was. Sooner or later, she supposed, she'd have to get that through their heads. Kouji though...

She glanced surreptitiously over her shoulder. Long hair was very good for that. He was sitting at right angles to her, close enough that if she leaned back she could have settled onto his back and shoulder. The thought had crossed her mind. Since he'd found her here, they hadn't talked much: most of it had been spent in silence. But it was a warm silence, light and comforting as a summer wind. But most of all, somehow, it was a silence that sought to tell her something. The older part of her was sure of what it was. The younger part wasn't sure what to do with it. She guessed she was still a bit of a mess that way. Just how long was it going to take? This was important. She sighed.

"Illya?"

"Heh? Oh...nothing. Just...thinking."

"You're sure you're not worried?"

"Shirou won't lose."

Then she paused. "Well...okay...maybe a little. I mean, I believe in him, but...anything can happen in a battle after all. The one that seems to be the surest and strongest...after watching my Berserker die, I know that better than anyone. Of course – that actually turned out to be a good thing didn't it?"

Kouji chuckled. "You could say that. If you'd won the war you'd have died to make the Grail, not to mention you would probably have killed—" Kouji paused abruptly.

"Killed Shirou," Illya finished for him. "And Rin. And maybe even Sakura. I'd have destroyed all the people who came to mean everything to me and then destroyed myself. He always protected me, that guy, even though I treated him so badly – he even _lost_ in a way that gave me life. All I have now, that's so precious to me – once upon a time, I didn't have any of it." She paused, sensing some invisible door creaking open. Trying to feel her way to the handle. "I – I live my life wondering how I ever got along without them. And I – I never stop being happy. When I know...there's someone new...that could be family."

In the silence that followed, Illya desperately searched for the next words, some way to follow. Then Kouji's hand moved to cover hers, and it all got easier.

"I'm...still a bit of a mess right now Kouji. I don't know...how well I can do this. Any of it. But...I want you to stay. Where you are. Until I can."

Some invisible force of the moment seemed to move them, to pull at their bodies, tugging at her palm and chest and face. Making her turn her hand up to grasp his, turn her chest into his, turn her face up towards his.

So...this was...

When it was over, she kept her face close, face open, eyes searching. She couldn't have even said what she was looking for in his face, or what he, in turn, was looking for in hers. All she knew was that she found it.

She smiled. "Tell you a secret? Even Shirou doesn't know."

He raised his eyebrows. "Yes?"

She put her head on his shoulder, wrapped her arms about and snuggled in with a wide and contented smile.

"I love being held."

...

A mage's mind is actively engaged in his spells, the bigger the more so – the shock of his circle's destruction was like having a rug swept from under his feet. For a moment Einzbern just stared, mind reeling, as the flames dwindled.

Then an looming stormcloud of silver talons ripped through the tattered remnants of fire, rising to engulf him. Einzbern flung himself backwards, stumbled, regained his footing, and with it most of his senses; his feet set and he grunted fiercely as he blasted the Tracings to rubble and dust for a second time, furious and frustrated at being set back to these tactics. He was no longer confident of his ability to make an advantage of blindness. He'd _finally _had the edge, gods rot it all!

There was a sound of moving armor; a deep whistle morphed into a roar of wind that blasted the air clean and sent Einzbern's arms over his face. When he lowered them, the only dust remaining in the air was a few pathetic lingering puffs. And directly in front of him, kneeling in the last stage of a wide swing, restored Durandal blade in his hands, was Shirou.

Shirou lunged to his feet; Einzbern began to instinctively backpedal as he reached for another spell. Shirou shifted the angle of his lunge, momentarily swinging the momentum of his body as he flung Durandal at Einzbern. For the third time Einzbern was forced to abandon all thoughts of balance and counterattack as he flung himself backwards, bending over in the air as far as he could; Durandal's wide blade passed through his vision, momentarily hiding the world behind gleaming metal, and then unveiling it again behind the hilt.

What it unveiled was a fist heading downward.

Two and a half Durandals smashed into his chest and drove him six inches into solid rock. The force was so much he bounced; he used the momentum to roll to the side just in time to avoid the descent of Shirou's inter-clenched fists. Three Durandals splintered the ground and almost foiled Einzbern's attempts to regain his feet. Shirou's head turned; eyes glinted at him from behind metal bars. Shirou's weight shifted onto one foot; he lunged upward and pivoted; his foot swung around in an arc and crashed into his chest with the weight of one and a half Durandals; once more Einzbern tumbled across the floor, desperately clawing for traction to stop and regain his footing. He finally succeeded, managing to get his feet under him and push to his feet, eyes immediately rising forward to search for the next attack.

He saw it.

He saw every nuance, every detail: it was one of those moments when everything slows almost to a stop and the mind notes every particular with unnatural, surreal clarity. The glint of metal behind him that he must have used as a springboard; the interplay of light along his pure white metal frame and glittering lines; the way his body lined perfectly behind his fist, a perfect human javelin sheathed in Tracer's Steel: all slowly sank into his mind in the endless moment before impact. It was all the power of the entire Form of the Paladin packed into four inches by three. The sight of its approach was so overwhelming it passed beyond terror and into fascination as his vision filled with impending doom. It was not a fist, it was The Fist.

The Fist hit him squarely in the face.

The shields that had guarded him for so long overloaded, flashed red and shattered beyond all recall; flying remnants of energy briefly perforated the air and ricocheted off Shirou's armor like high velocity gravel. Einzbern's own body flew to hit the wall ten yards behind with a vicious crack. For the first time in five years, Einzbern felt the full force of a blow. If the shield hadn't absorbed so much force his body would have shattered like an egg. He didn't avoid Shirou's first grab; he fell away from it, only barely conscious of the fact, vaguely seeing but unable to process, aware of his body but unable to command it. When Shirou's hands dug into his collar to lift him and slam him up against the wall, he offered no resistance: he had none left to give.

"I'll have you open your eyes before you die Einzbern," Shirou growled. "I won't let you go spitting proud lies. Betrayal has nothing to do with this, not with your hate, not with your goals. The Grail became corrupted in the Third War, decades before my father was ever born. The Fourth and Fifth wars shouldn't have even occurred!"

"But in the end that's just it, isn't it Einzbern? They did occur: you continued to support them. You hid the results, refused to acknowledge, continued to deny. When Kiritsugu won the War and saw the truth for himself, he rejected it: you blamed him for a coward and a traitor and went on to the Fifth. And when even the Fifth failed – when I followed in the steps of my father, your homunculus abandoned you, and even the Mages Association declared that the Wars were through...then you began to descend into madness. It was never that you _didn't _believe in the Grail's failure was it Einzbern? It was that you couldn't. So why? Why was that? What was so important about the Grail that you couldn't let it go? What wish did you want granted so badly? Don't think I don't know it! It's the same wish of every human being!"

"Fulfillment Einzbern. The Grail was your life: nearly all of your two hundred years were given to the Wars. You created them, sacrificed for them, gave them all the years of your life and all the devotion of your thoughts and skills. You hung all your existence on the Grail, and so only the Grail could redeem you. But in the end it failed. It was a false goal, and nothing you said or did, no sacrifice you made, no excuse or rationalization you might conjure, could change it. And you couldn't face that, could you Einzbern? In the end, you've just been running away. All this time, you were just running away. Running from two hundred years that you couldn't face anymore. Blaming my father, so you didn't have to look at yourself. Because if you did, you'd never stop screaming. Without the Grail, all that was left of your past was a void."

"He was the one who made you face it – the first to turn his face from the Grail. He destroyed the purpose of your life, and time proved him right. That's what you can't forgive, isn't it Einzbern? That's why you hated him."

Shirou's fists tightened in Einzbern's collar as he leaned closer to glare at his hanging face. "Isn't that right Einzbern?" Shirou whispered fiercely. _"Isn't that right?"_

There was a ringing pause – Einzbern hung unmoving, face down. And then his head came up. The first twitches of a deranged smile flitted to the corners of his lips.

_"What do you care dead man?"_

What happened next was governed by neither rhyme nor reason nor least of all craft – like with Illya in the woods power simply poured from his body in a white hot column that roared with the voice of Chaos. Shirou tumbled backwards, unable to stop, any purchase he gained immediately knocked away; he managed to trace another sword and stab it into the earth, clinging for dear life to the hilt as the outpouring of magic went on and on. Shirou managed to get his head up; his eyes widened. The sword – the Durandal imbued sword – was shaking and shedding metal right before his eyes. Shirou's gaze flicked madly over his armor: everywhere metal flaked. Was he using the life-forces? Even he couldn't use this much and not pay!

"Have you lost your mind Einzbern?" He screamed. "You're going to make yourself into a hopeless wreck! There'll be nothing left of your circuits when you've finished with me!"

"_So what boy?_" Einzbern howled back. His eyes were wide, mad: an open mouthed grin that drooled unnoticed gaped grotesquely from his face as he stood, wild and senseless, arms forward, a psychotic emblem of the power of logic abandoned. "What's the matter, can't stomach real magic? Eh? Just like your father! That's why he couldn't take the Grail, that's why they all failed the Grail! That was all the problem! You haven't got what it takes – not you, not your father, not anyone who follow you! That's why..._that's why...THAT'S WHY I'M THE TRUE MAGE!"_

Ordinary tracings he tried to make to protect himself shattered as they formed, and even Durandal couldn't stand. Shirou could feel the armor preparing to part ways, and he couldn't stop it. For the first time in a long time, death seemed to be staring him in the face.

And then for some reason, the white lashing power suddenly seemed to have strands of gold.

_If your face haunts me to my grave, I will never regret loving you_.

Shirou's grip tightened on what remained of the sword. Slowly – though it took all he had – Shirou stood against the force of the spell.

_Not yet. It's not over yet. We still have one day together, a whole day of precious moments I may never have again. It's not over yet – this time that shouldn't have been...this mad, random gift of time...IS NOT OVER YET!_

The metal cracked. There was a sound like the shattering of a thousand thin plates of crystalline glass. And – almost elegantly – the Form of the Paladin shattered into dust, and blew away.

..

When Abraxas next opened his eyes, it was to find himself in his room – or rather, in the room in Sakura's house that he had been using. Even before he turned his head, he knew Sakura was in the room with him. She must have used magic to get him here. She was in a chair by his bed – a comfortably padded chair with armrests and an inclined back, he was glad to note. And, he was equally glad to note, she was making use of the fact. He hadn't seen her face asleep before. He found he enjoyed it. She looked sweet and clean and gentle. He wanted to cradle that sleeping body, to hold it close and shield it through the night. Hide its frailty with his bulk.

Of course, she wasn't nearly as frail as she seemed. But still...he thought he knew...

Her head turned; her eyes opened halfway. "You're awake. When you shouldn't be." Her lips twitched. "Again," she added.

Abraxas smiled apologetically. "I am too big to stay tired. Otherwise, who could make me get up? How did you know to wake up now?"

Sakura smiled, and lifted her right hand, showing a small glowing circle on the arm of the chair. She flicked the fingers of the hand towards his pillow. "We may not have known each other long yet, but I've learned enough to expect _this_ much."

His eyes widened slightly, startled. Then he chuckled. "Are you going to scold me?"

"If I scolded you, you wouldn't be going back to sleep."

"True. But you've already healed my injuries, and I suffered no soul drain. Since I've woken on my own, perhaps I'm already recovered?"

"Perhaps. Your vitality truly is amazing. However, may I remind you that it is quite late at night already?"

He smiled. "Got me. What about you then? I'm not so injured I need you to stay with me. You should be in your own bed. That chair is no substitute."

Sakura smiled. "Are you worrying about me now then?"

"Why not? You can hardly complain, I am only following your example."

Her smile warmed as she chuckled. "Got me. I suppose I just wanted some company."

"You're worried about him, aren't you?" Abraxas said quietly. "And afraid."

Sakura started, eyes wide. The right arm of her chair was very close to the edge of his bed, so it was easy for him to reach and cover her hand with his left. "I have learned enough of you to see that much," he said softly, a twinkle in his eye. "Even though it has not been much time."

Sakura smiled again; a smile made of equal parts gratitude and pain. She lifted her hand under his; he wrapped his fingers under the opening, enclosing all above the wrist in his warm grasp. And for a while, that is how things remained. When Sakura finally spoke, it was to the air in front of her, staring out ahead into the past, while their hands held her in the safety of the present.

"Once, a long time ago, there was a little girl who thought all the good in the world had abandoned her. Her sister, her father, all her family had left her behind. Her new family was cruel and selfish: she was their experiment, their means to an end, nothing more. Her life was hell, and she knew no one to turn to but herself. And she thought surely she would cave in to hatred and madness. And then – she found someone. A boy full of determination, a boy who declared without shame that he was going to be a hero who battled the darkness. A boy who never gave up on anything. That boy...didn't really see the girl, not for many years. But to the girl he became a beacon, the anchor outside of herself that allowed her to keep fighting. The focus she needed to win. To stay the person she wanted to be. Over the years, she managed to gain some closeness to him. And in the course of her long years of dependence, she came to think of her desperate need as love."

"And then one day, it all began to change. First her grandfather, the last remaining member of her cruel false family, withdrew, ignoring her. Then a whim of the War that raged purged her of the pestilence that family had planted in her. And then the impossible happened: the sister came back. Said she'd always loved me, she hadn't known, she'd never abandon me again. And she proved it, proved it so I've never doubted since. In her care I became clean, as clean I could be made. My life became my own, and I didn't need an anchor for my sanity. And I came to understand that what I had felt had never been love."

"And yet – even if my perception of being in love had been a lie, the traits I had admired had not been. And he already considered himself my friend. And so he became a precious member of a small group of people who became my new family. And it made me happy. The nightmare I had once lived truly seemed a dream."

"And yet – I'm still afraid. That if any of them die – if any of the people who saved me were to disappear – I would be pulled back into that black bottomless hell. Once again balanced on the brink between humanity and abomination. And so, every time – every time he fights, every time Rin fights, every time I know there's a chance they won't come back...I'm afraid. Even though I know the worms are gone, and Zoken with them, I'm still afraid. I sit and wonder if this is the time – if I'm finally going to find myself facing that darkness again: again, alone. The darkness of the worms is gone...but the darkness in myself that it taught me will never leave."

Sakura's voice shook. "I don't think I can do it Abraxas – I don't think I can face that again. If I ever have to, if it ever comes to that, I'll lose, I know it. My soul will turn to ink and flow away. I already almost lost once. When Rin was healing me Abraxas, did you know, I attacked her twice. That's how close to the edge I had been. I can't forget – and I can't stop being afraid of my own shadows. I'm afraid...I'm always afraid...and it won't go away. It just won't go away."

Abraxas let go of her hand. For a moment, the eyes she swung to him were wide with shock and hurt. That then morphed into wonder, as the hand moved to cup her cheek. And then her look was a cry, a desperate wavering between need and uncertainty. Abraxas's hand encouraged, gently. For a moment, Sakura resisted, a thousand messages warring on her face. And then she was sprawled on his chest, hands clenched in his shirt on either side as his arms folded to engulf her in warmth. This close, his huge presence created a bubble, a pocket within the universe that was only him, and no malevolence or uncertainty could enter. Where she was, there was only love, and safety. His strength, body and soul, enfolded her deep within its depths, and fear couldn't follow. He spoke.

"Even if all the rest of the world should turn to darkness, the shadows will still hide from me."

Tears pooled in her eyes, and dripped slowly down her cheeks. "Would you really do that? Chase all my shadows away, whenever I needed it? Whenever I was afraid?"

If possible, his sanctuary seemed to grow stronger, deeper. "Yes."

"...for how long?"

"For as long as you let me."

Her hands clenched, bunching his shirt. "...forever?" She whispered.

His arms were tight around her.

"Forever," he agreed.

...

Einzbern had become so immersed in the act of channeling all that power that he was left almost comically flummoxed when the flood stopped: His face went slack and puzzled while his body held its pose. Then exhaustion slammed in: his eyes rolled up, his knees gave way, and he only caught himself from falling on his face by reflex. He lay on hands and knees, almost on elbows and knees, mind slowly re-emerging, coping with the absence of that all consuming force. He stared at the ground, gasping, while the floor slowly came into focus, and with it his consciousness. And then – slowly – he began to laugh. It was a mad laugh, a weak, coughing, grimacing sequence of hacks from a throat that should have been too raw for use, but he couldn't stop.

"There...there, Kiritsugu...you see? You see...I won...I knew I could...you didn't have the guts...so your son didn't either...of course he didn't...I won...I won Kiritsugu!_ I told you I was the real mage!"_

And he kept laughing, weakly, slowing to a soft sequence of rough gasps. "You see...you see..."

A footstep sounded. A voice came from the cloud of wreckage where the spell had struck.

"Tell me Einzbern – why is the sheath stronger than the sword?"

He was too gone in strength to shout or scream, too gone in madness and delusion to truly comprehend. His expression shifted from incredulous victory to puzzled, searching dismay as he lifted his head to peer into the wreckage, trying to see past smoke, dust, and sunspots. Finally he managed, "...what?"

"Excalibur is man's most powerful sword. Forged of his dreams of justice, the light it emits is the strongest offensive Noble Phantasm this world has produced. And yet its sheath, Avalon, could shrug off even Enuma Elish. So why Einzbern? Why is Avalon stronger than Excalibur?

Slowly, Shirou emerged from the wreckage, now wearing only his ordinary clothes. In his right hand he held a small dagger: all the weapon he needed. He reached Einzbern, and stood over him, looking down. And in his eyes was the expression Einzbern feared most of all. The confirmation of all his hidden doubts and fears.

_Pity._

"Because dreams of peace are stronger than dreams of war," Shirou whispered. "That's what you never understood Einzbern."

"That's why we're stronger than you."

Shirou knelt, gripped Einzbern's shoulder with his left hand and pushed him upright. For a moment he paused, locking eyes for one last time with his adversary. After all this way, and all this fighting...this was all there was. One mad, pathetic old man, who'd put so much of himself into the Grail that he hadn't been able to cope with its passing. One sad, desperate mage, his life's work left behind by time, forever unfulfilled.

As Abraxas would have said, under it all, he was just such a small man.

"Try to do better in your next life Einzbern," Shirou said.

And put the dagger through his heart.

...

The boy didn't even wait to watch his last breaths; he simply withdrew the blade and walked away, heading for the life forces no doubt. Leaving his foe to fall to the floor, mind fading, and yet painfully, ironically clear. The inevitability of ending finally stripping pretension from his eyes for just a few moments before death.

_Are you laughing, Kiritsugu? _He wondered. _You won in the end, didn't you? Even if I'd killed him, you'd have won. Your ideals were foolishness, but people wanted to believe them. And now who is left to take the mantle of my family? Who will be the next heir of Einzbern?_

_ No one. No one wants the burdens of this old man. How did you do it Kiritsugu? You've surpassed me utterly...in the end, I have nothing. No Grail. No great magical accomplishments. And no heir._

_ You came closer to the Grail than I ever did. You have no great magical accomplishments, but you never sought them, so you didn't care. And...you have an heir. Someone who declares your name with pride, and fights in the name of all that you believed in. And he has surpassed us both, just like good disciples should._

_ How did you do it Kiritsugu? How did you find all the things I sought for for so long? You weren't even really trying...or was that it all along?_

_ Are you laughing at me, Kiritsugu? _Damn you...

...

Standing by the container for the souls, Shirou sensed, then heard, Arturia's approach behind him. He turned, meeting her eyes.

"They're all such small people in the end," he said softly. "All these cruel and evil people, all these killers..in the end, they're such small people."

And Arturia nodded, for her own experience had shown her that it was true.

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* * *

Author's Notes:

The gap in the posting of this story is actually a sign of how much I love you all.

Okay, that's a lie. I mean, I'd care if you all dropped dead or whatever but it is actually just a sign of my perfectionistic inability to leave a story alone when my beta says all green but my gut won't stop complaining. In the end, I spent nearly a week re-writing this story, and most especially re-writing the scene where Shirou tells Einzbern why he really hated Kiritsugu, only to find myself mostly reverting to the original version (the one my beta okay-ed). But the 'mostly' was largely helped along by the various things that had come out in my attempts, so it wasn't wasted, precisely, bu it sure felt inefficient. Other parts of this story, however, definitely benefited for that final, unexpectedly intense editing run. I post this chapter, as I do all my chapters, with pride in my creation. It _should _have taken longer, and been more intensely edited, after all. It's the climax. Every scene – or at least every climax scene – must rival or exceed the best examples previous. I'm not sure how well Sakura's scene measures up to the one Rin got – comparing it to Shirou's dance would be unrealistic – but it matched my standards in the end. I spared no expense. I hope you enjoyed.

One: Form of the Shining Paladin. And so it makes its debut. As always, I prefer to eschew explosions, or something _entirely _new. I prefer to build on what a character already has. It's just an expansion of what he already does, but it is beautifully, devastatingly effective. The combination of offense and defense makes him a veritable tank. He can kill an elephant with a backhand slap right now. And this is just a rough form. He hasn't had much time to practice: he had to pick one noble phantasm he knew very well, that would serve as many functions as possible. Durandal was the obvious choice. With practice, he'll be able to put in more than one. Then the armor and shield will have both Durandal and Rule Breaker, and the sword will have Durandal, Rule Breaker, and Harpe. The power of Durandal, carried forward by Harpe, with the power to ignore any and all magical opposition (or, on the defense, counter it). Yeah. It's a good thing the story ends here. I'd have to get pretty creative with his next villain.

Two: I worked pretty hard on the choreography and sequence of this battle. It is, as I said before, the climax. Standards should go up, not down. The goal is to match or, far preferably, top, every previous one. The climax must climax. The back and forth, and most of all the balance, in portraying Shirou's power vs. Einzbern's in a believable, and at the same time satisfying manner. I made sure you all got a few seconds of pure, unadulterated poundage as Shirou simply pours it on him. I mean really, we've all earned it, including him. Of course, many scenes in this fight I have waited a long time to write. Seen them over and over in my head. The decimation of the remaining three blood beasts and the showdown where he shatters Einzbern's biggest spell, have been planned staple points of the final fight for some time. So has throwing Rule Breaker (like that? A user of the real weapon could never afford such a tactic, but for Shirou, it's an excellent, viable way to make any mage jump for his life). The rest were relatively recent ideas.

Three: Throwing Rule Breaker. I really do love that idea. I love the potential to strike fear into any mages heart, not just Einzbern. Though it poses a special threat to him.

Four: The first lines of the final, long hinted at unveiling of the true core of Einzbern's obsession and psychosis. This isn't really about the Grail – the Grail is _gone_. So why did you really come? Mmmm…

Five: Fire or electricity, and the use of fire. I made a point of revealing the means by which the armor could be defeated, instead of ignoring them and leaving the occasional astute reader to wonder (as I have so many times when reading or watching anime), 'but why didn't he just do —, he would have won.' I hate that kind of cheating, as I said when I explained the birth of Gae Bolg's twenty four hour time limit. I knew the methods that would probably work, or might seem likely to, and made sure to deal with them in one way or another. I suppose at least one reader is bound to see one I missed, but still I made the effort. After all, anything that takes too much thinking to come up with could simply be said to have not occurred to Einzbern under the circumstances. Anyway, it's an important part of plausibility for those who guess, and plausibility is almost directly related to effect – if they don't believe it, much oomph has been lost, no matter how cool it is and no matter how much they are willing to forget it.

Six: Rule Breaker will naturally play a large role in any battle Shirou fights against a mage.

Seven: Illya's confession. Actually, both confessions in this chapter surprised me to some extent. I had not expected Illya and Kouji to do anything as conclusive as kiss. I had thought Illya would tell him – much more subtly, obviously – that she wasn't ready to have a relationship, there were too many basic things she was still sorting out, but that she definitely wanted him to stay: one day she'd be ready, and she wanted him there when she was. I thought it fit. But it seems all my planned romantics that are less than whole hog are doomed to be altered by this willful story of mine: just as my plans for Rin to remain singe were reduced (magnificently) to smoke, my plans for Illya to sweetly push Kouji away – but not too far away at all – simply evaporated in the face of a scene that simply – made a kiss. Actually, it might be more accurate to compare this to the scene in chapter thirteen with Shirou and Arturia. I'd thought they were only going to almost kiss there too. In the end, the only part that really stayed the same was that the scene closed with her telling him that she loves being held, and hugging him. It was, originally, a way of confirming what she really meant. Now it's just…appropriate, somehow. Although, unbeknownst to her, Shirou has long since figured this out. It's not _really _a secret.

Eight: And there's the few paragraphs of pure pawnage as Shirou pulls all the stops. Bam, bam, bam, and then…ultimate Bam. The Fist – I liked that bit of rhetoric particularly.

Nine: And Shirou hits him with the truth. That in the end, he was just the last remnant of the wars, desperately clinging to delusion because there was nothing left of it that was real. His mad, absolute focus was just a sub-consciously orchestrated distraction from that terrifying truth that he didn't have the strength to embrace. Like the climax to come, I've been laying seeds for this: if I did my job right, many small nuances of his behavior, as well as various casual and not-so-casual phrases, should have come together now, as he spoke, and made a picture. That is what I aimed for. But if you just understood, believed, and enjoyed seeing Einzbern stripped of pretension, I guess that's good enough.

Ten: What do you care dead man? The last vestige of sanity leaves him, he snaps completely and uses 'it'. This, too, was long planned as happening in response to Shirou's psychologically brutal stripping. _I'm the true mage_ – all that was left to him was to believe that he was the better. It wasnt' that he was wrong, it was that they were inferior. Anything else would destroy him. As it did destroy him, in the end. Because Shirou saw through it.

Eleven: And now Sakura and Abraxas. Why do almost none of these scenes go the way I expect? They weren't supposed to confess for another two chapters, and the scene was quite different. Still tearful and sweet, but more domestic. I cant' help feeling that would have provided balance, considering how most of the other scenes were. But when a story insists on turning a scene where a character comforts the other with a speech about how people like Shirou don't seem as big as he is, but when it comes time to fight, their strength comes from the world, and then 'they are the biggest of all', with something as intense as this, you don't argue, you go with it. It certainly was powerful, and far more dramatically emotional than what I'd thought would happen. Apparently I'm not allowed to do subtler, quieter romance? I just hope everyone else approves (my Rin x Shirou followers should appreciate a romantic scene of this level that does not conflict with pre-existing loyalties). I do love Abraxas's line though. "Even if all the rest of the world should turn to darkness, the shadows will still hide from me." Somehow it makes me think of the anime's second OP. _Even if all the world is dark, the stars will still shine on me…_

Twelve: Why is the sheath stronger than the sword? Ahh…another moment I've waited all too long to see. That's a speech I've rehearsed a long time people. In addition to its inherent virtues, it is also meant to tip you off as to how Shirou survived, for those who didn't find it obvious (even when the means is obvious, I often find I prefer my stories to confirm such things. Otherwise I feel ever so slightly adrift). Because dreams of peace are stronger than dreams of war. Love it.

Thirteen: Einzbern's last thoughts. Even Shirou didn't quite see it…that underneath it all, at his very heart of hearts…Eiznbern was _jealous _of Kiritsugu. Miserable as his last years were, he still had more meaning in his life than Einzbern. He still had more to his name. And worst of all, he found it in the ashes of Einzbern's dream. Of course, the strong tinge of bitterness is part of our satisfaction. So at last he dies. The last remnant of the wars. Left bleeding himself out on the ground. Bitter and regretful till the end. Are you laughing Kiritsugu…? I loved that line.

Fourteen: The 'small people' theme was born entirely of Abraxas' peculiarities of speech. It didnt' exist until I'd been writing him a while. But I like it. It complements the themes, and the note of Einzbern's death, very nicely.

And so it's over. Or rather, the action plot is over. We still have at least two chapters to go, or perhaps three, I'm having a hard time telling right now. Plus an epilogue. One way or the other, now's when the true storm begins. That's right, it's time to resolve it: the fate of this new spiral in time. I'm very excited. For the sake of impact, I may choose to post the next two chapters simultaneously, or even all the rest at once. If so, it will make for two or three times the gap, maybe more, so nobody panic. One way or the other, the conclusion of this story is, at least, very close at hand.

Join me…


	21. Chapter 20: Fate of Spiral Time

These are the only authors notes you'll find in this last and final update. Two years...that's how long it took to get here. And now, at last, we've reached the climax. The part many of you began reading to see. The part I began imagining it to write. I will never write such an extensive fanfic again. I will probably return from time to time to contribute shorter ones, but from now on my novel level efforts will be devoted solely to original works. But I have no regrets. It was a pleasure, and a valuable experience. Thanks to everyone who contributed encouragement. Especial notice to those who have been with this story almost since it began: who have waited to see this almost as long as I have. You know who you are.

The time has come. The circle is drawn. The materials are ready. The incantation is set. _I SUMMON THE STORM!_

_En priori encantem..._

_

* * *

_

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***Chapter Twenty: Fate of Spiral Time***

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**.**

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It had been a while...a little over a week in fact...since Rin had allowed herself to drift awake and then just lie there. It was a coveted pleasure in her life, that she periodically awarded to herself when she didn't have too much work to do. If she'd just finished a lot of work, she sometimes didn't get out of bed for over an hour. Today was definitely worthy of an over an hour morning. It marked the end of a whole week's worth of very hard work after all. She'd earned it. She believed in taking what you earned. None of this 'virtue is its own reward' nonsense: Shirou could have it. She'd take her sleep. Except, of course, for breakfast. After such heavy spellwork, she wasn't going to be able to postpone that for long. Maybe Sakura would bring it to her? She did it sometimes, but she might be too busy today. Rin sighed, disgruntled. She _had _earned breakfast in bed, even Sakura would agree to that.

Somebody knocked. Rin perked up (drowsily). Maybe she'd get breakfast after all? "Who is it?" She called.

"It's me, Issei. Can I open the door?"

Ah yes. _That's _what all the extra cat in the cream satisfaction was about. "Sure, go ahead. What is it?"

"I was just checking – again," Issei said, taking advantage of her permission. "Do you always get up this late?"

"Only when I can get away with it," she shot back. "I changed my mind, I want the head after breakfast."

"Ah yes, about that. I'm afraid Shirou didn't know you reserved it and buried it along with the rest of him when he collapsed the tunnel."

"Hmph. He always spoils my best fun." She paused. "Wait, he collapsed it? How? I didn't think he knew any techniques that were good for that."

"Well I did ask, and he said something about it being a lot like Reinforcement just the other way around."

"_De_-enforcement?" Rin murmured. Funny – she didn't think she'd heard of that, for all it made sense. She'd have to look it up. "Well, you can just bring the breakfast then. You can use a tin platter if you can't find a silver one. I'll settle for the shiny look."

"Roger that."

"Make it enough for two."

"Are you that hungry?"

"Actually it was an invitation, but now that you mention it, make it enough for three."

"Alright, I got it," Issei said, laughing. "Oh, just for my education, is this normal after very intense magic?"

"Voracity? Bet on it. It's just like any draining physical experience: first your body wants to rest, then it wants to replace the energy it spent. It's proportional of course, so I'll leave it to your imagination how serious I am when I say bring me two helpings. Otherwise, I can't guarantee the sanctity of your portion."

"All right all right, I'll do my best. I just hope Sakura made enough."

"Oh, she made enough all right. I've never, ever seen her get it wrong – unless there was someone she didn't know about. It's spoiled her really, she gets all upset about surprise guests because she's used to being able to get everything perfect."

"That's not magic is it?"

"Not as far as I know. It probably does fall into the category of the theoretically possible, but I'm pretty sure it's just a gift. Oh yes, speaking of gifts, be sure to trounce Shirou for burying mine will you?"

"No can do, he's already gone. He went to sleep right after getting back and left the house hours ago."

"Really? Where t – wait a minute. Was he alone?"

"Ooh, good guess. He went with Arturia. It's the first time I've seen her in relaxed clothes. I'd wondered if she even had any."

"..._ahhhh_." Said Rin happily.

...

.

Waking up in Avalon's realm, Illya found, was as peaceful an experience as sleeping in it. She could only imagine what living here must be like, awakening and sleeping under this influence, all the time. An eternal sense of peaceful company...which made her blink, as the word 'company' reminded her of something. She glanced about. There he was: still asleep, but right there where he'd said he'd be. A smile crossed her face, almost involuntarily. It was lucky to find someone who cared like that. Illya knew it better than anyone.

She was actually rather fascinated: she'd never watched someone sleeping like this before. It was strangely enjoyable. Was it because it was Kouji, or did everyone look different when they slept?

_We view the world through lenses_, a warm female voice murmured. _All we see is colored and shaped by the lens of our thoughts, our knowledge, our feelings. Very few see even through relatively clear eyes – and yet, only by looking through the lens of our hearts can some of this world's greatest truths be seen. You have begun to learn a new kind of companionship. He is not all that will seem different._

"I guess there's no such thing as real privacy here huh?" Illya murmured. It wasn't Avalon's fault that she was effectively everywhere in the Shrine at once, but she still felt annoyed. She'd enjoyed at least being able to forget they had company.

_I'm afraid not_, Avalon said apologetically. _I shall have to become accustomed to carrying secrets. I will gather them quickly._

"You might also learn when to not remind people you're around," Illya pointed out. "They can still have the illusion of privacy."

_True. I apologize for intruding on your moment._

"Too late now," Illya said philosophically. She was feeling too all around content to be angry. "Um – just to make sure, but from the way you're talking, it all went well last night?"

_Yes. Shirou defeated Einzbern in single combat: you are free of him forever. Arturia fought his ally, a traitor from her country, and won. _Avalon's voice hesitated. _She also called my mate into this world, _She said quietly.

"Your _what?" _Illya squeaked. "Wait – you mean Excalibur?"

_The sword to my sheath. In this form, I have come to think of him as my mate. My memories of him are vague, but very pervasive: always I am aware I am one half of a concept. Though it is unconventional, I suppose it would not be misleading to say I have missed him. Somehow in that battle, Arturia called him, his true self, into her hand. They stopped by to leave him here. For now he is cold as I must have once been – but if I woke, then surely in time so will he. And then my life, too, will be changed. It is a strange feeling. See, he is in the ground there. I helped make sure they didn't wake you. They were pleased to see you._

The implication, however faint, that they had been pleased by her company was one Illya preferred to let pass. Besides, it was probably true. She glanced to her left: sure enough, there it – or should she start saying he? – was. She would have to ask Arturia what in the world had happened last night for her to have done such a thing. It took her that long to latch onto another implication in what Avalon had said.

"Avalon – you said they came together? That they dropped Excalibur off on their way somewhere? But there's nothing left to hunt for."

_Unless I am greatly mistaken, _Avalon said softly. _This time they were hunting happiness._

Illya had to swallow a lump in her throat to respond. "Do you...do you think they'll find it?"

_For today? Undoubtedly, _Avalon replied. _But as for tomorrow...I don't know. Even I don't know. I fear...I fear that they still do not understand..._

_..._

_._

Rin and Issei had finished eating and lapsed into talking for about fifteen or twenty minutes when Rin held up a hand, stopping the conversation. She tilted her head toward the door, a small smile on her face.

After a short pause, the sound she'd thought she'd heard repeated itself: a short, faint knocking, the timid tempo of someone who wants to be let in but isn't sure of her welcome. Rin's smile did not so much widen as deepen.

"Maya?" She called. There was a brief start on the other side.

"Uh...Rin-san?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't interrupt but—"

"That isn't what I meant. What did you call me?"

Her voice got so quiet you almost couldn't hear it. Clearly the intervening night had planted some uncertainties. "Umm...Mom?"

Rin's eyes crinkled. This was all turning out much more gratifying than she'd thought. "That's right. And since when is it wrong to knock on your mother's door hmm? You sounded like you thought it would bite you if you hit it too hard."

"Sorry. Can...can I come in? Only you promised you'd talk today..."

"Indeed I did. And of course you can."

The door creaked open to reveal someone with a rather different expression than the girl of the night before. Elation and wonder had faded, replaced by doubt fueled by years of cynicism. After so long of having to act the adult, she was suddenly told it was alright to be a child again. Suddenly, there was someone else to be the mother, the one in charge, the one to depend on. And she wanted to believe it – but every step forward seemed fraught with fear of falling.

_This is real...right?_

Rin shook her right foot slightly, indicating the space at the foot of the bed. "Right here kiddo. Come on."

Slowly one step...two steps...and then she quickly ran forward and threw herself onto the bed to sit on the edge huddled into herself, waiting for whatever would happen next.

Rin eyed her thoughtfully. Then she leaned forward, wrapped both arms around her, and pulled her forward until she was sitting on the edge of the bed just a foot down from the pillows, where Rin's body formed a large warm curve behind her while she sat up. "On second thought, _here _will do just fine. Sorry Issei, but could you...oh. Typical of him."

He'd already left.

Rin smiled down at Maya. "So – what do you want to ask first?"

...

.

To Arturia, it was like a dream.

Not in that it was too good to be true. It _was_ true, she could feel it in her bones: a soul deep reality that defied denial, outshone anything she'd known before. But it was like a dream in the way memory blurred some parts and brightened others. Just as, all too soon after waking up, a wonderful dream becomes a few brilliant details and some overwhelming feeling you can't forget, it seemed as though the day became a hazy past almost as soon as it occurred. Only the essence remained: where they went, who they talked too, the core meaning of what was said – and most of all a feeling, a warm, all-encompassing glow so strong she almost thought she could wear it, that etched each moment in glorious eternity.

In all her life, Arturia Whittington had never been so happy.

Where they went hardly seemed important; merely for directions sake, Arturia told Shirou some of the things she had intended to do when she came, and they did them together. They were typical tourist things in many ways: food and sightseeing and so on. But they were also, now she thought of it, couple things, things two people might do together. The restaurant, on such an outing, was a given anyway, but they also stopped at a stand for the ubiquitous Japanese experience of ramen. They visited a dojo Shirou knew, and spoke to the dojo master, whose healthy respect for Shirou very quickly birthed interest in this companion who showed such knowledge of combat. She waved away requests to perform: she was, for once, not interested in testing her skills. A very personable but remarkably loud and direct woman Shirou called Fuji-nee showed her Japanese Kendo: if they had not been in such a mood for privacy she would have probably stayed longer, but as it was 'Fuji-nee's' friendly but high decibel approach cut the lesson short. After that they simply wandered the streets together, as afternoon slowly unwound into evening. She asked questions; Shirou provided answers. Parts of the city caught her eye, and Shirou took her there. A bridge with a marvelous view held memories Shirou shared softly; she held his hand and smiled at the strange ways in which past and present were one. Because it was a part of Shirou she wanted to know, he took her to the place where the fire had raged fifteen years past, and Shirou's new life had begun. She saw it brought a sad air to him; she kissed his cheek lightly and led him away. She practiced her written Japanese on signs and billboards; her mistakes brought giggles and chuckles and teasing. But in the end, the only thing that really mattered about any of it was the part that stayed the same: the person who was never far from her side.

It was one cherished, unreserved day with her love, and she knew that if she had never met him, never known these feelings, she would have gone all her life a poorer soul.

As it came time at last to go back; as the light faded to golden red and a chill crept into the air, Shirou began to lead her more purposefully. She went along; after all, it had only ever been about where he was. But she was still rather startled when their path ended by a playground.

"Shirou?"

"We're too late for the live demonstration," he said, grinning. "But the local kids here, they play in this one a lot. And what they play most is a game they call 'war'. They keep changing which one, and they can never decide who hit who, but they still play it. They run around and scream and point their fingers and yell 'bang, bang!' And sometimes they clutch their chest and whatever and fall over making silly noises. And everyone laughs."

"There's no end, no final goal that can be achieved in our lives. And even though I don't regret it, sometimes it all gets me so tired. Lately, when that happens, I come here. And even if they aren't playing when I arrive, I can imagine them doing it. And I know that it's all worthwhile."

"You understand – right?"

"It's a game to them," Arturia responded softly. "In their world, death is a game. Because it's never been made real. They live in innocence of war and murder. Like they should."

"And even if I achieve nothing else in my life," Shirou finished quietly. "It's worth it to preserve that innocence. And I know that I'm still going to go on."

Arturia smiled, gazing about the abandoned playground, picturing comically sprawled, giggling children across the woodchips and crouching behind wooden struts pretending to shoot and screaming 'I hit you!'. Not for the first time, her hand found his.

"When I first came here, I thought I would learn about Japan, and maybe a little magic, if I could find someone. And after we met, I thought I would finally learn about the source of the blood beasts. I never imagined I'd find someone who could teach me more about my own deepest goals and dreams." She'd already been standing close enough to touch shoulders; now she turned and went on tiptoe to kiss him, short but soft.

"I love you."

Shirou reached across to take her other hand; his face was serious. "Arturia. They sound the same...on both sides of the ocean, don't they? The children."

Arturia's forehead creased at the change of subject, but she answered, remembering her shout underground as Excalibur had finally responded to her. "Of course."

"And they're all equally worth saving, aren't they? There will always be people to save – things worth fighting for – wherever you go. If they're the same people, the same worth with the same need...then does it really matter where it is you're fighting? Does it really matter...if you fight here instead of there?"

Arturia pulled back, but only a little, and she didn't let go of his hands. He had a right to ask, and she couldn't hold it against him. She knew he would respect whatever she said.

"There is no less valor or meaning in fighting here or there," she agreed. "But here they have you, and in England they have only me. Shirou, there is no one else I know of in the forces who fights with magic. Who will take the missions I have been taking, if I leave? I'm needed there, I can't leave them to try and fight without me. ...And...there I swore an oath. I would not be myself if I abandoned duty for love. Even love of you."

"Forgive me."

Shirou just shook his head, and Arturia knew he'd asked knowing the answer. "I've already heard similar words," he whispered. "I'll be fine. Fight safely. Even across the ocean, I'll know the day you die."

"As I will know yours," Arturia agreed. "And until the day I feel it, I will know that you too are still fighting. Fighting this war of ours."

"Wherever I go...and wherever you are...you are my one and only partner."

...

.

"She's going to go isn't she?" Illya said suddenly. She'd wound up staying the day at the Shrine. "You _must _know. You said you know human wishes better than anything."

_And yet I, too, can hope, _Avalon replied. _I know people, but not the future – what seems certain now can change utterly in the moment that follows._

"But I want to know," Illya whispered. "It's been a long time...since I lost someone close to me."

_ Illya, child, you are stronger than you give yourself credit. But I will advise you all the same, because it pleases me. For all your heart was once twisted by others, it still sees true. Follow it, in this and in all things, and say what you feel should be said. In the end, all that happens to you is up to you. And no one else._

We _decide if the gods reward virtue. Never forget that. And never forget the lessons your life taught you about the needs of the soul._

And Illya knew that with that she would have to be content.

...

.

It wasn't enough.

When they came back, everyone ate dinner together, and nobody asked what had happened. It didn't matter. Everyone knew. They could just sense it.

Arturia was going to leave them.

The food was heavenly as only Sakura could make it: all they could taste was dust. Everyone tried to talk, tried to approach what they knew was their last night with her properly, but they couldn't. A cloud hovered over all, and no one could make it go away. Even Arturia's eyes were tinged with sorrow: she looked round the table constantly, gaze lingering briefly over faces. Counting the names to be remembered.

Sakura, sister. Rin, sister, friend, comrade-in-arms. Issei and Abraxas, friends of friends, trustworthy and true. Illya, little sister, daughter.

Shirou – all.

It was not only Shirou's face and Shirou's memories she would carry with her, she knew. It would be the collective memories of a family that could have been. As the meal drew to a close, she knew she should say something to them all. Some words of collective parting, separate from whatever might pass between them in private.

It was the first time Arturia had ever failed to speak when required.

...

.

Her flight left the next morning, so by night she was already mostly packed. Some things would have to be left until then, of course, but...she found herself feeling as if she'd forgotten something. Something very important. It wasn't anything of hers, she was sure. She'd packed the dress Sakura had given her – at some point she'd realized that since Sakura could afford it so easily, refusing was just self-indulgence. If it meant that much to her...and, she had to admit, to herself as well. It was indeed a strong memory.

Ah. A memory. That's what was missing. She wanted something else to bring back. The dress, wonderful as it was, embodying that special dance as it did, wasn't quite what she was looking for. She wanted something from this house, something that embodied, not a moment or a night with them, but they themselves. But what could she ask for? Or rather, what should she?

Even as an answer occurred to her she realized that Shirou was in the doorway. He'd been way ahead of her.

He was holding the stuffed lion.

"It's really yours anyway," he said, holding it out. "To me anyway."

She took it, smiling. "I don't know how I'll explain this to my fellow soldiers," she commented as she turned towards her bags to find a place for it. "Bringing back a stuffed animal. It's really not very—" She stopped.

He'd already left.

For a moment she stood there, feeling a little adrift. Knowing, understanding, not even blaming and yet – or perhaps it was just that his behavior kept her poignantly aware of her own sorrow. And the fact that she would miss him. No matter how much her goals, her way of life meant to her, she knew that she would miss him. She would miss all of them.

But most of all him.

...

.

Dinner the night before had been dark and heavy with gloom: breakfast was laden with the gentle tremble of sad smiles and the light sharp tang of unshed tears. Talk was light, short, and quiet. For the first time any could remember, Sakura's food was off. Shirou had pulled into himself. Illya ate with the lost and sulky air of an unhappy child. Sakura sat with downcast eyes. Rin had resorted to crustiness: she kept her face stiff and blank and ate sharply, eyes flicking briefly about as she studiously avoided anything that might break her fragile wall. There was no one else with them: this was a meal just for them, the ones who had fought in the war.

The ones who had known Saber.

Finally, Arturia put her chopsticks down. "I don't know what I'm going to eat after this," she murmured to Sakura, trying to smile. Trying to get one last smile in return. Sakura tried to give it to her, but she didn't do very well.

Arturia looked around the table. This was the last goodbye; her bags waited to be carried out and taken with her to the airport. The room was full of faces that had all, in their own way, come to mean so much to her. They had all become such precious people – and yet, now, at such an important time, she who had never lacked the right words to say to a stranger or a crowd found that none of her words were good enough. What more, of what meaning, at such a time, could she possibly say to Shirou? What comfort could she offer Illya? How do you tell someone who embraces and worries for people the way Sakura did that you would be all right? And how did you tell someone so furiously repressing tears, defiance of her own soul in her eyes, that you were – grateful for the time? Words – in the end, they only mean something because we want them to. They have no magical power to convey what needs to be said. That power is only in us – and in the ones who listen. And finally, Arturia had to give up trying. So she got up. As she passed Sakura, the woman grabbed her arm.

"You packed the dress?"

"Yes," Arturia said quietly.

Sakura let go. "Good."

Arturia started to leave for her bags, then paused. She looked back at the table. Everything there was to say to Shirou had been said, and there had never been any words she could say to Rin. But she couldn't take her eyes from those hunched shoulders graced by silver white hair. And she found the will to try one more time. She moved up behind her, and knelt to embrace her from behind.

"Illya...I really—"

"Go away."

"Illya—"

"Hurry up and go away if that's what you're going to do then _GO_!"

Arturia let go and hurried away, as if she'd been burnt.

...

.

When she came back through the kitchen, it was deserted. She could feel distant burning shame from Shirou, wherever he was, at being unable to face her last moments, take her things to the car, kiss her one last time. She did her best to push back warm forgiveness.

_Wherever I am..._

She walked through the kitchen, a walk only a little slower then it had been every other time for her bags. A walk with the slow treacle pace of finality.

_Wherever I go..._

She had to pause, and put down her bags to open the door. It felt like leaving home. Like when she'd left the orphanage for the last time. It had been a place of neither unusually happy or sad images, but it had been home. And this place – now, in the moment of goodbye, even the pain seemed like joy.

_You are all..._

She opened the door - and closed it gently behind her.

_My one and only family._

_..._

_._

She didn't realize she'd murmured the rest out loud until Rin, unnoticed against the wall to her left, said, "I'm glad you realize that much."

"Rin!" Arturia jumped, heavily startled and not a little apprehensive. After the look on her face at breakfast, she wasn't sure that a meeting like this was a good thing. Only the silence just stretched, one of those silences charged with a thousand unsaid words while both parties try to figure out if they are going to say them. Finally, Arturia decided to break it off. A fight was not the way she wanted to end this. "Goodbye Rin. I'm grateful for all."

"Even lying so you wouldn't suspect?"

"Yes. Especially that."

Rin smiled, a tight, bitter smile. "Good. That's something I guess."

Arturia smiled back, although a small smile, and a little sad. She picked up her bags, and began to turn around. "Goodbye," she said again.

"Have a good trip."

"Rin!" Arturia felt hurt. Even if she didn't like it, she'd thought Rin would at least have the decency to respect her decision. But when she tried to say as much, something in Rin's eyes stopped her cold.

"I don't deal with these things very well," Rin said quietly. "It's not something most expect out of me, but it's true. Most of the time, I can lie with the best of them, but when it's times like these, all I know how to say is the truth. So here's a true story for you, Ms. Duty. Once there was a girl who wasn't much like you. But there was one way she was like you: she also believed her duty took precedence over her heart and soul. Oh, her duty wasn't as noble as yours, not nearly, but the principle was the same. Her sister was given away for it, her father died for it when she was five. To live up to those expectations, that duty, she studied for it, became a mage to rival them all studying almost entirely by herself. And no matter what she thought of the demands that life made of her, she did it. And then the War came. And one of the people who should have been her enemy was one person she couldn't fight. The sister she'd been told to abandon so long ago became a person she couldn't avoid, and then a person that needed her. The Servant who should have been a tool became a friend. And the goal that her father died for, she allowed to be destroyed. Everything changed."

"But I didn't realize it right away. Somehow I thought, That was the War. Now it's over and I go back to how it was before. Back to being the perfect mage to other mages, the perfect student to other students. And for weeks, I tried. It was lonely, but I'd been lonely before: why shouldn't I be able to do it again? It was only going back to how things had used to be."

"But – instead of getting better, it got worse. I'd sit at a table three times the size of Shirou's with no one but myself, and every day the contrast was stronger. I'd go to school where I was used to being admired but alone, and I'd want to talk to Shirou, tease Issei by acting familiar, ask Sakura if she was alright. And it kept getting harder. It got so I was spending so much of my energy focusing on not thinking about being lonely my grades suffered. I kept making my food wrong, and I'd only notice halfway through, because I was trying not to think about meals with company. And then one morning I thought I'd put salt in my oatmeal instead of sugar. But I hadn't. I only figured it out when I realized my hand and spoon handle were wet. I was crying in my breakfast, in a house big enough to hold ten that only had one, at table that could have sat thirty but sat only me. And I knew it wasn't any use anymore."

"It still took a few days for me to really accept it, but I came to conclude that the need wasn't going to go away. Two days and one night later, I talked to Sakura for the first time since the War ended. And that was the end of my legacy of folly."

"Me and Illya, in our own ways, we've both learned the same lesson. That things like magic and studies and goals can't sustain the soul. That truly being human requires more. A family, or others you love and trust, aren't luxuries, Arturia. They're _needs_, food and water for your heart. You can't just say, 'I love you, but I have to go.' You just think you do. So I won't say Sayonara – farewell. I'll say itterashai – go and come safely. Because I've been where you are, and that's what I believe."

"Don't say anything. I don't want to hear it. Just go. I should have known you'd do it this way."

It was, if not the last way Arturia had wanted to part, certainly far from what she had wanted. But once again words failed her. The peaceful sorrow that had been hers had shattered; she fled from the accusing stare at her back, and felt it burning at her all the way to the airport.

...

.

Rin watched her go. Watched the place where she'd disappeared. And then, finally, she turned back towards the house. She opened the door and stalked straight through, ignoring every face that turned her way. She went out the back door, and deep into the yard behind. For several seconds, she just stood there, head down, taut. And she threw back her head and roared into the empty sky.

"_Damned your manipulating, sadistic hides! What was the point of bringing her back if she was __just going to leave again, HUH? WHAT WAS THE DAMNED _POINT_?"_

_..._

_._

For the third time, Sakura tried to wash the dishes. Tried to master shaking hands, that threatened constantly to drop or break what they held. And then, finally, she gave it up. She set everything down, and sank to the floor, and cried the tears she'd held back for Arturia, and everyone else. Alone in the kitchen she cried, for herself, for Rin, for Illya, and for her twice-rent friend.

It really was too cruel. Just too cruel...

...

.

In the dojo, Shirou stood still in the middle, trying to compose himself. His normal practice session was at night, but when he was disturbed he often sought refuge in training.

But now it was like the dojo was haunted. Every time he tried to begin, he found himself fencing with a phantom figure, eyes sparking and face alight with challenge. Dancing about him, testing his defenses, ever seeking the triumph of winning the nights round. Their bouts had been both deadly serious and a game, a means of training and, whatever they may have admitted to themselves, a bonding. A person's soul shows in the way they fight – every night they had confirmed it, that their souls fought as one. But now when he raised his swords there was no one to counter them. His fleet blond partner was gone. Again and again he tried to banish the visions – again and again he failed. And then he lost all senses and roared, swinging his weapons in a mad sad effort to slay the memories that hounded him, reminding him of all that was now missing – all the things he'd come to accept in the five years since the War, all revived by her, and now slain again. He shouted, and he fought, and he cried. Now, when no one else was there, he cried: the noble selflessness that defined him so much, for a brief time, crumpled under his pain. He stamped and he swung, and he cried in gasps and screams, surrounded by dancing ghostly yellow visions.

Shirou fought in the dojo like a wounded beast. Roaring to cover the sound of his soul's tears.

...

.

In her room, Illya huddled in a corner, her hands over her ears, trying to block out the sounds of Shirou's desperate attempts at self-exorcism, vision blurring and body trembling.

"Stupid Shirou...you're too loud...you're hurting my ears...you're making my tears come out..._stupid Shirou._..."

...

.

Somewhere on a grassy hill, a voice sighed in a voice that was wind.

_Not again...oh not again..._

_My poor children..._


	22. Chapter 21: Heroism

.

.

**Chapter Twenty One: Heroism**

.

.

.

It took a week and half before Illya followed Avalon's advice. One week of soul searching and understanding what to say, and three days of nerving herself and rehearsing. It had gotten so the words seemed dry in her mind, robbed of passion by repetition. But she still believed in them with all her heart. Wasn't it Arturia who's said it to her?

_It's not about numbers Illya. It's about how you think and how you decide, and most of all, it's about deciding for yourself._

It was Arturia who'd opened those doors for her, broken the locks on her growth. Now she would use it truly for the first time, and it would be for her. It was right.

"Illya? What is it?"

She'd asked to talk on the patio after dinner. Just that, but Shirou could tell it was serious. She'd meant him to.

"Shirou – trace a spiral for me."

"What?"

She'd spent three days rehearsing, planning how she would say it. The best ways to make him understand. "Trace me a spiral. One you can stretch, something cut out, like a wind-chime or something. It can be made out of anything so long as it's flexible."

Shirou frowned, puzzled. "Why?" He asked, even as he obeyed.

"Just give it to me."

"Okay."

"Now, Rin told you about the spiral time theory, right? This top part here, the narrowest part, that's the present. The bigger rings are going back into the past. They support the present, and cause it, at the same time."

She shifted her grip, holding it by the sides of the bottom-most loop. The rest of the spiral fell and caught on itself, temporarily almost two dimensional. "This was the War, in a way. Normally the past and present don't mix, but at that time, a lot of parts of the past touched the present whole. Close enough to mix. Close enough so you could forget they didn't, really, belong. Each and every Servant didn't belong: they were all products of a different time, and existed because of things unresolved in their time, not ours. In the end, there was no way for them to stay that would not be some form of denial. Denial of themselves, denial of the truth. They could come to understand themselves better in our time, but they couldn't resolve anything. That's why what you did with Saber was right. She came to terms with herself and her past, and returned to face her fate with calm. It was the only right way. Because she didn't belong here. All she was meant to do, she was meant to do elsewhere. She was from a previous loop. And if you try to hold on to the past instead of the present..." She shook her grip slightly, shaking loose the loops so they fell through, dangling. "Time spirals downward," she finished softly. "It was just like you Shirou, to let her go, and it was just like her, to choose to. And it was right. Anything else would have meant denying something, something fundamental. Something that couldn't be forgotten."

"But this time is different Shirou. This isn't like before." She reached through the hole in the bottom loop to grasp the small end. "She's part of the present now: she's from _this _part, right here. And there's only one way to make your time go up. And that's to grab your end and _pull_." And she did, yanking the future back through the past to dangle from her fingers, once more an upright spiral.

"Shirou – this time is different. This time letting her go isn't the right choice. This is the part you're supposed to fight for. Her future is here, now. With us."

"Shirou – you have to bring her back. _Shirou_..."

But Shirou was already shaking his head, not even letting her continue. "Illya, I know it's hard – it's been terrible for me, more than I'd ever expected – but we have to accept that it would be selfish to try and make her stay. Duty is so important to her, and I understand that. That's why I didn't argue. Remember what Avalon said? I'm a warrior, and I have a hearth. We'll be alright."  
All her rehearsed speeches flew right out of her head; she'd _had _it, just _had_ it. "You _IDIOT!_" She screamed, punching him in the gut with real force for the first time she could remember, flooring him entirely. "You self absorbed fake noble masochist! Don't you _get _it? _Avalon didn't mean you, she meant ARTURIA! She's _the one without a hearth, _she's _the sword without a sheath. This isn't like before, she's not going back to die, she'd going back to live – alone! She's gone and she'll fight and fight and she'll never admit anything's wrong until it's too late, because that's how she is, she doesn't get it. _And neither do you_. You had a hearth the last time too Shirou! When you lost her that time, you had me and Fuji-nee and Rin and Sakura, you had more people than ever before! You had a hearth, so you were all right, but _where's hers?_ Who's she going back to huh? She doesn't have anybody, not over there! It's not _about_ how much we need her: _she needs us_. You _idiot_, she's going to kill herself out there, she'll turn into a machine just like Avalon said, and you _let her go_. Why'd you do it? Why'd you let her go? She needs to come back Shirou! _She needs to come back!_"

She seized his lapels and shook him, face inches from his. "Are you _hearing _me Shirou? Are you finished thinking about how much pain you're willing to endure for her yet? Because you aren't doing her any favors, not this time! Is that too big an idea for you Shirou? Sometimes it's all right to be happy! Sometimes it's all right!"

Tears were pouring down her face. "You idiot – you're supposed to be _happy_ this time...you both are. Why won't you ever do it? You're going to make her miserable...you're even making me miserable..."

She lost the will to keep going; her head slumped on his chest as she sobbed.

Shirou stared at her head and shaking shoulders. Thinking. Remembering the time he's said goodbye to Servant Saber. What if Illya hadn't been there? What if there had been no Fuji-nee at home, no Sakura or Rin in his life? What if he had lived in an empty house, and had returned to one?

If he'd tried to send her away when he himself was alone...tried to fight his war with nothing, nothing to love, and to love him...what would even have been left of him by now?

And he realized that he understood after all.

He put his arms around Illya and hugged her tight. "I have a very wise sister," he said quietly. "Thank you. For making me think."

"You never do it on your own," Illya muttered shakily into his shirt.

He chuckled and took her by the shoulders, lifting her up as he stood. "I guess not," he said, picking up the spiral from where it had fallen. He watched it for a moment, dangling, spinning slightly from his hand. Spiraling up. And then he carefully flattened it and put it in his pocket, and turned towards the door.

"Shirou? Where are you going?"

"To talk to Avalon," he tossed over his shoulder.

"I'm going to need help for this one."

...

.

"Well, I finally heard back from the police," Sakura said at the breakfast table. A table now located in her house, and seating essentially her own family: Abraxas, Rin, and each of their respective charges from the disaster in the subway.

"Oh?" Rin said carefully. She hid her tension well. Maya insisted no one would claim her but still, anything could happen...

"They've confirmed that there are no close relatives for any of ours," Sakura said, smiling. "Technically it's not official yet, but if we ask to be the guardians, it will happen. I've managed to make a very good impression for us, and we do already have our foot in the door." She crouched a bit to put an arm around the two boys that were still with her. "Looks like I'm taking care of you from now on," she said, smiling gently. "Okay?"

Maya's brother just nodded and kept eating; he was little. The other sort of hunched in and nodded, but he seemed, if not pleased, at least not displeased either. It was good enough for Sakura: the rest would come with time. He hadn't lost his own mother all that long ago after all. But suddenly she sighed.

"What's with _that_ reaction?" Rin asked, eyebrows raised. "You've gotten an eight year head start on your family. I'd have thought you'd be ecstatic."

"I _am _happy, but...I'd wanted them to be too. I thought we'd all be starting families together. I was really...looking forward to it. Being all happy together."

"Don't throw the idea away yet," Rin told her firmly. Sometimes during the week and a half that had passed, she had doubted her speech, wondered if Arturia really would stay away forever. But in the end, the same thought – and the same memory – had always reassured her. "She's not gone forever, this isn't the War and she isn't a Servant. She's only on the other side of the ocean. She can still come back just as easily as she first came."

"But why would she, now she's already decided to go?"

"Because," Rin said, the words restoring her confidence, just as they did every time. "We are her one and only family."

...

.

From stories, hearsay, and the reactions of everyone else when she'd left, Arturia had expected bouts of tears, sharp awareness of missing people, something along those lines. Certainly she'd expected the first week to be full of difficult adjustment. She'd even prepared ways to explain herself if she was caught at a bad moment.

What she hadn't expected was simple, echoing emptiness.

Emptiness wherever she went, where the warm certainty of Shirou's presence should have been in her mind. She'd had no idea how used she had become to their bond. Emptiness when she fought and practiced: where was the tall opponent with summoned blades who would test her true powers, her magic, to the limits? Emptiness as she ate: where was Sakura's food? Where was the kitchen, the table surrounded by family faces? Emptiness at night – was Shirou having trouble getting Illya to do her homework again? Probably. Emptiness when she went home – where were the smiling faces saying 'welcome home'? And emptiness as she tried to sleep. Even though she'd never shared a bed with Shirou, at night in his house there had been a powerful awareness of not being alone. In her small London flat, the sensation was the opposite: the building was full of people, but none of them knew her. She was alone in a crowd. She had not noticed that before. Of course she hadn't. She'd had no experiences to contrast it with.

She missed them not with pain, not with tears, but with constant, aching awareness of the hollow in her life where they had been. It was easier to hide, but no less painful in its own way. It wore at her, slowly, a weariness formed of longing that ground gradually on throughout the course of each day.

But she'd known there would be a price for her actions. This was the life, the duty, the purpose to which she had sworn. This was how it had to be. She would manage. She would be strong.

It would fade.

...

.

There was a soft, strong silence on the wind as Shirou stood on Ryuudou grounds. Once again that spot, the spot where it had all once ended – or so he'd thought.

_So. You have come. I'd hoped you would. Did Illya talk to you?_

"Emphatically," Shirou said ruefully.

An ephemeral chuckle accompanied a shiver of magic across his stomach – the lingering pain and bruise from a certain temperamental little sister faded. _That is quite a way to converse._

"Just an over-powered love tap. It got the message across."

_Even so. And what is it you would ask of me?_

"You know human peace. So you must know what each person needs, to have that peace. So tell me, so I have no doubts – is this where she belongs? Because if I try this with the slightest hesitation, I will fail."

_She is the sword, and you are the sheath. She is the warrior, and here is her hearth. Wherever else she may go, half her power will remain here. And half her soul._

"I see. Then – will you help me? I can't reach her from here alone."

_You intend to utilize your bond?_

"This won't be possible over the phone. I need to talk to her where there can be no lies. Heart to heart, as only we can. But it's too far now for me alone."

A strange, anticipatory joy shivered in the air as Avalon spoke. _As you say. And as you ask. Sit down then, Emiya Shirou. Or perhaps lie down: this may take awhile._

_ I will help you to reach across the ocean._

_..._

_._

Sometime during her struggle with eating emptiness, Arturia realized someone was waiting to say something to her. "Sorry? What is it?"

"New one come in today. Girl. Bit young. Seems to idolize you something terrible."

Arturia's brows raised, the odd information piercing the somewhat apathetic haze her attempts to rehabilitate had created of late. She didn't entirely approve of idolizing in general, but it was a hard battle between whether she was more flattered by being the subject of it or discomforted. At the moment, the more pressing question was, "So why are you telling me?"

"Well, like I said, she just got in and all. Should be practicing after lunch. I thought it'd be nice if you talked to her maybe. Test her out, shake out any bad glory notions left, all that. I mean, she's got that fix, you're gonna meet her sooner or later anyway. Why not make her day?"

Arturia frowned thoughtfully at her food. She had to admit the notion had appeal. Perhaps she'd been approaching her problem wrong. Instead of working on numbing herself, she should be trying to distract herself. In which case, this was probably an excellent way to do it. She didn't know if she liked being idolized, but she did know that she liked teaching the new ones. Yes, now that she thought about it, this might be exactlywhat she needed.

"All right. I'll stop by when I've finished eating. Are you going to tell her?"

"Nah, let her get surprised. Don't want her to think we're out to coddle her or anything."

Arturia nodded. "Fair enough. I'll be along later."

It was the first time she'd finished everything she'd put on her plate since she'd got back.

...

.

_...She's awake, _Shirou said, a little confused.

_Time zones, Shirou, time zones, _Avalon said, amused. _It seems her night is not for some time._

_ I can't talk to her like this right? It would be...well, it wouldn't work very well. In all ways, sort of._

_ Indeed; you must wait till she sleeps. To do what you wish to do, you must walk in her dreams. Then the dream will cease to be one, and you will meet on her mindscape. And then it will be up to you. I will be able to do nothing more._

_ You've done all I could ask of you. _Shirou paused. _Should I wait? But if it's going to be this __long..._

_ In this state, time will pass differently for you. It will be no trial, and now you have begun, it is best not to stop till the finish. I will sustain your body, and speak to anyone who needs to know where you are, or what you are doing. Focus on her, Shirou, and leave all else to me. Why else seek the aid of a Goddess?_

_ Watch, Emiya Shirou. Watch._

_..._

_._

As her teammate had said, Arturia found the new recruit in the training room – Sabrina, he had said the name was. Arturia took a few moments to watch her performance before introducing herself. She was fairly impressed: the girl's movement was excellent. Whatever worshipful feelings she may have fostered, they hadn't stopped her from developing very adequate skills. Plenty of potential there.

"Sabrina Barrett, I believe?"

Despite being visibly startled, Arturia noted with approval that she not only did not lose her flow but completed the motions of the sequence she'd begun before responding. Or starting to. "Yes ma—mhhm!"

Infatuated indeed. "I'm Arturia Whittington. And there's no need to snap to attention, I may be senior but I am not any higher ranked as of yet."

"Surely that can't be right."

"It is for the moment, though I've heard such sentiments before. Perhaps in time. Your hand to hand skills are high, I see."

"I prefer them a bit to guns," Sabrina admitted. "Though I can use them well enough."

Arturia briefly pondered the pros and cons of informing her that in that case, she had surpassed her role model already. As usual, the cons won. "I'm more of a close combat type myself," she said instead, opting for semi-truth. "Do you want a match?"

"Oh – oh no I couldn't, I mean – you're Arturia Whittington, you'll win."

"I'm well aware of that. I'm just interested in seeing how you fight against an opponent. I'll only defend if you like. There's little danger of you hitting me, most of the force can't."

"...oh."

"Just a friendly bout. You can tell me a bit about yourself as we go."

"Um, okay – where?"

"Here is fine. It's just light sparring."

"Uh – does that mean it's already started?"

"If you like," Arturia said, smiling a bit.

"Okay..." the girl said doubtfully. There was an awkward moment of inaction. There was a second awkward moment of inaction. Halfway through the third, Sabrina made an awkward half-feint. Arturia didn't even twitch. "I did say there was no danger of you hitting me you know. Do you not believe me?"

"I guess I'm just not used to this," Sabrina said sheepishly.

"You must have sparred many times before this."

"Yes but...oh!" The trainee, flustered, gave up trying to explain and simply made a proper punch – sort of, anyway. But it broke the ice: Arturia swayed out of its way, Sabrina followed it up more enthusiastically, and soon the girl was raining futile though well coordinated blows all around the room. Once she knew she could do pretty much anything she wanted and Arturia would make it look like it had been done in slow motion, she settled down and focused on her technique, rather than on winning or contact. Which had been what Arturia had wanted from the beginning.

"You're quite good," Arturia informed her, twitching left.

"Not enough, apparently," she panted back, grinning a bit at the blatant futility of it all.

"Not yet, but you'll get there. You should know I'm considered one of the top three in the force at this. You shouldn't be judging yourself against me just yet."

"Okay," Sabrina said quickly before launching a very nice sequence of high kicks, all of which Arturia dodged or batted aside.

"So – why are you here?"

"What?"

"Why are you here? Why'd you choose to join us? It's not a common choice, or an easy one. You need a strong drive of some kind, to come this far, and keep coming. It's a life that requires many resolutions that most never need to make in all their lives. So why, Sabrina, what's your reason? I'd like to know."

Sabrina's attacks slowed as she thought how to say it. "I always thought our schools' security officer was a hero," she said finally. "I think it was because I read an article about some school that had a problem once. I started looking at him and thinking: that's what he's here for. He decided to take this job, and sit here every day, just in case we ever needed him. It sort of went from there. I probably wouldn't have actually thought of doing it myself, except then, right around when I graduated high school, something happened in our neighborhood and one of the ones who came to investigate was – well, you. Seeing a woman only a few years older than me doing it like that changed how I thought about it."

"So you wished to be a hero?"

"I wanted to be there when people needed me. I wanted to be the one they'd look to when things went wrong. I wanted to know that when people were in trouble, one of the people who'd be there – would be me."

Arturia smiled. "Just a more personal version of my own motivation, I suppose. It must come of having a family." She blinked at herself – why had she said that? She wasn't embarrassed of the subject but she normally never brought it up so easily. But it was too late now.

"You mean you don't?" Sabrina asked, stopping briefly and almost falling over since she'd been recovering from another kick.

"Not a one," Arturia said, resigning herself to explaining before Sabrina had had time to learn that Arturia was not in need of sympathy. "I was left on an orphanage's door with a note giving my name and nothing else. But I grew up seeing I was stronger than those around me. I saw that I could change things. I saw I could be a strength to England. And so I chose this life. It is one I have the power to follow to the end."

"But – you must have someone. How can you fight without it?"

Arturia felt something thin and sharp pierce her mind. "It isn't necessary!" She snapped.

"It is!" Unconsciously, Sabrina's passion flowed into her attack, which got faster and harder, though not nearly enough to faze her partner. "No matter how loyal you are, how can it mean anything, if you don't have people who are really close to you? How can you know what a country full of people is worth if you don't have a family you love yourself? How can you give your all unless you have an all? You need a family!"

Arturia's vision had turned to a hazy fog framing a shouting face; reality took on a strangle slow blurriness as a few simple words turned every feeling that her week in Japan had made in a raging storm. She completely forgot that she was still supposed to be dodging.

And Sabrina didn't have the experience to pull a blow she only realized would land two thirds through.

Arturia dropped like a stone.

"Oh – oh my g-d no, what, I didn't mean, I—" Sabrina babbled hysterically, kneeling next to Arturia's body but with no idea what to do. All her training had temporarily flown out of her head.

"It's all right," someone else in the room said kindly, coming over. "Don't ask me what came over her to let a punch like that hit, but you haven't done any permanent damage. She's taken worse in practice sessions. She'll be fine."

"She's just sleeping, that's all."

...

.

Even though it didn't feel like one, Arturia knew this had to be a dream. There was no other explanation for her sudden transfer from the practice room to...this. And yet it felt like being awake. She'd never experienced anything like it.

She stood in knee high grass, facing an endless field of waving green fronds. It was a scene of simple beauty, golden sun and emerald plain and blue sky dotted with white puffs of cloud. She thought she could see a darker line at the horizon, indicating...something else. But she sensed that it wasn't important. She felt...strangely secure here. No, not secure. At peace. Relaxed. In place. A kind of natural belonging so thorough it was impossible to ponder it any further – it _was,_ like air. She began to think she knew where she was.

"Simple, elegant, and beautiful. It's like you."

The strange naturalness of the setting had prevented anything about it, or about being in it, from startling her. The same did not apply to hearing Shirou's voice. She jerked her head to the side.

There he stood, to her left, body towards her but face towards that unending panorama. He seemed just as at ease as she was, smiling at what he saw. He turned his head back towards her.

"You probably don't know about this sort of thing, so I should tell you – this is your mindscape. When you are awake in your head – when you need a place inside yourself to talk and see – this is what forms. It's different for everyone of course. And I haven't really seen many – Rin's been teaching me to see my own, because she says I need to do that to use some special technique with my Reality Marble. I've only caught glimpses so far, but it's not nearly so pretty."

Arturia shook her head. She knew he wasn't trying to flatter her, but with so many things he must know she wanted to ask, all this small talk felt like it was meant to serve the same purpose: a red herring. "Shirou – what are you doing here?"

"Our bond lets me do this. It, or something like it, happened a few times by accident back during the War with Saber, actually. No, that was – oh whatever. It's on purpose this time. Avalon is helping me reach you from this far."

"Shirou," Arturia said quietly. "You can't do this. No matter how much you miss me – or I you – if you do this, it'll just go on forever."

"That's just it."

"...what?"

The peace in Shirou's face had hardened and set into deadly seriousness: his eyes locked with hers with an intensity that demanded her undivided attention. "It will go on forever," he said quietly. "That's what I came to tell you. I didn't realize, when I told you goodbye. This isn't about wants versus duty, like you think. Like I thought. Putting wants before duty, that's our way of life: I live by it just as much as you do. Of course if that's what you felt, you had to go. There was no way I could be so hypocritical as to try and stop you."

"Arturia – I was wrong to think that. This is a mistake. You can't fight here: your place to fight is with us. You have to come back. "

"Shirou, please, we _already agreed, _saying this now is—"

"No, you don't understand. I mean you – _you –_ can't. I – I understand now, Arturia. Something I hadn't realized before. Because I'd never experienced it. I was never truly alone before: not when it really counted. If you try to do this...sooner or later, your soul will die."

She felt like she'd been stabbed. "How...how _dare _you belittle me this way! Do you really think so little of me, Emiya Shirou? Do you really think my resolve is so weak I can't do the same thing you did? At _fifteen_?" She was furious – and, somewhere deep down, hurt. After all – all the – the perfect understanding, to hear him say something like this to her...

"I thought that too Arturia, but it isn't, it isn't like what I did before. Because I wasn't alone. I said goodbye to someone precious...but I also had more precious people to return home to. I had Illya and Sakura and Rin and Fuji-nee. I had a hearth, a family. Arturia...who do you have to go home to? Who is there in this world for you but us?"

"I don't need it! I fought for years like this and I can do it again! I did fine before I met you Mr. Emiya," Arturia said through gritted teeth.

"No, you don't understand. This isn't something new. You didn't feel it before because you'd never known anything else, so you couldn't tell the difference. But the company of other people _isn't_ a want Arturia. It's a _need, _like food and drink for the soul. It's not weak to want it, any more than it's weak to be hungry. It's _necessary _Arturia. And I can't let you stay here without it. Not for my sake. For yours."

"BE QUIET!"

" Avalon's the one that said it. An unsheathed sword becomes pitted and dull, and a homeless warrior becomes a husk. Arturia, I'm not saying you're weak, I know you aren't. You're as strong as I am. But – I'm talking about me too. I know...I know I wouldn't be who I was if I hadn't had my family. I made myself let you go because you said you couldn't abandon your duty, and I knew that was something I had to respect, if I respected you at all. But it was a mistake. Because where you were going...where you are now...you're alone. And you can't fight our war alone. You can't."

"You...you _dare..._" She didn't have words anymore. Everything she had believed had been between them, the perfect accord, the soul deep convergence of convictions that had warmed her so much – it was crumbling with his words, and seemed to tear away a portion of her heart as it fell. How could he say it, how _could _he say it too her? _How_?

"Shirou," she said tightly, letting all her outrage show in her voice – it helped to hide her pain. "I am staying here, and you know why. If this is all you have to say...then get out of my head."

For a moment, Shirou just looked. Then he nodded, slowly. "All right. Just one thing then. Please. Just one thing, and then I'll go. I promise."

Part of her wanted to refuse – but a certain lingering sense of fairness stopped her. Damn her chivalry. "Fine," she snapped.

"Arturia – turn around."

"...what?"

"Just turn around. I promise I'll leave after that, so just...just turn around."

"I want you to see what's behind you."

For a moment she just stared at him, part incredulous, part inquiring. Trying to understand. And then, slowly – she turned around.

Her eyes widened.

"No..."

It began only inches from her feet, a sudden drop that swooped down and out into an entirely different scenario, a view as different from the countryside behind her as night from day.

"No..."

A view of a cityscape, a receding vista of varied buildings lit in the dimness of dusk...

Arturia snapped upright in the infirmary bed.

"_Impossible!_"

It was the view from Shirou's suburb.

Fuyuki City.

...

.

Arturia looked like someone who'd just woken up from a nightmare: the lines of her body were tense and shaking, her eyes wide, dilated and staring, looking still on whatever visions had woke her. Her breath came swift, short and shallow, only slowly slowing and deepening as what she'd seen slowly sank through her mind. The stark shock that had painted her so vividly faded, replaced by a kind of lost, confused light pain. Slowly, she moved one trembling hand in front of her until she was looking at what adorned it: a ring with a single center stone.

It never had been adapted to connect with the others.

_That's me_, she thought. _The single stone. If you didn't know what was supposed to be there, you'd think it was whole. If you didn't know it was supposed to do more, you'd think it was marvelous. But all along, it would still only be half of what it was supposed to be._

_ That's me. I'm like that ring. All these years, I thought I was whole, that I had all I needed. Because I had never experienced anything else. If I'd only continued like that – if I'd always been ignorant – I could have gone on that way till the end. But even then, the truth is, nothing would have really changed. Avalon did say it. This need is something that was always there. How else could they have become so close so quickly? To have become half my soul..._

_ And now I know. Now I know there's supposed to be a setting; now I know what having a family is like. And I can't un-know it. That knowledge is with me forever._

_I thought I could leave them behind, but I couldn't. The best I could do was turn my back. It's already too late...like falling in love with Shirou. Just having met and known them, it was already too late. Sooner or later, this is what it would come to._

_ They aren't just memories, something to treasure while moving on. If I try to deny something so fundamental – something that could form half my mindscape – I will surely pay a price._

_ And yet...if I go back, I also abandon something. The things I have always lived for – the things that have driven me all my life. This need...I cannot deny it, or it will destroy me. But here I have fought, and here I am needed, by others. How long have I devoted myself to this? And how can I give in to something that stops me from this? Something that holds me back?_

_ How did it come to this? Choosing between my most cherished beliefs and this need I can't ignore. How can I be myself, and yet abandon this place, this position, this sacred duty? How can this _be_? I, who believe in it more than almost anyone else – I am incapable of being devoted to my duty, to the saving of one place that needs me? I, to whom this honor is everything...now this thing haunts my heart._

_ Oh what now? _What do I do now?

...

.

"Arturia?"

"Arturia Whittington?"

"Arturia Whittington, I really _am_ going to give you a full scale medical examination if you don't start responding to me right now! Pay attention!"

Arturia jerked hard. "Ah – Doctor Sullen. I'm sorry."

"Hmmph. First you let a green recruit land a hit, and now here you are phasing out. You're worrying me soldier, you really are."

Arturia shook her head. "Something she said startled me. I forgot to block."

"Yes, I know. That's exactly what I'm talkingabout. You_,_ forgetting to block. _You._ Don't bluff with me, we both know your level and that you shouldn't have even needed to be paying attention for that." He paused. "You swear it was something she said? You didn't feel ill or anything?"

"Yes," Arturia assured him. Except he didn't look reassured at all. Instead he stared at her with a look that was somehow old and sorrowful.

"I take it back," he said quietly. "I'm not the right kind of doctor this time."

"Doctor Sullen—"

"You know, I've seen soldiers like you before," he interrupted. "Oh, most of them weren't as skilled of course, but still, the similarities remain. And most of them are fine. But the ones that are really like you – the ones so devoted to their cause that they've shut out all the people – it's pretty much a race between some kind of sacrifice or just...withering away. Turning into things that still walk the same, talk the same...but they're empty inside. Arturia Whittington, if talk like Sabrina's is beginning to affect you this way, it is a sign that you are ready to live a little more human. It's a good thing, Arturia. And...I know you probably don't believe me but...it can actually make you stronger. They say the most frightening opponent is one with nothing to lose...but you know, the way I see it, a soldier with everything to lose is pretty scary too."

Silence stretched. Arturia stared ahead, unable to meet those kind eyes that she now knew were thinking the same thing Rin had, the same words Shirou had tried to say. Words that, she had to admit to herself, she wanted to believe. _It's natural. It's necessary. It's all right._

_ Come home._

But...even if this was unavoidable...even if it wasn't weakness...how could she? To say to Johan that she was a Knight of Man was all very well, and very true. But she had still chosen to fight in England. Of course this didn't mean ignoring or giving lesser value to the lives outside of it. But she had accepted the responsibility of her own free will and with a willing heart: how could she leave that behind? To leave it for a time to restore herself was one thing. To fight, while there, a wrong she had found that could not be forgiven, was only to be expected. But to abandon...how could she live with herself, if she abandoned?

_Shirou...even if I really do need to be there...how can I come back, and still be myself? How can I? How?_

Doctor Sullen sighed. "Well, on the matter of people, if you really are feeling alright you should really go reassure poor Sabrina. She's been tearing herself to pieces, no matter how much we all told her it was your fault."

_How can you know what a country full of people is worth if you don't have a family you love yourself?_

Arturia frowned.

"Look, you don't have to if you don't think you're up to it," Sullen said hastily.

"No," Arturia said, getting up. "I'll go."

"I need to talk to her anyway."

...

.

Sabrina was back in the training room, trying to burn off nerves and guilt. It showed in her movements: stiff, clumsy, and snappy compared to the swift surety of a fledgling master she had shown before. When she saw Arturia, she came to attention so fast she almost fell over.

"Ah, A – uh, Ms. Whittington, Ma'am, I—"

"It was a practice match, and I was careless," Arturia interrupted. She was feeling uncharacteristically impatient. "There is no reason to blame you, and I don't. In fact I've now been rebuked or teased at least three times for letting you do it. So please let it go. I can hardly tell it happened now." Relatively true. Her jaw ached a bit but it was a level of discomfort she carried practically without noticing.

"Oh – well, all right but I – I still really want to say I'm sorry."

"Consider it said then. If you really feel the need to make it up, you can answer some questions for me."

"Well...yes, of course."

"They're going to be very unusual questions you know."

"I'll do my best."

Arturia felt her face lighten slightly at the warm sincerity in the statement. "Thank you. Now please listen closely. You hit me because you said something that startled me so much even my instincts failed me. And that is something I cannot leave unresolved. So tell me, Sabrina Barrett, as well as you can, taking as long as you need – what did you mean when you said that you can't be strong without a family?"

Sabrina's face took on an uncertain cast; she looked down as she thought, brow furrowed. Finally, she said, haltingly. "Well...it's like...like if you don't have one...then you just keep getting...worn out. You don't have anyplace to...stop. And no one to...to be something...someone else with. And that, that just seems...just seems too much. I don't think you can live that way. It's like...like you'll get all worn through and dull...and then someday you'll just break. Like...like an old, rusty sword."

Arturia's fists spasmed slightly at the word 'sword'. "And? You also talked as if not having one would limit your strength. Are you saying you believe that we cannot reach our full potential without a family?"

"Well...isn't it the same? Without a family, you get weaker, because you get worn out. But, also...I mean...why is England...why is a country...important? Isn't it because it's made of people? People are important because...of who they are. But...I don't think can you can really understand that importance...unless you've loved someone. Without people you care for...I don't think you can really..._really_ fight at all. I care about people, and I believe in the greater cause, but when I need to be really strong, I don't think about that. I think that my closest family and friends are behind me...and that they need me. And that's how I win. There's a fire that comes then...that's not like anything else. That's...how I got here. And so...that's what I believe."

"...I see."

"Is...is that all?"

"Not quite. I have one more favor I need from you."

"What's that? I'll do it, I promise."

"Attack me."

"..._what?_"

"Attack me! Think of me as an enemy, pretend I'll kill your family if you don't win, I don't care how you do it, just don't hold back! Show it to me! Show me this power nothing else can give. Show me this difference between a warrior with a family and one without! Prove it to me! _Show me that it's true!_"

Sabrina was silent. Then, "I understand. I will fight as if you are someone else, an enemy that threatens my family. So please...don't be distracted again."

It took her a minute. She stood with her eyes closed and her face still, settling into a setting that did not actually exist. And when she opened her eyes again, they were completely different.

Like anyone in a fight of deadly seriousness, she attacked full force and without warning. Screaming.

It was the most intense battle Arturia had ever known. Even though she could block every blow, foil every attack, never had she felt so pressured. She could feel it burning in the air, a kind of passion like none she'd ever faced; an aura of intimidation that constituted a dominating force all of its own, that made her feel pressed back on her heels even though her defense hadn't faltered, made her feel on the edge of giving in even though she'd no reason to think she'd lose. She could _feel_ it – feel the fire, the power, the raging force of soul that _demanded _she fall. The difference in power was frightening.

But even more importantly, it seemed familiar. This feeling...fighting this way...she _knew _it, she'd felt it before. And the longer the fight went on, the more it began to reflect in herself, feelings rising to match what she faced. Until she finally remembered.

_DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE THEIR LIVES LIGHTLY!_

Tears began pouring down her face.

_It is true._

_ Everything they said...it's true. Sometime during that week, I learned it – I learned this special fury no amount of generalized empathy can make. I learned it, without even realizing I'd changed. And so I tried to throw it away, without realizing that I had. But my friends...my family...they wouldn't let me._

No wonder no one here had noticed anything was wrong. To her, it had seemed so obvious that she was distracted, she had been amazed not to have been called up before her superior to explain. But the truth was she had been performing exactly as she had before. Only she had known there was something missing.

_Knowing them...made me stronger. Just as this girl said._

_All my life, I tried to silence the part of me that took, sought only to give. But...that's not how it works at all, is it? The two are inseparable: one supports the other, the strength to give is sustained by what others freely, gladly give to you. Without that, in time, the cycle must end_.

_ Shirou was right: this is no shame, no weakness. This is the way of life. The meaning of being human._

_ And I, too...am human. No matter how I fight, how much I want to defend the world – I, too, am human._

_ And that...is how it should be. Because...if I deny my own humanity...how long can I continue to defend it? A hero...must be more human than anyone else. Not less._

_Like she is. _

_ This girl – this girl facing me now, with fire in her heart and power in her limbs – she, too, is a hero._ _But...she is a hero whose heart and soul are bound to England. _She_ is the true champion of Britain now. _

_ So England can't manage without me, hm? How arrogant. And what did I think it did before I came? There will always be villains in this world...but because of that, there will always be heroes. Light begets darkness: but darkness, too, begets light. This girl – all the time I was fighting, she was coming, growing, preparing. Perhaps I was just a stand in for her all along. Just the means of survival until she was ready. Who knows?_

_ But...it is just as Avalon said. My time here is done. And here...is my successor. As worthy an heir as I could ask._

_ I am _not_ abandoning my burden. I'm passing it on...to someone better suited to carry it. And that, too, is how it should be._

The fight, by now, had become more a fierce dance, Sabrina's fabricated fury fading and giving way to mere adrenaline and momentum as she sensed the change in Arturia and began to climb out of her battle rage, and even that was slowing down. Their duel had served its purpose, and was almost over...but Arturia had one more thing to prove before it did.

Because somewhere in that fight in which they'd both given vent to their souls, she'd realized something else about Sabrina. Something very special indeed.

An opening presented itself: she took it. The attack was slow: it meant to be blocked. She had no intention of hurting her.

But it also glowed with bright yellow light.

Sabrina's eyes widened; it was nearly all shine and no power but she'd no time to notice that. Her face hardened urgently, her arms crossed in front of her - and Arturia's fist hit a shield of golden brown, and its light dispersed in a blinding flash throughout the room.

Neither of them moved. Sabrina's eyes were wide and trembling; she just stared at Arturia, clearly unable to believe she shared something so unique with her hero.

And Arturia simply smiled, and let her see her own welcome joy.

_There will always be heroes...Indeed._

She unclenched her hand, and put it in-between Sabrina's crossed arms, gently pushing them down. "Well blocked."

"Th...thank you."

"That is my line, I think. Thank _you_, Sabrina. I learned everything I needed to know. And I am very grateful."

"...you're...going to leave, aren't you? Your new family...doesn't live here."

"They do not. And now I know what that means for me. I leave the responsibilities of the magical threats I once fought here to you. I am sure you will do me proud."

"Don't make fun of me! I'm just beginning, and you...you're _huge_! I'll never be as strong as you!"

"There are different kinds of strength. Who taught you?"

"...you were taught? I mean, there are people who...I just..."

"If you have come this far without teaching, you will surely be able to overcome whatever happens. Overseas flights take a long time to arrange. With those instincts you'll have mastered everything I can show you before I go. You'll know how to contact me, I'll make sure of it. If you ever have questions or truly need help, call me. If I can't help you...then someone I know will."

"They are strong, true people. The family I found."

"I...I don't...Mrs. Whittington ma'am, I really don't think I can do it."

Abruptly, Arturia's gaze seared through her in a way that straightened her spine and snapped her hand up in a salute without her even thinking of it.

"_I _think you can."

And Sabrina believed it.

...

.

It took her longer to realize it wasn't really a dream this time. For one thing, she'd actually gone to sleep. For another, she'd thought of little else today, so it made perfect sense for her to continue to see Fuyuki City in her dreams. It wasn't until the solidity of the moment got through, and she recognized the sense of belonging and peace, that she realized she was in her mindscape again.

But this time, she'd landed facing the other way.

_Who we are, that is what stands behind us, enforcing and helping and making us strong. And ahead is what we strive for, which also forms us, and makes us strong. These fields will always be __there...as I turn my face towards where I want to be._

_ I have not left England behind either. We leave nothing behind. It only moves to stand behind us._

"It's beautiful too – isn't it?" Shirou asked her softly.

She smiled. She'd known he was there. "Yes. It is."

For a few moments more, the silence reigned around them, a warm and soothing presence filled with the sparkles of the city lights below. And then, suddenly, Arturia laughed.

"What?" Shirou asked.

"I was just thinking. About you, and that girl who will take my place. Once I fought as if I was the only hero. When I met you, I knew in my heart that I was not the only hero – you were too. But I still returned to England thinking, 'who will fight if not me?'. But instead, at some point, I opened my eyes and found that a new hero was already there. Shirou – how many others are there? If it was really just us – if this was really a war we fought alone – wouldn't we have already lost a long time ago? I've just now realized – that _every_ place must have a hero. For this world to have kept on turning – there would have to be. Thousands of them, fighting wherever they happen to be. Each willing to make the same effort, the same sacrifice, no matter the odds. Me, you, Sabrina – none of us can save the world alone. But we aren't alone. Even if we never meet, never see each other, all our separate battles come together: because we all fight without regret or hesitation, life goes on. We were never – nor ever will be – fighting alone. And so...like that...we save the world. Us and a thousand faceless comrades."

"And yet...even if we never meet...right now, I can almost feel them all."

Shirou's arms closed around her waist, and his breath blew warm on her neck. "I'm just glad I got to meet one of them," he said.

She smiled, and leaned back against his chest. "Yes. So am I."

And for a little while, that's all either of them wanted to say.

...

.

Shirou had expected to open his eyes, sit up, smile, and talk. Instead he tried to open his eyes, sit up, smile, and talk, and almost fell over as stiff muscles refused to properly move, his throat croaked, and his eyes stayed gummed half shut. Hands – at least three pairs – caught him quickly, or he would have fallen. Another pair handed him a cup of water, which he drank slowly, getting control of his body back. Once his muscles were working he put a little water in his hands to clean his eyes. And when he'd cleaned his eyes and looked up, he found himself looking into the wide red eyes of the girl who'd started it all.

And now he smiled, grinned a wide grin of triumph that widened his wise little sister's eyes as he put his hands on her shoulders and proclaimed it to her, the ones behind her, and everyone else in the world who cared to listen.

"She's coming home!"  
"YES!"

The rest of the cup of water went all over him and the glass flipped over his shoulder as Illya tackled him, laughing and screaming in his ear fit to wake the dead: Shirou grabbed her up in an exuberant bear hug and they rolled back and forth on the grass, a near incoherent shouting mass of joy: "YESYESYESYES_YES_!"

"My sister's coming home! I told you, I _told _you. She's coming home!"

Behind them, the only difference with Rin and Sakura was that they were upright; Sakura hung from Rin as she cried and smiled so her face hurt, and Rin stood with her head back, shouting her laughter, her triumph to the skies, joyous release flowing from her every pore.

And Issei – simply stood back. Watching.

And smiling.

Finally, Rin heaved a huge, happy sigh. "Well...I guess it's a happy ending after all." She held up her hand, raising an invisible glass. "Cheers..." She said softly, smiling into the sky. "Cheers..."

.

.

.

And in a place that everybody knew but nobody heard of, two watching memories returned her toast, holding evanescent glasses filled with warm hope wine.

"To your happy ending," the older memory said softly. "My sire."

"To your happy ending." Echoed the younger memory.

"My son."

_ "Cheers..."_


	23. Chapter 22: Continuation of Your Dream

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.

**Chapter Twenty Two: The Continuation of Your Dream**

.

.

.

It was a special day for the Emiyas. It had to be, for Shirou to have called in and gotten Illya off from school for the day. But even that didn't tell nearly as much as the fact that even though she didn't have school, she was up when Shirou was.

"You know," he said dryly, "I'm almost at the point of _not _having a heart attack when I find you awake on your own."

Illya stuck her tongue out. "Shut up stupid brother. What's for breakfast?"

"The usual."

"What, that's it?"

_"First_ of all, that's rude young lady. Don't make me withhold second portions. Second of all, those gourmet breakfasts Sakura made for us take a lot of time. It was nice of her to do it, but taking care of us all was her way of life then. Now she has another, and I'm just not interested in doing that every morning. Maybe sometimes. Finally, and before you can say this is a special occasion, her plane won't come in until two in the afternoon, as you've known for as long as you've known the date. We'll have a deluxe late lunch, believe me."

"...I still miss Sakura's cooking."

"Hey, you could be nicer to the resident cook you know. I used to be able to give Sakura a pretty good run for her money when it came to cooking, before she took over it entirely and I got out of practice."

"If you were that good at it why did you let her?"

"Because it made her happy to do it for us, that's why."

"So it doesn't make you happy to cook for me?" Illya asked, wounded innocence incarnate. "Your face is going to drip and run right off your head if you keep that up. C'mon, I'm already better aren't I?"

"...I miss having Sakura _around_. Now everyone else spends most of the time at her place instead of here. It feels empty with just the two of us."

And that's when Shirou smiled, a special warm smile that both of them understood very, very well. "Not for long though – right?"

And Illya smiled back the same way. "Yeah...not for long now."

"Soon _she'll _be here. Arturia nee-chan."

...

.

It was ten days and thirteen hours since she'd first boarded a plane back to England. She'd worked it out in a dreamy moment over the long flight home. It should have been much longer of course. Even with the imminent merging of her financial resources with Shirou's – it wasn't official yet, but it never occurred to her to question it – to purchase an overseas ticket less than a month in advance was flatly outside of her means. Luckily, Sabrina had been every bit the quick study Arturia had judged her to be, and had indeed mastered everything Arturia had been able to show her before she'd left. Lucky, that is, because of the package that had arrived a mere thirty-six hours after she had confirmed her decision to Shirou. A package containing two things: A one way ticket to Japan, leaving in one week, first class, the cost of which must have been astronomical. And a letter, short but precious, which was still with her, carefully tucked into her bags.

_ The only wedding present we could think of worth giving._

_ Rin and Sakura._

_ P.S. I told you so._

_..._

_._

"So – pretty big day all around huh?" The one responsible for the 'P.S.' said with a lazy stretch.

"Very big" Sakura agreed. "For pretty much everybody in fact. Let's see, by the end of the day, if you include Arturia even though it won't be technically official yet, we'll have...four new family members! My two, your Maya, and Arturia. Isn't it wonderful?" Sakura beamed happily.

"I suppose it is," Rin agreed. "Talk about everything happening at once: we'll all be one big family by the time we have dinner. It'll be good to get it done. Don't ever let Maya know, but I haven't been able to stop worrying about somebody showing up for her the whole time. Made me nervous."

"I noticed," Sakura said with a small smile. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure she didn't. But would that really have been so bad?"

"You haven't seen the way she looks at me. She's made me a pillar in her life so fast it's scary. I had no idea children depended on their parents for security so much. Ours discouraged that kind of thinking."

"Not to mention you were five when he died. Don't worry, you're a natural: You're doing a great job with her. And she'll probably get a little less – needful – once she starts feeling more secure."

"A natural huh? Coming from you, I guess I have to believe it. And I also guess I had better head out. Lord knows what kind of paperwork they have waiting for me, and I want to make sure it's all done by dinner. I've stopped trying to imagine what kind of feast you're going to whip up for something like _this_."

"Well, I'd hate for you to build up such high expectations that I'd be doomed to disappoint."

"False modesty is your greatest fault."

"Oh dear. Ah...can you delay it a few more minutes? There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Probably. Maya's busy with a book right now. She's got lots of catch up to do, you know. What is it?"

"Well...it's about that 'future' thing. About what I wanted to do with myself and all that money."

Rin, who had gotten up on 'I guess I'd better head out', immediately and deliberately sat back down. "Go on."

"Well...it was your Maya that gave me the idea, really. I just thought: are there others out there? Children who are mages, or have magical abilities, or anything else like that. Children with magical things that make them different, but they've lost their parents and there's no one to teach them or help them or understand them. Some of them must have a terrible time Rin, and the ones whose gifts cause trouble probably never get adopted. They're alone, and would probably stay that way. And I thought, what if I made, well, a kind of an orphanage for them? Just for them. A place for the homeless magic children. Somewhere everyone knew about them, and they wouldn't have to hide, and they could learn all the things they'd wanted to know about themselves. Somewhere they could learn and grow into their birthrights. A home. It wouldn't really be an orphanage, I guess. It's more like I'd be adopting them all...or at least becoming their guardians. You know?"

Rin smiled. "A home for magic children. It's perfect for you love. You'll do a lot of good and you'll be brilliant at it. There won't be anything left of the bad old memories in this place. I'm proud."

"Thank you Rin. But, umm...there was actually a sort of a favor I wanted from you about it."

"A loan?" Rin asked impishly.

Sakura laughed. "No, I'll manage somehow. But you know...I'm not a proper mage. Not really."

"Debatable, but technically true."

"Well, the point is that I won't be able to teach the mage children everything. I can handle them up until a certain point – all the basics and a bit farther – but at some point, for the serious ones, I just won't be enough. And...well...I thought you could teach them."

"...You...want _me _to teach them?"

"Well, yes. Rin, I think you'd be really good at it. I'm no good for serious teaching, I'm not tough enough. You'd drive them to be their very best. You wouldn't have to take them all, just the dedicated ones, I thought maybe at about thirteen or so. There wouldn't be so many. You could teach them...teach them that Way we lived through so much to understand."

Rin was silent. Less than two weeks ago, she'd looked in Maya's eyes and seen redemption in the generation to come. And seen someone who could learn everything she had to teach, both magical and moral. The truest heir she could hope for. So naturally she'd stopped thinking about it. She already had her solution.

It had never occurred to her. The thought of teaching to more than her heir.

"It has to be all Maya right now, you know that right? For at least five years, there can't be any competition with her."

"Yes, that's no problem, it'll all take a while anyway, and I'll mostly be taking in younger ones. It should be easily that long before the first candidates get old enough. Oh please Rin, it's really not just for me or them. I really think you'll love it. You're a much better mother than you think. And I think you'll be a wonderful Sensei. Don't you want it? Not to just give what you learned to one person – but to everyone you can?"

Rin got up slowly, and wandered over to the window. She could see Maya and her brother and the third child. She found herself studying Maya's brother. What would he be good at? He might well be a mage himself, with such a sister. What could she turn that child into? What could she set loose into the world, through him, and others? How many would learn? And how many would it take to _change _the world?

To her surprise, she realized that she wanted to know.

"I choose the students," she said abruptly. "It's not enough if _they _say they want to learn, I'll be testing all of them. If I don't think they have what it takes, the character or drive or whatever, that's it. I'll be teaching only the best ones. I can't do it properly otherwise."

"Of course. I didn't think you'd do it any other way. And I promise you'll have those five years for Maya. So...what's your rate?"

"..._Huh?_"

Sakura laughed. "I'm joking Rin, I'm joking. I know you wouldn't take money from me."

"Good. And now I really should get Maya and get going."

"...it really is a wonderful idea Sakura. This magic orphanage."

"Thanks Rin. That means a lot, coming from you."

...

.

"C'mon kiddo, time to go."

Maya got up, carefully keeping her place in the book Rin had given her. "So I'm finally going to really become your daughter now?"

"No, now we're going to sign lots of pieces of paper so the _government _knows you're my daughter. Still important, unfortunately. Keep that book with you; ten to one odds there's a lot of kicking our heels in lobbies awaiting us."

"What, even there! Oh please Mom, I've really been studying the whole time, do I really have to bring it?"

"I told you there would be a lot of hard studying involved, didn't I?"

"Yes, but—"

"And that you were going to have to study extra hard, because you're starting from scratch at twelve when nearly all the rest were seeing and hearing magic from birth, right? You remember?"

"_Yes,_ but—"

Rin's forefinger on her forehead stopped her. "All of that, most people would think you'd never make it, did you know? Bring nineteen out of twenty from the Mages Association here and they'd tell me I was being a sentimental fool. Not a one of them would believe you'd make it. But I do. In fact, I expect to be able to start bragging about you in three or four years. But no amount of talent is so great that you'll never have to study. The first year or two is going to be hellish, make no mistake about it. But I swear you'll know and master it all better than anyone else – _if_ you give me all you have. And I'm counting on you to prove it. So don't let me down. Okay?"

Maya looked almost like she had that night. "Yes, Rin-sensei!"

Rin smiled, and pulled her head into her side in a rough but loving half hug. "That's my girl."

...

.

Sakura and Abraxas watched out the window as Rin and Maya finished their exchange and set out.

"I must admit I'm surprised," Abraxas rumbled quietly.

"_I'm _not," Sakura said smugly.

...

.

After what seemed an eternity, the plane's seemingly endless grinding maneuvers finally groaned to a stop. There was a faint scattering of applause from those passengers not too dulled by the long overseas trip. Arturia Whittington, no longer a member of England's SS but still fighting fit, joined in enthusiastically. Just now, everything that brought her journey closer to its finish seemed worth applauding.

This made her third time through this airport: small as it was, she recognized many of those who'd helped her before helping her now. Not a few recognized her as well: Arturia was someone who made an impression, even when she wasn't patently foreign and surprisingly versed in local customs.

"Back already?" They'd inevitably ask.

"Yes," Arturia would answer. "But it's for good this time."

"I won't be leaving anytime soon."

Somehow, she seemed to be showing some of the warmer, sunnier behavior she usually only exhibited with friends. She suspected later that she left several people half smitten. At the time, her usual level of observance was on hiatus. To them it seemed that glow, that warmth, that smile was directed their way. But it actually wasn't anything she saw or heard that made her do it.

He was here. She could feel it.

Her bags were much heavier this time. Even though she'd never been inclined to build up large amounts of personal possessions, packing to leave for good inevitably generated considerable additional bulk. It was perhaps better to say that because she was not the sort to accumulate possessions, it hadn't been necessary to arrange for anything to be mailed after her. She could, technically, have managed to carry them all herself of course. But she didn't feel like lugging everything trooper style. A boy who was probably two thirds smitten helped her get things on a trolley and take it to the doors.

"You waiting for somebody Ma'am?"

"No, he's here already somewhere," Arturia said absently, her eyes scanning the crowd. She'd already decided what she would say. It was simple really, but she liked it that way. It reminded her of what he'd said in her mindscape.

_Simple, elegant, and beautiful. Like you._

She had to smile to herself. _Already I find myself thinking of my appearance in your eyes, as I never had before, as so many of the girls around me always had. How much more will you change me, Shirou, before our time is done? And, come to think of it, have I changed you? I will have to ask..._

_ I will walk up to him and say 'Tadaima' – I'm home. And that will be all we need to say._

"You're sure he's here Ma'am? There's a place over there you can sit while you wait...Ma'am?"

There he was...

Without meaning to, or even knowing it, she spoke. One soft breathed word. "_Shirou._"

"Oi oi Ma'am don't do that!"

Words, things, people – it was all flooded out in a shining white flood that made the only man left stand out all the clearer. She didn't ignore what the boy was saying: she didn't hear it. She did not drop her bags: she just forgot they existed. And all manner of propriety and dignity were temporarily irrelevant, because she and Shirou were alone.

And so it was that, for the first time in all her noble, selfless, battle weary lives, Arturia Whittington, once Arturia Pendragon, the light of a nation, ran like a girl, into the arms of her love.

It was the kind of cacophonous joyous noise that blends together into a purer expression of emotion than any words can impart. Laughing, shouting, and everything inbetween, it was just a mass of ecstatic sounds coming out of their mouths and ringing in their ears as they hugged and smiled and beamed at each others faces and some dim portion of her mind noted that they were laughing and spinning in circles in public but dismissed it as unimportant before she could remember that there were anyone else in the room but them.

And then, for a moment, they paused. Joy still lit the air like gold, and the world had yet to return to reality, but for a moment, the dream turned silent. A thousand conversations, a thousand confirmations, a thousand oaths and a thousand smiles, all seemed to hang at once in the air, surrounding them in an invisible cloud that anyone could see. And then the cloud closed, gently pressing them together, folding them around each other with slow treacle smoothness, as Arturia's hands cradled his face and Shirou's arms cradles her entire. And their thoughts...as they would be many times...were one.

_This time..._

.

.

_Sire...can you see it? The continuation of your dream?_

_._

_._

_ This time...it's forever after..._

_._

_._

_ ...Yes. You who gave so much so selflessly...surely the universe will grant it to you. One unbroken dream._

_ Someday..._

_._

_._

"Marry me."

"...yes."


	24. Epilogue

.

**Epilogue**

**,**

**,**

"Something old and something new, something borrowed and something blue."

"What's that? Don't tell me you're developing opinions now Arturia."

This, Arturia thought, was not entirely fair. She'd expressed plenty of opinions over the last two weeks (two weeks! How long would it have taken if they'd actually had a guest list?). They'd just nearly all been reactionary. She simply hadn't had enough experience to do more than express her approval, or lack thereof, as Sakura and Rin presented options with, at least in her eyes, near obscene enthusiasm. She rather thought Rin was releasing years of suppressed feminity. Besides, including Illya's periodic interventions, that had made it three against one, hardly a fair fight in any case. It was only natural she'd found herself on the defensive the whole way.

"No, not really. It's just an old English rhyme on what a bride should have on her wedding day. I don't really care about it, it just came to mind."

Sakura cocked her head. "Say it again?"

"Something old and something new, something borrowed and something blue."

"Well, the dress is blue – or it has blue in it, even if there is more white this time. _And _it's borrowed – at your insistence."

"Buying me a dress is one thing," Arturia said firmly. "Buying me something I'll only wear once anyway is silly. I'm sure you have plans to equip me with an entire female wardrobe in any case."

"Well, maybe," Sakura said evasively. Arturia flinched. She really hadn't wanted that confirmed. She loved them really, but they seemed to have taken her acceptance of all this as a sign she was ready to make up twenty odd years of dress-up. She wasn't.

"Excalibur is old," Illya put in. She was flower girl. A large part of the arrangements had involved deciding just how they would conduct the ceremony, and which parts from whose cultures would go in – Arturia, for instance, had taken one look at the traditional Japanese wedding get-up and dug in her heels like a mule. Arturia hadn't expressed any particular attachment to having a flower girl at first, but then Rin had pointed out that it was a perfect way for Illya to participate, and that had pretty much been the end of that.

"I am _not_ wearing a sword to the alter Illya, no matter how old it is," Arturia told her. Illya's grin said she'd bit into sister bait.

"Okay, how about Avalon then?"

"Illya, please, it was just a passing mention."

"Well – you're old _and _new. To us. How's that?"

Despite all, that made her smile. "I suppose I shouldn't be picky," she said.

"Well, you're all done up and we've got about fifteen minutes to go, so me and Sakura will go set ourselves up and leave you alone till then," Rin announced. "Unless you'd rather have company?"

"No, a little time alone would be perfect, thank you Rin."

"Right then. Hey you, you too, you'll be living with her after this anyway, don't be greedy."

Illya twisted away from Rin's hand. "I'm not going to stay long. I just want to say something to her when you're gone. It's just for a little bit."

Rin looked at Illya. Illya looked at Rin. Rin nodded. They'd developed an understanding of late – or perhaps, under it all, they'd had one all along. That's what Sakura claimed anyway.

"All right, see you out there. And nice dress, by the way," she said, grinning just a bit impishly. Illya's returning grin was the same. "Right. Like you've never seen it before." She was wearing her ball gown. No one had been able to imagine finding a better dress to scatter flowers in.

The other two left. A brief silence followed. With some people, Arturia would have turned her chair a little further and sat watching attentively to hear what she had to say. With Illya, she turned and pretended to move things about on the little desk-and-mirror arrangement she was seated at, and waited for the words to come out. Staring would have flustered her.

"You know...when I first came here...I knew even less about family than you did. I mean, it wasn't just not knowing, really, it was knowing all kinds of _wrong _things, and it was all mixed up with what good parts I'd had and...well...the point is, I couldn't have understood what was happening even if I'd thought to look. But, if I think about it now, I can see it. That the War forged us as a family. Me, and Shirou, and Rin and Sakura. And Saber."

"Until you came, I thought Shirou was the only one who'd let himself get really attached to her then. He's the one who fell in love. We all liked her of course, but we never forget she was a Servant, doomed to leave us in the end. But, the truth is, I was wrong. Because she was a part of it all: all the things that made us a family. And so...she was also a part of it. And when she was gone...there was this hole left behind. A hole in our family where she used to be. We could ignore it, live around it, even laugh and be happy despite it, but if we ever looked, it was there. And nothing would make it go away."

"And now...now you're here, and..you've just slipped into that hole...and it's like everything's right again. You're not supposed to get this kind of chance..."

Illya's voice was trembling: suddenly Arturia heard fast footsteps and felt two arms sling tight around her shoulders as a small face, slightly wet, pressed into her neck.

"I love you," Illya whispered. "I'm really glad you came back."

Arturia smiled, remembering when Shirou had first brought her back to the house and that same face had flung itself into her and clung there, shaking, smiling, and crying. They'd all been crying, to be honest.

Sometimes she thought perhaps she did remember her former self after all. Because this didn't feel like something she'd only discovered less than a month ago. At times like this, it felt like something she'd been searching for for a thousand years.

"I love you too. I look forward to being your sister."

When Illya did pull back, it was with a brisk, fast shake. "I think I like this flower girl idea," she said, the very picture of her usual cheerful self as she took up her basket to leave. "I think I'll use it for my wedding too."

Rin must have rubbed off on her, Arturia reflected. She was quite sure it would never have occurred to her to suggest she ask Kouji about that otherwise. But she didn't.

With Illya gone, she was really alone again: something that had been a precious commodity all the last two weeks. All the furor and fuss and planning had meant her days were spent in a whirlwind of discussion, with the brief peace of her bedroom and sleep a hugely welcome relief. She had spent so much of her life keeping mostly to herself: now, in this last moment before she was plunged in again, she was grateful for these few minutes of silence.

_I have much to get used to, _she reflected. _I will need to accommodate all my actions for others now. It's just as well Rin and Sakura won't be around so much anymore: just Shirou and Illya will be much easier to take. I suppose it's only natural that in exchange for company, you get less privacy._

She took a long, slow breath. Opening her eyes, she marveled yet again at what greeted her in the mirror. This...this beautiful self...still often seemed a stranger to her. Like always, she found herself studying it with a certain kind of fascination, as if it was actually something separate from herself, not really part of her at all. And yet...at the same time...she could not help but remember that this was what Shirou saw when he looked at her.

_In so many ways, you make me more than I was before. And yet I also find myself changing in ways that are entirely new. Because you look at me as one...look with such warmth in your eyes...I, too, see myself as a woman. As an object of desire. What new changes will I find in my life with you? And what changes will _I _bring in _you_?_

_ There is...so much more to this than just being in love. And the closer I come to this moment, the more I realize that. It's frightening._

_ And yet...how is that different from another oath I once took? Or from any I may ever take? Nothing worthwhile can be made without the resolve to make a promise to never abandon it. Because nothing in this world is so wonderful that there will not be some times when you hate it. To make a commitment, to anything, is to say, not that everything in it is good, but that you will persevere through the bad, believing in its ultimate good. Knowing that in the end, you will be glad you did. That what you will have gained in the end will have been worth the building._

It was time. She got up, shaking loose the folds of her dress.

_Shirou...I love you_.

She pushed in the chair, and turned towards the door.

_And Illya...I love you as well._

She put her hand on the door.

_And so I will swear..._

She swung open the door, onto the field of gathered friends, and the path between them. Leading to the man who, to her, had started it all.

_That through good and bad, through hard and soft, through laughter and tears...you are my one and only family._

Now she was walking down the isle, defined more by the space where people weren't than by the thin ribbon strung along either side. Sakura watched her go with tears in her eyes. Rin watched her go with tears in her smile.

_The times will not all be good. Because they never can be._

Fuji-nee – who Arturia had now come to know better – was repressing tears with comic ferocity as she waved, the gesture small but fast.

_And for all the might between us, sometimes, we will fail where it matters most._

Ahead of her, Illya scattered petals while chanting, softly, so Arturia had to strain her ears to hear: 'A sis-_ter, _a sis-_ter, _a sis-_ter, yeah!_'

_Our lives will never be what most would call peaceful. The opposite, in fact. _

Ahead of her, Shirou waited at the end of the isle, at the foot of the hill in Ryuudou Shrine.

_But...they will be lives filled with meaning and purpose, taken on a path we believe in more than anything. And that is our happy ending._

She reached him, and took his hands. Smiling.

_ Is that not so? My beloved Shirou. _

The silence was warm and soft, the air slightly cool, as they all waited for the signal to begin the ceremony. Here, five years ago, it had ended. And here, now, it would begin again.

The sun rose.

First one ray, then two, then a host of beams rose over the hill behind her. If she had not been looking for it, she might not have noticed: a slight tensing, a shadow of fear that passed over Shirou's eyes as face and time and place recreated a moment when he'd thrown everything away to be true to the person he loved. And then, the moment she'd really been waiting for: the moment the fear gave way to soft wonder, as the sun continued to rise, and its light poured around her head to light the world.

"I love you," she said softly.

And he squeezed her hands, and gave the reply that, once before, he hadn't had time to say.

"I love you."

And time spiraled up...

.

.

.

.

Some of the times were bad. Sometimes they failed when it mattered most. And their lives were rarely peaceful. And yet, it is not at all inaccurate to say...

.

.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

.

THE END


End file.
